Hello Again

Just wanted to pop in and say hello. Not a lot going on here. I've had some kind of crud for days and I am so over it. Going to go out a bit today and get some fresh air. I feel the need to window shop or something. I hope to get all my tax information so I can file. It's like a lottery anymore will you hit and for how much.

 As you have heard me say for a year now I need to move and a new sofa. I am thinking of maybe a blue denim. I so love the white but want something that will last and not come with a lot of maintenance. I just think with 2 cats and a dog the blue may work better at this time. It would be nice to have slip covers in both the white and blue. Hey nothing wrong with dreaming. I was really into the darker colors and primitive country style. I still like it but I think I want to go with something light and airy. I love the new cottage country look. When I thought I was moving last year I packed up everything. I never unpacked it because I know I will have to move. My house only has 2 pictures hanging up and that's my girls senior portraits. Losing my husband really took atoll on me. I just wanted to erase everything and make the pain go away. I still have the pain in my heart but I need a change. We were only in our house 6 weeks before Ray's heart attack so it's never really felt like home to us. Just memories of losing him and what should have been a happy time for us.

Moving on this Tuesday the 5th is my daughter Jessica's 24th birthday. They grow up so fast. She works full time as a pharmacy tech for Rite Aid and is going to school full time at VCU. Her dad would be so proud of her. She's turned into a wonderful young lady. Well, that's about it for now. I hope everyone stays warm and well. I know I don't have any pictures posted right now but hopefully soon some changes will come. Until then thanks for sharing your homes and decor.

Donna

2013

Yes, it's me. I haven't posted in almost a year. 2012 proved to be a real challenge for me. Getting Eleni threw those last few months of school really took it's toll on my pocket book. All I can say is I did it and I survived. Graduation was a real mess. My daddy was in an accident the Friday before and wasn't released from the hospital until that next Monday. So he wasn't able to come down. Ray's brother in SC was supposed to come but he sent Eleni a text saying he couldn't come because he had to work. Sad part is people put too much on Face Book. He didn't have to work he decided he rather stay at the beach. Eleni was so upset she didn't want to walk but we told her to do it for me and that her daddy would be watching.

 I never did move. A friend offered me her house which I was all excited about moving into. It was a two story 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Most of all a front porch which I loved. She couldn't give me a move in date because she wasn't sure where she and her new husband would be living. They were trying to buy a house and until they did she didn't have anywhere for her things. I decided to stay in my house I am in now. I didn't get a new position at work but I did move up in our department in June. The extra pay was such a help! I thought well if I get on a budget plan with the oil I should be able to swing it. Well, my budget is $200 a month along with my electric bill. We had a sewage tank in the back well it was cheaper for the landlord to hook up to the county sewage than it was to fix the tank. My water bill jumped up $20. I started to drown in my own bills not to mention the holidays. Yet once again I survived. Our Church helped me get back on track with my electric bill and a friend helped me get Christmas for my girls. Usually we get a Christmas bonus. This year they gave them after Christmas and they were about half what we usually get. I will not count on that money in the future. That bonus helps a lot of people get Christmas for their children. I was thankful for a little extra to help me catch up for the New Year.

I decided to take this week off for a mental vacation. I now have a cold and my head feels like it weighs 100 lbs. I am using this time to catch up on blogs and friends. I am hoping I can offer more posts and a new name for my blog. I am expecting some big changes to come in 2013. I am at a point where I am going to have to move. I just can't afford oil and electric. I am going to try to do some things I never thought I could do. My since of style really changed. When I thought I was moving this past year I packed up all my decor and pictures. I realized I want to go in a new decorating direction. I want to lighten things up maybe go more of a beachy look. Oh I am still looking for a new sofa. That will decide what color combination I will use. Everything in my past was all about Ray and I. I need to change things up a little. I save all my Country decorations just in case I change my mind.

I still struggle with Ray being gone. I really believe he was my soul mate. I have no desire to meet anyone. I'm not lonely as much as I miss our talks and rides to and from work. I was truly happy and he was the love of my life I just don't think I could or would ever want to replace that.

On a good note I love Pinterest. It's so addicting. I have so many ideas and recipes to try. My girls did make me something from pinterest for Christmas. Home made gifts are the best because they are made with love. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed New Year.

Donna

Just Another Day at Work...

 As many know I have been house hunting and job hunting. No luck on the house situation YET! I have been applying for internal jobs at my company. My application is always put through and I usually get an interview. Usually I am beat out by someone with who has attended college. I hope all young people realize how much that is needed these days. Anyway I still have 2 applications out and my application is under review. So maybe just maybe I will get lucky with one of them. I have been in my current position 3 years this June. Some days ca be very stressful but over all it's okay. The one issue I have is the pay. After they take out for insurance I don't have a lot to bring home. Never the less I am thankful to have a job. Going down to one income is a huge transition. My girls will be moving out and I want to know I can take care of ME! So like I said maybe a new position and more pay. :)

My company has a program they call Mission Memories. it's about how we have went out of our way to help a member.
I work in a call center for a Medicaid HMO. It's amazing how we give some people everything and it's still not enough. Then there are some who can't thank you enough. I take pride in each and everyone of my calls. I answer the call and treat everyone the same. Some callers are not as grateful then there are the calls you will never forget. This week I submitted my Mission Memory. Immediately it was accepted. I was asked to read mine at the staff meeting. I was so nervous. I thought my knees were going to buckle and it felt like I spoke to fast none the less I survived. I'd like to share that story with you.

A few weeks ago I had a member call. I noticed right away that she spoke very softly and slowly. She needed me to fax over her contract so the doctor’s office so they would see her. She also needed to schedule transportation, and became upset because she didn't have all the information.
I asked her for the doctor’s number and I called to get the address, then scheduled her transportation and answered a few questions she had about Virginia Premier.
When the call was about to end, I asked if she needed anything else and she began to cry. She said “these are happy tears”. She thanked me several times for taking the time to help her and for being so patient.
She then said “I have MS and sometimes people rush me and treat me like I'm stupid.” She thanked me again for helping her.

This is one call I will never forget. She put tears in my eyes and made me feel so good about what I do. After the meeting I received instant messages, emails, phone calls and people stopping me to tell what a great job I did. Our staff meetings include everyone in the Richmond office. We have other locations as well. I was told the Vice President over my department read my story in the Tide Water location. As I said I try to start every call the same so it was just a normal day for me but it was nice to share the story with others in the company.


Donna
  

Simply Saturday

Well, I slept in a little later than I had planned. I went to my friends house Teresa today. She is hemming Eleni's dress for me. She is not only a great friend but a great seamstress. We visited with her for a bit and did some catching up. Teresa and I had become really close and after losing Ray I pushed everyone away. I just didn't want to be bothered. Although I have never felt that way about my friends it was easier to be alone. So it was good just hanging out with her for a little bit. My girls also love her she is so good to them!
After visiting with Teresa we went to tan. I just find this so relaxing. I know it's not good for you but hey what is anymore? Our next stop was the grocery store. I hate the grocery store! It cost so much to eat and drive. I don't know what we are going to do with things going up and our pay checks staying the same. I will be honest some days I really worry about the future of this Country.


After all my running it was home for the evening. Eleni is out with her boyfriend. Jessica is out seeing Hunger Games with a friend. It was just me and the pets. I fixed me a sandwich watched some TV. Then I started a puzzle worked on that while watching the movie Selena. I then washed a load of clothes and packed a couple of boxes. I figure if I do a little everyday it won't be so overwhelming when it's time to move. Still not sure where we will end up but I'm not to stresses at the moment. Now I'm catching up on FB, Gmail, and blogs. I thought I would do a quick post.


I have heard mixed feelings about this early Spring we have been having. I can only say I am loving it. I love the time change I wish it was like this all year. I love seeing the sun when I get off and enjoying it when I get home. The Winter months really bring me down. I sleep a lot and hate to go out. When it's warm I try to get up earlier and enjoy the beautiful days. I know Summer may be a beast this year but it's better than the cold. Plus everything is so much prettier and cheerful. I love seeing all the flowers bloom and the azalea bushes and trees in bloom. Makes me a little happy and we all know how much I need that these days. Well, I won't keep you all any longer. I think I'm going to work on my puzzle for a bit. Happy Spring Everyone!


Donna

It's been awhile.

Life started moving in the fast lane. Eleni graduates this year so I was all wrapped up in the needs of a senior. We have already bought prom dress and shoes. Graduation dress, shoes, cap, and gown also all taken care of. She has already started tanning for the big days ahead. I can remember back in the day before prom everyone would be laying out trying to get a little bit of color. Ahh those were the days. I can remember going to the beach, lake, and even the river to get that summer tan hours and hours of just laying there. I must admit I can not take that heat anymore. I make it about 30 minutes and I'm done. I am a sissy now I also tan. Hey I'm a firm believer in fat looks better tan. :)

I have been asked a few questions about myself. I'm going to try to answer everyone hopefully.  I do not craft anymore unless it's to repaint something. I used to cross stitch a lot but now it hurts my eyes and I don't have the patience to finish anything. I do have several pieces in my house of cross stitches I have made in the past. I was a huge scrapbook junkie. After Ray died I basically quit taking pictures and have not done any scrap booking  in over a year. I have a few pictures from early years and of course Eleni's senior year to do. It's just not the same as before losing Ray. He would always want to see what I had done and always had something nice to say. I miss the feed back I guess not to mention the pictures of him!

I have been asked was I seeing someone to help me trough losing Ray. The answer is yes, at one time I was seeing a counselor, my primary care physician, and a psychiatrist. Now I only see the psychiatrist. I had an appointment with him last week. He says I'm still not where he would like me to be. I'm just not ready to accept all of this I will be honest. I still wish for a miracle. It's very hard going from a couple of 24 years to being single and alone. It's not a feeling I would wish on anyone. I have been asked by many do I think I would ever date again. My answer is NO! I just don't want to get that involved with anyone again. I could not stand to go through another loss like this. Maybe in time I will change my mind but I doubt it. Ray was and will always be the love of my life.

I want to tell each and everyone of you thank-you. You have been so supportive and kind. Thank you for sticking by me through my loss. I feel very blessed to call you all a true friend. Until next time remember to always say I love you and thank you. What a great place this would be if we all just remembered those two quotes. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday.

Donna

Valentine's Day

Every year for awhile now I write notes to my daughters for Valentine's Day. Sure I could buy them a card but once I started the letters it became a tradition. They keep them from year to year. I always loved Valentine's Day. I could never get tired of hearing those three words I LOVE YOU! Now Valentine's Day is a hard day for me. It will be 1 1/2 years since Ray passed away. I would give anything to hear him say I Love You just one more time.

I have been having a rough few days lately. I'm just so tired. Yesterday I slept until 1pm and then went back to sleep a little after four and slept until after seven. I got online for awhile and went back to bed by midnight. I really am not doing as well as I lead people to believe. I've gotten good about hiding my real feelings. I try to focus on something to keep my mind from straying. During the week I can not wait for Friday's. It's my favorite day of the week now. The thing I focus on most is graduation day. Eleni will graduate June 6th. Anything beyond that is just too much for me to handle. I'm worried how we will make it with everything getting so ridiculously high. I need to find a place for us to move that I can afford. Some days I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be the go to person who will make everything better. I can't but help wanting to be with my husband. I can not put into words just how much I miss him. I don't know how people do it. How do you move on when you are lost in so much grief. I used to love being with my friends and old neighbors. I still love them all but it just reminds me of my life before. I so miss my old life. Believe me when I say it was far from perfect. Ray became ill for the first time in 1993. I was nine months pregnant with Eleni. That's when Ray was diagnosed with kidney failure. He started dialysis 2 days before she was born. In 1994 Ray's sister gave him a kidney. It went in and out of rejection a lot of hospital time. In 1998 Ray was having chest pains a week later he was having quadruple bypass. In 1998 Ray's kidney went into complete rejection which meant he was back on dialysis. In 2001 Ray received another kidney from a cadiver donor. Ray did very well until 2006 he had a few minor strokes. They did a cat Scan and he had some brain damage to the left side of his brain. He picked himself back up and did ok until 2009. He started having bad leg cramps and tired after walking awhile. Back to the Dr only to hear Ray had blockages in his legs. I was out of work and we had no insurance at the time. We had talked about after we moved him having his legs worked on. That way he would have been on my insurance a year. Ray didn't make it after his 2010 hospital stay. This all started when he was 24 years old. My dad keeps telling me how lucky Ray was to live as long as he did. It doesn't feel like luck if feels like a slap in the face. You try so hard to do the right things and you just keep getting knocked back down. My whole adult life was about taking care of Ray and my girls. Ray and I were looking forward to it being just us after Eleni graduated. We never got the chance to be just us. Even though I am looking forward to Eleni graduating it's also a reminder of a time I was looking forward to the most. I guess you could say I have a huge whole in my heart and it's just getting bigger.

Sorry for such another long post. I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day filled with LOVE!

Donna

Time Waits For No One

After 32 hours of labor and  c-section  Ray and I welcomed our first born Jessica Rae Childress into the world. It's amazing how fast you can fall in love with someone. Jessica was her daddy's eyes from that first moment. Everything was all about her. He was so proud of his little girl. He would be just as proud if he could see her today. Happy 23'rd Birthday sweet Jessica!

Today is a bitter sweet day. Jessica is excited her team the Patriots are in the Supper Bowl and it's her birthday. I can tell she really misses her Daddy a lot today. They were football buddies. I can see Ray right now sitting in his chair with the phone in his hand and a football pool in his lap. Jessica is cheering quietly where if he were hear it would be a lot louder.

I wanted to thank you all for reading my last long post. You will never know how much your comments and stories meant to me. You all are so wonderful. I know I was lucky to have been so blessed with the love of my life and two beautiful girls. I am very grateful for the time I had with Ray but I sure do miss him. I say this a lot because as my post said Time Waits For No One enjoy every second of your life and family!

Donna