i'm better off not tied down.

i really am.

i want to run away.

right now.

and never come back.

it's been awhile since i've felt like this.

dear kids, i can't wait to see you tomorrow.

quit now? don't tell me you want to quit now. come on, we worked so hard and sacrificed so many days for this. i know we didn't put in as much effort but the whole point of it was cos we were all in it together right? don't tell me you want to back out now. i want to be there, on stage, with you guys.

getting sued is scary.

cos it's only human nature huh. i can't be bothered. really.

i graduated today! woots. i feel olddddddddddddd. old old oldddddddd.

angst much.

obviously if you angst at me i will angst back right? and no matter how many times i tell you about that, nothing will change, there's nothing to talk about, so i'd rather keep my mouth shut.

ARGHH.

no, don't you tell me that, and then allow other people to call you that. you jolly well know it's sensitive. so don't you dare go saying it's okay for that person to call you that. cos if you say it's okay, go ahead. cos then, all the more i refuse.

'if it makes you feel any better we don't meet often.' wow, totally makes me feel right. uh huh uh huh.

angst.

forget it luh.

tired.

imma go do write up,
i haven't used my brain in awhile.

sleepy. i want to snuggle in bed and never wake up.

omg faster dryyyyyy. hairrrr, dry nowwwwww.

mmhmm.

can't sleep without typing this all out again. sheesh.

so i was in one of those moods tonight.

have you ever thought not to assume? maybe the moments when i'm the most quiet are the moments i need comfort the most? maybe it hurts when you say 'if i need you'. just maybe.

you know, maybe what happened that time gave me even more of an edge of cynicism. maybe, just maybe, it changed my life, and my perspective of things, forever. but then again. what do you care. you don't think about it. you don't bother. i bet it never enters your mind. cos to you, it was just one sad afternoon. but that took away a part of me. that took away a part of my life. it was more than just one sad afternoon.

and i'm tired. tired of having to avoid related things, tired of having to be so cautious all the time, tired of the emotional scars that i'm carrying. yes, i need to accept, if not i'll never be able to move past this. but, acceptance doesn't seem to be coming easy. i can't seem to forgive myself. and hey, i can't seem to forgive you either.

we all live, jaded. in this cruel world.

need to sleep. i'm exhausted. hair, faster dry please. i need my pillow.

great. just great. i had typed out this whole long chunk. for the first time expressing how i truly feel. and blogger has to screw up on me.

thanks guys, really. thank you very much. that just made me feel a whole lot better. just conveniently delete my one and only honest hearfelt rant on this page. it's okay, because that will definitely make me feel a whole lot better.

fuck.

HUNGRY.

it's impossible to ignore you.
nice song imogen heap's got.

godnight and go.

i'm sorry i hurt you so bad. i can't say much, cos it wouldn't be right.
i've really missed our friendship. a lot. i realised how easy we get along, and how much fun there was in the friendship.
but i'm in no postion to say anything, cos i screwed it up. and well, yeah.

jeez begeebers.

i'm hungry, and i should really be sleeping. work tomorrow woots.

Why'd ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you..
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well..
Say goodnight and go.


rawr.

too much going around.

i shall run away soon.

so easy to trust, so easy to tell. so easy to lose trust. what for trust then.
looks like i was right all along. should have just left it. the letter didn't mean shit. it was just, superficial satisfaction. have the guts to ask me personally. if you don't, don't blame me.

and then, i seem to have lost a friendship that goes way way wayyyyyyyy back. really. don't tell me our friendship is not worth more than a relationship? after so long? really. so we're just not gonna talk then. you were the one that i could turn to. even if we didn't talk for months. seriously. are we just gonna throw everything away? i'm actually worried about you.

feeling very moody and angsty these past few days. maybe i should spend a quiet afternoon by myself soon. don't seem to have the time though.

it's interesting how some people think. how their thoughts can warp and twist and turn into all the little ways to make themselves feel better about the situation. it's interesting how easily people are fooled by outside appearances.

i realised, i do miss your friendship, and all your jokes. and yeah. how easy it is to talk to you. hmm.

kay, i don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

rawr.

rawrrrr.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. the more i hear about you the more i can't stand you.

shit. argh. i vowed not to judge, but here i am judging. enough.

BYE, I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUNBATHING AND READING ON A DECK CHAIR.

you cheated on this person with 2 other people. and this person is still willing to be friends with you. now that this person's got someone else, get over yourself and accept the fact. you had your chance. your loss. worst part is, you're dating someone else. so don't come and talk about neglecting. get over it.

fuck you and your goddamn testosterone.

i miss the friendship. i know we never talked every single day, but i least i was comforted with the thought that i can talk to you whenever, bout whatever. i knew that our friendship was always there.

feels like i've lost it. i miss it, badly. i want to be able to call you out anytime. but now, i just hold back. cos i'm afraid. i'm afraid we'd have nothing to talk about. i'm afraid of hearing something i don't wanna hear.

and you, have you never even thought about it a single time? one lone time at all? have you any clue, any idea how much i hate the thought of cny now? it's like, i didn't even think about it all. i just had a really uneasy feeling. i swear it's like, argh. cny. really. first christmas, then cny.

hey guys, why not take my birthday as well.

i am not comforted by the thought of politics.

i should really finish my field notes.

do you even remember last cny?

sheesh.

now i realise why i dread it so much.

:(

i don't wanna move. i don't wanna i don't wanna i don't wanna. but i don't have a choice. and yes, i must be mature enough, cos i know it's practical.

but i can't help the emotions.

sigh.

school's ending in about 3 weeks time? too fast too furious people. haha.

ARRRGGGGHHHHH.

hurrr

omg today is one of those days where my nose is just out to annoy me. Seriously.

I feel like i've graduated, but i obviously haven't. I haven't finished my fyp and i'm already feeling like this. Not a very good thing to be feeling. Especially since we're nowhere near finished and the presentation is next week? Argh.

I feel like i'm sick and tired of everything. Recently, past events seem to keep replaying in my head. I can't seem to stop thinking about whatever happened and sheesh. Nothing helps. Not one single thing helps to keep my distracted. Pffts.

How am i gonna go to wheelock like this.

Kay, whatever.

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