*hmmm..*

y ppl seem to care only about themselves? think about it.. have you really talk to someone who really does listen and care about your stuff. not really right? even if there is.. i believe it is only a handful. do u know why this happened? because to them your stuff doesnt interest them at all. to you it may be interesting, but to them it is just like any other normal event. they are more interested in telling you what happened to them. as to them those are more interesting, but once again.. their stuff are not really exciting to u right??mayb the outline u will still be interested.. but when u got to the details.. it may get too.. detailed.. but u know wad.. it gets quite hurting to the one who is trying to tell u their stuff if u r to show negative signs. what's worse, after telling you what the person experienced, the next sentence that comes out from your mouth is ur own experience. it can get quite bad ya..
anw.. just letting out my random thoughts.
there are so many things i want to do.. but there seems to be not enough time.. i believe its my own fault not to be able to manage my time well..
there was this presentation that was shown at the beginning of the year.. or is it last year..( i tink both) there are different sizes of balls and a container. if de smaller size of balls are put in first, then the container will not be big enough to contain all the balls. but if the bigger size balls are put in first then lastly the smaller size balls, miraculously the container will be able to fit all the balls. this is to show that if u know how to prioritise ur work and stay focus, forgoing small insignificance stuff like talkin on de fone or msgin, or even takin a nap, at the end of the day we can actualli finish up all the things we want to do. time management. :)
no turning back route. no short cut route. no miracle route. it is a dead-end route. do it well or ..

...

its that feeling again. i am not too sure how to describe it. somehow.. it seems like loneliness.. but again.. it appears like fear at times.. maybe fear of loneliness? but again it doesnt seem like it. negative feeling? sometimes i feel rejected. i feel dont belong. at times i need to remind myself.. to be just myself. its not really easy.. especially when fitting in is necessary. but y try so hard to fit in? isit because of the crave for the used-to-have feelings i had then last year. then.. it was me. and just me. everyone.. or at least those who were close to me understand y i act certain way. now, its different. i felt like there is a need for certain explanation when i did sth different. even though, there are laughters all arnd me. smiles on my face. but it is all short term. it doesnt last. the happiness doesnt last like it used to be.
there are barriers. barriers around me. isit set by me? or set by others?
independence. how independent can a person be? after all, human being is a social animal.
helplessness. kind people are rare nowadays. but again, how u expect someone to be kind to you when you are not kind to everyone. that's the thing. everyone wants everyone to treat them well, yet they forget they are also everyone to everyone. you need to give in order to get something back in return. and even when you give, you shall not give for the sake of getting something back.
everything in this world seems to have two sides. up and down. left and right. dark and bright. white and black. girl and boy. happy and sad. hard and soft.
and everything works like a cycle. round and round it goes. just like our planet.
expectation. expects nothing and life will be better.

GrRrr

i have just experienced a v great extreme emotion. the emotion was so much that it scares me. anw de emotion is ANGER. i cant rmb when was the last time i felt so worked up. worked up due to anger. nt those worked up due to anxiety or impatience. This time round, it is really pure anger. I believe it has been such a long time dat i dare to say this may be the first time i really felt such a powerful anger. I can totally understand the meaning of blood boiling. Cause i could just rmb vividly the moment when my blood rise and it could be felt as if it is being boiled. and i mean literally boiled. another thing besides blood boiling, is dat anger can totally blind ur eyes! and once again this is proven. believe it anot. i felt exactly like dat. blinded. it was felt as if there is a fog in my head. literally. and it took great pains to keep my anger in check. I used to be able to control it well, by tryin to tink abt other things. but today, the method dint work at all.i tried takin deep breaths, n all i could feel is my blood rising higher.
i dislike to b treated unfairly. i mean how anyone will like daT? of coz besides de party dats is receiving de gd end it is no prob. i haf esp strong feeling against dis kinda treatment. nt too sure y. mayb since young it has alwaes been like dat? everythin gg against me? but.. as many went against me, der are many too dat went for me. and i must be thankful for dat.
its really not easy to control ur own emotion. but satisfaction definitely will be felt if certain emotions can be controlled quite well. one of my goals: control my anger well (though it ll be quite seldom to get me real angry, better be prepared than sorry)
empty shells are not any better. no matter wd the shells represent.
exterior pictured, interior null < exterior plain, interior full;
sapped energy. tired. zonked.
good night.

BBQ!! :D 

*hmmm..*

y ppl seem to care only about themselves? think about it.. have you really talk to someone who really does listen and care about your stuff. not really right? even if there is.. i believe it is only a handful. do u know why this happened? because to them your stuff doesnt interest them at all. to you it may be interesting, but to them it is just like any other normal event. they are more interested in telling you what happened to them. as to them those are more interesting, but once again.. their stuff are not really exciting to u right??mayb the outline u will still be interested.. but when u got to the details.. it may get too.. detailed.. but u know wad.. it gets quite hurting to the one who is trying to tell u their stuff if u r to show negative signs. what's worse, after telling you what the person experienced, the next sentence that comes out from your mouth is ur own experience. it can get quite bad ya..
anw.. just letting out my random thoughts.
there are so many things i want to do.. but there seems to be not enough time.. i believe its my own fault not to be able to manage my time well..
there was this presentation that was shown at the beginning of the year.. or is it last year..( i tink both) there are different sizes of balls and a container. if de smaller size of balls are put in first, then the container will not be big enough to contain all the balls. but if the bigger size balls are put in first then lastly the smaller size balls, miraculously the container will be able to fit all the balls. this is to show that if u know how to prioritise ur work and stay focus, forgoing small insignificance stuff like talkin on de fone or msgin, or even takin a nap, at the end of the day we can actualli finish up all the things we want to do. time management. :)
no turning back route. no short cut route. no miracle route. it is a dead-end route. do it well or ..

...

its that feeling again. i am not too sure how to describe it. somehow.. it seems like loneliness.. but again.. it appears like fear at times.. maybe fear of loneliness? but again it doesnt seem like it. negative feeling? sometimes i feel rejected. i feel dont belong. at times i need to remind myself.. to be just myself. its not really easy.. especially when fitting in is necessary. but y try so hard to fit in? isit because of the crave for the used-to-have feelings i had then last year. then.. it was me. and just me. everyone.. or at least those who were close to me understand y i act certain way. now, its different. i felt like there is a need for certain explanation when i did sth different. even though, there are laughters all arnd me. smiles on my face. but it is all short term. it doesnt last. the happiness doesnt last like it used to be.
there are barriers. barriers around me. isit set by me? or set by others?
independence. how independent can a person be? after all, human being is a social animal.
helplessness. kind people are rare nowadays. but again, how u expect someone to be kind to you when you are not kind to everyone. that's the thing. everyone wants everyone to treat them well, yet they forget they are also everyone to everyone. you need to give in order to get something back in return. and even when you give, you shall not give for the sake of getting something back.
everything in this world seems to have two sides. up and down. left and right. dark and bright. white and black. girl and boy. happy and sad. hard and soft.
and everything works like a cycle. round and round it goes. just like our planet.
expectation. expects nothing and life will be better.

GrRrr

i have just experienced a v great extreme emotion. the emotion was so much that it scares me. anw de emotion is ANGER. i cant rmb when was the last time i felt so worked up. worked up due to anger. nt those worked up due to anxiety or impatience. This time round, it is really pure anger. I believe it has been such a long time dat i dare to say this may be the first time i really felt such a powerful anger. I can totally understand the meaning of blood boiling. Cause i could just rmb vividly the moment when my blood rise and it could be felt as if it is being boiled. and i mean literally boiled. another thing besides blood boiling, is dat anger can totally blind ur eyes! and once again this is proven. believe it anot. i felt exactly like dat. blinded. it was felt as if there is a fog in my head. literally. and it took great pains to keep my anger in check. I used to be able to control it well, by tryin to tink abt other things. but today, the method dint work at all.i tried takin deep breaths, n all i could feel is my blood rising higher.
i dislike to b treated unfairly. i mean how anyone will like daT? of coz besides de party dats is receiving de gd end it is no prob. i haf esp strong feeling against dis kinda treatment. nt too sure y. mayb since young it has alwaes been like dat? everythin gg against me? but.. as many went against me, der are many too dat went for me. and i must be thankful for dat.
its really not easy to control ur own emotion. but satisfaction definitely will be felt if certain emotions can be controlled quite well. one of my goals: control my anger well (though it ll be quite seldom to get me real angry, better be prepared than sorry)
empty shells are not any better. no matter wd the shells represent.
exterior pictured, interior null < exterior plain, interior full;
sapped energy. tired. zonked.
good night.

BBQ!! :D