skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I just need to put this in words for you and myself. My dad passed on today around 12:40 p.m. today. He decided that he couldn't do it anymore and went quickly. Last night mom went to sleep around midnight and dad woke her up around 2:30 a.m. because he just didn't feel good. Mom asked him if he wanted to go to the E.R. and he asked her if they'd have to put an I.V. in him, she told him Yes. So he said no way, he wasn't going. His heart was racing like crazy and he just didn't feel right. She tried to get his medication in him, but it was difficult and it didn't help at all when he finally was able to take it. At 6:30 a.m. mom asked dad if he wanted Matt to give him a blessing and all dad could say was "Hurry". Matt gave him a blessing and he was restfull afterwards. A few hours later a good family friend, Doug S. came over to check on them and dad wanted to move over to his chair. Doug told us that with the two of them, he didn't feel like they could move him that far and asked dad if he could help them get him to the chair. Dad wasn't really responsive at that point but, according to Doug, by the power of angels they were able to move him to his chair. From there he just went fast. He didn't respond at all anymore and his breaths became farther and farther between. Mom finally looked at him and told him to do what he thought he needed to do. After that they took off his oxygen and he was gone within 2 minutes. Very quickly, quietly and peacefully.....just like he always wanted. Mom really thinks that he left before that and that his body was still running to give her time to accept it and let go. Words cannot even begin to express the grief that I feel in my heart. Hopefully through the days and weeks that follow I will be able to find the words. I am so grateful for all of our family and friends who have prayed for us and continue to do so. Again, words will never quite express my gratitude. Thank you all so much!I am so grateful for the knowledge that I will get to see my dad again someday. I know that he is in a better place and that he doesn't hurt anymore. I know that he's still close by and always will be. For those who want to know, the viewing will be Sunday night at 5:00 p.m. at Flamm funeral home in Rexburg. The funeral is Monday at 11:00 p.m. at the church by my parent's house. If you want more info, let me know.Again, Thank You all so much for your love and concern! I love you all!!
Dad went to the Dr. yesterday and they ended up taking out his trach. I think we're all grateful for that because it has just caused more grief than it did any good. Now he's left with a big hole in his throat. Most people will heal around it and their skin will grow back to kind of close it up so the hole isn't as big, but not Dad. The skin around it is so sick from the tumor that it hasn't healed around there at all. He's pretty frustrated with the whole situation. He hasn't been able to sleep very well and neither has mom. Hopefully with the trach out they'll both be able to ge some rest. He can't talk, but I can still understand him.....the fire is still there! ;) I still just can't believe how quickly things have gone downhill with him. 2 weeks ago things were still okay. He could talk and move around and do things. Yeah, he got tired faster than he used to, but he was still Dad. Now, it's just so different. He's lost over 60 lbs in the last couple of months, he can't talk except for a little whisper every now and then....and that takes some effort. It's just really hard to watch him slip away from us. Granted, there is still that fire in him. He can still get worked up about certain things and he still has that great smile. I just love him so much! At this point and time, if he really makes it days past the New Year I will be surprised. I'm so thankful for the Hospice Nurses who come in every day to check on him and mom. I know it really helps my mother and calms her worries to know that there is someone there who knows what they are doing and can answer her questions. Although she is pretty efficient helping dad with what needs to be done anymore. I just want to say "Thank You!" again to all of you! We all can feel the power of your prayers and love. I also wish so much that you(and I) could do something to help, but unfortunately there's really nothing that anyone can do.....except pray for us, continue to be great family and friends that we can go to to talk to, cry or laugh with or just to be with one another. Thank you all so much for your love and support! I revel in it! May you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I really want to tell Gary Happy Birthday! His birthday was yesterday and I was running around too much to get on here. I know he'll probably never read this, but I want everyone else to know how much I love and appreciate this man of mine. He is such a kind hearted, hard workin', pain in my butt kind of guy that will never grow up, yet is wise beyond his years. We've been married for almost 12 years now and it just almost surreal. All the ups and downs and ins and outs I wouldn't trade for anything or anyone. I love him, I love him, I love him! Now a quick update on dad. I went to the hospital on Tuesday with Joe and Em to see Dad for a little bit. We were only there about 15 minutes and the kids were restless and wanted to get some lunch and go to Grandma's house. Dad couldn't talk at all because of the trach, but he could still get his point across. He told Emma that he thought her hair looked really cute. We crimped it and pulled a little back. He liked her boots. Joe had fun kinda bouncing on the bed and making it move up and down underneath him. Dad was pretty upset about not being able to go home yet. He had a few choice words and gestures about it.....it was a good thing he couldn't "say" it out loud! The fire is definitely still there....but it doesn't take much to wear him out. He was really tired because he didn't get much sleep the night before. They had trouble with the trach and so he can't lay down at all or else he can't breathe. Since the surgery he's had to stay in an upright position. It's really hard to watch him. Luckily he's at home now where he can at least be in a comfortable recliner to rest and relax in. Today he'll go into the Dr.'s office for them to put a different trach end on. The one that's in is too heavy for where they had to put it and it's falling out. The Dr. will put in a softer, light-weight one for him and he'll be able to go straight back home. For now things are okay. We are so grateful for all the love and prayers. Everyone keeps asking me if there is anything they could do, I wish I could give them an answer or I wish there was something they could do. Unfortunately there really isn't anything any of us can do, but pray and be thankful for the time that we do have with this amazingly wonderful man. The only thing I can really do is savour and enjoy what time I have with my dad. This will be a Christmas we all remember forever.
Dad made it through his surgery in pretty good shape. It was a little difficult, but not in the way they expected it. The Dr.'s did both the trach and inserted a tube in his stomach, but they were more worried about the tube in the stomach. Too make it the easiest surgery for Dad, to put the tube in the stomach they put a scope down his throat and insert it that way. With the way his throat has been obstructed they were worried it may not work very well and that they might have to open him up to actually get the tube in there. It turned out not to even be a problem. The scope went right in. They had a harder time getting the trach done because of the tumor. The surgeon said that it was the hardest one that he'd ever done before, but he knew that it had to be done, so he forged ahead and was able get it done beautifully. Dr. Dixon is making Dad stay at the hospital until Wednesday so that he can really learn to breathe with the trach and give Mom and Dad good instructions on how to clean and care for it. I know that Heavenly Father is listening to your prayers and has guided the hands of the wonderful Dr.'s to give my Dad this little bit of precious time with us. We are all SO grateful for all of you and your love and concern. Every time I tell Dad about all the prayers and well wishes from you he tears up and gets all emotional, which gets the rest of us going too. He is such of strong man of faith! I love him so much. When we were told that this was it, and it was just him, myself, Gary and Mom in the room, we were all crying and he looks at us and tells us that he isn't crying for himself, but for us. He knows that he'll be taken care of better than any of us can even imagine. He's at peace with it all. I know that since he got his diagnosis he has been preparing himself and he's ready. He just wants it to be as easy as possible for the rest of us. I can barely read this through the tears running down my face! So, I'll leave it here for now. I just want to tell you all again, Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! It really helps bring peace to my heart and soul to hear from you or read your heartfelt sympathies. I love you all!
There is just too much to catch up on that I'm not even going to try right now. My life is just too busy. I really just wanted to let everyone know about my dad. Dad's cancer has taken a turn for the worse. He wasn't doing really great on Thursday. He was coughing a lot, couldn't drink liquids and he couldn't talk more than just a whisper. He went in for his scan on Friday morning and late that afternoon the Dr. called and told him to head up to the E.R. right away. What they found in the scan is a tumor that has wrapped itself around his esophogus, in between it and his voicebox. He's had a hard time swallowing because it's made his esophogus about the size of a ball point pen in diameter. His cancer has also gotten bigger and spread and he has fluid around his heart. Gary and I were at the hospital when Dr. Dixon came in to talk to Dad. Basically they are going to do what will make him the most comfortable, because the cancer is just so aggressive, that there is no way to keep up with it. Dad told Dr. Dixon that he just wanted to make it to the new year.....Dr. Dixon is pretty confident that he can do that for him. But anything much past that will be up to our Father in Heaven. It would just be band-aid after band-aid, and Dad always said from the beginning that he would do what he could, but would rather have quality time over quantity. So, today he's going in for surgery to have a trach put in. This is a precaution in case the tumor grows enough to cover his wind pipe. This way when he is home and can't breathe in the middle of the night a few weeks, that he can uncap it and still be able to breathe. Because of the size of his esophogus they are putting a tube in his stomach so that he can still get fluids, nutrition and medication to be comfortable in the little time that he has with us. If all goes well with the surgery, he should be able to come home tonight. I will try to keep everyone updated as best as I can. I love all of you and am so grateful for your love and support. I'll let you know how his surgery goes. Thank You!
