Its nothing.

Happy Merdeka Day in advance to whoever reads this.
I do not celebrate it as there is nothing to celebrate, well in my point of view.
It has nothing to do with the political nonsense, but it is the same way I feel since..forever.

I was involved in the celebration once, when I was in form four. Hehe. My skin was super-tanned and I enjoy the choral speaking though it was a stupid thing to do when they have recorded it. The experience was great though I have gone through many probs regarding friends at that time. Ah. That shit. Leave it there, I'm done with it, coz IT's HISTORY and will never repeat again.

I however feel proud to be Malaysian sometimes. It was like a no big deal thing in my life when it comes to patriotism. I'm not sure if it is within my soul. Seriously. Therefore, I do not celebrate. By the way, does it count as celebration if I wath the parade live on TV? :D

I'm just interested in the school bands parade and soldiers. The rest is just boring and I will turn away from the TV. At least its a public holiday, so erm...yey!!! Perhaps patriotism is not my thing, or maybe it is too deep to understand.. I do not have that kind of mind or thinking. I'm very much neutral in these kind of things. Sometimes I go with the flow.

Whatever it is, I do not have reasons to celebrate, though I'm a Malaysian with the blue IC. Should I have a reason to do so? Maybe not.

Once again, Happy Merdeka to you, who celebrates it, who understand the real meaning of Merdeka. I don't.

By the way, I got two stuffs to let you guys know. I was the one who did the Raya Hamper Flyer for Cold Storage. Check it out. I'm too lazy to upload la. It comes along with the monthly leaflet of Cold Storage. =) Feels good to know its out in the public now, people can just grab it from any Cold Storage outlet.

Second work of mine is the Cold Storage Wine Ad on today's Star, page 11 :) That's my work..yey! But it was no big deal to me..Again, I'm too lazy to upload. Maybe later.

To0 tired. Just now Nat crashed my house and me and sis went with her to MCD Bangsar. We were laughing like mad monkeys this time. Everyone gone mad basically. Yen went hyper each time she sees a Hyundai car. Nat was trying to create her new recipe with the Sundae and Burger but totally failed. Me? I got my salty elbows thanks to the fries. And not forgetting the wonderful "Male Nanny". Hahahahaha! It was funny to laugh at him. He smiled, hopefuly he is not so perasan. We do not ADMIRE him. Its just funny okay.

Yuck. I had McD twice today. Feels so heavy.

Anti-Mooncake

I realised something.

I'm the only weirdo in this family who dislike and hate mooncake. But I love the festival. You get it? Hate the mooncake, but love the festival.

I love playing with lanterns and also watch kids holding their lanterns while walking around. I love the situation, especially at night. Its beautiful and somehow I feel peaceful and happy!

Speaking about mooncake. I just hate it. It looks nice, yeah and it comes with assorted flavours. Weird to know that I actually love looking at and admiring the mooncakes' packaging and also the pattern or design on the lanterns. Ooo. Sounds like I'm very artistic. Well, another example is that I hate reading but I love looking at the design on the book's cover. :D

Today, one of my bosses asked me to have a piece of the green tea flavoured mooncake. Ew. I declined politely. She was surprised to hear that I do not eat mooncakes. I ate twice in my life, I think. And its not as tasty as I thought. I can only watch my parents and sis swallow it down. Yuck. By the way it feels nice to cut it up into pieces. :D

Wargh! Its weirder each day as I get to know more about myself. So embarrassed when people noticed that I never ate sea cucumber before and never knew about its existence. Oh wait. Correction: Was embarrassed but now not embarrassed!

Its over coz I'm not the one.

Its all over now.
I guess I am always going to have every ending like this.
I will not get it for this life, maybe next life too if I was ever reborn again.

Don't worry, this is not about my love life. I'm still very much in love with Kitts (and will always be).

This is about scholarship. Hehe. Suspense or not? hahaha..

*switch back to sad mood, lights off. spotlight on me. Slow and emotional music background*

Some people already know that I did try to apply for Star Edu Fund Scholarship. I know its not easy. But I was encouraged by Jon, Priscilla and Ben. They are all scholars, man. Unlike me. :(

Then, I got shortlisted. At that time, I felt like jumping up and down but I can't since my pyjamas pants are quite loose. I just woke up actually.

I went for the interview. You know, when they start to give you a chance by selecting you for final stage, it does give you extra hope, extra dream. I never thought I could get shortlisted coz I really think I'm very unlucky and don't deserve it. :( Low self-esteem prob.

I did okay for the interview, I guess. I can answer all questions that they threw to me. But sadly, it was for nothing. I'm not the deserving one. I found out when I was on the way to work. I was flipping through The Star in the car, since we were stucked in a massive jam.

My heart was like beating so fast when I saw the article with a pic of a group of people with certs at the top of it. Believe it or not, I didn't want to continue reading. I read just the headline. It was enough to tell me that I'm not the one. I wasn't there for the ceremony.

I told my dad, who was next to me. After that it was just him talking, I kept quiet all along. My eyes were teary but I didn't let the tears roll down. I knew that somehow, this is the ending. I will not get it. And will never stand a chance anymore.

I was quiet emotional in the morning at work. Later I was getting better. I guess God wants me to work even harder. Maybe I have to find my own way, pay the fees by myself. Okay, even though PTPTN and church loan won't be able to cover my fees.

Don't expect me to apply for next year's scholarship because it is too late to help me. Way too late. I'm about to start my second year, which cost even more. I do not want another more deserving person did not get shortlisted just because of me. Ahh.. Forget it. Forget about Star Scholarship. Its not for me. I must tell myself this.

Feels like its such a failure, and I'm a loser. My hope crashed just like that, by an article and a pic. amazing. Don't need to pujuk me. I don't need it. I really think I don't "deserve" anything right now.

Outing

We went out to MidValley including The Gardens. Just for fun. According to Nat, she wants me to sacrifice one Sunday for our outing. I did it. :P Actually Kitts is not around, that's why I get to do that too la. :D It was fun, laughing like mad cows.

We ate at McD since its so packed everywhere we go. Me & Nix didn't get to buy our Delifrance tarts that we targeted earlier. Jusco was packed too. Eee..Got headache. Got some sushi with Nat. Nix hates sushi. hahaha! we planned to sumbat one whole sushi into her mouth one day. hehehehe. Jangan marah Nix!!!! Nanti cepat tua.

It was fun going out with them. I didn't have time all these while unless I get back to college. Sadly, next month is fasting month so they can't come along for a Sunway Lagoon trip. Looks like I have to "fast" as well. after one month, we will go there! (maybe because its nearby our college and its free for us. woohoo!)

And guess what, I saw Nat's artwork displayed at Gardens. Check these out!Only these two are hers. (Green and Orange)The rest are other TOA students' artwork. omg. Die-cutting. I can just die doing die-cutting. Very Finished Art. I think Sofia's one is there too. :D

Tmw back to work. Tiredddddddddd.

Is it wrong?

My lil cousin aged around 5 came down with my grandparents. She was so adorable and smart. But one night before she left, she was caught red-handed. She is so obsessed with make-ups that she stole my stuffs. I couldn't explain how devastated I was at that time. In fact I still feel the same now. She really took these stuffs and hide into her bag. How could she do that?

First impression is very important. And she do this on the first trip to KL?? I didn't forgive her nor talk to her. I know she is a small girl, do not know anything. But it is just so hard to let it go.

This is probably because of my another cousin who is one year older than me. She used to come down too. She came for like 3 to 4 times. She stole my money and my mum's money. big amount is all that I can say. She looked decent and soft-spoken, and its hard to believe she did it. Now, she is married, with two kids. I do not see her anymore.

The next time the lil cousin is coming down would be around November or Disember. Mum talked to me just now. She was advicing me. She wants me to try to give that girl a second chance as she is still a young lil girl, do not know much. I kept quiet and didn't want response nor look at my mum's face.

The last few sentences she said really shook me off.
"You did steal ur friend's ruler and eraser when you are in Year One right?"
"If you can change, why can't she change?"

I start to think. I did what she did. I knew it was wrong but I want the fancy ruler and eraser so badly. Mine is UGLY, that's why. I confessed to the owner 5 years later and she thinks I'm just making up stories. I tried to convince her but failed. Now, my lil cousin is the one who steals stuff. I really felt angry but at the same time, I wonder why I can't give her a second chance if I can change too? Then, the other half of myself claimed that my case is different.

I'm confused. Its so hard to let go. But then, I did it too! I don't know what to do. Why can't I just let it go? Is it wrong to be very angry with her when I was like her too? Talk about balasan, I think I got it twice already in school. My colourful set of pens costs RM200 was gone. Is it wrong to blame her though I did it before? I'm still angry with her.

Help me.

Siapa punye Seluar Dalam nie??

I seriously do not know who is the owner, but judging from the colour and the shape, it looks feminine. So, anyone lost their panty or underwear, contact me yeah. Can request for this pic to be removed too, if you are the owner! :)

Adui. I think I can set up a booth outside my house and make it into the lost & found counter. Approach me if your stuff go missing. I found many stuff in front of my kitchen. Its an open space. So, any neighbour of mine can just campak rubbish to my house.

I found shoes, bra, panties, apple and I can't recall anymore. Some of my neighbours up there are idiots. They pour a pail of water on my roof, ending up coming down like its raining at my open space here. Babi betul. I hate my neighbour right above me. They treated my cats and kittens like shit. I'm going to shoot some water to their clothes...whenever they hang it to dry. hehehehe.

Btw, yesterday i got electrocuted by the MayBank ATM Machine. Each time my finger press the buttons, I get it. It was raining, so that can explain why. Ish. Reminds me of form 3, when I got it from the lab. I cried. Afiqah was like so scared if I touch her. Lol. She was next to me.

What Do You Really Want?

You want something.
Are you sure that you want it?
Do you really want it?
Is that what you really want?

Make up your mind la!

My clients inspired me to blog this out tonight, again.
Thanks to their stupidity and confusing minds.

First they want the wine bottles to be arranged in a group, I did it. Then, a few of them didn't like it and they want the wine bottles to be arranged one by one. Grrrr! They just can't make up their mind.

Imagine what I've gone through. Its like, you are designing the layout, then after you are halfway done, you will get a phone call from you client, to change the layout again. The client calls in EVERYTIME he or she thinks of an idea or a change to be done. Its so frequent. Every half an hour, sometimes every one hour.

I'm wondering what is wrong with them. Can't you just sit down as team and discuss what you all really want? They don't seem to be systematic and efficient in their jobs. And on top of that, we are the victims.

I don't know la... People just can't make up their mind. Its just, stupid. Its either you want it or don't. Yes or No. I'm not just refering to my clients, but everyone out there, especially people that I know. Make up your bloody mind. Make your decision. Stop being a confused soul, not knowing what you want. You want both, get both! You don't want anything, don't bother thinking about it. Let it go! You are confusing yourself too. That's why; so confused that they keep changing what they want. First they want, then they don't want.

I get annoyed with people who can't make up their mind. Seriously ANNOYED!

ankle

This is the breaking news.

I just injured my ankle. Warghhhhh!!

So painful. As pain as...PAIN. My injury on my right ankle is restricting my ankle movement.

So suey la! Maybe I shouldn't eat that reg egg la. Now bad luck for me. ='(

I got a quite a deep cut by a tong cat outside my house. We used it to reserve parking space.

I cried like a baby. Yerla. Dah kata sakit!

And omg..I saw so much blooooood.....Scared of blood. Lucky thing I didn't pass out. :p

Tmw, I'm so going to suffer taking the stairs to my office. :( I'm doomed!!

I eat pork, mah.

Today is the big boss' birthday and it means that everyone gets to celebrate along. To me, it means, free food. haha. Buffet lunch again. Last two weeks, we just had a farewell party for two Bangladeshi workers. I have no chance to starve. :P

I went up the the office. It is not my office, but its the main building of the company, which is across the road. I only see Chinese people and I don't feel comfortable as I do not know anyone. Maybe a few, just by the face and name. I was about to take some food when my ears hear something...

(in Cantonese)
" Who is this?"
" Owh. She's from that side of Design department."
"Eh..Non-Halal food only you know??"
"haha. She is a Chinese la"

When the man asked "Who is this?" I felt like someone took a needle and poked my butt.Ouch! I turned and looked at him once. I knew it. I knew that he is about to wonder why this Malay girl is taking Non-Halal food. I'm not pissed, but I'm hurt abit. After he asked that question, I felt so out. Then, this stupid feeling came to me. I felt as though everyone is looking at me. Self-consciousness.

I eat pork. It tastes good. I can eat it though I have this tan tone of skin colour.

And oh crap. Fasting month is coming soon. I know I will get into trouble, like every year man.

It is not nice to get scolded or stared in the public. But I'm used to it la. Haih.. what the heck man. You think I care? No one is going to stop me from eating Sundae in public, anymore.

Just to let you know, last year, I got bad service and almost got kicked out of A&W for eating there. So bad that the manager have to come out and ask my religion. bodoh sial.

The Road

I really think that the road in front my house is cursed.
Many things happened:
Road accidents
This is the most popular thing at this road. One of the accidents that I remembered was when a car from the left came in a high speed and hit the couple on the motorcycle that came from the right side. My house is ride in the middle and what I saw was the lady bleeding so badly. I think she fainted.
People commiting suicide
One of the incident was when I wasn't borned yet, probably around 1987. Someone jumped down from the flat on the right side and didn't survive of course. And if not mistaken, a young lady commited suicide too. The night before, I believed me and my dad saw this drunk lady was trying to get out of the flat but a man kept pulling her back. She even tried climbing up the gate but he pulled her down. The next day, I think she died. I'm not so sure, but I heard rumours. I do not want to see dead bodies. I can't.
Crime
Someone broke into my dad's van and stole the radio system. It happened twice, and I feel like a piece of SHIT! we are always worried about my dad's van, but we have no other place to park the van. Another crime would be snatch thieves. Many ladies got their handbags snatched at this road. One of them is my father's friend, Ms. Emily. I felt sorry for her though. She fought hard to get it back but gave up when the rider took out a knife. Your life is a better choice than your million ringgits in that bag! My sister almost became the victim yesterday morning. Lucky thing my dad was nearby in his van. He was looking at that stupid indian man. (yeah, I purposely put a lowercase "i" coz I do not respect this Indian man. he doesn't deserved to have a capital "I" like others!) Next case is robbery. First one that I know would be a man (he is indian) who tried to steal the tong gas. Sial betul. But my neighbour was lucky enough as that idiot didn't managed to do so. Latest case is this morning's case. Someone rob my neighbour's house on the right side, 3rd floor. Police came. I don't know much about it. Oh there are some Indonesian prostitutes available here too. Their customers are always the foreign workers(Bangladesh & Indonesia) on the left side of my house. The girls' clothes are so obscene! Who else dresses up like that?? One of the latest cases is related to these prostitutes. An Indonesian man was stabbed to death in front of my house, but slightly to the side. It happened around 7am. A man on motorcycle stabbed him with a big knife and then left it at the crime scene.

I guess I'm used to this kind of environment in Brickfields, to be precised, Jalan Thamby Abdullah. Even my dad, sis and I got involved in a fight with an Indian man 4 years ago. He was teasing me as a useless girl.Ahh, calling me names that is not nice at all. Kononya I tak bermaruah. I wish I get to punch his penis. Damn. My dad found out and he got even angrier when that idiot pushed my dad's van. They started punching. My dad got injured at his head and eye. My sis ran out to stop the fight while I was too shocked. Almost pengsan to see my dad like that. The ex-nieghbours of mine (20 Indonesian men) came out to helped too. My sis was the first though. She punched that idiot on his skull real hard with all her strength and skills she got from Karate. Haha. Karate chick. I was pretty traumatised. Mum scolded of all us for not informing her. Lol. I refused to tell more about this idiot's come back. Wished he is dead by now or maybe got his penis bitten off by a wild dog. :) I would be very happy.

Brickfields, to me is not the same old place anymore. No more peaceful environment. Less neighbours as the flat opposite Cuepacs is gone for like 10 years ago. I missed that surrounding so much. I hate having weird neighbours, especially the foreign workers. They are very dirty. I feel disgusted. Wished I could move out with my family one day, when I can afford to buy a house. And damn it, why is it all Indian food only?? I enjoy it but its like no more variety of food. less Malay and Chinese food. Aku bengang.

One of my many confessions.

Maybe this is very rare.. but I admit that

I love...

Weddings! :D

I do not care who's son or daughter is getting married. As long as my family, especially ME are invited, it is just wonderful! Ok, maybe I will just suck up a lil. "Yeahh. good for them. they are very secocok".

I love attending weddings! How I wish people get married everyday! Then, I will get to attend their weddings everyday! My parents know I'm excited when Mr. Kok's eldest son is getting married next month. I'm not very close to them, though I used to play with his youngest son when we were small. Omg, just a lil bit out of the topic: his youngest son bit me! I do not know why. Now we are both grown up and we don't talk at all. Malu maybe? And I remember when we used to play "masak-masak" at my room. He was like " Ok, Berry is your son. You are the mother. I'm the father." I felt so embarrassed that I pushed him out of my room! I locked the door. He was like calling my name many times out there. "Sze Mun!! Let me in" but I ignored. Then, he left with his parents. :P Malu la, I don't like to play husband and wife game!!

Back to the story. It has been 4 years I didn't get to attend weddings. Its not like I'm going to die of not attending weddings. I just feel like something fun is missing in my life. So, you can imagine how excited I am when I heard the news about Mr. Kok's son! Haha! I can't wait. My mum was like, " eh, you like wedding but do you know you have to give angpau to them?". I looked at her and smiled. "Cheh. I'm not the one paying, its papa and mama that have to do so".

So why I love weddings?

I love dressing up to attend their dinner.

I get to eat outdoor, but in a grand restaurant.

Its the fooood. I love food. (looks like i'm going to be so fat)

I get to see people around me, socializing, dancing away..etc.

I love sitting down and admire the couple in their best gown and suit.

I get to imagine how's my wedding is going to be like. Hahahahaha!

I feel good, probably because I can feel the love is in the air. (yeah right!. merepek)


Not many people know that I love weddings. I really think its a good thing and don't worry I'm not a wedding crasher or even the girl who's going to run away with the bridegroom.

Sounds like I might like the job as the wedding planner. I wish I could plan someone close's wedding ceremony. When I'm old enough. A friend's wedding. :D Can I plan my own wedding as well? hehehe. Long time to go. ;)

just a small, racial prob.

There are about 4 designers in my company's design section, and that includes me, the part-timer. The design office only have one Sabah man and one Indian lady. The rest are all Chinese, including me. You can tell that it is more like a Chinese advertising company here, though they do ads in English as well.

The most common language that they use to communicate is obviously Cantonese or Mandarin. English language is more like secondary. I speak more Cantonese in this company. Feels good as they all started to accept me and they are even more friendly.

But this situation is in contrast with the Indian lady's situation, well from her side of story. She quit this job and found another job. On her last day of work, she told me things about the Chinese staffs here. She couldn't work here anymore because she assume that they are always against her. She also felt like she was being bullied in a way, as in doing many things that they gave to her. She felt not satisfied when she found out that one of the staff was busy designing his own wedding card while most of the work was pushed to her. I find that not fair too, but then I seriously do not mind. Maybe its because I'm not a full-timer there.

And this is another side of story. The staffs were talking about her. They said that she often record the whole conversation in the office whenever they speak in Cantonese or Mandarin. Then, she will let her Chinese friends listen to it and it is a way to find out if they were talking about her. That is freaky and offending. The staffs were actually shocked as they do not have anything against her.

What I really think is that most people have problem in communication when they do not speak the same language or understand the language. For an example from this story, the lady kept recording their conversation whenever they speak in Cantonese or Mandarin. I think she must be feeling uneasy every time they speak in that two Chinese languages. She feel insecure, as though they have to speak in these languages to say things about her, or she will understand. I believe that she must be wondering why can't they speak English, at least she wouldn't feel uneasy. But then again, what do you expect when you are in a company which has a majority group of Chinese? I think she should have known that she was about to work with Chinese around her from the day she was interviewed.

Besides that, I really think that this is a problem that is not easily solved in our society. There are still people out there who thinks that the other race are their enemies. There's not much shitty thing called perpaduan kaum yet. It is difficult, though there are people who can get along with everyone. Some people feel insecure when they hear the other race speaking in their mother tongue. Some people can't get along well just because they do not speak certain language.

I'm not racist. I have lots of friends from various race and religion. At least we all speak the same language. English or Malay. My Cantonese is not so good, so I left it out. I myself will feel uneasy too if there are few Indian ladies speaking in Tamil behind me. It makes me wonder why. It makes me feel like they do not like me.
Don't you feel like that too? There's nothing wrong. We are just curious. Nobody can escape this commucation problem.

anyway, I wished that she didn't leave. Or maybe, should have not join this company if she knows she is going to have problem like this. But like I said, it is just so hard to avoid that.

weird dream:featuring stars like Estrella, Fareez, and Kitts.

I was going to some places and then it was time to leave. I think I was at the LRT station.
It costs RM7.60. Expensive! I remember that Estrella was there too. We used Touch N Go card.
I did something stupid. I touch the sensor with Touch N Go but didn't take my luggage.

Estrella was like telling me to be fast or it would be a waste. I didn't make it. Somehow Estrella came back
to my side. I bet she got lots of money in her card. haha. We planned to con a man. Just get RM30 from him
and I wouldn't have to pay RM7.60 again. He is a decent Chinese man, around late 20's.

I pretended to be pregnant and walk closely with Estrella with my head on her shoulders. I was pretending to
be weak. The man pitied me and he really took out RM30. We took the money and still have to pretend as the man
was following us. Scary coz if we screwed up, we can say bubbye to that RM30.

I was about to reload my Touch N Go card, suddenly I stopped and took that RM30 away from the person at
counter. I ran back to the man and took his hand, put the RM30 on his hand. I confessed. He felt sorry for me
again. Haha. He told me to take it but I refused. I ran back to the counter and use my last RM100 note. Stupid.
Why can't I just use my own money??

Things got weird in this dream when I suddenly see myself chatting with Fareez on the phone. Haha. Dream switched.
He was telling me that he will start working immediately as there is no point to continue studying. I was puzzled and
shocked when he told me that he was forced to marry a girl by next month. hahahahaha!!! Some sort of arranged
marriage. I pitied him and ask if we can hang out at KFC. Why KFC?? Weird. He agreed but fell asleep and didn't turn up.

Last part, I remember that I was attending a function and I saw my boyfriend wearing an army officer suit.
He looked GORGEOUS there. :P People were there to celebrate his birthday. :)

I really think that we have creativity skill through dreams. Many times, I always dream about the future , not like ten
years later, but a month later or few weeks later. You know, sometimes, I do not wish that all my dreams will come true. Not all are nice.

P/s: Shit. I'm going to be late for work! Bye.

These Ladies

Every time I see a lady driving a bus, I will keep my eyes on her, watching her driving that big, long Rapid KL bus. As she turns the steering wheel, the whole bus will turn to her way too. The passengers' bodies can be seen going with the flow too. I see the strength, not just the physical strength. Its that strength that comes within her soul. Deep. I do not know how to explain. But, I was very amazed and I looked up to her. Its very rare to see ladies bus driver. I actually smile as I watch the bus moves. The way I describe my observation sounds weird, I know.

Then, another time I saw this lady driving a taxi. I was excited. But, sadly I didn't get a lady taxi driver before. I'm not sexist. but I just want to say that I really respect ladies who drive public transports. I have only seen a lady driving a taxi, van or bus.

I wonder what's next.

Few days back, on the way to work, our van passed by a big cement lorry (whatever its called). I wonder if I can get a chance to see a lady driving it around. Tractor? So cool.

Who knows, maybe I will get to drive that one day. Hehe.

Am I the only one who look up to ladies like them?
Maybe. Maybe not.

But I really salute them. Go Mak Cik Bus. Go Aunty Taxi. You rock!

Terrifying...Client.

I swear I could smack her face and punch her tummy.
Terrible woman. She's my company's important client that terrifies the staff here. If she doesn't like your work, you better do something about it. She reject as she likes. That's considered normal.

This is how she becomes the terrifying client. After looking at the design or layout for many times and approved it, when you are about to press the Print button, she will just inform you that she wants to change things. Imagine if it was too late to change. Who's gonna pay for that?

I have become one of her victims. Just a part-timer but already got into problem with people like her. Remember the last post I mentioned about my first project to design? It is the Raya hamper brochure for Cold Storage. I was so happy to get started. I finished on time. Everyone was okay with it including her staff who dropped by often. btw, her staff kept telling me how much I look like Maya Karin. hehehehehe. again. kembang-kalah-besi.

Suddenly, the terrifying client call up my boss and they argued on the phone. I could only hear one sentence, "What's WRONG with you??" Here's something that I want to share. I'm a designer and I understand that customers are always right but sometimes, I wish I could inject some logic sense into their blood. Maybe with some art sense too. It is our responsibility to advice them about this too. BUT, if they are as stubborn as stain, you cant do anything, seriously. Wish that Dynamo works on human beings. Too bad.

I could accept the rejection, but I couldn't accept the reason of rejection : The Raya brochure is too "Malay".

When I hear that, I wanted to do what I have first said just now. Dumb enough to give a stupid reason. No wonder there was an argument on phone. She said she wants the design to be able to give that Raya feeling. okay. And now, she is saying that its too Malay. You mean, Malays got nothing to do with Hari Raya? She must be expecting it with Chinese culture or Indian culture. And she got bad sense of colour. So bad that I can't describe. When people can't describe how bad you are, it means you are really going down to the drain. Lol. Just kidding!

Thank you so much for being a terrifying client. I will never forget you. You and your "Too Malay".

Hey that makes me wonder....

Does she even know what is Hari Raya celebration? I doubt it.

Part 2: Muka aku

People say you looked like somebody.
Its either you take it as a compliment or you just ignore it.

Yes, this is a topic regarding my face. I've been hearing many many things about my face. Can I say I'm proud of it? I seriously don't know. But I do get "kembang" when I like what people say. typical me. But, don't you feel happy when you're told you look like a hot actress that could either come from Hollywood or Bollywood? I do! But it depends. Sometimes I could just start smiling and kembang-kalah-besi. Sometimes I might feel like slapping the person left and right.

People who know me since high school would know that "I looked like Siti"... Erm. Sorry. I'm not a big fan of hers, so I'm not quite happy to be called Siti. And yeah, once I went to 7 11 and the guys at counter were like " eh..adik Siti la" ... what the hell?

I don't see myself in her at all. Maybe its just the chubby cheeks. Hmm. But not good enough. I got friends telling me that. My ex neighbour even said I smiled like Siti. hahahahah! That's really weird. Once I walked at CM with Amirul and we both heard a schoolboy saying I looked like Siti. Ayoyo. Strangers too. But I disagree. I met Siti once at Kuantan during my work at Fiesta Media Idola 07. She was friendly. :) Shook hands with her, that's all. Datuk K was smiling to me too. haha.

Second popular is that I looked like Maya Karin. I admit I am a fan of hers! I'm happy to hear that. But again, where's the similarity? Eyes?


Mak Chick Leanda would agree. Once when we were so into Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam I, she told me that I looked like Maya Karin. yeyyyy! Happy to hear that man. I remembered that day we were preparing for BM paper at Mak Chick's house. I was lookng down, reading while my hair covers my shoulder. That time I have long hair, like now. didn't cut yet yeah. I caught her looking at me weirdly. I asked her "WHAT?" and she replied, "You looked like her, the pontianak la" Hahahahaha! I even imitated Maya's laugh in the movie.

My mum and my sis told me a totally different thing. They claimed that i looked like Maja Salvador. I think its because of her face's structure. She is a Philiphino actress. I forgot what is that name of the soap opera though. I like her too.


I dont know who else I looked like.

Oh wait. I looked like Apple! :D I looked 100% like myself. haha. bodoh giler.

Part 1: Workaholic

I am currently working at an advertising company. I am very busy, well, isn't that obvious that I didn't update my blog? ;)

I thought of not working on Sat, but after aunt's lecture and realizing that I'm losing something. The experience is the benefit. The discipline. So, it was a good thing that I cried in the toilet while she lectured me during office hour. (nobody saw me crying, now worries. Aku pandai berlakon)... Maybe its the toilet bowl again that inspired and motivated me. Oh no. Not again! I got inspiration from my house's toilet bowl for my self-potrait. and no, I didnt draw a jamban for my self-potrait! Forget it. Its silly.

First day of work.
"psst...who's that girl? new staff?" (in Cantonese)
I hear voices and whispers behind me. They were asking about me in Cantonese. owh and I happen to understand Cantonese. Hehehe. I ignored it with my acting skills. (thanks for the empty look practice, Mr. Gary!)
"Sze Mun, can you edge out all these pics?"
That's what I've been doing for two days! Boring + got back ache.. But it was fun using pen tool. Did I tell you that I loveeeee pen tool?
"Owh so you are Sze Mun, Susan's niece!"
Yeah. And Nobody knows I'm Pern/Apple. They know me as Sze Mun or Tan Sze Mun. Good. Low profile skit.
"Wow. She looks like a fair Indian!"
Best compliment. Now you know, I can change skin colour ranging from Thai girl, Indon girl, Malay girl to Indian girl, and its called FAIR INDIAN SKIN. hahahahaha!!

Second day of work.
"Sze Mun, can you edge out the pics in this folder?"
I almost died doing edge out on Photoshop. I was jealous to see other staffs doing design on Illustrator!
" So, you must be the youngest in your family?"
No. Eldest. I know I looked like anak manja thanks to my fake gentle behaviour. I'm not as innocent as you see. I mean, I need that mask when I'm working there. Don't need to behave like a monkey there unless I'm at home.
" 19 years old? So young!"
Yes yes.Thank you. I know I'm a small girl. I'm facing this problem. I call this a problem because some people wouldn't believe my age. I swear people won't even know that I'm 19 if I wear back the pinafore or baju kurung sekolah. I got no chance to looked a bit matured. Gosh. I'm actually complaining for looking young when lots of old ladies are actually dying to look young? This is a real problem.

Third Day of Work.
" So you like what you are doing now? Is graphic design animated enough for you?"
Duh. If not, I won't be working there right? I started to like gfx first, then slowly discover my passion more to motion graphics and next thing is things involving both animation and 3D view.
" Can you try to come up with a concept for Hari Raya flyer?"
I was so happy on my third day as I finally get to design. omg omg omg. but I still cant escape from edging out product images. its ok.

Fourth Day of Work.
" Sze Mun, WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING ON SAT???"
My aunt scolded me. She said I can learn more. "if they eat grass, you eat grass." So I followed what she said. I guess I ate the grass. :P

Fifth Day of Work.
I'm enjoying my work. No need dialogues here. :)
And guess what? they didn't know that I can design though I'm just a first year student. omg. that sounds so pathetic. Miscommunication I guess. My aunt didn't know I can design. She didn't inform them. The staff too. One of them even asked how I know Illustrator. -_-" (i just sweat!:O) It means, I can get more pay. And my four week's pay is going to be used for my college fee.

I'm tired. I don't get enough sleep. I have to travel far. Its at Bandar Sri Damansara. Since I'm working on Sat, I cant go out much. I only have Sundays. Tmw I'm going out with Kitts. Hope that I have the strength to do what I want to do. I want to work. And I want to do my other things as well. Balanced life.

meow.

This is Muffin De LupLee, my family member. Yes I have a cat as my lil brother. Just want people to know who is Muffin. ehehe. I love pointing at his black spotty nose, and sometimes poke real hard on it. hehehehe.

Too many pics of Muffin actually, these are just a few chosen ones. Muffin's real mum (as in the mother cat) is named Cookie. Damn garang, and nobody ever touch her before. You can never stay close to her or she will be fierce and scratch you. Sorry, dont have a pic of Cookie.

Here are some pics of the previous group of kittens that belongs to Cookie.

These four kittens are no longer with me. :( Two orrange kittens were given to a neighbour's friend. Hope they are still alive, healthy and active. The other two kittens with mixed colours passed away. I cried when my mum told me about them.

It was so sad. The first kitten died because of some injury at its stomach. Probably the idiotic old white cat did it. That is also Muffin's greatest enemy! Whenever I see the White Cat, I will shoot him with water or splash with a cup of water. I sounded cruel, but then I was so angry and heartbroken to see Muffin bleeding here and there! I know its cat's nature..bla bla bla.. nonsense. To me, we can make lots of difference because we are the damn human beings with brains! You can do something. If you cant, you must consider if you ada otak or memang betul2 manusia ke tak? useless.

Anyway, back to the story. The kitten died peacefully in its sleep on the stairs. Cookie was coming down and saw the kitten. She licked the kitten, but no response. It was so sad when Cookie found out that the kitten is not breathing. She ran down and looked for the other kitten. My mum saw these and when she told me, tears roll down my cheeks. I really sayang the kittens, you know. :(

Now, Cookie have another two kittens. Probably Muffin's kittens again! Sick to know Muffin had sex with Cookie. lol. Couldn't get a good pic of them yet. But they are all grey, white and black. cute! Hope they will survive. :)

If you have Facebook, add Muffin in CatBook! :) the link is on the right side of my blog here. hehe.

Intersection of... shapes.

I was so bored. home alone until sis is back. parents went to hospital to visit cousin. And I was trying to do something fun with Kedai Gambar(Photoshop). Uploaded both artwork to my DeviantArt.

FLORAL ATTACK - This is totally unplanned and very random indeed. Its just those shapes that I played around with. I kinda liked it, though its messy. :)

ORIENTAL NATURE - Another experiment with shapes intersection. Feels like its a Chinese New Year greeting card. :D

I hope to produce more stuff and upload to DeviantArt. I MUST I MUST. Oh, btw, (I think) I got the job. On Monday I will be going to the office near One Utama and look around first (according to the man who called).
WISH ME LUCK!! :)