Little Thing

Here is a thing...
He loves me, but he doesn't make me feel "beautiful" in his eyes...

If only he understand this feeling inside of my heart right now..

Finally addicted to it.

This is so slow. I mean, most people are already doing this way back, and I just started to get addicted to it. Help me, I'm addicted to online shopping. D:

I used to be sceptical about it. It took me years to accept this concept and finally getting into it! Got frightened with those complaints online about this blogshop and that blogshop. That was what stopped me from trying it.

Now, this is becoming a difference story. I got hooked to Zalora already. Found out long time ago, but just only tried ordering products from them this year. First time, I bought myself two pairs of ballerina flats and a top. I was satisfied. Luckily there was this size guide on their website! Phew! Got the right size.

Oh yeah, one bad news though.

This one went to the rubbish bin recently because it went soaking in the rain with me after office hours for a week! IT STINKS. So does my tapak kaki. Tried Febreeze and Scholl Odour Spray. Nothing works. I was a little upset. I loved the dull colours so much. :(

Last week, I purchased another two pairs. One is a pair of office flats in black. The other one was a pair of orange sandals. That was to comfort my feelings after the first pair of flats got thrown away without any choices.

Ok I lied. More like, I'm just freaking addicted to it. I love the excitement of waiting for the products to arrive. And I love how I still can spend money without going into the mall. I really had no time on weekends now. Sad life, I know.

Another thing is, as I just received my second order, I happened to read some online posts about Zalora. It was some customer's bad experiences.I was surprised because I had no idea about this! So far, I'm thankful that Zalora really did a good job by delivering my items on time. Phew.

I think I really saved a lot of time. Heheh. But then, I still have no confidence to buy pants online. My fat thighs are still with me. LOL. You just wait, fatty thighs. Imma get rid of you! >)

Zalora is not the only place I spent my money online. I actually spend few ringgits for a stupid game. Hahaha. Goodgame Cafe. Need to pay if we want the golds. But I have a good reason. The food that I cooked in my restaurant got spoiled. In order not to waste my coins on buying the ingredients, I need to spend 1 gold to save the dish! Reasonable okay! Your argument is invalid. :D

I'm currently waiting patiently for The Body Shop products to arrive. :) Aloe Vera range of facial care. Free delivery since I spent more than RM120. Again, I have good reasons. No time to go shopping. The face just went through a tough time; went to Sepang Gold Coast for shortfilm shooting and got sunburned. And also, I was so smart to use Guardian's Facial Wipe. Ended up with rashes and sunburned skin. Now the skin is flaking. so annoying!

Anyway, life is good when I can shop online.

I'm a happy soul now.

Punch the Bag & Avoid the Idiot.

One of the things that I'm thankful about is my Muay Thai class. Without these night work outs, I don't think I can feel any better now. If you read my previous emotional posts, you would roughly know what troubles me. It's like, I cannot be at home or office for long. It would kill me inside. Seriously.

So, yes Muay Thai class after office hours would be very helpful. As if I could punch out the anger and pressure inside. Let the punching bag be the one to take off these negative vibes from me. 2 hours of training for twice a week. Good enough for me. I'm still trying to lose few more kgs. Tone up. Some said I'm going to be skinny. Don't be silly. I'm not interested.

Class would have been awesome if I don't meet "some" irritating people there. Currently, I'm really in the mission of avoiding this African guy who recently joined the class. Let's call him A. He was cool and all at first. Now he is really getting on my nerves. 

Situation 1:

I was chatting with another new buddy who trains there too - J. Some other guys were there too. Somehow, we were talking about my background identity. 

Me : Yeah, my kampung is at Thailand (or something. Kinda forgotten what I really said)

J     : oooo...

Suddenly, the busybody A walked into the middle and interfered.

A    : Yeah, we both come from the same place...

2 seconds of silence.

Then, everyone else started laughing as if it was very funny. I can tell how fake was the laugh.  

I know he is just joking, but I really think he shouldn't come and get into the conversation. I barely know him! And yeah, the joke is lame. Asia is not the same with Africa. Get a map and study it first. pffft!

Situation 2:

Note : Herherher/Herher : Fake laugh, usually used on morons/idiots/annoying person.

I got a temporary tattoo of barcode on my left wrist. It was meant for Stan's short film. And of course, A happened to see it and starts to get busybody.

A   : What's that? 

Me : Oh, nothing..just for my project. (trying to end conversation by turning away)

A   : Pro-ject? *Stares at me, wanting to know more

Me : Errr.. Some short film project. yeah.

A   : ooooo. I have one too! *shows his wrist

Obviously his wrist got nothing on it! He just doing his stupid lame joke. 

Me : Herher. Yeah....(I was wishing that somebody would just call me so I can leave!)

A   : See see.. We are a match!

Huh? What match? I feel so disgusted already. No, we are not a match. Felt so awkward but ddin't know how to brush him off nicely. The conversation gets worse after that...

A   : See, we are same height.

Me : Oh. err. Okay.

A tried to be closer to me and measure our height. God knows how grossed out I was at that time.

A  : See, we are same!

Me : *moves away* Ermm. No. herherher. You are taller.

And I quickly walked away!

A  : See, we are a match.

What the heck! Are you trying to suggest something here? Urgh! I swear I wanted to punch him already. 

Situation 3:

I was walking past him (no choice/no alternative route to my bag) and he was holding the yellow skipping rope. As I passed by, he turned around and took the rope, trying to put on my neck. I quickly dodged that disgusting act from him.

A   : *Smiles* Why? You don't like yellow?

Me : No.. more like, I don't like you!  Herher. Nothing, nothing. Oh look, yellow rope n your shirt is yellow.

And I escaped for awhile. Phew!

Situation 4:

This is fresh from last night's class. I thought I did pretty well avoiding A. Good thing there were more trainees. I planned stuffs with Yen and tell her to play along if I start talking on random stuffs. You know, it would be helpful when I know A is approaching me. Hohoho! >)

All went well until the class ended. I was discussing seriously about my worn out, temporary tattoo with Stan on the phone. Out of nowhere, A was suddenly next to me, leaning towards me so closely, trying to hear the phone conversation. What is wrong with this fella! Have you got no manners? ?? I quickly showed the pissed  off, serious face and put my left hand forward to stop him. I think he got my message.

I'm not racist, alright. In fact I used to know one good friend in college from Nigeria; Afeno! :) He was such a gentleman. A cool person. He was considerate. Totally opposite of this stupid character I met at class. 

I don't get it why he have to be so annoying. Did I become too nice and that's why he is taking that advantage? Seriously, stop acting like we are very close. I'm not comfortable. And I really wish I don't have to tell him frankly how much I hate him right now. I just want to have a good time at class. 

Let me breathe too.

It feels like I'm not really 23 years old. Time flies. I'm used to answer people that I'm 20. Sometimes, when the age question is thrown to me, I actually started thinking for a second. It's true, I tend to forget my age. I don't know why.

I've been looking forward to be a young adult. Like right now. Earn your own money, do what you are capable of. I'm just like the rest out there; I have lots of goals to achieve in life. now I'm starting to go through some dilemmas. It is just difficult to make a proper decision. So many things coming in at the same time.

Here at home, I feel like I'm still 15. He treat me like a child. He loves and care for me, I know. but sometimes he should really consider how do I feel too. I'm not a kid anymore. He forgets that easily. Screaming on top of his lungs at me in front of everyone when I can't park the car properly, showing temper at me just for going out. I love him. I still respect him though he treats me like shit sometimes. but how much can one bear with everything? Everything has its limit. I believe in mutual understanding. I tried. But he doesn't seem to accept any of my opinions anyway.

Now he restricts me from driving out for any outing. Basically, I can only drive the car for the family. That's all. All because I'm not the car owner. I'm just the guarantor. I'm so frustrated. He wanted to buy the car for family use and he is paying near to RM800 monthly. I told him way earlier that I can't help on that yet, it's a bit too high. I don't earn enough money even after work at the same place for 2 years plus. I get nothing.

And now he can come and tell me " Don't touch the car, unless you are paying for it!".  I feel so suffocated. I know he is an old man with all kinds of sickness. but that doesn't mean I have to be treated that way all the time right?

I do wish that I could afford to pay that amount every month so he can keep quiet.  And part of me feels like I should just get a car on my own. But the question is, how much can I pay?? It would be stupid to do that right now.

I don't know how long I have to go through this. Will he ever understand me? Will he ever accept the fact that I'm no longer a teenager? I just want to breathe. Give me my freedom that I deserved. After what I've done for the family, is it still not good enough? I hate to be angry at him because I know that I do not want to feel like this. After all, I love my father.