so, in the past few months i have managed to wrangle not one, but TWO new jobs and to maintain employment at not two, but ONE of them :( yes, i was fired. i had never been fired before because of my personal performance, only laid off or left willingly, so this was a real blow to the old ego. although the longer i ruminate on it the more i make peace with it, or at least that's what i'm telling myself. their parting words to me were that i have a great personality and a great work ethic but my attention to detail was not what the job required. and good luck to me.
fair enough.
the good part about being fired is that it provides the perfect moment for an old-fashioned, no holds barred life evaluation. i definitely had to come to terms with certain insecurities and the fact that maybe i didn't do my best and i should take more pride in my work or whatever i do, even if it's not particularly interesting. it's still work that has my name on it and i want to be proud of what i'm doing everyday. also, i am coming to see it as a second chance to find work that is better suited for me and that i would enjoy more. and realizing that i'm not a failure, i'm just not awesome at everything. and when i do fail, it doesn't mean that i'm incompetent. it means i am an imperfect person. and that is ok and that is normal.
and here is where i pull the old LDS blog trick on you and give some scriptural insight about all this.
we've all heard the scripture in matthew 5:48: "be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." i read this once and followed the footnote reference to where it explains that "perfect" should be interpreted to mean: complete, finished, fully developed. this was really comforting to me and reminded me that perfection will take a lifetime and probably some afterlife to achieve. i is still kind AND smart AND important.
secondly, of all the people to receive life's hardest blows, wouldn't Job be the poster child? after he loses his wealth, health, home, family and friends he still has the faith to say in Job 13:15 - "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." that is pretty profound. i only lost an ok job, so i'm good.
lastly, i've been thinking a lot about how moses and probably joseph smith and a lot of other prophets questioned their callings from the Lord and said like moses did, "i am not eloquent but I am slow of speech." i feel like this a lot but i know that with the Savior's help i am capable of great things.
that is all. and sorry for the novel. but before i go,
in other news, i starting volunteering with charlottesville's SARA (sexual assault resource agency) to work on their hotline. we are still in training mode so i go to meetings for that twice a week. i pass my old work building on the way and i have been giving it the middle finger as i drive by but i am slowly growing out of that.
in other great news, william and i celebrated easter and his grandma lucy's 80th birthday party this past weekend in wadesboro, NC. it was super fun and great to be around our family. pictures forthcoming.
