Saturday, November 20, 2010
Ideal: don't go out, if possible, stay at home is e best. No request no trouble. They see you means u r safe. Nv see u means u r not safe. So do wadeva within their sight
this is e onli way they can confirmed that u r safe.
Wad does that sounds like?? Robots. Exactly. U dun have to go out. But wads e product?? People like me n hy. I can totally understand how she feels. Being in e control of her parents. N for e fact she is worst than me. Yea. Protection is gd. But over protection is not gd. Furthermore we r 18 19 alr!! We can't always be in their protection. We have to learn to grow n spread our wings and fly!! But the problem is we can't. We aren't happy being kite. We can't reach e sky. They ain't releasing the strings. People can fly high n free. It's true. We still depend on our parents and e string is wad kept us there. But e problem is we ain't high n free. We r still at a distance where e string release can't let us enjoy our stuff. They r jux to afraid to let us go. Being rebelious is probably e onli way to grow in such scenario. But apparently, we ain't. That's y we dun really grow. Always being kept in the protection, I always feel stupid. Really. Missing out e childhood times. Tbh, my parents ask me go out i rather stay at home. I dun feel comfortable going out with them. Plus. I dun have e habit. (my father is more up to date then my mum can!) They have missed out my growing times. To e extent they didn't even noe my change. I changed years ago. N my mum onli realised I changed years after. I meant my taste n preference. They prefer me to stay at home. Home home home. That's e onli place where they thought it is safe. Well, it's not say accident can happen at home. Haha.
Tbh, I will feeldamn happy if my cousin come out n stay for sometime:DD it will be fun I guess. Hehe. But quite impossible
ppl like to talk to my mama. But we apparently don't. Wel. It's own daughter. Of ca e way she talk is different can!! So different!! Oh well. Heck.
Shall write till here!! Bye!!
7:31 PM
Friday, November 12, 2010
wow!!! it really has been a long time since i last blog.. but i dun really care. why? caz i doubt anyone actually read my blog! i doubt so.. oh well. haha.
A level started this week.. 3 more weeks to go n 6 more papers to be done... lolx. on average abt 2 per week? lolx. quite slack.. but if u realized its draggy too! Worst thing? a week later its prom! means.. i onli have one week to go shopping shopping shopping... but luckily for me, after my 2nd last paper, i will have a 6 days break be4 i do my last a level paper n i will be free after that:D:D i could start my shopping during the 6 weeks... hhaha..
well, from e last post till now, some things changed.
I m now over with the r/s problem. no point crying feeling bad over it. well, i will give most of my credits to my beloved babe:D it jux all happen one fine afternoon that we went for lunch and talk abt rubbish!! lolx. our niche conver:D then we suddenly talk abt everything. and it set me thinking and realized so many things why i shldnt dwell over the relationship. if not for her, i wont talk abt this thing and realize there are many things that tells me to get over it! really. its amazing. but of caz. i didnt get over it immediate. haha. i took quite sometime to actually have e courage to let it go. it really takes courage to do it. i swear. not onli do u need the courage to confess and accept a relationship. but it really takes alot of courage to let it go when e other person keep giving u false info. well, i realize i m quite stupid to be affect by those things which eventually i realize some of them are not true. yes. i m a free person now. and of caz. we r friends now. i feel much comfortable talking to him now though. compared to those days. haha. i accidentally read some of the conversation we shared and i realized how much things changed jux by saying a word I AGREE! It jux changed everything. but of caz. i dun regret. its one of the best memories i have. lolx. i learnt lots of new things, went to places i would nv go with my family, do many things for the first time. but probably i would safely say, we r better off being friends:) but i m glad u r still willing to be my friends:D i would definitely treasure this friendship^^
and i felt like i was alien in sch. well. sch is so big n i doubt i even noe 1/4 of the the j2 population. haha. well mb i could count to e max of 100 or sld i say i even have a problem of counting till 100? well, idk. haha.
awkward situation: well, due to some reasons, person A and me arent enemy but we arent friends anymore. lets not dwell into the cause. though i dont noe if A hates me or not. but i noe A has no intention of being friends anymore ( probably y i hate this two years. caz sch kinda sucks?) walking out of the sch with B. B also noes A. then saw A outside sch near e gate. B said bye to A. (according to B, A gave e shocked face and say bye still) i stood down there didnt noe wad to do at all! i swear. well, no point turning over to smile. i mean like, he dread seeing me i bet. if he could, i guess he would kill me! but its so rude to jux pretend i dunno e person B called out to. but still, i looked straight and continue to walk. its so awkward!! arghx.. TBH, i hate this kind of situation. i m an introvert afterall. (many wont agree though... haha)
p.s, i dun mind being friends with him again though^^i didnt dare to think of life after As! i probably dread thinking abt it anw. haha. didnt wan to:( i onli had activities till mid dec. and no more. needa find job and many more. man! first time i m working!
today isnt a good day anw. i could sign in to msn. i could sign in to blogger. i could read blogs. but i cant sign in to hotmail. i couldnt sign in to fb. irony. i lost marks in math paper caz of my dumb brain:( i lost my ezlink card:( wad else? i called e hotline to report but apparently, it was closed. and e site didnt write e operation hours. zzz. wads next?
wanted to update sth. but i forgot in jux a second... serious stm i have. trying hard to recall, but nth comes to my head. oh i rmb. lolx. but its really stupid.
had math paper 2 today. e paper jux started barely 15 mins my tummy was growling alr!! i m like super hungry:( couldnt concentrate so i drank water. finished paper abt 45 mins be4 times up ( which i was freaking scared that i didnt lots of careless mistakes...) my tummy contracted. its really hurts alot n i need to go to e toilet!! as i jux finished my paper, i wanted to check. so i hold on! its was torturous! my tummy made alot of noise. u noe, like when ur tummy got lots of air n make those sounds in ur tummy but didnt burp? after a long while, i looked at e clock. MAN 30 MORE MINS TO GO!!! n my tummy still hurts like nobody's business.!! still, i didnt go to e toilet. after another longg while, i looked at e clock. 20 more mins!!! omg!! i swear the e time is crawling can!! omg.. it was unbearable... even that last min took damn long to pass..omg.. after that, i had to wait for e invigilator to collect to count and do e necessary stuff! omg. i was cursing and swearing all e time. haha.. finally they say u may leave now. i rush out of the class took my bag n rush to e toilet.. haha. after which my tummy cramp like mad!! ALMOST CRIED OK! its really painful! wad a stupid experience...
6:34 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
i think its now that i see the truth clearly..
i dont noe how u feel...
like you said, if I KNEW, we wont end up like this...
since we ended up like this, its obviously I DONT...
i cant keep thinking of wad i dont have, i.e. ur point of view...
no matter how hard i thin, i still wont have...
but i still have my point of view...
all i noe is, we really dont have much communication...
this was one of the reason that caz the breakdown...
another was probably the lack of time together...
this will worsen the above point...
lastly...
all i noe is i m always the one in the wrong...
no how correct i think i am at first...
i always ended up being the bad person...
you are always right...
nv wrong...
its ok if i play the bad person...
i dont mind.. as long as u r happy...
but apparently u r not...
neither did u wan to talk abt e problem...
there is nothing i can do...
ni kai xin jiu hao...
so we ended up like that...
u r happier the way u r...
but still the same old sentence...
as long as you are happy:)
i dont believe you can jux let go this feeling jux like that...
or mb i m jux pro enough to let u accumulate till the extend that u can do so?
idk and i will nv noe...
i really dont believe months is enough to forget abt the yrs...
but i do believe you r happier now:)
but sorry, i cant jux let go of all these even though i thought i did...
instead, i realised that my heart was frozen, it is numb...
memories were locked inside, feelings are contained...
i could no longer feel or see the past...
i m afraid when this ice melt and let all the memories and feelings revive....
i m unable to take it...
even be4 the ice ever melts...
i still miss u terribly...
i found out why everytime i make a wish at 11:11, it doesnt come true...
caz my clock is set 4 mins earlier...
so by right, its not time yet...
wishes dont come true:(
Labels: A walking ice with no history
11:09 PM
Monday, July 19, 2010
It's gp lesson now and I m taking this oppourtunity to update my blog. So wad. I sun gaive a damn. She jux pissed me off and I totally switched off in her 1.5 hours of lesson. I dun give a damn. Arghx. Kns!! Heck! Oh well. Jux update my blog lol. Everyone in e back row doesn't seems to be listening to her. Lolx. Hahaa bog well. That's cool. I m too pissed to listen. Arghx.
Caz I failed gp they had this freaking gp content lesson and they made it compulsory to attend 8 lessons. Means 2 lessons back to back every week!! 2.30 to 4 and 4.30 to 6. And my econs tuition is at 6 so I told her I can't go caz my tuition is at 6. Then she ask me to rearrange my tuition. So mb she thought it was private. So I said It is a Grp tuition. She dun give a damn and ask me to do sth abt my tuition FREAK OFF!! I m not suppose to scold but that ain't vulgar heh. Lolx. hey. Even if I pon my tuition it's pinning one month of lesson! IT'S NOT SAY I M NOT GOING FOR ANY GP LESSONS RIGHT!! She jux shove me off by saying SCHOOL STUFF HAVE PRIORITY. Oh plz. Also mux see wad situation la. U guy onli noe how to save ur asses. How abt e welfare of the student? So wad if its sch? I take mc got appointment still dun nid come sch. Oh plz!! Digusting. Shall see how it goes ltr when I go discuss with her
haix. Have I got over it? Have I been numb to it? Seriously, idk. Haix. How abt u? I Noe u r happier. But beneath that true happiness? Wad is the real feeling? R u trying to cover all that things and keep is save in a chest? How am i feeling??! Idk man!!
Woot!!! Lesson end!! Bb!!! Sorry for e adrupt ending! Hehe
2:15 PM
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sucks that I can't use touch to post a post:( well not exactly that I cAn't but jux mux change to html. How troublesome. Zzz. And typing a sentence sudden seems so long. More like one line of words. It jux keeps going to the right. Haha. And I see le feel abit weird. It used to be very fast that one line is ending. It seems ages. Typing three line alr seems something accomplished. Haha. Lol. Oh well. Ok enough of the craps haha. ( still it feels very nice to write four lines) hahaha.
You have left my life. It's hard to get back that feeling of life before we end up was we r now. Sec sch life is really different from jc. Sec sch seems to have more fun then jc:( the people are different. Sec sch friends are more fun. Not like jc. Ppl are so competitive and less fun. Always got conflict somewhere. I wan to go back to sec sch life:( like wad Jayne said no sense of belonging. Yeah. Totally no sense of belonging:( though we said we will be friends. But after wad have happen. Not jux once but dunno how many times. Being friends again, like wad were used to be, it's impossible. We know it very clearly. And it's better for u that we dun talk rght:)? You can live ur happy life without me going back into ur life and mess it up like usu? I won't accidentally end and leave as and when I wan. U get ur peace and happiness. That is the best way out I guess:)
And and and idiotic partner. I MISS YOU:( you left for Melbourne. But the feeling sure isn't the same as last time when we were so close. Talking abt rubbish:( as we grow up, we may not forget the ones who left their footprint behind, but some things still changes. Like how e feeling is when we talk. But no matter wad ip will always be ip:) when we look at the photos and e gifts, the feeling is always the same. Plus it will never fails to put a smile on my face:)
I am like totally in love with the wallet my Ah gong gave me:) alrights. Better make it clear. It's Dominic:) my ah gong. Who is so cute:) he was e mascot of our class during sec 2 camp:) carebear:) hahaha. Lol. Yeah. Ah gong is the best:) glad I m his onli granddaughter:) at least I dun have to share my ah gong with someone else:) haha. Ah gong is love:)
plus plus plus. I've got a new daddy:) hahaha. Lol. How we become so close is a very very funny incident:) really. Idk y. But really funny. Hahaha. It was becaz of the orientation camp. Haha. He was the game ic and I was one of the gamers. Haha. Then he sent us some MSG abt the prep camp game stuff. Haha. Oh I think it's that we r having a meeting in e afternoon before the camp. Haha. So i disiao said. So we r going to have a dinner date after that? I mean all the gamers plus the pc gamers. Haha. Then he realised that they dun have dinner time. Lol. Like after that the pcs are having meeting. Lolx. No dinner. Haha. I bet ts alright for them. That's the power of jj isn't it:) wellknown for it's camps:) but nv Noe wads behind the scene. Haha. Then we chatted everyday after that. Wow!! Damn cool huh!! How he become my daddy is simple. Dun see he like one guy lohx!!! He damn naggy one!! Hahaha. Thanks daddy for everything:):) but cheer up. Wad happen though isn't wad u an but it's kinda expected dun u think so? She is a very firm girl. Well this ain't seems to be e words I shld say. But if I dun say u will be e one suffering. You shld Noe wad u shld do:) give up is the onli way good for u. Though there is another rd that is to perservere, but then from wad I heard abt her, this road will onli lead to u being hurt and injured. Afterall there r still so many girls out thre isn't it? Esp after ur army and when u go university:)
Tuition freak. Bet these two words were left in our memories and they are never heard again? Many things sure happened thru these years. Tuition, a fav place we used to hang out, have now become a place that we all dread. Left there for two yrs. Wonder how's things there. Pretty screwed up though. As of wad I Noe. Haix. Things have become like that. Pretty sad. U could say. I was one of those people who left early. Haha. Wasn't that close to them anymore. But there sure played an important role in my life. Miss them alot for sure:) those memories were the ones that were fresh in my head, still. It's hard to believe such things can actually happen. But miss them alot for sure:(
band. I dunno abt this man. But jjcsb have definitely gave my a different point of view abt such small bands. In qtss I defintely nv though a concert can actually take place. But in jj, a band smaller than qtss, omg it's Miracle! We actually had so many band concerts. And it's possible for such a small band to get silver!!! Definitely the conductor matters. Haha. Now u can see how gg is qtss. I rmb once, I went back to hear the band. The moment I hear it, I Noe it's a bronze band once again. I learnt alot more in jj. N I m glad I joined band in the end. Really:) if not I would nv have the chance to do such things. 2 combined concerts, one camp, 1 JJ concert!! And of caz. Soany outings:) I really admire the jj culture. Wow!! And of caz the conductor and teachers I/c. They made me see it possible if we all put in hard work. Y not? Nothing is impossible! That's wad jj told me. The culture of jj sure is something special, something not even a sec sch have:) I will definitely remember it for life:) glad to be jj:)
shuyi. My babe:) junhao, my best butt. Cindy, my woman. Graceclia, the bimbo. Fangting Benita zhiyang n weichen. Seems big huh! Haha. Well though we ain't very close and many things have happened, we Noe we still have each other at the end of the day:) wad we may become doesn't matter. Wads important is the memories we hold and the path we walked down tgt. Chances of us meeting up after As seems very slim, but at least we cherish the times we have now and enjoy every outing there is for us:) we Noe we will have each others back no matter wad happens:)
after reading this post and the previous post, have u ever wonder y I seldom talk abt my life events? Like many other ppl did? Lol. I jux realised that I lead a pathetic lifeless life:( life definitely is boring. Hols. But I have to stay at home and study:(. Haix so sad:( can't really go out much. Not at least for me. Well I m not that rich to keep going out too. If I have the cash like my woman. I would definitely go out more often:( but the truth is I don't. So no choice stay at home. Haha. Hmmm probably one day I could find nq and Jayne to go out to study:( haha. How boring can life goes:( haha. That's probably the reason y I have nth to update my life abt. Haha. But the events that had taken place is definitely some big events. Stressful. But feels accomplished. Haha. Like er JJ's first concert after dunno how many yrs! And orientation camp. Haha. Those are definitely fun:) nth more coming up. Haha. Oh no! There is one more.... A level!! Few more
onths to freedom! Jyjy:)
Labels: Once in a long while
5:26 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
haix.. its hols.. but it doesnt seems to have much fun.. but there are definitely some fun in it! hahaa... meet up with my pri sch friends.. oh i miss them so much.. ahaha... as usual..we are the noisy ones.. zzz... the guys was rather quiet at e start.. at the start onli ok.. haha.. and the most most dumb dumb thing i hear from them is that.. e guys of caz... is "hey debbie. u still look as fierce as u was last time.." =.=!!! oh well. TOO BAD! hahaha... u cant change a face can i? lolx.. haha... had a good meet up though... haha.. 3 of them are in the same sch now.. awww. lucky them:D lolx.. oh.. we camwhore like nobody's business sia.. lolx... but sadly.. i dun have the pics... ahha... they are on fb though... lolx.. thats the most interesting part of hols??
oh i think i better write this if not some other ppl will be jealous one.. lolx... that is ... small grp band "outing" lolx.. to the badminton court! ahah... its was fun.. long time since i exercised.. lol.. *praying hard not to gain weight when there is no more pe>.<* play double all the way.. caz too many ppl and one court.. haha.. it was damn funny esp when roger is playing.. haha.. cant stop laughing.. haha.. his face and his actions are jux so funny!!! lolx.. he is like okok let be serious.. then he start the ball.. then all of us burst out into laughter again... caz the ball didnt go over the net... of er.. idk.. worst thing is the part whr roger and i went to buy drinks.. we walk quite a distance but there is no mama shop that sells drink except for that dumb dumb coffee shop=.= when we went back.. nuanqi told us that there is a 7-11 at the other side=.=!!! in the opposite direction that we walk=.=!! we then ended off with 4 vs 3.. fun!!! ahaha... when we walk out of the court. we saw this shop jux opposite of the door.. they sell drinks too=.=!!! omg.. so stupid of us.. ahah...
3:30 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2010
fml
11:06 PM
