Lokis. Rekopis profesora Wittembacha (1970)

I hope you accept I will refer Lokis. Rekopis profesora Wittembacha to the shorter and easier to remember title Lokis for the rest of the review? Of all the European countries often Poland made the most unusual genre productions during the Iron Curtain area. Maybe more dramas than genre, but often very interesting and thought-provoking. While the sci-fi's from the east block always been hailed as the best ever much less is said about their horror movies. Lokis is, like most of the others, a very slow-moving story set in the past...

Edmund Fetting plays the German Pastor Wittembach on his way through Estonia to do research about folklore. On a train he meets an old countress (Zofia Mrozowska) who invites him to her family castle. Her son, a young count (Józef Duriasz), is a pale man who acts odd, but is nice and polite to his guests. He seem to have an aversion against smaller animals and catches everyone he sees and puts them in cages. In the castle a doctor Froeber (Gustaw Lutkiewicz) takes care of the countess, going more and more mad. He tells the good pastor that among the villagers they believe that she got raped by a bear and that the young count is a werebear!

Oh, don't expect a raging werebear slaughtering people. This is very far from a traditional horror movie. It has horror themes, but is more of a wicked, dark drama, about a fucked-up family on the countryside. If you start watching this movie like one of Corman's Poe-movies, but with a big twist of social-realism and no special effects you won't be disappointed.

What's more interesting is how the atmosphere creeps up on you. You sense that there's something wrong all the time, but it's not until the last half hour characters gets darker and the ugly face of reality. I love how the pastors stays there even if he starts to hate the family and only cares about the rare books in their collection  and how the doctor gets more and more cynical, pretending nothing is wrong - but playing around with the family like the characters on a chess board.

The last minutes of the movie is the most eerily, with a doomed final scene - very sad and emotional. Both because it shows the cruelty of humanity and the how some people always seems doomed whatever they do. Brilliant stuff.

Lokis is a very Polish movie. The characters are very black, cynical and close to emotionally psychopathic - like all humans are deep inside, but without that Happy Happy Joy Joy-mask that I personally hate so much. The art of acting is very similar to the UK, with excellent performances down to the smallest supporting part. It's not about being a star, it's about telling a story - and the Polish never disappoints me there.

Lokis is not a movie for everyone, but if you're interested in a dark drama filled with dread and unhappy people in desolate castle on the countryside this might be something for you. It's out on DVD in Poland in a nice horror-box from KinoPolska - with English subs. They've actually released several fantastic box sets, all English friendly!

Army of Valhalla (2003)

Look at that cover? Let that title roll over your tongue and feel it: Army of Valhalla! Feels good, yeah? I'm a pro when it comes to understand the deal behind a cover and this is no exception. The original title is actually the easy to remember "Stara basn. Kiedy slonce bylo bogiem", a Polish historical drama from famous (and old) director Jerzy Hoffman. His speciality has always been epics, war movies and depictions of the Polish past. I'm a sucker for these kind of melodramas and I'm happy to tell that Army of Valhalla is one of his better offerings during later years.

The story is quite simple. An evil king, Popiel (Bogdan Stupka) wants to keep the throne and he'll do everything to get rid of opponents. He suppresses the people to that degree that they want him dead. But he's a clever little male-bitch and befriends the Vikings! They help him if they can loot the villages and rape the women, and of course he agrees. But the opposition is growing bigger... and the actions against him even more violent!

No, this is not a movie that breaks any new ground. Instead it's a standard story with a few stand-out ideas. For example, the Paganism is seen like something good and wise (even if director Hoffman throws in a text in the last frame before the credits that tells us that the new kings grand-grand-grand-grandson introduced Christianity in Poland - which feels quite silly to bring up, it's extremely unimportant for this story) and even some real supernatural stuff thrown in for good fun.

But what about that giant Viking on the front waving a huge motherf**king axe at people? Not so much of that, but they Vikings do their job for half an hour or so, until they loose the tiniest little battle EVER - and decides to take suicide while screaming "Odin!". But Vikings, battle and death always means violence and Army of Valhalla is a quite violent and graphic movie. Blood sprays everywhere, some chopped of heads, stabbings and just a lot of people getting killed everywhere. It's hardly Hollywood, but the realistic atmosphere and smaller settings makes it feel powerful and brutal. Not bad at all.

Don't expect anything special with Army of Valhalla, but it's a decent movie with a lot of bearded, dirty men screaming at each other, waving swords and worshipping ancient gods. That's actually enough for me.

Curse of Snakes Valley (1987)

Holy Batarang, baby! I've seen a lot from Poland, Soviet and the rest of these fantastic ex-communist countries, but I never thought I would see a Indiana Jones-rip off shot in Vietnam starring the manly hero from swedish action-classic The Ninja Mission, Krzysztof Kolberger! The original title is more catchy, Klatwa Doliny Wezy, but I will stick to Klatwa whenever I reference the title in the reviews. So you all know.

Krzysztof Kolberger plays Jan Tarnas, a professor in ancient asian writing. He works and teaches in Paris. One day the old ex-military Tarnas (Roman Wilhelmi) contacts him and shows a very rare document that he found in Vietnam in the fifties. The document hides another document, a treasure map, and together they go to Vietnam (I guess it's Vietnam, but in the end they also mention Thailand... so I have no idea)... followed by the curious female journalist Christine (Ewa Salacka, who died way to early in 2006 by a wasp-sting!), to find the cursed snake valley where the treasure is hidden. The problem is that the ancient document warns them of four dangers that will kill them if they don't do everything right...


This is really an amazing little movie, at least for us that like obscure european genre cinema. It's a almost to perfect combination between classic polish sci-fi and mystery and with a real Indiana Jones-movie. Kolbergers character is part Robert Langdon and part Henry Jones Jr, but most of the most dangerous stuff is left to the character Tarnas. The locations are glorious, and I would love to get some more info where they shot Klatwa. The hidden temple is under an old ancient temple up on a hill, with jungle all around it, which looks beautiful. In Europe the setting of Paris looks very fine, but Vietnam steals everything. The underground temple itself is a lovely set, right from an Indy-movie - with traps and all! One character even throws his hat and sets of a trap! We have laser-shooting statues, a big monster-snake and a cool surprise in the end of the trip.


The twist is actually quite original, though I don't understand everything of it. I can see the danger of this fourth thing... but it can also be a good thing for those that put it there. You'll have to see it yourself. Sure, the budget isn't that big, and some effects looks a bit hokey even by the standard of that time. But the overfall feeling of the story and quality of the production makes this a very nice little adventure-movie. It's also quite violent with some bloody squibs, rotting corpses (of course, this is a Indy-rip off!) and a buddhist monk with lethal throwing stars!

A movie I recommend, but try to get a good version of it. I had to watch a downloaded TV-rip, but I heard there's a DVD-release from Ruscico - but only with russian dub and no subtitles! So Let's all hope it will arrive in better, more english-friendly version soon.

On the Silver Globe (1988)

Okey, I've been sitting for fifteen minutes now staring at the monitor. Don't know how to put On the Silver Globe in words. Andrzej Zulawski started the production in 1976, got shut down by the government in 1978 and started to work again with it in 1986 and released it in 1988. It's based on his uncle, Jerzy Zulawski's books, and is a movie that is totally unique!

Three astronauts survives a crash on the dark side of the moon. The discover a big sea, forests and endless deserts. They can breath and slowly manages to survive, stranded in this strange place. Together they create a new, inbreed, society on the moon. They created new gods and demons and starts to worship them. Many years later one of them sends out a small rocket back to earth with years of footage, and earth sends an astronaut to examine what really happen. When he arrives he soon becomes a human god, a christ-figure, who leads a rebellion against the other occupants of the moon: the Sherns, a winged race of bird-like creates that only communicates telepathically...

This is a small fraction about the movie. It dosen't do it justice really. Almost the first hour of the movie is a classic found footage-movie (much like Cannibal Holocaust or Blair Witch), but spanning over at least fifty years. It looks fantastic, and the locations are huge. Deserts, sea, mountains - it feels dreamy and almost unrealistic, though it's there for everyone to see. We're watching this new society getting more and more advanced in their new religion, weird rituals and also getting more bloodthirsty. One the astronauts he moving back and forth between this new way of life and the realistic way of seeing it. And it's also him that finally sends the footage back to earth.

Because the movie never was finished, Zulawski himself narrates unrelated footage of "todays" Poland, explaining whats happening. He tells fantastic things and it's a pity it was never filmed. But somehow it works to, especially in the end which get's very powerful only listening to Zulawskis final instructions and seeing his reflection in a window.

Yes, it's arty. But it's never boring, though it can be very dialogue-heavy and... may I saw pretentious? But I like that, and as long they have something interesting to say that's fine with me. The visuals is never boring, and they use some amazing places. The last part of the movie is shot in the Salt Mine Wieliczka, something that looks like a big deserted polish old city and in some cool post-apocalyptic ruins. Zulawski is Zulawski and spreads a nice layer of very bizarre images all over the movie to. From big orgy-scenes (it's a lot of nudity in this movie), people impaled in the ass with huge poles and a lot of beautiful surreal images of rituals, life, death, nature, "Sherns" and everything else inbetween.

I watched over the course of two days, because it's a lot to analyze. I won't go into symbolism and the religious and political themes, because a lot of other people have done that. But I tell ya: watch it and see for yourself...

Polska Smierc (1995)

"Every country get's the murders it deserves"

A cynical policeman complains that when the US have murders with beautiful women and fast cars, the polish murders are with ordinary women and motorbikes. Polska Smierc, or Polish Death, is a polish tv-drama from 1995. A dark, black and slow story about Osso (and excellent Cezary Pazura) who finally meets the girl (Agnieszka Pilaszewska) of his dreams and get's involved in a serial killer case. There's just one problem: The girl is a cynical mean bitch who only cares about her own business and probably is a serial killer!

It's a bleak and funny look at a depressing polish society where people are so lonely that they stand in line to confess to be the killer. Osso is an expert in death, and studies litterature about how to die in proper way, which get's the police interested quite soon - both as a suspect and an expert. He's also very kind. To kind. He helps all the people in the house, everything from watching the children to wake up the old russian man who hypnotizes himself by mistake every night. The comedy is dry (and so are the murders), but over all it's an excellent and funny production. 

There's a discussion if the people that get's killed maybe deserves what's coming to them. The only thing these people are doing is complaining and whining about life... so soon even the police understands the murder. But when the killer is starting to kill random people around Osso, it's a clear understanding that someone want's him for him- or herself. So though it's a mystery, the ending is cryptic and sudden, and it's fits perfect in a movie about a subject that really dosen't have any answers. 

Of course it's not out on dvd, as usual with good tv-movies. Especially one from Poland. But if you find it some other way, take a chance!