Goodbye, Farewell

11 Dec 2011 morning is the day our dear family cat passed on. She was at least 15 human years old. 15 years ago a cat secretly left her 5 kittens at our home without our knowledge and left them with us. We grew attached to all but could not keep them and gave away 3 and kept the ones that were less likely to be adopted with crooked tails and ordinary colored coat. One later never came back and [K] has been with us since. She was petite, rarely meowed, intelligent and was a special cat to us. I remember how she used to run crazily up and down the house playing and playing hide with her and how she much enjoyed herself. And I remember how I used to walk at the end of the street to head somewhere for while, she would follow me, stopped and called sadly to me when I made a quicker exit to prevent her from following any further - when I walked back, she would always be waiting and popping excitedly from her hiding place at the end of that street to greet me and followed me home. I went away for my studies and it was great to come back to her.

Living away from the family home the last few years made for fewer opportunities to see her. And with the boys born even lesser opportunities. Even so, I still loved her heaps and news of her unwell and occassionally missing but found worried and saddened me. But when news and signs of her age catching up came.... I know I should see her and at least say goodbye to her...
The news alone of her not eating, getting weaker and towards the end barely being able to walk really saddened me. The thought of her, news of her, and picture updates of her just made me very sad and teary eyed and I tried not to think about it when there were ppl around me. When the news came that her time was almost near, I knew the right thing to do was to see and say goodbye..... but I know that I cannot bear to see her so weak and would just be a wreck before and if I were to see her. And when the inevitable news came, again I could not bring myself to see her before she was buried.

I wished I could say goodbye to her personally but I would just be too unbearably sad as I already am. So goodbye and farewell [K].... will be missing you and your presence. The thought of you brings wonderful memories. Hope your life with us was the best. You were well loved by us all. Am sorry I couldn't see you for the last time. But know that goodbye to you is one of the hardest things we had to do.

Goodbye and farewell [K]

"Reach" - Peter Furler

You hold the weight of the world
Still I don't slip through your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just an notion built by man
I fall again and again,
But you whisper, "You're still mine"
You feel the pain of the world,
But you never push mine aside.

And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I'm never gonna be the same.

You know all of my fears
There's nothing Your eyes can't see.
When I tried to give up,
Lord, you never gave up on me.
I give You all of my hopes and dreams,
I lay them down.
Of all the place I've looked,
You're the one truth I have found.

And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I'm never gonna be the same.

You hold the weight of the world,
Still I don't slip through Your hands.
You put the stars in the sky.
You know every grain of sand.

But You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears.
And You reach for me,
Like a Father wipes away the tears.
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I'm never gonna be the same

How Long More?

I feel like crying dear...
feel like deteriotating...
Just now was in bathroom purging n I have no more energy n barely ate anything for so many days...
I was 54kg a week ago then 52.9kg yesterday and today 52.5kg....

Guessing Animals

Coming weeks tot come will be a pretty busy one. Quite a bit of travelling and tests of taking the boys on trips. Am looking forward to it and yet apprehensive, but am sure it will be fine. In fact more opportunities for the boys to interact with others

It was great that LG the other was something that I could be part of. It has been a long time that I could be a part of it. Here are some pics the boys enjoying their godparent's company.

"Ha ha.... - that's their definition of Tiger"

"Owwww...... that's what they called it"

It always nice to see the boys sharing :D Its not easy sometimes for them but they certainly understand when we encourage to share.

Poo-ful Evening

The boys got home and Jadon was fast asleep with grandma's new toy for him :D And his hands looks like he is modelling the phone :D

The boys enjoy anything resembles the shape of a phone (eg: iPod, toy baguette, device remote controllers)AND will put them to their ear and sound their version of hello.

What an eventful evening it has been.....

• Jadon's tummy was probably feeling not to great, not wanting his dinner and I was the only one to comfort him
• Jadon could recognise durian from a transparent glass container
• The boys enjoy their bath as usual and today Joash got shower head mostly to himself - finally got his chance
• Hubby released bad gases by opening the nappy bin which I was not aware off. The bad air caught me off guard that I thought it was him! ;D
• Laughing so hard over it that we didnt realise that one of them had pooped!! what a disaster....

• Trying to manage cleaning them up and the poo-full scene. Had the boys at the bath tub and was trying to clean them up and one of them pee'ed in the bath.. good thing it was just feet deep. Another quick rinse and it was out of the bath.
• Hubby began the long process of cleaning up the mess! Thank you hubby you are the best... and sorry for thinking it was you who did it! ;D
  

A New Beginning

The day is today for [M], an exiciting day it is. Am very happy for her and am happy that her desires are coming to a reality today! What a journey it has been for the both of us, highs and the lows... to where we are today. Am thankful to God for her.. my aunt, "cousin" and bestest friend I could ever ask for. My earliest memory of knowing her is when I was Standard 1 when I really liked her yellow school bag all scribbled in marker pen and her "pink 3 layered pencil case" - it was then the highest tech pencil case I have ever seen. And she thought of me as this irritating niece who wanted everything of hers ;D

I have almost forgotten our regular chit-chat makans since the boys were born, till we met up for the 2nd time recently. I hope that whatever life circumstances we will still have what we have - talking about anything under the sun, just being ourselves chatting and laughing away about things in our lives.

Congrats [M]! God's blessings be upon the both of you and that this new beginning is also a beginning of a relationship/marriagehood better than what you could have ever thought it could be :D

Guess who started it?

It started when teaching them where the nose was. I noticed after pointing the nose the fingers somehow moved to the nostrils ;D And most prevalent with Joash. They were having dinner and here they are influencing one another - phew.. they were done with their meal when this took place. Its cute when toddlers do this :D and certainly not adults!


Default after dinner at home is a bath. Food specs all over them and a bath is a must. They enjoy their baths and recently we began bathing them together. They are livelier together - playing and fighting and screaming happily and louder together. Perfect sized bathtub courtesy of a hand-me-down from sis-in-law :D

Swinging Time & Aglio Olio

Having had Aglio Olio at Cafe Barbera reminded me how much I love the dish! It is and should be a pretty easy pasta dish to cook up but aikksss... my first attempt didn't go so well. Taste wise it was good but can be better... somehow the garlic flavour was not infused enough and tooo oily.. Well another try then, but this cooking leaves alot of items to be washed :(

The boys had a swinging time at another playground we were trying out. It is among the newer playground equipments but poorly maintained. This place however has more life.... many kids playing and boys playing football at a small field beside the park :D I think they like this place.
PS: I love to see them laugh and smile... it makes me smile WIDE :D


Can't help it but to react the way I did and after when I get comments that make me feel like am not doing what I am doing as good as it should - as though I didn't try or am not attempting to do those things as well :( Need to talk to Him and commit to Him these things more on how I should see this through His eyes and not mine.

Best and Worst

Aaaaikkkss... its almost been past one week since my last post! Oh dear... not easy to be keeping up with a post/pic a day.

Have been engrossed with compiling my first photobook... and I must say its addictive! Still have some more pages to fill up. And am looking forward to complete it soon to get it printed.. I hope the images come out sharp as I see it on the designer program.

Have been hard to get a free hand to be able to get pics of the boys too :( But got some pics today and they are of their Best and Worst together :D

Trying to be Self-Reliant Mum of 2

Its been a long week and its back to work tomorrow. Am kind of looking forward to be away at work for a few days as rest from constantly thinking ahead while roughing it on my own most of the time for the past 5 days. Despite the rest I will still miss the boys heaps :( but I can't have both, rest and time with them. The past week have made me realize more that I really need to be capable to take care of them on my own a lot more. It will be nice to be able to take the boys on outings on my own for some time out from home. Just ordered a soft carrier and am hoping it will enable be to carry both when I need to and still have at least one hand free. Am looking forward to receiving it and hope it arrives soon.

Am thankful for the help who is gentle and good with the boys to be able to accompany me to the park with them. But it will be nice if I could do it on my own. Am amazed how mum's of the western world take care of them and take care of the household needs... I mean how can you cook and do groceries with multiples.

The boys both woke up just now and its a nice feeling when both are clamoring on me for mommy :D When Joash was done and Jadon's turn, Joash stood up with his hands on my arms leaning on me smiling looking at me :D

Red Bell Pepper Hummus & Corn on the Cob

Just made my variation of hummus with roasted red bell pepper and yumm! Am not sure if its the introduction of the bell peppers or if it was the freshly steamed chic peas. But I must say, its one of the better hummus I've tasted! Will certainly be making it again. Here's what is needed:

• Chic Peas/Garbanzo Beans - 200g
• 3 Spoonful of yogurt
• 2 Spoonful of tahini
• 2/3 Juice of a lemon
• 2 Cloves of Garlic
• Dash of Salt
• Roasted Red Bell Pepper (Baked @ 220 Degrees Celcius for 1 hr)

The week is almost over. This has been one of the harder weeks thus far with less hands to help. Constantly thinking ahead and anticipating things to be done to take care of the boys - and outings take additional planning and things to do. So much so that its I end up neglecting my hunger and have more fluids. And its abit tougher when one or both the boys need extra comforting from only mommy. On the plus side I certainly enjoy with the boys and the attention that they still want from me ;)It was also one of the first times having to attend family dinner on my own with the boys and their stuff. Had to make sure they were occuppied and the corn on the cob served it's purpose :D

Can't Say No to "Roti C"

The boys must be having some bad dreams tonight as they woke up crying very distressed. They are ok now, sleeping as though nothing has happened. I hope they were comforted.

They boys are really enjoying roti canai. The fridays tea time with kow fu and kong kong must have contributed to it. At Kayu for brunch Jadon refused his rice and only wanted roti canai. Could not say no as everyone else was eating roti canai and he would be pointing at them all ;D
Managed to steal in some fish and vege into the roti ;D and discovered they are quite accepting of Dhall considering it was also slightly spicy... yay! I hope they will continue to palate spicy food as they grow up.

Asked their cousin whether he had a favourite and he says "Yes, Joash". When I asked why this was his reply "Because he is smart and I like it when he shows off" ;D

First time dinner out with dad-in-law today and the boys were really good. They ate most of their meal with almost no difficulty, Joash was very willing to chew on harder, both had lots of liquids and was quite responsive to the people and children around them. They boys came home and was still super happy and happily playing considering they had a shorter nap today. As you can see in the pic below they were just hyper - clamoring the bathroom gate looking for me ;D so cute! all in all a very successful outing, thanks dad!


PS: Have been wondering how possible it is to babywear multiples and found these site - amazing! what an example of a mommy :D Going to have to try this!

http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowToO/Twins.htm
http://www.thebabywearer.com/articles/HowToO/Twins2.htm

Thoughts of Change

Just started following a new series Game of Thrones and I must say that its additive and has story that keep me wanting to know more. But it may not be for all though as its has quite a bit of nudity and graphic. Am glad for unifi ;D

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Have been analyzing for sometime changes since the boys were born and been thinking why I have been feeling that way. Among the things I enjoy is to see others enjoy the company of the boys. I enjoy it no less with some of my family members but most of the time in their presence feel like am less of a parent, always under scrutiny, and never seem to be doing things right. As a result of that I withdraw and talk little about the boys... when I do talk about them, I come to a repeated realization that less is better which leaves me feeling less that am not a good parent.
I used to enjoy and look forward to spending time with family then... and among the things that saddens me and ashamed to say is that I don't look forward to it as much as I used to and feel apprehensive and guarded when I do spend that time.

Sometimes I wish I could have that similar relationship back... I wonder sometimes whether I made the right decision of choosing the boys caretakers while I was away at work. This was among the things I wanted to avoid being in this type of situation. It's not my intention of taking way time with the boys.... but I still wonder whether it would have been better long term for relationship sake.

Sigh... but I can no longer turn back the clock... it is what it is...

Reading what I wrote it all sounds that its about me? I ask often how should I handle this centred on Him... and am still struggling...

Its late now and it was a busy day that it was difficult to be able to get any pics for a pic today. Till the next day then.

3 Boys and Splinter

Fresh Tomato Salsa... have been trying to make them but rarely do I achieve the flavor that I am looking for. Made some tonight and its quite an effort to make them. Will I make it again? Not anytime soon ;D Hummus is just so much easier
to make and its hard to get it wrong.

Just started this goal to at least upload a pic a day and so far so good and I think it will be good to keep me recording snippets of the boys which I have lately gone by a long time without taking any.

It has been an eventful day for the boys today, a bath that fits the both of them and is like a mini pool, a walk out in the morning and some time on the swing, a guest visiting them and a walk out in the evening. Here is a snippet of the "3 boys" and Splinter.

Ganoush

Just got this book by Dorling Kinderly "Super foods for Children". Surprisingly very affordable in comparison to many other toddler food books. Flipped through it and some good ideas for variety for the boys... am glad for some new ideas ;)

Experimented for the first time Baba Ganoush dip. Was really looking for to it but it didnt turn out as good as I expected. Hmmm... will I try this again?? not sure... nothing to compare how it should taste at least.

Still thinking about being above everything else and doing what matters to Him, and its a challenge ;D And for today, the boys are enjoying themselves being in the laundry basket together.

Messy Fruit & "How will the world know God is Great?"

The boys are always a mess during meal time... but they enjoy exploring the food they are eating the textures and further splattering liquids at the table. Books say exposing them this way will make them more accepting and adventurous of various foods later on.
Tonight they had PURPLE dragon fruit which makes them look pretty funny with purple fruit dye over their mouths ;D and small pieces of apricots.

Been thinking a bit about Mark D. Roberts devotion on "How will the world know God is Great?"... how even when the week ahead is not going to go the way we'd like.. how to be above that and work on how I can make a difference in making known that God is Great...

New and Satisfied

Just winding down for the night/wee hours of the morning. Going to miss the boys tomorrow going to work... am always missing them. Just watched Heston's Feast and its amazing what he creates and make edible like meat fruit and edible cutlery and table decoration for dessert!

Am satisfied with the new look of the blog too. Have been looking for a long long while a template that works and to my liking. And now its about keeping it up ;D

Nice end to the day and pic of the day.... Daddy trying to "scare" the boys ;D

Peeled and Washed

Many prawns peeled and washed for the boys while on standby mommy mode. As part of efforts to introduce them to variety of tastes and textures possible and finding out what healthy foods they prefer and will actually eat :D

Its been sometime.... wait... a long long time since I have posted anything. Mommyhood has taken over my time and priorities but I miss recording the moments down in writing! Hoping to keep this going from now on so lets see how it goes... Just prepared part of the boys meal for tomorrow including peeling and cleaning the prawns and got started soup boiling for the night... winding down for the night now and am just relieved soup help them chow down at least some food if not all.
Its my day off tomorrow with the boys before starting work for the week and looking forward to time with the boys :D