It feels heavier now.
There is no ending. It keeps coming.
Feels so pressured.
Tired too.
Sad to say that I can only sit and hope for things to get better each day.
I see only empty promises. Nothing more than that.
I wish I can prove myself wrong.
I tried and it doesn't work out.
When is this going to be better?
When will I get what I want?
Wait, no. Not just want, but need.
I know I deserve better. I know that deep inside.
It feels like I'm going nowhere. I'm a lost child.
I regret this, a little.
But can I hope for something better to happen anytime soon?
Because of this thing that I realised, it does change things in my mind.
I need to hold on.
I need to decide.
I can choose what I want.
After all, this is about me.
Blerghhhh...
Somebody please take me away from this bullshit.
[Preferably Joe. XD HAHA]
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
After the hiatus
Tonight, my heart is open to blogging again. I don't know how it happened. But here I am.
I finally got my driving license. I really think I was lucky. Maybe Papa's prayer did come true. And I'm the one driving the new Alza. Auto-car, thankfully. I tried driving Joe's Viva and I give up. Why? Because it is a freaking manual car. hahahaha. But hey, I'm now proudly driving alone to Shah Alam just to meet him!
Papa recently got stroke. He fell on the floor at home while I was at work. God knows how shaken I was in the ambulance. Thank God my boss helped to drop me at home. It was such a challenge having to face the reality. That moment when someone's life is at stake. Now Papa is at home doing fine. He recovered. Thank God. The challenge now is having to deal with his crazy mood swings at home.
Muay Thai class has been awesome throughout these months. I think it has been 6 months already? I feel stronger and healthier. Heheh. Hope that I can do even better. Class is even more fun when CK, Joanne and my sister are there too. Crazy coach too. One thing is that..I have to put up with the smell of sweat. Yucks!
Work is stressful. Dealing with people who are inconsiderate/irresponsible/fucking assholes/busybody/money-minded/fucked-up art sense. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing what I want to do. Sometimes I wonder too if I was under-appreciated. I'm doing everything I can. I don't want to give up. but everything has its limit. I'm that fussy. Even fussy about my work desk. Yes, I do not like people who simply take my stuff and then misplace it. It turns me off most of the time. Feels like flipping the work desk and just leave. hmmph!
Current online addictions that helped to calm me down : Running Man, Naruto Shippudden, Yomyomf channel, Goodgame Cafe. :D
Here is some confessions. I like how I still get butterflies when I see him. and everytime I see any good looking guy and have this temporary crush on them, they would suddenly remind me of Joe. Apa ni???? Hahaha. I think I'm crazy. Still secretly like to watch him on the bike from college years till now. Gila. Aku betul-betul dah gila.
I think Joe put some spell on me. :P
Joe gave me this huge teddy bear many months ago. Hahahaha. Such a surprise. He is not that type to buy me roses or teddy bears. I think he is gila too. xD
And....no, we are not getting married yet. not so soon. try asking again 10 years later :P
I finally got my driving license. I really think I was lucky. Maybe Papa's prayer did come true. And I'm the one driving the new Alza. Auto-car, thankfully. I tried driving Joe's Viva and I give up. Why? Because it is a freaking manual car. hahahaha. But hey, I'm now proudly driving alone to Shah Alam just to meet him!
Papa recently got stroke. He fell on the floor at home while I was at work. God knows how shaken I was in the ambulance. Thank God my boss helped to drop me at home. It was such a challenge having to face the reality. That moment when someone's life is at stake. Now Papa is at home doing fine. He recovered. Thank God. The challenge now is having to deal with his crazy mood swings at home.
Muay Thai class has been awesome throughout these months. I think it has been 6 months already? I feel stronger and healthier. Heheh. Hope that I can do even better. Class is even more fun when CK, Joanne and my sister are there too. Crazy coach too. One thing is that..I have to put up with the smell of sweat. Yucks!
Work is stressful. Dealing with people who are inconsiderate/irresponsible/fucking assholes/busybody/money-minded/fucked-up art sense. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing what I want to do. Sometimes I wonder too if I was under-appreciated. I'm doing everything I can. I don't want to give up. but everything has its limit. I'm that fussy. Even fussy about my work desk. Yes, I do not like people who simply take my stuff and then misplace it. It turns me off most of the time. Feels like flipping the work desk and just leave. hmmph!
Current online addictions that helped to calm me down : Running Man, Naruto Shippudden, Yomyomf channel, Goodgame Cafe. :D
Here is some confessions. I like how I still get butterflies when I see him. and everytime I see any good looking guy and have this temporary crush on them, they would suddenly remind me of Joe. Apa ni???? Hahaha. I think I'm crazy. Still secretly like to watch him on the bike from college years till now. Gila. Aku betul-betul dah gila.
I think Joe put some spell on me. :P
Joe gave me this huge teddy bear many months ago. Hahahaha. Such a surprise. He is not that type to buy me roses or teddy bears. I think he is gila too. xD
And....no, we are not getting married yet. not so soon. try asking again 10 years later :P
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