When Kids see God's hand

     Somedays, I struggle to trust that God is working through my children. I feel like I need to create the spiritual moments, and I wonder if I am even being clear enough or passionate enough to teach them how to walk with Him. I forget, that God is already at work in their hearts, and that their relationship with Him does not ride on my shoulders. Here are some sweet moments that have reminded me that God is doing something.

    Daley and I have been walking the neighbor's dog every afternoon. The day after school let out, she said to me, "mom, I'm starting to trust the Holy Spirit more." I asked her what she meant by that, and she explained that she felt compelled to write a lot of encouraging words in her friends' yearbooks. I hugged her and encouraged her to keep trusting in that inner voice, because that's exactly how He works.

   While we were on a family vacation in Vail, we decided that I should drive Sloan and Daley back early, to get Sloan to gymnastics. Our dinner plans were pushed back by a thunderstorm that made it challenging to grill outside. After Ted and I managed to cook the meat and sit down with the kids, it was getting late. I left soon after, and the rain grew stronger. The sun was beginning to set, and I was super nervous driving through the mountains with pouring rain and really wet roads. We drove into a tunnel and I said a prayer out loud that God would make the roads safe, and that we would get home before I got tired. As soon as we exited the tunnel, the sun came out and the roads were perfectly dry. Sloan said, "mom, God dried the roads for you!"

   Daley has been experiencing sleepless nights lately. She's been begging to sleep on my floor because she says that her bed is an anxious place. Where is this anxiety coming from? I would ask, and she really didn't know...the relationships at school, her strict teacher, the increasing demand of school work...she suggested a few things. I told her that she needed to call on the name of Jesus, that He alone could break the chains of anxiety and fear. I told her to start praying every time her heart struggles. She said, "mom, I'm not sure if God is mad at me because I haven't prayed in awhile." Oh, the gift of hearing her actual thoughts and hesitations. I grabbed her hand and told her that God is not mad at her, that I often forget to talk to God, but each time I do, He is right there listening. She grabbed her Shiloh dog and headed downstairs with a new perspective...then turned her head before reaching the door, "can I just sleep in here one last night?!" 

  Thankful for each of the little conversations that give me a glimpse of God working in each of their hearts. 

More Quotes

 Sloan: "Mom, were the first people born police?"

Me: "no, why would you think that?"

Sloan: "well, who was the first person born?"

Me: "Adam and Eve were the first people, but they weren't born, so their kids, Cain and Able were the first born."

Sloan: "that must have been weird...you just show up in the world at 20 years old. I mean, I've worked really hard to be 7!"

Me: "Ryder, did you brush your teeth tonight?"

Ryder: "No, but I smiled while I was in the shower."

Everett: "Have you seen Sandlot?"

Ryder: "No, and I also haven't seen Hamlet."

Everett: "Hamlet? What's that? Is that like an omelet with ham?"

Me: "I think you mean Hamilton, Ryder.

Ryder: "Oh right, Hamilton. But, I have seen Antman."

Everett: "Antman is ok. He doesn't have as much skill as someone like me."

The Water, the renaming, the story...it all matters

   

     There's a story in the Bible that I absolutely love. It means a lot to my heart that this particular story is included in God's word. It is thick with emotion, speaks to our identity, and meets me in a place of vulnerability. It starts with Sarah, Abraham's wife. If I can just pull a chair up next to their home, I am watching a beautiful woman submit to her husband as they follow God's lofty call. They were unaware of the magnitude of this call, and that the rest of the world would be talking about them many years after they leave the world. They just led their cattle over strange lands, trusting that God was going to use them. An important part of their journey led them through Egypt. This is where my heart aches for Sarah. Abraham compromises his values by lying to pharaoh. He is scared. Instead of trusting the God who kept a family alive in a world flood, he told pharaoh that Sarah was his sister so that he wouldn't kill him in order to have her. Sarah gets passed around, used for her beauty. I can't imagine what it was like to live in a culture like this, where a king decides that a woman belongs to him, and the woman is never given a voice. I don't know what it would be like to be Abraham, in fear of a king who feels entitled to kill in pursuit of something he wants. They are also experiencing a famine, which puts this couple in a vulnerable and desperate place. I can imagine the prayers, the agony that followed this time of need and fear. Not much is written about Sarah's heart in this sad place, but we know, from the events that will follow, that her heart begins to harden. 

     I wanted to mention this part of the story because I think we need to extend grace to a woman who is about to act harshly toward another woman in a similar place of bondage. God tells Abraham that he will father a great nation through his very own offspring. Sarah, struggling with belief and certainly her identity as God's chosen, asked Abraham to sleep with her servant Hagar. Again, the marriage bed is defiled by fear and uncertainty. Hagar didn't ask for this, but she submits. Once Hagar is pregnant, unsurprisingly the emotions run high between the two women. Sarah is angry possibly at God for not giving her a child. She despises Hagar, and treats her harshly. We can only imagine what is going on in Hagar's heart, away from her Egyptian family, and used for her young body. She feels the sadness. The oppression and unfairness of the situation engulfs her, and she runs. 

     This is when Hagar runs into EL ROI. It's a moment of brokenness and despair. She has no where to go, except this little spot in the woods, by a stream. She knelt there, hoping that the water would physically sustain her for the time that she needed. God has an encounter with her there, by the water. We see this theme a lot in scriptures, the shepherd in Psalm 23, Elijah at Cherith, the Samaritan woman by the well. God meets these individuals with a sense of provision. One that is symbolized by the water. The Psalmist finds a faithful and peaceful presence that runs a long side his workplace. It signifies God's provision of restoration and emotional health. Elijah sits at the waters, fed by Ravens. He watches the waters dry up in his brook, because the land is experiencing a flood. But, God meets with Elijah there, sustaining him, teaching him, preparing him to be a prophet of great courage. The woman at the well is needing to know that Jesus could satisfy her longings more than any earthly endeavors. The water, meant to satisfy her thirst, symbolized God's ability to give her life without longing. This brings us to Hagar, the meeting at the brook, and the need in her heart. 

     Water is a magnificent element in creation. It can cause destruction, like it did in the flood, but we also need it just to live. When you think of it as a symbol of God, the truths become quite rich. God has the power to destroy or sustain. God has three forms, Holy Spirit, Father, and Son. God moves through us, and yet still has a presence in nature. He's in the air...just like water. One really special aspect of water is that it has an important role in healing. When we experience wounds, the water must be used to clean out all the impurities. Without it, the body experiences infections, that can eventually cause death. Trying to heal our brokenness without Christ, is like sewing up a cut without cleaning out the dirt. We will damage our bodies when we force it to absorb foreign objects. Similar to the way we will damage our hearts when bitterness, envy, or hatred are left in a heart that is trying to heal. 

     We need Jesus to clean us. Hagar needed Jesus to clean her. Sarah also needed Jesus. This story is about two very broken women, in a place of need. The water, Jesus, was about to flow through Hagar's life, and heal what was broken. God meets her by the river and asks her, "why are you here?" A question that He certainly knew the answer to...why does He ask it? We see this a lot in God's encounters with His people. We saw it with Adam and Eve, with Cain, with Elijah in the cave, with Paul...God begins a conversation with a question. We have to consider that God must care about our stories, our hearts, our explanations. He must desire that interaction with us, or why would He ask questions? I see it as a gift, like sitting down to drink coffee with a friend who asks you how you are doing in an area of deep struggle. It feels good to voice the things that are trapped inside. He knows the details of our stories, but yet, He asks us to put our own words to it, to relate to Him in our hard places. He gives us the gift of being seen.

     That leads us to the name that Hagar assigns to God, EL ROI, "the God who sees." The Bible says that "the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His" (2 Chronicles 16:9). God sees. It's the truth that set Hagar back to Sarah's house, with courage to face the difficult circumstances. I would love to think that the two women reconciled. That Hagar explained what it was like to encounter God, and they had a moment of confessing and apologizing. We don't know what happened between the women after that, but we do know that Hagar boldly accepts her plot as a servant, and a mother to Ishmael. She walks in the truth that God sees her, and believes her value is designated by her creator, rather than the people surrounding her. She renames herself, not the servant who's heart flows with insignificant blood, but the woman who met God, whose story would be kept in the book that millions would read. Her story mattered. Your story matters.  

Let's Cheer About it

 I haven't written in this blog in a really long time, but I just need to get this story in the books. Daley and Sloan have been talking and planning to be cheerleaders for Halloween. I told them that I really didn't want to buy outfits for them, but we finally did visit the Arc, a consignment store near us. You never know what you will find at the Arc. It all depends on what has been donated and who has picked through the stuff. Towards the end of October, the Halloween section is pretty well picked through, and the things that are there are usually in questionable condition. We found this metal shelf with hats and masks, and with careful digging, we uncovered 4 (very different) pom poms, still in decent condition. ONLY 4. The girls each got two, and were thrilled, even though they didn't match. So, the quest began to find outfits. They found some torn and bright colored tutus, that we thought might work (albeit, they would be like clown cheerleaders, but, we weren't being picky)...but then, we ran across 2 (ONLY 2) real cheerleading skirts, IN their sizes. We were jumping up and down and using those pom poms to celebrate. Then the mission of finding a sweater or long sleeve of some kind, that we could doctor up. All to say, we spent about an hour at the Arc, and came out with two cheerleading outfits with pom poms, all for $20. Now, the girls are making up cheers at home and planning their routines for each door visit, and I am just savoring the cuteness.  Photos to come!

Siblings...a moment for my heart

    This morning, I sat with Ryder in the cold car, waiting for Daley to find a book to read during the drive. Out she bounded, with her wavy hair, pink headband, and favorite light pink sweatshirt. In her hand, was a Spanish dictionary. "That's what she picked to read?" Ryder and I both smiled at the random choice, while she jumped in the car. She opened it up and excitedly explained that she wanted to learn a phrase to use at recess. After flipping through the pages, she found the perfect phrase..."Que havemas? That's what I'm going to ask my friends when we get to the playground!" Her eyes danced with excitement and pride as she prepared to dazzle her friends with her Spanish. She looked back down at her book, and Ryder asked if she wanted to read out of his Calvin and Hobbs book. Ryder has a job to do. I am paying him $1 for every book that he reads with her. He loves this responsibility, and I love that it forces them to connect. She stared at her dictionary and realized that it was not going to be very fun to read. "Ok..." 

    My heart beamed as the two put their heads together and peered down at the comics, Daley wrestling with the words, and Ryder so patiently waiting for her to sound them out. They laughed at the silly antics. As we pulled into the school, Ryder realized that he forgot his lunch at home. Daley pulled out her lunch, and discovered that she could put half of her sandwich in a ziplock bag with her roll, and gave him the other half. He said thanks and stuffed it into his backpack. The two jumped out of the car, talking and smiling the whole way in. I felt bad for lingering. I'm sure the cars behind me where anxious to get their kids to school, but I was really enjoying the moment, watching them walk together. The gift of siblings...sometimes its hard to live with brothers and sisters, but other times, it's nice to have someone in your life who will give you half of their sandwich.  

Jesus and Cakes in a Mug

     A few Sundays ago (November 15th), I woke up discouraged. I prayed that God would re-new an enthusiasm for Him in our home. With church being sidelined, I felt heavy about the spiritual emptiness. Even though we were having devos and listening to good music, nothing could replace being with the church, or serving along side others. We were able to go to church that morning after a long time away, and the worship was just incredible. I raised my hands and envisioned being in God's presence. I looked to my side and noticed Daley and Sloan also raising their hands. I fought back happy tears. That night, I asked Sloan if she knew what it meant to be a believer. She looked at me with wide eyes, and asked for me to explain it. So, we talked about Jesus dying for her sins and how she would need to acknowledge her need and belief in a savior. Without hesitation, she eagerly claimed belief in Jesus. I asked if she would like to celebrate making that decision. Her eyes brightened, and she enthusiastically said 'yes!' Within a few minutes, she had determined what she wanted that night to look like. We sat on the floor surrounding her, and played her song, "Find me in the River" by Jeremy Camp, then she repeated a prayer asking for Jesus to be her savior. We finished the night with cakes in mugs, cool whip and sprinkles. It was a night that I don't ever want to forget. God had answered my prayer abundantly and allowed me to see that He could move in my home. 

A Strange But Wonderful Year

     This has been a weird year for everyone. Covid changed everything. It changed sporting events, birthday parties, camp, mission trips, school, and get togethers of any kind.  There were some wonderful things about canceling commitments and hunkering down with my family. We did lots of bike rides, hikes, and home-school activities. I wouldn't change the sweet memories of more time together at home, but the thing that was hard for me to give up was church. Each Sunday, I woke up with this feeling of responsibility to make our morning somewhat worshipful. We found lots of great worship songs on You Tube. Ted and I would read through some favorite passages and stories in the Bible, and we would just talk as a family. It was a challenge to come up with something new and inspiring, and I didn't always do a wonderful job. The gift in the difficulty, was that it gave me the opportunity to study the hearts of the people living in my home. I'm grateful for it. It stretched me. It also gave me an appreciation for the people who typically love on my kids. The grandparents who inspire creativity and connection, The science teacher that intrigues them with amazing creatures like axolotls, the athletic coach that reminds them that activity is fun and healthy, the art teacher that teaches them how to find beauty, and of course the Sunday school teachers who think of creative ways to remember Bible stories. I would never want to raise kids without this beautiful community. The people in our lives make us who we are. We're inspired by them, encouraged by them, and sharpened. God didn't create us to sit in our living rooms. He created us to entangle our lives with others like metal pieces of iron sharpening one another. So while I am grateful for the extra snuggles, and moments of discipleship that I would never have without Covid, I am feeling a bit ready to join the village again. I'm tired of wearing so many hats, and I'm positive that life is richer for my kids when they are taught and inspired by others.

    However, God did provide some incredible things through this weird season. Our community of neighbors are just so special. The kids really didn't experience a social vacuum. They were playing with their friends everyday. They started referring to it as "covid-cation." We read through school materials while basking in the warm sun. Our "recess" time was spent hiking and playing ripstick games at the park. Ryder's closest buddies were over everyday, jumping on the tramp and throwing balls at the house. I'm incredibly grateful for friends who live right by us. They have become family. I joined some friends at the track, and we ran all summer long. I got to do things that I never dreamed I would be able to do like running from Crested Butte to Aspen, and climbing Mt. Huron. I hope I never forget all the blessing sprinkled into this challenging year. When I turn on the tv, and see politicians arguing, people losing their businesses, COVID deaths, and riots over racial unrest, I realize that the world is deeply hurting. That part is hard on all of us, but maybe, these conversations that we are all having will help us heal, help us to appreciate each other more. I hope that we are all better off after experiencing the crazy tension and uncertainty. 

   

Lines to Remember

Daley: "Mom, a guy at school has a crush on me."
Me: "It's because of those cute braids...how could he not?"
Sloan: "Come to think of it, I think I have a crush on you because of those cute braids."

Sloan: "When I see pretty things, it makes me want to sing"

Sloan: "Mom, when I went in, I noticed that people were having cupcakes. I just celebrated my 6 year old birthday! Are they trying to turn me into 7??"

Ted: "Daley, when I held you up to pee, I didn't expect you to poop too..."
Daley: "Well, life is full of surprises!"

Teacher: "Class, we'll go around and you can tell me one good thing that happened this week!"
Finley: "Today is Friday!"
Teacher: "No, you're supposed to tell me about something good that happened during the week."
Finley: "Ok, I woke up this morning and said, 'yay, it's Friday!'"

Teacher: "Class, tomorrow you can wear anything from the past..."
Finley: Looking down at her comfy sweat pants and sweat shirt, "I'll wear THIS on Thursday, and say, 'this was me on Tuesday!'"

Sloan: "I feel like people with long legs don't fall very often because you have a longer amount of time to catch yourself. But, when you have short legs like me, you don't have enough time." 

One night, Sloan fell asleep in Daley's bed while we read a book together. I picked her up and carried her to her bed. As I was tucking her in, she whispered, "Mom, how did I get to my room? Did I teleport?"

Waking Sloan up for school one morning, she looked up at me, wrinkled her nose and said, "you stole my good dream."

A Treasure Hunt

When Ted and I thought through the time that we would have with the kids home from school, we started to hunt. We hunted for a great location to play, we hunted through airbnbs, we hunted for the right gear. When we landed on a condo in Crested Butte, the treasure hunt became a different sort. I was hunting, or rather enjoying, the little moments that made this trip unique.  

The alien shack that stood alone in a gorgeous valley with one creepy old couch nestled inside. It was such a unique and cool find, and inspired a lot of strange activity.

The beaver damn that was perfectly constructed. We all paused to admire the craftsmanship of a group of animals. How is this even possible? For a moment, our minds were blown by God's perfect design.

We were just a couple weeks late to see all the red and yellow leaves dangle from the trees. Most of them had fallen, but the ground was covered with evidence of a brilliant fall. The girls searched for their most favorite leaves, and we celebrated another aspect of God's amazing creation.

Watching Ted lead the kids into a picturesque landscape was really special. I cherished having him with us. He is usually buried in work while I make memories with the kids, but this trip we had him, and he took his place as the leader of our group. 

Discovering old remnants of a land that used to support a large mining business. 

The waterfall washing down on an otherwise dry mountainside.

Making the kids hike longer than they would have chosen, but seeing them laugh and bond over sore feet and hunger. 

Then came Daley's line that will forever characterize our Crested Butte trip:

Ted: "Daley, when I held you up to go pee, I really didn't expect you to poop too..."

Daley: "Well, life is full of surprises!"

The Last to go to Kindergarten

 

    Sloan, just last night I came into your room ready to put you down. I noticed that you weren't quite ready, so I melted down on your floor, and closed my eyes. It felt so good to let my body rest, after a long day of driving carpool and carting kids around to their sports. You noticed that I looked tired, and generously donated your pillow and all three of your blankets to my floor nap. I don't know anyone quite like you, who sees someone in need, and immediately rushes to their aid. After feeling blissfully cozy, I asked you where you planned to sleep. You smiled and quickly responded, "YOUR bed!" Oh, it became much more clear why you were so generous. 

    Sweet girl, you just carry an incredible light with you everywhere you go. You have the ability to brighten a hard day or infuse love into a challenging moment. One day, I was sitting with the four of you at our island and we were negotiating feelings after an emotional day. Finley welled up with tears, and you ran to her side. Then Ryder, then me. You looked up at us in confusion, and I could just read your thoughts. There was too much sadness to fix, too many people to hug. I can see this desire in your heart, to help hurting people. Your heart is so big and so beautiful, that you often bend over backwards to love people. I see you putting yourself last time and again. You have an instinct for it, for finding the one who is crying, for bringing someone in who feels left out, for giving out hugs in a hard situation. This light that you carry, is such a gift. I like to believe that it is Jesus, moving through you, to love well. I know you cling to him. I hear your prayers at night and the way you remind yourself that God is always with you. You've taught me that we can be filled with the spirit, before we even know all the teachings in the Bible. Your understanding of Jesus is so simple, and yet you already walk in His example.

    I love your drive! I love that you are determined to master a back-handspring on the tramp. I love that you want to run faster than everyone, and you actually do. I love that you find so much joy in challenging yourself and trying new things. I think you will surprise yourself as you go through life. I'll never forget sitting in the lake with you that summer. The skis were fastened to your feet, your hands clutching the rope, and your eyes fixed on the boat. As the boat rocked in the waves, waiting for you to say the word, you got a little nervous and asked to quit. I told the driver to go, and immediately you stood up on the water. You didn't even know what happened. At one moment, you were envisioning slipping off the skis and wading back to the beach, but in seconds, you were skiing. I was so proud! Sometimes, I think you don't even know what you're capable of, but I do. Keep striving! Keep climbing to the top of the rope in gymnastics, but be nice to the boys who couldn't make it. You were meant to go high! You were meant for great things! And in that greatness, I know that you will find time to be humble and love on the people around you. I know you will, because that's who you are. 

    Good luck in Kindergarten baby! My heart aches for the time that is passing us by, but I know that I can't hold you back. I love you so much more than I can even describe. So thankful for the privilege of being your mom.