i don't like it. i don't like how it feels as though i'm the only one feeling it. i can only guess that you're too rational and logical, too busy with school and your never ending trgs. or maybe you're simply good at hiding it. i'm still crying over you. i thought it's hard for both of us to let go. but it doesnt seem like the case for you. and i hate myself for crying. i hate myself for thinking that you were someone like me, someone whom i can connect to. and call it stupid, cliche or whatever, but i thought we would last forever.

stupid, foolish me.

16 may'08 was the day i committed suicide.

10:33pm 27th feb'09

hols almost over. and i'm nt done with hw. ): tons and tons of it. babe is sitting beside me. munching on her mint cookies, brought back from aus.

been feeling so down lately. thinking abt soccer and all. life gets me down mann. ):

i think abt school and it kinda sucks with all the work and all.
i think abt soccer and it cuts deep.
i think abt sc and i'm not even sure whether ppl will even vote for me. considering i pratically screwed up my rally speech.
i think abt tk, and i miss it all.

its true. when failure knows your address. it comes knocking on your door more than once.
just look at me. a living example.

5:42pm 22/03/09

rethink

restart

like dejavu
i'm no good at anything.

failure is the first step to success.
ya right.
and it sucks when you cant even talk to your bestfriend abt it.

6 th march '09
10:13 pm

school's over . for this week at least. econs test was crap. demand supply PPC demand quantity demanded. seriously what's the diff? and i failed econs proj by 3m. oh my. got scolded by mr wee today for not doing the stuff for lit tutorial. yknow what. actually he just made us sit at the back and complete it. but i'm the lit rep. ): double bad. so all in all, today was such a stupid crappy day. nothing happy happened. but maybe its cause i'm in angsty mood right now and i just can't seem to recall any happy memories. heck.

but ain is coming down here and will be arriving at abt 4 plus. i can't wait. at least there's one thing for me to smile abt. next week is my individual rally and i'm suppose to send in the draft of my 'speech' to my mentor by tonight. and i have ojt tmr. DANCE. hopefully i can actually move in sync with the music.

so many things are gg on right now. and my mind is all jumbly wumbbly. and i can't wait for BRISBANE. flying off next sat.(:

and i hope i get to center myself among all this. yest we had the chrystal thing. and we were suppose to vision ourselves 10 years from now. and somehow all the images that came to mind were blur and undefined. its like i'm too busy thinking and comtemplating other stuff even to focus on what's in the future. something needs to change.

help me help you.

3:24 pm
6th march'09

i catch no ball.
i kick no ball.
i dont see the kick.
but i feel the pain.

haha this is my poem! made it just now aft soccer trg.okay just a short update( cause i've got tons of work to complete.)

i see ball '
still cannot catch
gloves smelly like'
CRAWAP

-BLU