Not good enough

Denying this feeling because i'm not good enough. God take away this affection i have towards him and place someone better in his life please 

Karma

This evening, I was out with my mother for coffee. She told me everything that was bothering her and basically it was almost all about my dad. 

I always thought my dad has changed for the better, and I still do. But today, I’m really disappointed with my dad. I always thought my dad would think about this family more. He said that he would find a job and help to support this family. However, he didn’t. I always wanted to repaint my room, get new furniture that I like as everything in my room now is basically what my parents chose for me when I was young. 

On our way home, we saw this father shouting at his daughter in public, which caught many’s attention. When I saw that, a sudden image swept through my head. It was an image of my past. How my dad use to shout and hit me in public which made me very embarrassed and ashamed. I was reminded of how badly my dad treated me in the past. 

When my mum saw, she told me this: “That father will have his karma in the future.” Yes. KARMA. 

Do you believe in Karma? I do. 

The word Karma came to my head, and so I wondered. My family used to better financially, but because of my dad, we weren’t as rich as before anymore. And I believe this is my dad’s karma. However, I’ve realized something too. My dad dragged my whole family along with him when karma hit him. I believe my mum deserves so much better. She’s the strongest woman I’ve known, she put others in front of herself. She gives without expecting anything back. She forgives people even when people don’t apologize. 

One thing I’ve observed and learnt today: 
When karma hits you, you’re not the only one who suffers, you’re loved ones will be pulled down with you, even if it’s not intentionally.

Father.

I need you. 

Hang in there

Things are gonna get tougher but hang in there, Hui Ting. 

Burden

Things have been hard for me lately. I'm both mentally and physically tired. I've been so busy and I have less than 5 hours of sleep almost everyday. I'm really trying my best to put up a smile everyday despite all my problems I have but for some friends who could see through me and asked me why, I'm just really too tired to even explain myself and all I would say is I'm fine. 

What is this

Nobody will ever understand how I feel now and neither do I want anyone to understand me. 

Whatever, I shall just pray and sleep. Night.