Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot

I'm on my fourth day of a migraine.

In addition to the can't-handle-bright-lights and you-all-had-better-whisper and mommy-is-acting-like-a-crazed-screaming-bitch side effects that a migraine brings, I'm also suffering from chills, body sweats, a temperature and fatigued muscles.

Oh, and lack of wittiness.

Cramping Styles is the Plan

Last night after dinner, Darwin decided it would be a really good idea to strip down and suddenly proclaim, "Pee-pee? In da potty? Pee-pee? In da potty?"

So I walked him to the bathroom and he did as he always did: freak out at the site of the potty.

"Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"

It's a healthy relationship.

I sat back down at the table and looked at Aaron. "Should I get out the little potty now?"

"Yeah. Probably. But it's dirty."

"I don't want to."

"Don't want to what?"

"Potty train Darwin. He's not ready."

"He's dancing in the living room, singing his love for the potty."

"But he's still a running pooper."

"Woman, he wants to pee in the potty. We should encourage that."

"But he doesn't even realize When He Poops Yet."

"But he wants to use the potty."

So I went upstairs and got the potty.

Darwin's face lit up like the Easter Bunny and Santa magically arrived on Halloween.

Darwin played with the potty. He'd sit, hold down is penis, stand up and proclaim, "Pee-pee?" Then he'd stand up, check to see if the potty was wet and begin the whole process over again.

He had to have an audience. If I didn't sit with him in the bathroom he'd follow me out, potty in tow, and sit it down and begin the pee-pee checking all over again.

After two hours of this, he suddenly began to get irate. Screaming, "Mommy! Mommy!" and holding his penis.

"What? You finally need to pee?"

"Ppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, then. Sit. On. The. Potty."


"Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"

"What? You want to put a diaper back on and pee in the diaper?"

"Yes! Peas! Diaper, Mommy, diaper!"

There's Not a Line That Goes Here That Rhymes with Anything (Anything!) (Anything!)

Ever have one of those days where you stare at the ouzo in the fridge and you wonder hmmm... just how late in the day should I wait before diving in?

She Bop - He Bop - a - We Bop, I Bop - You Bop - a - They Bop

She's totally right.


It really does make life better.

When They Insist On Knowing My Bliss, I Tell Them This...

Yesterday Griffin stayed home from school because he was "sick." He was running a slight fever (99.9), claimed his tummy and head hurt and he was lethargic.

And since Griffin was "sick," Darwin decided that he too must be "sick."

And they took full advantage...


... by snuggling on the couch all day and getting constant refills of popcorn.

Sometimes I think I'm too damn nice. Or maybe not.

Every time Griffin got up to do something (other than go to bathroom), I yelled at him to lay back down. I mean, seriously, if you're gonna stay home from school, you're gonna do the time. Right?

And now I'm running a slight fever (lovely). Good thing we don't have any plans this weekend other than stuffing our faces and hanging out at home.

I Got a Reputation - Uh Huh Huh

"Mommy, we don't say bad words in this family."

"That's right."

"We put our noses in the corner."

"Yep."

"We don't say bad words like stupid."

"That's correct, Griffin."

"If I say that bad word I put my nose in the corner."

"Yes."

"Or like yesterday, when Darwin bit your finger and you screamed motherfucker. You still haven't put your nose in the corner yet, Mom."

We are Living in a Material World and I am a Material Girl

Aaron made good on the birthday follow through. The boy did good.

For starters, from Griffin and Darwin I got...


... an Easy Bake Oven and extra pans. I've always wanted an Easy Bake Oven and have complained about it for years. So now I have one. And now I get to figure out gluten-free recipes for it.

Then, from Aaron...


... an iPod Shuffle and a wireless remote for our Playstation 2. So now I can play Pac Man without yelling at the children to stop jumping over my wires. And I have an iPod. An iPod people. I'm like, at the cutting edge because it's the Shuffle. And it is seriously the size of a quarter.

And now I'm counting on all you good people to tell me how to get music on it without paying 99 cents a song at the iTunes store. Okay?

Then, as an added bonus on top of all my phone calls and cards, I received two surprises in the mail...


... fabrics and lip balm (and stickers and candies for the boys) from Lera. Thank you so much! You should have heard me gasp! (I recently complained that I could no longer find the flower-y fabric.)

And...


.. a beautifully embroidered hankie from Lori. Thank you! I love it so much!

It's amazing (and a little sad) how getting stuff on my birthday makes me really happy.

And thank you for all the wonderful and amazing birthday wishes yesterday. They made my day. Thank you so much!

You Look at Me as if You're in a Daze

In the months leading up to Christmas, Aaron began to proclaim "I'm not doing ANYTHING for Christmas! Nothing!" After what happened last year, I kinda understood and took it upon myself to get my stocking stuffers and a gift from Santa.

Christmas morning we were opening gifts. Aaron was opening another gift from his large pile and asked, "Where's Mommy's gifts from Daddy?"

"I don't know, where are they?"

:: eyes bugging out :: "Where are Mommy's gifts from Daddy?"

"I. Don't. Know. Where. Are. They?"

Yeah. When Aaron said he wasn't doing nothing for Christmas, HE MEANT IT. And then he got mad at me for not getting myself gifts from him.

I've only told this story to a few people because it makes me look dumb for being upset because yes, he did tell me he wasn't doing anything for Christmas and because it makes Aaron look like an asshole.

Actually, I don't mind that it makes Aaron look like an asshole because he did act in an asshole-ish way.

Everyone has asked what he has done to make it up and I constant reply nothing, he hasn't done anything. Which is totally true.

Of course, I leave out the point that I told him he HAD BETTER MAKE IT UP FOR MY BIRTHDAY, BECAUSE I SURE AS FUCK AIN'T PLANNING MY BIRTHDAY.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love taking care of my family and doing all the stuff that keeps the household running, clean and in a semi-organized fashioned. But sometimes? Sometimes? I want to be taken care of and appreciated too.

This weekend we had my parents over to celebrate my 30th birthday. I made a gluten-free lasagna and...


... a gluten-free chocolate truffle cake.

(Yes, I made them.)

Aaron has under 15 hours to make up his holiday disaster.

Mahna Mahna, De Do Do Do Doo, Mahna Mahna, De Do Do Do Doo

We got snow. Lots and lots of snow.


Six inches of snow.

We had quite a busy weekend, but more on that tomorrow.

Today is my deadline of Ali's Weekly Challenge (remember?); this week's assignment is to draft a list of what would be considered our scrapbooking essentials...

my digital camera -- it's a modest little guy, but he does a fantastic job at taking photos of my family and documenting every little detail of our lives

snapfish.com -- so far, they have the best quality photo printing I have found and they print my photos on matte paper, the only kind I will use

photo file :: post it notes -- this is the only way I can remotely keep myself organized and remember the dates

my computer -- for storing photos, writing this site (which the material for this is great as reference for our scrapbooks), fixing photos and being my biggest organizational helper ever

paper trimmer :: photo trimmer :: scissors -- great for getting my paper, photos, emblishments, ribbon, etc, cut cleanly and percisely

waxed paper -- the biggest secret in my stash, it keeps all my trimmers and scissors clean and sharp (anytime something isn't working well, cut a bunch of wax paper. it cleans the blade, sharpens it and lubricates it all at the same time)

card stock :: patterned paper :: paper holder -- I am a paper junkie. Really, I have loads and loads and loads of paper. I love it. I love all the different colors, weights and textures. I love mismatching different lines together to get exactly what I want on my pages.

QuicKutz hand die cutter :: letter dies :: xyron create-a-sticker -- it may be heavy and awkward to use, but I love hand cutting letters and running them through the xyron to make my own titles that match perfectly.

back and white letter rub-ons and stickers -- when I want a more simple and easy page

Zig Millennium black pigment pins :: uni-ball Signo white pin :: mechanical #2 pencils -- perfect four journaling, sub-titles and marking where paper and photos need to be cut

Herma dotto removable tape runner -- just about the only adhesive I use

12-inch top loading albums -- to store everything when completed

Aaron, Griffin and Darwin -- because, seriously, without them I'd have nothing to scrapbook and no reason to

Those are my basics. Yes, I have tons more stuff than that in my stash, including lots of ribbon, embellishments, special adhesives, stamps, inks and three more drawers of stuff.

(Hopefully I'll be able to take photos, upload them to flickr and link them all soon. Done!)

Everyone's So Intimately Rearranged

Thanks for all the compliments from the roses the other day. They were purchased at Whole Foods on sale. Like, sale-sale. Nine dollars for a dozen sale.

Everyone's compliments and asking if they came from the garden made me think I really need more rose bushes in my garden. Yes! More rose buses!

Of course, we have lots of work on the garden this year. I'm trying to convince Aaron that we should go ahead and chop down a tree (the limbs constantly bang on the house and it makes icky leaves that don't compost correctly over winter - they turn slimy and that's not good for the garden beds), tear down the dilapidated greenhouse (I've been working on that one ever since we bought the house, it is dee-lap-i-date-ed), take out the compost bins (too close to the house, which brings mice to the house and WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS THEN) and then build raised and tiered garden beds so Aaron and Griffin can have a proper fruit and vegetable patch.

The hardest part of all that will be convincing Aaron to agree with me that I should do it. Yeah, notice how I said "I" -- he's not so much of a DIY'er.

So, I need some advice on this. I purchased it at a thrift store this week (99 cents) for my mother-in-law, because she collects camels. It is frightfully funny. But I need to know how to clean it, the tin is kind of yucky. Any thoughts?

Also, does everyone want a recipe for gluten-free blueberry muffins or pumpkin pasta this week?

The More I See the Less I Know the More I Like to Let it Go

"If L.A. is anything like Dirt, I'm so glad I live in Fucking Kansas."

"Woman, do you not pay attention to the Red Hot Chili Peppers? The whole damn state is that way."

And I Don't Even Know the Time of Day, I Guess it Doesn't Matter Any Way

My pile is still there. Stop laughing.

I did manage to make it to the thrift store yesterday and totally score on some children's books and percale cotton pillowcases. My intention was to find some books for my mini-swap partner (note to self: figure out how to get one of them button thingies).

My partner is the wonderful Malene who lives in Denmark. (Denmark! I love mailing internationally!) I'm so very excited.

And yet, completely terrified.

She has an awesome personal site and she also has an internet shop. So, you know, I had better not fuck it up.

Not to say I fucked it up last year, but I'm always terrified when I do a swap. I'm afraid to suck.


Luckily, Malene is very nice and she and her children love handmade items. So, ::gulp:: I had better get to it.

And Different People Have Different Needs

I was tagged by the fabulous Cheryl for a six weird things about you meme, so here it goes...

1. One of my favorite things to eat is baked beans and rice. Seriously, I could live off it. And the worst part? I make the baked beans in the microwave. It's a recipe that came with the "cookbook" with our first microwave when I was a kid.

2. Aaron and I don't share blankets when we sleep. He likes a comforter, I like a quilt. I also have to layer the quilt between my legs and wrap it around me. And I rub my feet together to get comfortable in bed.

3. I have a slight obsession with popping pimples and getting ear wax out of ears. I've even been known to pick ear wax out of my friends' children's ears. Yeah, it's really bad. What is even worse perhaps, when I was giving birth to Griffin and he was crowning my OB told me to look in that evil mirror to watch. I told her I didn't want to, but she talked me into it. The first thing I saw was not a baby coming out of my girlie bits, oh no -- it was a monstrous pimple on my inner thigh. And I tried to talk a nurse, Aaron, the doctor, anyone into popping it for me, while I continued to push.

4. I started collecting Pez dispensers when I was three years old. The last time I counted was nearly ten years ago and I gave up once I got to 657.

5. I love cleanness and organization, but I have a pile-building habit. I will pile and pile and pile stuff and become so terrified of it, I'll leave it there for months. Case in point:


It's my goal to tackle it today. Really. There's a lot of stuff in there I want to read.

6. When Aaron and I fight, like get into a really good fight, I start crying and go clean the kitchen cabinets. I cry and scream at him while I sit there scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing. I guess I should be happy the cabinets are so dirty right now.

I'm suppose to tag six people to do this. I'm not really good at tagging, I always feel like I'm gonna piss someone off. So don't feel obligated to do it if you are tagged...

Lera
Angela
Babybug
Kristencan
LLA
Katurah

Or if you weren't tagged but would like to be tagged, consider yourself tagged.

Now, to go tackle that damn pile...

Motionless Wheel, Nothing is Real, Wasting My Time in the Waiting Line

So, I got my wish...


... we are finally getting some snow.

Of course, this doesn't come without consequences. My soiree was canceled yesterday due to the freezing rain.

And, of course, the gluten-free mini cupcakes were already made and ready to go.


And they are delicious. And the recipes are posted. And I made a new flickr account to document the cooking too. I've been a very busy bee.

Speaking of busy bee-ness, I even managed to make a pillow this weekend...


... which was immediately hijacked by a certain two year old. I had to wait for him to go to sleep to get a proper photo...

... that's much more better. It was very nice to make something. I haven't sewn or scrapbooked since October.

It's nice to be getting back in the swing of things.

Yo, Yo, This Hard-Core Ghetto Gangster Image Takes a lot of Practice

We braved the torturous weather to get haircuts today. Yeah, I'm crazy.

You know what else is crazy? Those motherfuckers that dilute my windshield wiper fluid at the places that I get my oil changed out. Crazy bastards.

So, back to the haircuts. Right.

I told my hair lady (that's her name: hair lady) that my current shampoo changed their formula and now my dandruff is beginning to come back and my hair looks greasy within 12 hours shampooing.

Hi, my name is Laura. I write about my dandruff issues.

Anyway, she shampooed my hair with something different, cut off three inches and blow dried it. I loved it. My hair was light and fluffy, no fly aways, perfect.

So, I bought some of the new shampoo and we drove down street so Aaron could clean the windshield.

Well, wouldn't you know it, I started itching. All over my face, my scalp, in my ears.

So I started reading the new shampoo and conditioner ingredients and what do they contain?

Wheat.

Wheat.

For those of you in the back: WHEAT.

So we had to go back to the hair salon place for me to return them. It took 15 minutes and three people reading ingredients to find one shampoo and conditioner that doesn't contain wheat.

(If you are late the game: I'm allergic to wheat. I also have dandruff issues, in case you didn't pick up on that one.)

So when we got home I immediately had to take a shower to wash all that crappy wheat off of me. I also had to use my old shampoo and conditioner because Aaron wasn't about to deal with me having another possible allergic reaction.


See the fly aways? Damn fly aways.

Damn wheat.

Moving Forward Using All My Breath

Finally. Finally we are getting winter weather. Geesh, it took long enough.


So far it's just little smatherings of ice pellets. But over the next 48 hours it will turn into freezing rain and snow.

You know, between 60 degrees yesterday and ice today, it almost makes me love living in Kansas.

The boys and I are in full hibernation gear. It is nearly noon and we are all still in pajamas (of course, Griffin did just wake up half an hour ago). Last night I went to the grocery store (wow, we all feel very strongly about our food, don't we? love it) to get enough for dinner tonight (roasted chicken and root vegetables), dinner tomorrow (creamy potato soup) and an emergency pantry meal (vegetarian baked gluten-free pasta) as well as everything I need to make mini chocolate cupcakes with chocolate buttercream to make tomorrow for the soiree on Sunday (which had BETTER NOT GET CANCELED due to weather).

And perhaps the gods will even shine down on me and allow me time to make a Valentine's themed pillow.


Now to just draw a pattern and get the fabrics washed...

Don't Try To Tell Me It Ain't What It Is

Yesterday in the doctor's waiting area, I picked up a local free parenting magazine and flipped through it. My friend's name popped out and I quickly re-found the page.

She had written and article and got published, I was so happy for her. She's one of those people who have tons of writing projects in the works and is submitting article ideas all over the place.

The article was about stocking-up on household items and food; an important topic for people with young children. Two paragraphs into the article I read...

"It's logical to consider stocking up so I don't have to go to the store all the time with the children in tow. I know a mom who goes to the grocery store daily so her family can have the freshest ingredients. I rarely even have time to SHOWER daily."

Now let me start by saying, I HAVE DELICATE LITTLE FEELINGS. Mmmkay? And, I've been known to be very hypersensitive.

That said, what she wrote pissed me off.

First of all, she didn't even call me her friend. And yeah, that shouldn't be that much of a surprise because we haven't talked in person in over six months but still? IT STUNG.

Second of all, she makes me sound like the psycho (or at least, the NOT LOGICAL ONE) for going to the grocery store daily. Now, I don't go to the grocery store every single day, just five or six days a week. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

She also failed to mention that this grocery-store-habit developed due to the fact that my refrigerator is a piece of shit. It can't hold a constant temperature for nothin' and I don't like to waste food.

But you know what? I like going to the grocery store every single day. I like the fact that Griffin, who is four, can identify at least three different apple varieties by name. He also knows how to check and pick the best ones being very careful not to pick ones with bruises. And I like the fact that Darin, who is two, knows how to pick out a good cucumber. How many people even know how to check for a good cucumber anyway? And he doesn't let you walk past the red bell pepper without letting him get at least one. And once we are over by those apples? Watch out because he's eating one now.

I'm a big fan of the whole stocking up philosophy. Toilet paper? Check. Paper towels? Check. Enough laundry detergent to take us into the next decade? Check. Frozen vegetables and fruits? Check. Enough baking supplies so I can make gluten-free quick breads by the fire of Armageddon? Check.

But wanting to grocery shop once a month (as she goes on to claim is her goal)? Hell to tha no.

What You Gonna Do When You Get Out of Jail?

I can't speak for anyone else, but in our house obsession is an everyday thing.

Of course, this totally includes me but whatever. I'm not talking about me. Or, at least, not right now.

Anyway, Griffin's birthday is coming up next month and he's already obsessed.

For the past few months he has been claiming to want a magic party. First thought? Shit, magicians cost a lot. Second thought? Awesome, I get to make stuff.

Then comes the standard it-is-the-new-year-here-is-a-bunch- of-new-catalogs and what does Griffin find? Lego Knight's Kingdom theme party.

Fuck. Everything is perfectly prepackaged. Invitations. Thank yous. A pinata. Goodie bags. Everything. There's nothing left for me to do other than make the cake or cupcakes.

To take Griffin's mind off the new obsession (and to get me to stop hyperventilating), Aaron took Griffin out Sunday to use Griffin's holiday gift card and what does the child buy?


It totally just sealed the deal.

And unless I can convince him otherwise, it's a prepackaged birthday party. Damn it.

(Oh, and that soiree I'm going to Sunday? The census is chocolate. Since cupcakes are easier to transport, should I make mini-cupcakes or regular cupcakes?)

(Obviously, I'm experiencing some indecisiveness at the moment.)

(Something must be fucking wrong with me.)

(And in case you missed it, I posted a new recipe on my gluten-free cooking site on Sunday.)

(That will be a weekly thing, yo.)

A Girl in Trouble is a Temporary Thing

So, welcome back!

What? You haven't been hitting "refresh" on my site all damn day wondering why in the fuck you don't have access?

Are you trying to claim you aren't obsessed with me? Come on now, let's be real.

Apparently Blogger has decided to punish the few of us who haven't updated to Beta and are now being total bastards about our sites.

(Note to self: back up archives. Seriously.)

What? You don't bitch about your free service providers? Amateurs.

I'm in need of some advice. I'm going to a little soiree Sunday and I want to make something baked. What should I make?

(I said "baked". Hahahaha.)

And apparently this is National De-Lurking Week. That means I'm gonna get like 100 comments, right? Right.

You know, I had tons of interesting stuff to say today, but fucking Blogger and their broken-ness fucked it all up. And now? I can't even remember what I was going to say.

Damn it.

Oh, On and On and On and On

So, Darwin was playing and....


... sigh.

My life is totally ridiculous.

And Playing Games is Part of Human Nature

So far, so good. My goal of keeping a positive attitude is working, but shit, it's hard to be Suzie Fucking Sunshine all the damn time.

Come one, you didn't expect me to be positive all the time, did you?

In any case, it is helping and it appears to be making life easier as well. The boys are certainly more content with the added attention and lack of stress on my part, so that's good.


And Griffin is definitely loving my ability to pause and play games too.

I have a whole list of things I hope to accomplish this year (accomplish, not resolutions) and I really need to take the time to write them down and post them here.

(For some reason, this is the only place that I can manage to keep clean and organized. If I post it on the internet, I will be completely unable to lose it. Why do you think I started the recipe site? To organize my recipes. And, to prevent Aaron from yelling at me when I misplace recipes he likes. It's a win-win situation.)

Another thing I hope to do, which will be added in said list, is to start participating in Ali Edward's Weekly Challenge. This week's challenge it to choose a word that you want to focus on for the year. I'm choosing enjoy. I have the hardest time relaxing and just enjoying the process (I think I've been saying that all week). So that's my word, enjoy.

One, Two, Three, Four, Come on Baby Say You Love Me, Five, Six, Seven Times

Griffin has decided to turn into my daily affirmation guru. Everyday, since New Year's day, he wakes up with a resounding, "Mommy! Today is a new day!"

This morning at breakfast he continued to proclaim, "Today is a new day! It is a beautiful day outside, Mom." (Mom? Mom? What happened to Mommy?) (And "beautiful"? The sky is gray and everything is brown right now, it is Kansas in January after all.) (Speaking of which, where the hell is my snow? I want snow. It is January. Give me snow.) "Look at all the beautiful plants, Mom. It's gonna be a great day!"

With a kid like this, I don't need no stinking Stuart Smalley.

Because This Type of Pimpin' Happens Every Day

Yesterday at our playdate....

"Darwin, are you a punk?"

"Punk!"

"Are you a pimp?"

"Pimp?" ::jumping up and down and pointing to penis:: "Pimp! Pimp! Pimp!"

And All the Roads We Have to Walk Are Winding

Thank you for all the wonderful comments and support on both sites yesterday (crap, I now have two sites).

This is the first time in my life I've ever felt scared of starting a new year, the first time I've ever felt the newness of a new calendar year.

I'm not much for resolutions, mainly because I'm a lazy ass and a fantabulous failure. Resolutions and I just don't seem to get along.

But this year I'm working on a new attitude, enjoying the process. I wrote about it last week and yesterday, but apparently I need to continue to drill it into my head. Enjoy the process, it is okay and everything is fine.

Just call me Stuart Smalley, I'm becoming full of daily affirmations.


I have a whole fabulous list of things today. Basic stuff like laundry, dishes and plan dinner (Beef Hash with Super Mashed Potatoes, I think it may be the next dish on my recipe site; expect about one recipe a week), and a few odd jobs like dust the boys' bedroom ceiling (old houses are fun), take lights off tree and take tree down. I also have my Motivated Moms planner to help me keep on top of the housework (I had it last year and it did help, even though I didn't follow it religiously; I'm working on following it better this year).

But all that is going to have to wait, we have a playdate this afternoon. (See? Enjoying the process.)

In the meantime...


Anyone have some good art project suggestions for all those wrapping paper rolls that would discourage the boys from beating each other with them? Anyone?

Runnin' Down A Dream, it Never Would Come to Me

Once again, I'm having a hard time speaking because my foot is shoved so far up my mouth.

Over the last five days I've spent over 30 hours working on my secret project, only for me to have a major meltdown yesterday and delete everything and start at the basics.

(And to everyone who thought I was pregnant, no and I'm not. And? Ya'll are crazy.)

It's quite obvious to me I'm going to have to work at things slowly, there's a lot I have to learn. I can't get done what I want to be done and it is very frustrating.

This process has taught me quite a lot, like slow down, enjoy life at a slower pace and I can't achieve perfection immediately. All lessons I need to learn, and will strive to try (because, damn, that migraine I got yesterday from my hissy fit was no fun).

So, if you are wondering what my secret project was... it's not how I want it to be. It's going to take a white to build. Hell, I can't even figure out how to get photos on there.


But in lieu of a cookbook (don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a cookbook published and in every bookstore in the world, and I'm hoping this will help me achieve that), I'm working on something else.

(Which will have no cursing. Holy fucking shit, no cursing?!)