I have debated writing about this for several months now, but because I don't want to forget it - here we go.
Let me start by saying I don't like Mother's Day. I think it should be called Wife Day because Derek is the only one who treats me any better that day. In some ways I think Mother's Day and Father's Day are just punishments for the opposite parent. I am always very nice to Derek on Mother's Day because I know he'll get pay back on Father's Day if I am not.
This Mother's Day started with breakfast in bed and a sweet card and lots of hugs and kisses. So nice! Derek's bishopric meetings were only for one hour instead of three before church so all I had to do was feed the kids lunch and go after he left. Bryce, it's always Bryce, got into one of his moods and things started going very badly. I finally just ignored him completely as I got the other kids out the door. I was pulling out of the garage when Bryce ran out to the car and jumped in. His white church shirt was untucked to his knees, he didn't have any socks on and his hair was a mess. I just didn't care by then and drove to church. (Consequently, every Sunday since then, Bryce has tried to go to church without socks on.)
We got to the church (where we have Sacrament meeting last) and I was very distracted getting Bryce into the primary room, where Derek was filling in on the piano so all the women could be in Relief Society and I deposited his son with him so he could try to get him to look presentable. As I left the primary room I was ushered into the Relief Society room and seated with a plate of goodies and the meeting started. After the song, prayer, announcements etc. they had all the sisters who were not usually in Relief Society stand up to introduce themselves. Chase's nursery leader, who he LOVES, introduced herself and I thought, "Oh, Chase must be so sad she's not in there." And then I realized I had no idea where Chase was because I had NOT taken him to nursery. I bolted from the room, leaving my baby sitting there in his car seat, and ran to the nursery. No Chase. I went out to the car to see if he was still strapped in his car seat. No Chase. I ran to the senior nursery. No Chase. I went to the primary room to see if he was with Derek. No Chase. Full scale panic set in. Hysteria. I ran back to the jr. nursery and still didn't see Chase. I asked the nursery worker if they'd seen him, and as he turned to answer me I saw Chase was sitting on his lap and was just not visible from the door. Chase had taken himself to nursery. He's 2. I started laughing, you know, that nervous, crazy laugh. Then I just cried. I wish I could say it's unusual for people to see me crying at church, but sadly since Derek has been in the bishopric and I was an unstable pregnant woman and then slightly post partum new mom, I've left that building crying more times than I can count. (Yes, I'm always on my way out when the break happens. It's lovely, a real highlight in my life. I frequently question why I bother even going to church.)
Things were uneventful after that until Sacrament Meeting started. I looked in the chapel and it was completely full. Our ward is typically about 12 rows back into the over flow. I was really not interested in sitting in the hard, noisy chairs with my kids, so I decided to give myself a Mother's Day gift and just cut out early. I loaded the kids and was about a mile away when Austin started talking about how they were going to sing to me in Sacrament Meeting and he wanted to go back. The Guilt! So I made a Major mistake and actually turned the car around and went back, all the while making the kids PROMISE to behave.
When we got there... oh, where to even start? All Hell broke loose because Bryce missed the Sacrament water and Freaked out. He was crying, "I want the water" when all he really wanted to do was keep the cup (which I don't allow) and play with it, creating a drooley, slobbery mess. I loaded everyone back up into the car and started to drive off, but Bryce was trying to climb out of the car and was screaming, "I promise anything just please let us go back. Please mom. I'll be good. PPPPPPLLLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEE." etc. So I actually parked the car AGAIN (what a fool) and went back inside, where all the promises of good behavior disappeared and he started in about the water again. By this time, the primary kids are headed up to sing and Austin happily trots up there and Chase is staring at Bryce and me struggling with huge eyes. Bryce eventually went up to sing and Derek said he could tell things weren't going well because he could see Bryce's tears and that the back of his neck was red from me squeezing it to get his attention.
Things did not improve after that. But I was not leaving again. Oh no. Bryce had chosen his battlefield and I was going to win. Chase fell asleep on my friend's husband, and the baby was being snuggled by another friend. Austin was happy, so I had all my attention just for Bryce. I was furious. At him, and myself for being so foolish to believe him. Then I got an idea. An awful idea. I got a wonderful awful idea.
On the way home I told Bryce his punishment. I had decided that he was going straight to his room and would remain there until Derek got home (about 2 hours later). While he was wasting away in his room, I told him he was going to write me a talk on Isaiah 29:13 that says, "Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their hearts far from me..." and he was going to explain how that applied to he and I on this very special Mother's Day. I actually think this was a pretty good punishment, but my enforcement technique... well, it's not exactly Mother of the Year quality. Then I told him if he did not write a talk, or if he came out of his room before his father got home, or if it was not done well enough, I was going to cut off his stuffed animals head. And just so he knew I was serious, I took one (not his favorite, just one he kind of likes) and put it's neck between my scissors.
Well, Bryce stayed in his room until Derek got home, the talk wasn't good enough, Derek stopped me from chopping Froggy's head off and helped Bryce write something decent. I should have kept what he wrote. I really wanted to chop Froggy's head off. That snip through fabric would have felt so satisfying. Ah, another day perhaps. Then Derek took Froggy from me, and took away my scissors. And I had a lovely Mother's Day evening.
The End.
