by the grace of God
nope, dont wonder. little Miss IBM is not back. im at my aunty's house now and have just completed some homework. sigh, so much incoming assignments and its almost suffocating. well, but i do pray hard that God will see me through. but honestly i've got only me and my procrastination to blame isnt that so. well, the typical way carmen does things and yes, i know it isnt healthy. its a habit i want to kick, slap and punch! haha. i guess the root issue is all about recognising the urgency of the hour and how merciless time flies. seems like there isnt so much time to waste afterall. and so, the first step to take towards breaking this habit; be on time:: ) so as for such, miss tham shall turn in now so that shes able to make it on time to school tomorrow.
but before she does so, HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY NANA HENG and HAPPY XXth BIRTHDAY TO ANGIE LIM! both you are dearly loved, my lovely sisters in Christ. continue to grow spiritually and may your walk with God grow stronger too:: ) take care aplenty and God bless you much! well, may you shineshineshine in your workplace/school<3. style="font-weight: bold;">HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WENDY too! yes sweetheart, you are surely loved and cared for. join us more yah, hugs*

let love overwrite shame, guilt and condemnation. let joy overtake your hurts and sufferings and let peace flood your unsound mind. these only the Father can give.

uh-oh, little miss IBM is down. and it spells a great great problem. i cant do my homework, check my assignments and uhem, chat and blog! oh man. okay, i think its also time to take a break from all tose late night surfing. haha, time for a good rest. so, thank God for such a time as this:: ) haha, love you till then when this little devil gets well<3.

over the mountains and through the valley, i will follow as long as You would walk alongside me.

my emotions took me on a roller coster ride
week two is drazing to an end and i am still taking things real lightly. uh-oh, i am going to end up being at the bottom of my batch, its a competitive cohord that i live with, its said. this week we started tutorial classes and i met my classmates. though we arent that knitted yet but i believe time will melt the ice:: ) today it got better thanks to an 'expressive' POA teacher's lesson. haha! TB28 would know what im ranting about.
went to CCC's welcome tea today together with terrence and alan(regionbee guys). it was quite a great thing whereby you can actually get together with the other fellow saints in school and know that you are not shining alone. see, God will never leave you to run the race all by yourself:: )
well, wouldnt be joining the NRA dance since the practice dates clashes with net. this issue has really taught me a huge lesson. before i went for the auditions i was like telling myself that i would only join given that the training dates doesnt fall on tuedays and fridays. and when i finally got into the auditions, both the training days indeed sat on these two days. the truth is saying was easy and doing was super hard, giving up just wasnt easy especially when dancing is the one thing i that i love and chances to join such a dance group doesnt come by so easily. but God, i choose to honour You because You know what is best for me. and so i still choose to walk in Your ways and Your paths. honestly, it wasnt easy. i mean it was giving up my big dream but like angie said, it wasnt easy for the disciples as well when they left everything behind and followed Jesus. and the thing was, they never asked why, never looked back and never regreted cause following Jesus was the best ever thing they had experience:: ) and so i send the email and made that decision, no turning back.
thanks jinguo and angie, it is in times like this i need brothers and sisters like you to tell me what i dont want to hear but have to hear. i so love you, hugs! yes and the other lesson that i learnt, i have to read the bible "cause soon will come the time where man cant help but only God's words will pull you through" says angie.
oh, and congratulations to mrs joann tan! haha, the long anticipated baby sarah has arrived on the 25th of april:: ) heard that mrs tan is still rather weak but baby is healthy and chubby, well, i think she inherited mrs tan's chubby cheeks too. am looking forward to visiting her with huiling next week. will be keeping you in prayers teacher, get well soon, <3.

as my small palm rests on Your big big hands, lead me wherever You want me to go.

to fix my eyes on You
hello there little ones, you have been missed. well, naughty carmen was late for school because she out of her blurness, saw the wrong time and then got stuck in the sticky traffic jam. rar! but anyway, i still have to thank God though i was late and marked as absent, i didnt miss the lecture cause teacher nagged quite a bit before moving on. so thank God for naggy teachers because they are a blessing to late comers:: ) i cant imagine if she had moved on before my arrival, it's going to be so much harder to catch.
its week two of school and time is once again flying like nobody's business. haha. i am still trying to adjust to school and its new and independent system that i think im so not going to survive. it surely feels like a huge leap and everything is just not the same anymore. still i pray that God will help me to fix my eyes on Him and in all that i do, let it be pleasing to His sight:: ) i guess shining among the light isnt a problem, but when you're trying to shine your light in darkness, thats where it gets tougher.
oh yes, be honoured when you see this, agraone i looooveee you! each and everyone of you. you guys simply mean so much to me, know you're much loved<3. oh and my regiondee-ers you havent been forgotten, its you who have been by me, with me and around me all this while. it was you guys who held me when i lost my balance. to you great brotherandsister keepers, cheers! so let us march, hand-in-hand and in love into the promised land. *HUGS!

Lord, help me fully understand what it means to submit my ways to Your will. teach me what it means to be in the world and not of the world.

take me deeper
thamcarmen is dead tired, really tried. haha, you should ask nicholas tan how i 'bounced' off him when he made a sudden brake. fine, i know you must then be questioning why am i up at such a late hour blogging, well i took after jinguos 'late night rantings' hahaha!
woke up super early to make it for class, its like my first class when the others are like attending their third, so you roughly get the idea:: P and nonetheless, i was half an hour late. greeted with a 'grand welcome of orh-hohs'. so it was a day of classes and services, though tired but God did help me to stay awake throughout sections with the additional help of hi-chew sweets. morning service did speak to me about going beyond knowing the facts about God but going personal, beyond lawlessness.
so i pray that with the help of the Holy Spirit God will help me to commit to do my devotions daily, at least for a start i have to try hard hard hard! oh and now im coming face-to-face with the little black devil; miss IBM. uhh, i need discipline but Daddy in Heaven please dont use the can on me:: / so if you have like practical ways of which i can discipline myself to not be stuck on the chair and glued to the screen for hours, tell me! to you whos scanning through this page, carmen loves you BIG; and i blew a kiss*

push the button, stop the clock

im one minute into 'tomorrow' (12:01am) and im here blogging once again. well, slept in a little today and only woke up in the afternoon. ever since school started i've been feeling real tired. guess im still not used to the early wakings and i sure miss those holidays where i can tuck in till daddy comes home with lunch:: )
furthermore, have been feeling busy nowadays. guess poly is the extra ball that i now have to juggle. i do pray that God you would expand my time, let it reduce speed or even break down that i may have time to spend with those whom i truly love. i have crawled out of my naive belief, thinking that friendships will be as they are. the truth is every friendship requires time and greater effort then that to lift a weight. but at the end of the day, the choice is yours to relate and make time. sigh, sounds easy but application is sure going to be a great challenge.
was at the edge today and was as excited as every other saturdays. you just dont know what God has in stall for you every single week and His words and purpose is new every single day. pastor jeremy has been touching on changing your world and it sure is relevant to where i am today. well, as he always emphasizes, if you want to change the world, begin with your world; and its amen to that! was really touched by the message and of course by God too. but the one realisation i discovered is that a change must come from the inside out:: ) let the change not only be on the outward but come from the heart for God sees that which lies within.

i will tear down the label of which men has hung on me and hold up high the banner that God given to me<3

when two,three or more are gathered
due to my forgetfulness, i had to forgo my beauty sleep because i just need to blog about yesterday. yesyes, the very 4th day of school and it was like the orientation-get-together day for me:: ) had lunch with Babylon's performance group and it was great. not just the food but the fellowship as well. haha, so we had on our table a whole lot of crappy conversations. its undeniable since we have people like ben, wenjin, douglas, zhong shun etc for lunch. i totally love the whole lot of them:: )
then i went out with agra one to celebrate sheena, candida and darren's birthday at marina bay; makan steamboat! and as usaual, getting with these ones is fun fun and fun. me, mei chan, kaiyuan derek and terrence went to do some last minute shooping for presents at vivocity. it was hectic, we couldnt decide and all. haha. but sure shopping with them was enjoyable too. so many times we were tempted to look for our own things, tsktsk, losing focus. haha. and the usual customs, the birthday babies were sabotaged by having to stick their faces in whipped cream:: ) haha, and they were really spontaneous *thumbs up*. oh, and guess what, i was the last one left eating at the table and i still wasnt full, not fair.
haha, just came back from net at jared's place. thanks to mummy aw we got good finger food. of course net is more than that lah:: ) lesson was good; the importance of every single member in the body of Christ. brothers and sisters in Christ, never underestimate your presense amidst the body but know that you are that 'o-ring' that would either make the launch a success or cause the damage that would ripple the media.
before i drift off to lala land, happy birthday dearest mummy(16th), sheena(16th), candyda(19th), and darren(22nd). most importantly, mummy i love love you:: ) agra babies, i was glad admist my journey of life i met you sweets:: )
and know i so love you my dearest, so does God who sits in heaven; you are the apple of His eyes.

not ashamed of the gospel
its been a long long time, you know you missed me bad:: D haha. well, am into day three of school and am loving it! have gotten to know alot alot of people through both my orientation camps; NPSU FOC and BAoC. i guess its a good thing so i dont go to school looking too much like a freshie LOL! okay, this week i dont have my tutorials so it i only sit through lectures, workshops and i think IS modules. honestly, it doesnt even feels like school. please people in my cohord agree with me.
day one i had lecture for POA, i felt smart (actually i am smart) because it was something i did before. but to further pretend to be diligent, i took down notes! haha. but i havent gone through it though. but for the other modules, i almost dieded! and crystalthamyihui is stressing me more by studying NOW(day three of school)! so i guess i must catch up by mugging too. sigh, whats gotten into poly now. haha!
seriously poly is very different from previous stages of eductaion. its a much more independent kind of learning now and i think im so going to die. furthermore carmen is one computer dummy:: / aiyah, why cant we live like flinstone, its so much easier. more exercise and harmonious living with the dinosaurs:: ) okay, but thank God for faithful seniors and friends that has helped me along, ALOT. love you much!
God has been good and really faithful. i see so much more than just a mere three years to obtain my diploma but an ongoing journey of a whole new destiny and purpose. and Lord i await in anticipation as you unfold these plans before me, make it possible for i am willing:: )

Jesus; let this melody that plays in my heart be audible to the world i live in.

all much missed, am here to shake this blog a little. well, i just ended my business orientation camp yesterday. it was not too bad, got to know more and more poeple; some of which i'd have with me all three years:: ) i love my enticing babylon performance group, a whole crazy lot. of course i love EB5 and its SCs and SBs too:: ) school hasnt started and carmen is getting oh-so-busy, help! just feel like time flies without mercy. oh Lord i just pray you'd expand my time for daddy, mummy, brother, church friends, net members, school friends and new friends. sometimes i really wonder if there is no tomorrow for me, have i said whats there to say and done whats there to be done.
felice; i know i havent been like a really really good friend and all. but i just want to say i really thank God for crossing our paths. i just know life wouldn't be the same without you, not as fulfilling and fun. i love you and i really really mean it. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my dear one. im sorry i didnt spend much time with you due to the skit preparation. but know that you're not forgotten and will never be. you mean so so much to me. these are more than words<3.
chenxiaowei; and i miss you so so much. love you aplenty too. please take care much and know that carmen is thinking about you like all the time:: )

i yearn to hear God say 'im pleased with you, my good and faithful servant'

post camp blues
hey people, wondering why i havent been posting. well, i just came back from NP's student union FOC camp. woohoo, it was fun fun and more fun! really thank God that He brought me to the camp though initially i was quite reluctant. am loving angeline, chekwhye, romeo(group leaders) and of course all of agravaine1:: D though it was only a mere 4 days, the team bonded really really well. there seem to be a great sense of attachment among the team members as well as us with the leaders, at least that was how i really felt. came the last day; it was hard for us to part. honestly couldnt bear to leave. probably cause we all know we'd go our seperate ways, and its going to be oh-so-hard for us to meet again. but i strongly believe this friendship i'd love to keep if i could. so to all you out there know that carmen is loving you<3.
its Good Friday today, a day to be reminded of Jesus' redemption work on the cross. because it was by His blood, Hid nail-pierced hands and the stripes on His back that i am free today; no longer held captive or be bounded by sin:: ) praise the Lord!
oh and one last thing, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENGHOW!

my God is bigger than the air i breathe, the world i'l leave.