Saturday, December 12, 2009

it's almost christmas

really, it's beginning to look like it. everywhere. winter is upon us, like on top of us, and kind of suddenly actually, and i feel like this semester has flown and pretty soon i'll be entering what should have been my last semester at college if i were more on top of things. it's wild!
things have been kind of weird/stressful lately but i'm starting to normal out again. it's a relief that classes are over but i'll miss them and i'm not ready to start anew at all. i kind of love exam week though. even though it's nuts. it's worth it for that free feeling at the end of it all when you crash from exhaustion in the airport on the way home to all things comfortable. I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! this girl needs to be home for a lil bit.
and today was good for me. here's what i did:
- alarm rang at 7:15ish. lately i have been putting it across the room, and i get out of bed, get it, and climb back into bed with it without really realizing the consequences. i've hit that new low. so i wake up at 8:40ish and i was supposed to meet bb and alicia for breakfast bagels at 9. so i brushed my teeth and put pants on and walked over there in the fresh new powder. everything was so bright white. it was beautiful.
- dutch apple bagel with schmear and OJ
- walked home with bb
-tried to study for a little bit. got into a groove with my chem homeworks just before i had to go to work. TB was at our house and he gave me a ride to provs libary
- work 2-6. merlinda picked me up and we went to my ward christmas social for FREE PIZZA!!! it was delish. and we had baclava! crazy party.
- then we did a brief jaunt at provo town centre looking for christmas presents. i couldn't focus. i would have rather gone to savers truthfully but it was a fine time either way.
-then home. made some vegan brownies real quick before me and carol ann and maila got all dressed up for a mocktails party. i felt good about it. i know a lot of good people right now, with a lot of potential for being better friends. it's been good for me.
- now home. THUPER tired. on the blarg.
tomorrow is the christmas program so the choir will finally see some action! i have a little trio number to practice for tomorrow morning so i should sleep soon. i am pooped. and i have a ton to do and i'm nervous about exams but hopefully all will pan out well.
what a day/night/life. trying my best to chill. my brain says no but my body says no too! just two more weeks...
i'll be okay.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

ic


watched this movie last night , "megane" at international cinema last night with friends rachel, becca, joe. it was beautiful but kind of boring. just sayin. made me want to sit on the beach with a big bowl of shaved ice. yeahhhh.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

inventory oct 13

bad thing:
1) i read and studied all day long about androgens and antigens and males and females and who's more altruistic but maybe not and then i still epically failed this test for my psychology of gender class. i felt so confident! and then i was so wrong! i did so badly that i was not just disappointed i was shocked and i'm hoping there was some sort of mistake and i'm going to ask my professor. that's how bad.

good things:
1) my roommate breanna left me a can of soda on my bed that i found when i got home that said thank you for being a great roommate. it was raspberry lemonade.
2) my roommate whitney made me banana pecan pancakes for dinner. they were waiting on the counter when i got home.
3) i got 2 letters from william today, one with 3 letters in it that were old, that kept getting sent back to him, AND 1 picture of him and toelupe
4) i checked out some books of poetry tonight: dickinson, graham, william carlos williams, saul williams.

and now i'll read wordsworth, the old testament, and lay me down to sleep. what a day.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

oh yeah

did i mention that i met iron and wine? in late august, i got off work and went up to salt lake for their summer concert series. it was so so crowded and there were a billion too many people there because it was free, BUT he was wonderful, and the best part was not even the show although the show was really magical, it was before the show when carol ann, i, and two gentlemen were walking up to the show after parking, and i spotted him across the street and said "you guys, i'm sure that's him". he was having a quick smoke outside of a bar across the street. and the two unnamed gentlemen didn't believe it so they continued on (to some quikmart?) while carol ann and I crossed the street and had the nicest talk with sam beam. i was really nervous. i was SO nervous. this is pretty much how the conversation went, if memory serves:

ca: hi. (shakes hands) i'm carol ann.
me: hi, my name's lauren. (i pointed to my chest instead of shaking hands. IDIOT)
sb: hi, it's very nice to meet you both.
... something something, it came up that i'm from virginia....
me: oh yeah, and i uhh....i was researching you....uhh before i came and i read that you used to go to VCU.
sb: yeah, i did. i lived in oregon hill.
me: when were you there?
sb: umm...'92 to '96 i believe.
me: oh. yeah...i was tiny baby then.
....and it ended with well wishes and we said we were excited about the show and we left.

i was sad that we didn't take a picture with him but carol ann was proud of us for not being annoying. which speaks to how much cooler carol ann is than i am, because i just wanted proof for my progeny that it actually happened. this blarg will have to do. anyway, it was a cool night, and definitely a highlight of the summer. i miss you already, summer.

watch this when you're really longing for the good ol' dog days.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

today

today i ran a mile without stopping or hating it. it was great!
i rode bikes with my friend lori. we peeked in at the goodies in provo bakery.
i washed a blanket loaned to me so many months from daniel-san.
i worked from 12-6. i felt very tired. i got some relationship advice from rachel/rivka. i felt enlightened.
i ate some grits with honey.
i worked on some chemistry homework.
i prepped my RS lesson for tomorrow.
i am about to get ready for bed.

today i felt : happy, proud of myself, energized, loved, hungry, very tired, introspective, bored, ugly and pretty!, grateful, lonely, blessed, ...tired again. i need to sleep. sorry this blog is SOOOO BORINGGGG

Monday, August 10, 2009

i climbed to the almost top of this

this is mount timpanogos. i went on a whim with my roommate carol ann and friends. we started at the base at midnight and got to the top at a quarter to 6 am, about? when i say top i mean some people went all the way up, but i reached a point (at the almost top i would add) when i did not feel bad about not continuing any further. so i sat, enjoyed the view, got a short cry in, and then it was freezing. luckily two nice men came and asked if i would like to continue to walk slowly between them, for my own safety. they were nice and i met up with the group again and started back down happily. i stopped talking after about 3 hours so as not to say anything irritable/hateful to anyone. The hike took 9 hours. needless to say, MY BODY HURT.

i am still recovering as i ate a popsicle and some chips for dinner beforehand and i barely exercise. it was beautiful though and i'm glad i can say i did it now.

other things are good. just sent a package to william including tape/pix/werther's. felt good about it.

also yesterday was a beautiful, peaceful sunday. ate some delicious ratatouille. laughed. held baby mosaea.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

boop boop booooo

it is a comfortable BILLION degrees right now because the swamp cooler did me a favor and set up camp in the farthest away room from where i sleep. i am making do. and when i say that i mean sleeping nekkid tonight.

work is alright. yesterday-pioneer day-we caught up a lot without any bothersome patrons in the way and even got free pizza and donuts! and water. because we're HEALTHY OKAY. also for a vegetarian i accidentally eat meat a lot. and sometimes on purpose if i'm real hungrylazy. but this time yesterday on the pizza was an accident. i do want to bebetter about that. i might be well on my way to feeding a vegan for the rest of mylife? what then? so i got a recipe book out tonight when i left. i'm starting with cupcakes and working my way down.

speaking of being veg4lyfe reminds me of when i was at home recently and my mom, out of the goodness of heart, made a special vegetarian lasagna for me so i could feel full like the others. and she was careful to show everyone my pan and "don't eat that one" "this one's got the meat in there". so i preeshiated that. UNTIL I CUT INTO MINE AND IT WAS FULL OF BEEF. and then she had some 'splainin to do. and then "i had to use up the rest of my meat sauce!"and it was all for naught. BUT i forgive her and venerate her effort. she did have sweet intentions. and she did give birth to me in conjunction with a complimentary steak dinner deal at the hospital. so it was prob in the stars for me anyway.

outsideofthat, the space bar sticks. and also feelingwell but kind of weird lately. roommates are gone visiting whiterney bush and i am here working. went to a real salt lake soccer game with melinda and rando boys last night. it was fun. they shot off fireworks after and it was beautiful.
me and meagan are singing in church tomorrow too so i'm real nervous but hope i sound ok.

so tired. need sleep but so hot and so much on the brain.

also it has been a hot minute since i wrote on here.

things on the brain since may:
- family. i have a great family. need them around.
- worried about meagan lindsey lincoln mom dad maribeth grandma melinda william maderin me
-how many months out now? what i have been doing?
-work work work. money inthe bank
-read a book already.done!
-i still want to go to france
-open yourmind! strategize! create! be,man, be!

i read 2 books recently actually: The Color Purple and The Diaries of Adam and Eve:

"wheresoever she was, there was eden"

"But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which i was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything, not separate at all. i knew that if i cut a tree, my arm would bleed. and i laughed and cried and i run all around the house...when it happen, you can't miss it."

"...praise God by liking what you like"

good grief. must sleep. goodnight.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

dream

last night i had a dream that i was eating at a low-lit restaurant (that just recently had been a grocery store?) and a couple came up to me with papers in hand asking if i was myself. they had a story i had written with characters: Juan Rodriguez, and a woman (can't recall the name) and were trying to find me because the story i wrote exactly described their real lives!

weird.

also, i woke up at a brisk 10:45. really need to get on top of that.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

lyfe

pros of late:
- i'm really enjoying all my classes: intro to women's studies, poly dance, and stained glass.
- i like my job. even if it's boring sometimes. i see all the latest books! i'm always in the know!
- i am teaching relief society tomorrow. i'm branching.
- i have my own room for the first and maybe only time in my life. it feels great. i have my own space. i can throw my clothes wherever. i can toot around. it's the best.

cons of late:
- hurt a heart while being dumb.
- still with the zits.
- watched 'music and lyrics' last night.
- i have had 'frozen river' out from my netflix forever now. no one wants to watch it with me! i'm going to cancel it.

other than that, things are good. i'm in the library working because my laptop is dead. i just saw a girl i met freshman year because she had a uva hat on. i had asked her about it, she was dating a boy at uva, and i was too! it was wild. now, wilder, she's married to not that guy, i'm hanging out, and one boy who might not have been in LA, is. life is weird. but also great.

i'm excited to be a bridesmaid for rach.

i'm excited to go home!

90! grandma!

Friday, April 10, 2009

sermon on love*

"Let me tell you about love, that silly word you believe is about whether you like somebody or whether somebody likes you or whether you can put up with somebody in order to get something or someplace you want or you believe it has to do with how your body responds to another body like robins or bison or maybe you believe love is how forces or nature or luck is benign to you in particular not maiming or killing you but if so doing it for your own good.
"Love is none of that. There is nothing in nature like it. Not in robins or bison or in the banging tails of your hunting dogs and not in blossoms or suckling foal. Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God.
"You do not deserve love regardless of the suffering you have endured. You do not deserve love because somebody did you wrong. You do not deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn - by practice and careful contemplation - the right to express it and you have to learn how to accept it. Which is to say you have to earn God. You have to practice God. You have to think God - carefully. And if you are a good and diligent student you may secure the right to show love. Love is not a gift. It is a diploma. A diploma conferring certain privileges: the privilege of expressing love and the privilege of receiving it.
"How do you know you have graduated? You don't. What you do know is that you are human and therefore educable, and therefore capable of learning how to learn, and therefore interesting to God, who is interested only in Himself which is to say He is interested only in love. Do you understand me? God is not interested in you. He is interested in love and the bliss it brings to those who understand and share that interest.
Couples that enter the sacrament of marriage and are not prepared to go the distance or are not willing to get right with the real love of God cannot thrive. They may cleave together like robins or gulls or anything else that mates for life. But if they eschew this mighty course, at the moment when all are judged for the disposition of their eternal lives, their cleaving won't mean a thing. God bless the pure and holy. Amen. "

**** not doctrine, not from Conference; an interesting excerpt from Paradise by Toni Morrison

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

update

time for my now monthly blog update, as i was just reminded that it exists again. it kind of baffles me that i can't keep pace with the rest of the internet-savvy universe even though i am on the computer every day. usually 3 or 4 times over. is it possible to check your gmails for an HOUR? i like to think that i'm reading up on important current events or staying on task with my homework, but in reality when i get on the NY Times website every day i usually end up reading just the headlines and then most of the style section. i really need to get informed. i'm so out of it, and a sorry excuse for an american! to say the least.

in the meantime i ended up watching this like 3 times today and laughed so hard! http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2960720665/
maybe it's me or just today, i don't know. but except for the dirty parts - kind of funny.

in my real life not my fake virtual life, things have been not too bad. here's a gist of some recent occurences:

- it's the last full week of school! i am stressed but at the same time keeping ignorant of all i have to do. it's better this way? the weather has been so nice though.

- i had been sick the past few days with a sore throat and mucho phlegmo but i'm doing better now and it's calmed down to my favorite stage of sexy-raspy voice! i've gotten some "eww"s and some say it's too different from my regular voice, but whenever this happens i always want to make it last longer. maybe it's the cuteness, maybe it's the added mystery but for some reason it feels nice to feel like someone else for a while. someone sexier than me. haters can hate.

- yesterday i had lunch with my good friend greg caldwell at smokehouse pizza! it was delicious and fun and they really came through as far as their reputation for poor service. we waited for super long. we speculated though that it might be a ruse to make the pizza taste better once you finally get it and if that's true, then it absolutely works. i left happy as a clam full of pizza.

not much else is on. i'm excited for school to finish and spring to start. if there are any suggestions for fitness classes i should take, they are more than welcome.

love, lauren.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

shoot dude - DAY 120ish?

i am the worst blogger ever. i haven't even thought about this since january.
and so much has happened!

for example:
- we went to visit madeline and spent a day in san fran
- madeline is on the mish in NJ
- i watched some movies
- i went to that place
- new pen pals
- briana's oboe recital the other night
- rach got engaged!
- i will be there as a bride's maid!
- ripped my jeans
- i've read a TON
- stock market's crazy!
- etc etc

i hope my posterity doesn't read my journal/access my blog with too much hope for insight or inspiration. i will seem like a hare-brained nutty professor type. everything's happening so quickly and none of it makes sense together in retrospect. speaking of, what happened to february? and oh hey, what's up march.

Friday, January 9, 2009

DAY 51

i had a really nice christmas break at home in richmond, virginia. the best home i ever knowed.
now though, it's back to the grind. today marks the end of my first week back at school. i hope to make straight A's and turn all the jokes about my slacker work ethic on their backsides! so there!
here are my resolutions for 2009:
-make straight a's
-turn jokes on backsides
-stick it to the man (uncle marshall)
-read 50 books
-write
-be better

easy enough. also, i can't believe it's been 51 days since william's departure. time is really flying.
one thing i wanted to do was start learning spanish this year too, partly so i could know what william was saying if he ever sent me letters in code. here is a montage of photos that represent my prior experiences with hispanic language and culture:





pictured: The Three Amigos (top), me disgruntled at Cafe Rio (bottom)

i don't know how much more culture will even fit in me, but i am going to try.
one thing that revived this particular resolution for me, happened at work today:
i was putting away DVDs when a man next to me points to the movie "A Christmas Carol" and asks "....es..esScrooge?" to which i could only smile and say, "Uhhh yes, es.. Scrooge."


i'm excited for 2009 however fast i hope it flies. roco la fiesta!