One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it.

Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart. Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, “Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - how could he say his heart was more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man’s heart and saw its state and laughed. “You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

“Yes,” said the old man, “yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges — giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

Ok, this post is here because i don't like the feeling of being shot in the dark and die without knowing why. Somehow i feel that i'm being seen as a back-stabber or some psychopath who is attention-deficient who tinks too much.

Well, if you tink i tink too much, then i tink you tink too much.


Here's the thing. We had dinner. Wf told me abt the other points of view. It is no bitching session. Its just PART (geddit, part) of wad we chatted abt. Ok, here's my point of view. Whether you see this or not, i dun care.

It's true that i was unhappy over some stuff during the tw trip but to me that was never an issue. What's more, a few days after the trip, i went for a camp. I had great fun. I can't wait to embrace my new life out there waiting for me. So do you seriously tink i still remember wad the hell happened? So i never rly raise this issue up with anyone.


Ok, But when you go out with someone and this person ask you directly in your face or someone called you and asked you specially: What did you think of your trip? Do you tink its fun?

So how am i to answer?

Hem and haw thru the ENTIRE convo? Or only say how smashing and fantastic the whole thing was when you dun rly tink so?

Well, i suck at lying and i see no need why i need to. And in a conversation, you just talk. Well, so i just said how i feel.

Simple as that.


And if you tink that the whole chups issue is a breach of trust, well, here's wad happened. I admit, when i first heard about all the crap abt how bad a person chups was, how she bad mouthed me, i totally buy it. I mean, its convincing. It's abt ME! So i took part in agreeing that chups was perhaps not that trustable. My opinion of chups changed. I admit. I'm not afraid to say so. I did not like chups at that point of time. I did talk abt you chups.
(sorry, chups (:)

But there's TWO sides to a coin. After some days, i thought abt it and i couldn't just agree with the mere testimonials of someone else. I mean, i don't like grey areas. To me, it's either white or black. It's either i like you or i don't. I'm sorry if i seem inflexible, but that's the way i am. I can see you for everyday for 5 days and i still can't remember your name or i can know you for a long time but still can't get your eye-candy right. Well, sorry, i can't really bother, you just don't interest me that much. On the other hand, there are pple whom i want to know what you've been up to and keep in touch with you and your life.


So to get rid of this grey area, i clarified with chups whether she did bad-mouthed me before behind my back. Well, and just like wad normal logical adults do, i asked, i got an answer. And yep, she's innocent. Even maybe she did say smth unpleasant but it's not with malice. And surely, such an act is not that unforgivable. So i enquired her abt the whole matthew issue, i need to know what is her point of view. I need to know what kind of person she really is if i'm to remain a friend of hers. So mainly, wf, chups and me met up for dinner. And that's all. There is no any clandestine meeting sessions to tok abt anything. Anyway, after i heard her side of story, i gave mine. Which is what i had heard abt her.

All i gave was an account of what i heard. If you tink that makes me a back-stabber, fine! that's ok. There was no malice nor slander in wad i said. I can swear upon my heart, my life, as well as the lives of pple whom i hold more dear than my own which are my parents, sis and dog that i did not say anything bad or demeaning untruths abt anyone. I despise hypocritical pple who bad-mouthed others and I AM FONG MIN YI, NOT SOME LOW LIFE-FORM who spends all my time talking abt other pple. So if you're such a scum, well to quote: get out of my elite uncaring face.

Seriously, i've much better stuff to do than harp on old stuff and talk about you. I'm busy handling SIX kids tuitions, while going to hk and camps, while trying to meet up with friends and family. It's not easy, i tell you. My tutee's moms send me emails asking for a lesson plan. I machiam haf to work out a proposal. They demand results. If i can't show any, i'm out. And my mom's been giving me shit on why i'm not at home for dinner 6 days out of the entire week.

Well, so after i gave a fair and unbiased account of what i heard, I HAF NO CONTROL OVER WHAT OTHERS TINK OR FEEL OR WHAT THEY WILL SAY OR HOW THEY WILL REACT!!

I'm a human. Not god. Geddit?


When i heard abt how some old zhss pple ask abt this, i'm like wtf?! I din even tell anything to my grp of zhss frens. If my speech alone can sway so many other grown-ups capable of their own thinking, well, then i must say, i'm rly proud. ha. I shld start persuading others to vote me to be the next prom queen.



Ok, I admit i may have not have handled everything in the best possible way. Or that i may haf talk or wrote stuff without tinking properly and without tinking of the consequences. But honestly, i din tink that far far off. Its like wth!

I'd forgotten and put down the entire issue. Wad's the issue by the way? I couldn't rly tink of any. Then until a few days ago, wf suddenly decided to come clean with plyn. Isa and i were horrified. Why bring things up again? Ok, but i accept that they will be seeing each other very often so i respect her decision. Just say wadever you want and do as you deem fit.


So they had an amiable woman to woman talk, from wad i heard. Becos there were some stuff which were supposed to be sworn to secrecy was revealed. Like wth! secrecy my foot! blah! tok abt breach of trust! Then wf spent 1 hour persuading me telling me that she's done her best and now it's my turn. Ok, i dun really understand wad's going on at that point of time so i tried to set things straight, i tried to patch things up and make everything right again.


I sent the email. I sent it with sincerity and with goodwill. WITH HOPE. WITH FAITH! I sent it because i care because i value this friendship. And NOT out of some guilty conscience or wadever. Damn it! I spent a whole damn load of effort on it. It has a theme some more sia... LOTR! my favourite show man, but apparently, that was worthless to some's eyes. Even the email begged to be replied, but unfortunately it was too worthless to be even acknowledged. Basic courtesy anyone? Just for your info, i checked my inbox after i woke up, after i had lunch, before i had dinner, after i had dinner and before i sleep. I checked my phone every 30 mins. This cycle continued until monday night. When i got a reply thru wf. Guess wad, sms are rly expensive nowadays, typing proved to be too mentally exhausting.


But that's ok. I can accept that. So i ate more humble pie and send a heartfelt sms worth 4 msgs. I need a closure. I couldn't keep hearing stuff from a filtered source. I was tinking if stuff cld get settled by that day, things cld go back to before. We cld go biz rag tgr. It'd be good to know some pple before sch starts. But yeah, i was stupid. I was foolish enough to tink that perserverance will get you somewhere.



Ok, that's good, i got a closure worth a few words.



Please get this right. There is absolutely no need for me to try so hard at all. I did not need anything from you. I owe no one nothing. I did everything out of goodwill, with sincerity and with hope. I am ready to accept different opinions, to admit my mistakes, to apologise, to eat humble pie. But if in your opinion, even after knowing me for a long time, you tink i'm just some low-life back-stabbing scum, well, good for you. I haf nothing to say. It's your own decison. I respect that. Time will show. This post is to set the record straight, to satisfy my desire to leave the black/grey area.

I'll never comment on anything about this ever ever again. Because, i don't really need all these shit. I haf spent enough tears and pain on all these. Because I haf done my best. I haf done more than what i should and what i wanted when nobody cared about this. Do you tink i'm not tired? I haf put this down so many times only to see things get raked up over again and again. I'm utterly sick of being the one who keeps trying when there is no need for me to. So this marks the end.


This blog was started back in j1 and lasted till now. This blog shall die. Because a part of me died today. There will be a new one. I'll post the address up shortly. I'm sorry this post has to be so depressing. I haf lots of happy things, meetings with great pple, gg to sch, hafing fun, 21st parties, fantasizing abt my own 21st bday party, lol, stuff going on in my life which i haven't blog abt. I'll post them in the new blog. Yep.


Good day and Good bye.

It's like pulling off the scab of an old wound and letting it bleed afresh.

It hurts. All i need is a closure.

Selfish Jean





HAHAHA! THIS IS FUNNY! TRAVIS NEW ALBUM, I SO TOTALLY DIG IT.


Cheers
Thanks for everything
You hung me out by my heart
You’re just so selfish jean
Yes you are

Hey you
Threw it all away
By holding everything in

Kancheong spider

That's what i am. I tink i'll die of KANCHEONG-NESS! if there is such a thing. I rushed home to bathe and i'm damn pro, everything done in under 20mins! Then the stupid shuttle bus left at 5:26 when it is suppossed to leave at 5:30!


^#@$&&^$&^%#%$&

It left just as i was RUSHING to reach it. Even more $$@$^*&^%%#!

Ok, then bun msg me so dinner=? so i walked back home, come online while waiting for daddy to come home to fetch me, TRIED very hard to communicate with 2 persons in PAIN!! lol! kancheong, cos' cannot reach a decision, they keep telling me abt pain. lol! ok, then dinner on again. Ok, i'm ready to go, then mel msg me, hall rag tonight! some auditions thingy which i haf no idea what is going on abt!

Kancheong again!


Ahhhhhhhhh!!


Eeeks! i'm so not looking forward to tomolo! 5 grps of tuition tomolo! Like OMG!! The good thing is that its all 2 mins walk from my house. But i'm LOSING my voice! What with yesterday's kbox with chickies! which for the first time in my life, i sang so much. haha. I haf a very sexxaay voice now, with the occasional high pitch off tune. lol!


Tomolo = :'(

Tuition! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

BUT I'M GOING TO EAT THE NEW CHEESE FONDUE PIZZA TOMOLO WITH LIANS!!

HAHHAHAHAA! can't wait!!

Bye bye, off to rag now! (:

This is more difficult than chinese


After several permutations and combinations, i finally remembered my frenster account password. HAHA! yeah, loser, i know. Was kinda bored, and saw quite a few friend requests so i thought, why not? Oh, guess how many frens i've got on frenster??


LOL!

FOUR!!

powerful eh??


Ha, this is a really complicated system. Anyway, erm... i just spent 1 hr figuring how to delete pics after uploading some. And another hour trying to accept friend requests. Yes, noob, so shoot me! So, just add me, before i fry my brain trying to learn how to invite a friend.


This is like so wadever sia. Ha!

ISADORA ZHONG PEISAN,


CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I AM SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!

LOL!!

yAy!! YOU DID IT MAN!! THAT'S MY DAUGHTER SIA!! YES!! HOORAY!!

Throat suicide!!!


Guess what i did today??

guess, guess!! Bet you can't!

LOL! I SLEPT till 1pm, had breakfast, then i realise i got nothing to do, got bored, so i went back to SLEEP, woke up for dinner and guess wad ltr... yeshhh... SLEEP!!

Nice. Anyway, tink i'm falling sick too. :( And i'm commiting throat suicide now. Bahahaha. (sounds like spongebob laughter, eh?) Bahahha! I'm eating van houten with extra cocoa now together with my sore-throat. While watching csi and blogging and msn. Talk abt multi-tasking. Bahaha.

Anyway, yesterday was a happy day. (:

Had great company from dear old lu. Transformers is awesome! Like so cool man, all the gadgets changing into a robot. If i'm a transformer, i want to be......

A WASHING MACHINE!!


Bahahaha, i've no idea why though. I tink washing machines are cool. Bahahha! Anyway, dunno why, we decided to eat sizzler. I tink its me. Bahhaha, so we ended up travelling to toa payoh for dinner. And she's nice enough to pei me take 804 home. (:


Wheeeee, great week ahead! can't wait! (: