Here's to a new year!!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Proud of me!

Fall Semester 2008
MATH 110 021 College Algebra 3.00 A-
REL C 325 020 The Doctrine & Covenants 2.00 A
SFL 334 002 Adult Development & Aging 3.00 A
SFL 472 001 Temporal Welfare in Families 3.00 A
SOC W 200 001 Intro to Social Work 3.00 A

I took a class this semester called Temporal Welfare in Families from an amazing professor, Dr. Craig Israelsen. He first taught us about perspective and then took the areas of temporal welfare listed under the Provident Living section of http://www.lds.org/ (education & literacy, physical health, emergency preparedness, employment, home production, financial stewardship, and social & emotional strength) and expanded our perspectives in ways I had never thought of before. He introduced us to some of his favorite authors - Viktor Frankl, Hugh Nibley and Wendell Berry - and tied their perspectives into each topic. For our "position paper" he asked us to choose one of the areas of provident living, incorporate some of the thoughts that were meaningful to us individually of the authors he introduced us to, apply it to our lives and share what we have learned from this experience. For me, it was very therapeutic.

ENDURING JOYFULLY:
PERSPECTIVES OF TEMPORAL WELFARE & EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
IN WIDOWHOOD

My perspective on much of what is important in life shifted suddenly and dramatically on October 30, 1998. On this day, my husband and I sat in a physician’s office as a diagnosis was pronounced and a time line given: Primary Amyloidosis (a very rare and incurable bone marrow disease) with two years to live. I petitioned the Lord mightily that we would be able to finish raising our children together and that prayer was graciously answered. My daughters and I were fortunate to have this amazing man in our lives for an additional 5½ years beyond the original anticipated two. But then reality hit: I was on my own with an entire future in front of me that was foreign to my last 30 years of marriage. In the forward to Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, Harold S. Kushner summarizes Frankl’s philosophy: “Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning [in life]: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person), and in courage during difficult times” (Frankl, p. x). Frankl’s perspectives on work, love and courage resonate with such a positive outlook and I realize they exemplify what has become most important to me since my husband’s passing especially as I think of my temporal welfare and emotional strength.
A new personal journey of faith began for me as a widow. My first year alone in the San Diego home that we raised our children in was filled with overwhelming emotions, increased responsibilities, college classes, and service in the San Diego Temple as an ordinance worker. The temple became my lifeline to eternity and place of peace and solace to my aching heart. I found myself vacillating between feeling the comfort of familiar surroundings and memories versus trying to move forward in life. Some of my previous perspectives paled in comparison and I longed to be engaged in something that would make a difference in the lives of others. It has been a work in progress as I returned to school at age 53, and I have changed and refined my major more than a few times, finally settling on a career in social work. Caring for my husband through his illness while simultaneously caring for my elderly mother for the past 20 years along with the example of a very attentive social worker in Boston has imprinted my heart with a desire to serve those who are vulnerable and cannot advocate for themselves.
As our daughters approached their college educations, we encouraged them to pursue advanced learning in something they were passionate about as well as something they could use to support themselves and contribute to the welfare of others. I have realized through the readings in class that what I thought were just my motherly desires for their happiness and well-being really had inspired underpinnings for them as well as for me now. In his essay “Zeal without Knowledge”, Nibley quotes Calder when he states that “the brain craves for information as the body craves for food” (p. 68). Since I began pursuing my college education two and one-half years ago as a nontraditional student, I have personally experienced a sense of enlightenment that comes with learning, and it is invigorating! Each class I have taken has stretched me beyond my comfort zone of current knowledge and opened my eyes to new perspectives. Nibley states that “our search for knowledge should be ceaseless” (p. 70). I think it is actually going to be hard to leave the university setting one day.
As each semester has unfolded, a vision has begun to emerge of what I can do to contribute to my family and society because of my education at this stage of my life. The Brigham Young University motto of “Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve” reminds me of my responsibility to take my education seriously in order to make a difference in the lives of others when I am formally done here. Wendell Berry states that “Education in the true sense, of course, is an enablement to serve….And if this education is to be used well, it is obvious that it must be used somewhere; it must be used where one lives, where one intends to continue to live; it must be brought home” (p. 52). Therefore, I am embracing not only this opportunity, but I have come to appreciate that I have been well educated through all of my life experiences. These experiences, coupled with my formal education, are preparing me well to once again “go forth and serve” in ways I can be of benefit to others. I look forward to that opportunity. Through these avenues, I hope I can be brought up to a “responsible maturity” and a “good [caretaker] of what [I] have been given” (Berry, p. 52). My passion for learning with a determination to serve will hopefully allow me the opportunity to give the very best of myself to the Lord and to others.
A significant perspective I have gained since becoming a widow (on this side of the veil at least) is that love knows no bounds in God’s expanse. Viktor Frankl came to know during his confinement and separation from his wife while in a concentration camp that “Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved . . . . Nothing could touch the strength of my love, my thoughts, and the image of my beloved” (Frankl, p. 38-9). I understand this perspective and feel of my husband’s love, concern and watchful care of our family in a way that I “just know.” I don’t dream of him, I haven’t had visions, I just know. There is a depth that transcends time and space and I am grateful for that. In that same spirit, I feel a depth of love that transcends the miles between me and my children and grandchildren since I have moved to Utah and returned to school. Our times together now are much more sweet and appreciated, focused on holding each other close and cheering each other onward. Our daughters and son-in-laws have been poignantly touched throughout the years of caring for my husband and in their feelings for me as their mother especially now that I am on my own again. I have felt their support and they have felt mine. If I do nothing else in this life but give them the nurture they and my grandchildren need to make it back “home”, I will feel successful.
I learned a new perspective on home production in our class: that it involves everything that pertains to the well-being of human beings. When done correctly, it becomes a wealth of storage for all family members to draw from for days and years to come. “It’s not just about getting things done, it’s about growing little human beings into well-adjusted human beings that are bigger and better versions of their parents” (Israelsen, SFL 472 class notes). Wendell Berry in describing our respect for the land states that the “management of a household” can be described as “economy” and, if it cared for correctly, it can replenish itself indefinitely (Berry, 1987, p. 134). If, like the land, in the management of our households we honor not only the author of the plan for families but our individual families themselves, they will have the power to reproduce the qualities that will enable them to endure forever.
A family farm is one that is properly cared for by its family. Furthermore, the term ‘family farm’ implies longevity in the connection between family and farm … and is not a farm that a family has bought on speculation and is only occupying and using until it can be profitably sold“(pp. 162-3). As I reflect on my family’s farm (home), I realize how much more multi-generational it is then I realized. Although long since grown and having raised a family of my own, my parents continue to teach me. I honor the father who gave me my first love of the outdoors and my mother who taught me by her example love of family and just about everything else I value in life. Even up to her passing this last summer, I marveled at how connected our family was in caring for her. Through her compromised physical state in life for many years, my brothers, children and nieces (her children and grandchildren) also had the opportunity to learn to serve across the generations. I’ve seen that lesson in compassion and loyalty stick already with how my children now are concerned for me with their father’s death and with his mother (their other grandmother) as she begins to need them more. I wonder who really needs who more. I’ve also learned a new definition in this class that “lengthen your stride” attributed to President Spencer W. Kimball doesn’t mean do more or move faster. It means to move so that the weakest among you can keep up (Israelsen, SFL 472 class notes). I don’t know why I never got that before. Maybe that’s why children love their grandparents so much. I take comfort in knowing that I get a second chance as a grandma to “grow” my grandchildren and give to them unabashedly all the important nonmaterial things I might have missed the first time around. With every generation working together, maybe then our extended and eternal family can continue producing and storing so that there will always be enough to nourish us and keep us knit together in love.
In his essay titled “Men and Women in Search of Common Ground”, Wendell Berry states that “when our spouse or child, friend or neighbor is in need or in trouble, we do not deal with them by means of a computer, for we know that, with them, we must not think without feeling. We do not help them by sending a machine, for we know that, with them, a machine cannot represent us. We know that, when they need us, we must go and offer ourselves, body and mind, as we are. . . . It is only in these trying circumstances that human love is given its chance to have meaning …” (1987, p. 122). Dr. Israelsen spoke in class of his mother’s voice being a source of emotional strength to him even as an adult. He asked each of us to consider what we would like our voice to say to our children in their minds and hearts. I have thought of a few things I have learned in my family relationships through personal service that I hope in small measure speak to them softly and clearly of my eternal love for them.
I’ve learned that my grown children are just as busy as I was at their age; and I’ve learned that life doesn’t slow down when you are 55. I’ve learned that when my 22-year-old single daughter unexpectedly comes to visit me, she still likes to find me at home and not somewhere else. I’ve learned that I need to take advantage of the moments I have with my family because in the quantity there are flashes of quality, and always when I least expect it, a teaching moment occurs. I’ve learned that when a family member needs me that I can put this paper aside while I do my real “homework” of an eternal nature. I’ve learned that when any of my children or sons-in-law needs me, I will drop just about anything to be there for them. I’ve learned that I can still pass my college finals even when one of my daughters gives birth that week and another daughter adopts a baby three days later that same week. I’ve learned that nothing feels closer to heaven to me than holding and kissing my grandchildren. I’ve learned that I can almost relive the childhood moments of my daughters through their children. I’ve learned that I can hold an 18-month-old grandson for hours even after he has gone to sleep. I’ve learned that I can do homework in airports and on airplanes so I can make quick trips to San Diego to play with my grandchildren at the beach, watch them be baptized, or see them in their Halloween costumes.
As a family, we have learned that love truly is eternal; that a husband and father can still be felt even if he can’t be seen; that in his brief life, his love and example produced and stored a lifetime of memories and wise counsel for us to continue to draw strength from until we are reunited. I’ve personally learned that I can still “hear” his voice and “see” him smiling at me when I play with our grandchildren, when I “talk” to his picture at night, and even when I walk out of the BYU testing center after receiving an unexpected fabulous grade on a math midterm. I’ve learned that although he is unseen by our mortal eyes, he is still very much concerned with the welfare and the decisions each one of us makes and is “always near. . . . to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, [and] guidance in difficult times” (Holland, General Conference, October 2008).
Hugh Nibley wrote of “goods of the first intent . . . the best of all possible choices, in any combination the one thing to be chosen” (1989, p. 525). He further notes that “one test of the goods of the first intent is that you cannot get enough of them. . . . certain things of which we never tire, with which we never become bored. Those are the things of eternity” (p. 529). Yes, I think that is how I would describe this family of mine that I hope I can spend eternity with.
I have gained a new perspective on courage in the last 10 years. I have found reservoirs of strength I never knew I had as I have allowed the Savior to hold my hand and lead me to new experiences and expectations in life. I take comfort from the words of the Lord to Nephi when he said, “I will … be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you … and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led”(1 Ne 17:13). I have learned that a way is always prepared ahead of time. This was made blaringly clear to me during the time my husband and I spent in Boston where he underwent experimental medical treatment during the last 6 months of his life. Although I did not realize it at the time, Boston was as much for me as it was for him—learning to live on my own in a hotel room while my husband was gravely ill in a hospital, in a strange city where we knew no one and were separated by 3000 miles from family and friends. My mantra since then has become “if I can do Boston, I can do this.” It was a spiritually sanctifying time for me that provided a strong foundation for the courage I need as a widow.
The world has suddenly seemed much bigger to me these past few years. When my husband was living, it seemed that he was the one who went out to “slay the dragons” while I kept the home front running smoothly. While he was caught up on current events and the broader picture of the nation, I put into action our preparedness plan on a family level. We had become experts in the methods of dividing and conquering while working together. While studying the area of emergency preparedness in class, I often reflected back on a life-threatening experience I had just a few months earlier when I was caught in a severe blizzard in Spanish Fork canyon. This experience was partially the catalyst for taking this class as well as for reading The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley (2008). In both cases, my vision of preparedness has been expanded well beyond the more conventional methods in my paradigm over the past 30 years as I was taught Nibley’s, Berry’s, and my professor’s perspective as well as understanding my “disaster personality” from The Unthinkable (p. 223). I have realized that temporal preparedness is broad and covers multiple aspects of my life. It is vitally important and just as much a “way of life” as the gospel is. In fact, it is the gospel. Although I may naively think it pertains only to my physical and temporal life, I also know that with the Lord, all things are spiritual. In the event of a disaster, whether personal or global in its scope, I will find myself knowing this truth as I struggle to put my life back together physically and temporally, emotionally and spiritually.
To lose my husband and then to leave my home and children has required more courage than I ever thought possible to possess. However, I have found that as long as I not only look but move forward with faith, I feel the Lord near and the heavens cheering me on. So after a great deal of fasting, prayer, and counsel, I made the decision to rent out our family home, load the moving van, and head towards a new Zion for me. This decision has had a significant impact upon my family but with the answer to move came the assurance that I was not leaving them, but “leading” them. I have pondered on that inspiration considerably and it’s far reaching effects as my children watch my example in courage with adversity. As I made preparations to come to Utah over a six-month period, I doubted my decision several times and was often consoled by the spirit that I had made the right choice so I continued to move forward, even though my acceptance letter to BYU didn’t come until two months before I was to leave. I was worried about being alone and where to live and Heavenly Father answered that prayer generously and unexpectedly by providing a home for me directly across the street from my cousin and his wife in Lindon, the only people I knew in Utah County. One of the biggest tests came as I continued to move forward with faith without renters for my home. They literally showed up the day we were loading the moving van after taking a wrong turn down my street. I was an answer to their prayers and they were an answer to mine. With all of these experiences confirming my faith and trust in God, I feel that I have been abundantly blessed, richly taught and very much watched over. Although there have been many tough and emotional days, I have felt wrapped in a protective blanket of peace throughout this entire experience and it is what has allowed me to move forward with courage and faith in Heavenly Father’s plan.
In the textbook, Strengthening Our Families, it states that “a severe test or trial that refines and purifies” can be “a metaphorical meaning of [a] crucible” (Carroll, J.S.; Robinson, W. D.; Marshall, E. S.; Callister, L. C.; Olsen, S. F.; Dyches, T. T.; and Mandleco, B., 2000, p. 278). President James E. Faust observed that “for some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such a refining is part of the perfection process” (Faust, J. E. as cited in Carroll et al., 2000, p. 278). The experiences in my life, most particularly since the summer of 1998, have very much been of this nature. Until that day comes when I can see as the prophets see, I am grateful to be one who has been blessed with enough faith to believe in their words and has been baptized and “visited with fire and with the Holy Ghost” (3 Nephi 12:2). It is the fire of the Holy Ghost that brings me through the refiner’s fires in my life, as I “gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [my] divine destiny as an heir of eternal life” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995, ¶ 3).
I always thought that the pattern of my life would be determined at my age; however, in reality, I don’t know what the future holds. Will I stay in Utah or move somewhere else? Will I marry again? I don’t know. I have found my almost three years of widowhood to be filled with a dichotomy of emotions. I had an amazing marriage. I still do. During the first two years, one side of me wanted to stay firmly planted in the past which alternately offered comfort or sadness in my familiar surroundings while another part of me desperately yearned to stop crying, stop hurting and move forward with courage and faith. It has been a journey much like a pioneer trek, filled with rocky ridges, river crossings and new vistas coming into view. I did not realize how much my adult children worried and were adversely affected by my emotional health and well-being until I embraced my new role with optimism, courage, and faith.
Life offers us opportunities to gain new perspectives with every new decade we live through. I am grateful for the perspectives I have gained in this time of my life as it pertains to work, love, and courage. With a rich cache of experiences from 30 years of marriage and raising my children, and now with new experiences as a widow, something tells me I’ve still only just begun to comprehend a vast wealth of new perspectives waiting to be discovered. This much I do know: that Heavenly Father is there watching over me as my journey of work, love, courage and faith continues.

Works Cited
Berry, W. (1987). Home economics. New York: North Point Press.
Carroll, J. S., Robinson, W. D., Marshall, E. S., Callister, L. C., Olsen, S.F., Dyches, T. T., & Mandleco, B. (2000). The family crucibles of illness, disability, death and other losses. In D. C. Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our families (pp. 278-292). Salt Lake City: Publishers Printing.
First Presidency and Council of Twelve Apostles (1995, November), The family: A proclamation to the world, Ensign, 25(11), 102.
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Massachusetts: Beacon Press.
Holland, J. R. (2008). The ministry of angels, Ensign, 38(11), 29-31.
Nibley, H. (1989). Approaching Zion. Utah: Deseret Book.
Ripley, A. (2008). The unthinkable. New York: Crown Publishers.

Social Work Paper

For my social work research paper, we were given the assignment to research a topic that was relevant to issues faced by social workers today. I was challenged by a close friend who holds a more liberal point of view on the following topic to defend my views with solid research. I was limited to 8 pages in this assignment so the following paper only covers the highlights of the depth of very well-documented research I scoured through. Sorry, I can't figure out how to indent paragraphs on a blog entry so I hope its not too hard to read.

In Defense of Traditional Marriage

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. . . . We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (The First Presidency & Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, 1995, ¶ 1, 2, 4).
This bold doctrine declared by then prophet Gordon B. Hinckley twelve years ago is once again at the very center of an ignited controversy in America. In this election year, proponents of redefining marriage to include same-sex marriage have clashed with advocates of traditional marriage between one man and one woman sparking an intense debate between both sides that may likely soon alter the way in which marriage has been traditionally viewed throughout mainstream world history. Authors O. William Farley, Larry Lorenzo Smith and Scott W. Boyle state in the text Introduction to Social Work that “although the modern family is changing and many new forms of marital and family living have appeared, the family is still the basic institution in society and, as such, is a focal factor in social work” (2009, p. 7). Examination of the research literature is important to the field of social work in order to address these emerging issues in a manner that is beneficial for individuals and families. It is equally important as covenant and committed members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints engaged in the field of social work, to balance the current social science research literature with the doctrines of Jesus Christ.
Dr. Laura Haynes, a psychologist in Tustin, California, succinctly reviews the claims for many individuals who are proponents of same-sex marriages.
· Homosexuality is largely genetically determined.
· Homosexual relationships are essentially the same as heterosexual relationships except for the gender of the partners.
· Homosexual parenting and heterosexual parenting are no different in their effects on children.
· Homosexual marriage will decrease stigma and thereby increase mental health in our society.
(Haynes, 2008, p. 1)
Each of these statements examined in the light of social science research as well as faith-based values and doctrines reveal impressive and divergent points of view. Due to limited space, I will discuss the first three of these claims.
Homosexuality is largely genetically determined. The American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the National Association for Social Workers, and the California Psychological Association in their Amicus Brief to the California Supreme Court in re. of marriage, 2007, p. 33, officially assert the position that there is no “consensus” regarding genetically determined homosexuality (Haynes, 2008, p. 6). A well-respected study by the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) has also determined that “social attitudes appear not only to allow homosexuality to develop, but to elicit it.” It has been validated and documented that “adult homosexuals tend to migrate toward more urban areas.” This coupled with additional findings in the research that “males who lived in urban as opposed to rural areas at the ages of 14 and 16 were more likely to become homosexual” (Laumann et al., 1994 as cited in Haynes, 2008,. p. 6) correlates with several large and well-designed studies encompassing several ethnicities and civilizations which conclude “that growing up in an urban area is associated with more homosexuality” (Laumann et al., 1994, p308-309, a large study in the U.S.; Frisch and Hviid, 2006, a study of 2 million Danes as cited in Haynes, 2008, p. 6). Additional research findings support the fact that families headed by same-sex parents show an increase in homosexual tendencies (Green et al, 1986; Bailey, et al, 1995, Tasker and Golombok, 1995; Lerner and Nagai, 2001, p. 60 as cited in Haynes, 2008, pp. 6-7). Therefore, although there may be some individuals with genetic tendencies towards same-sex attraction, there is definite and well-respected research that reveals same-sex attraction with environmentally and socially based underpinnings.
Homosexual relationships are essentially the same as heterosexual relationships except for the gender of the partners. Many factors can be evaluated with respect to potential success in relationships whether the relationship or union is between one man and one woman or between same-sex couples. The research is overwhelmingly clear that the challenges are higher for success in same gender relationships regardless of whether they are in a society that supports or rejects this type of union. One large and notable study performed in the Netherlands, a highly open-minded and supportive country for gay marriages, revealed significantly higher incidences of mental health issues of all kinds among gays and lesbians. This study included 7000 individuals in which 2.8% of the men and 1.4% of the women were of homosexual orientation. Results demonstrated a lifetime prevalence of two or more psychiatric disorders in 37.85% of the men and 39.5% of the women who were actively involved in homosexual activities versus 14.4% and 21.3% of heterosexual men and women respectively (Standfort et al. as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 209). Bradford and Rothblum (1994) found in their study of 2000 lesbians that 75% suffered from long term depression and had sought out psychological treatment. More than half of these individuals “felt too nervous to accomplish ordinary activities at some time during the past year (as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 211). Suicidal tendency is another area of grave concern. In a study of 927 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered students 62.1% lesbian women and 58.2 gay men were noted to have suicidal tendencies and of these, approximately one-half actually attempted suicide (Healthwatch as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 209). Several highly respected studies both in and outside of the United States including gay friendly areas such as San Francisco and New Zealand note suicidal tendencies in the 40th percentile for both genders, ruling out societal stigmatization as a primary cause (Jay and Young, 1979; Bell and Weinberg, 1978, p. 450; Fergusson, 1999; Herrell, 1999; Bailey, 1999, Sagher and Robins, 1973 as cited in Haynes, 2008, p. 5).
Domestic violence was studied in a group of 283 homosexual individuals. It was noted that 47.5% of lesbians and 29.7% of gay men were the victims of violence by a homosexual partner (Waldner-Haugrud et al., 1997 as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 210) which is close to double the amount in heterosexual couples (Island and Letellier, 1991 as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 211).
Medical problems are common in gay male sexual relationships which predispose them to bleeding, sexually transmitted diseases and death. Mortality rates in gay men from these challenges are from 8 to 20 years higher than heterosexual men (“Ten Things Gay Men Should Discuss with Their Health Care Providers” from the Gay Lesbian Medical Association website; Dean, et al, 2000 as cited in Haynes, 2008, p. 5). High levels of drug use and drug dependency are a significant problem among gays and lesbians as well ((Standfort et al. as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 209).
Most concerning is the prevalence of sexual promiscuity. It was found in an extensive study on sexual fidelity that 60% of homosexual men involved in a committed relationship were unfaithful in the first year and this number rocketed to 90% if the relationship was intact after 5 years. However, only 15% of gay men and 17.3% of lesbians stayed in relationships for more than 3 years (Michael et al., 1994 as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 214). Another study done in 1984 by two men who are a homosexual couple (one a psychiatrist and one a psychologist) was initiated to study “long-term homosexual coupling.” The original intent was to prove that homosexual relationships can and do last. One hundred fifty-six male homosexual couples were studied who had been in relationships from 1 to 37 years; however, only 7 couples were found to be faithful and these had only been together for 5 years. Therefore, there were no male couples that had been faithful to each other beyond the five year mark. “The expectation for outside sexual activity was the rule for male couples and the exception for heterosexual couples. Heterosexual couples lived with some expectation that their relationships were to last “until death do us part,” whereas gay couples typically wondered if their relationships would survive” (McWhirter & Mattison, 1984 as cited in Cox, 2007. P. 214-5).
Homosexual parenting and heterosexual parenting are no different in their effects on children. Although the governing body of the American Psychological Association issued an endorsement for gay and lesbian parenting in 2004 which states: “Research has shown that the adjustment, development, and psychological well-being of children is unrelated to parental sexual orientation and that children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish” (APA as cited in Patterson, 2006, p. 243), the social science research I found does not support that homosexual parenting and heterosexual parenting are no different in their effects on children. Of significant note, there have been several well-respected researchers, including pro-gay researchers, who have found “serious methodological flaws” in 49 of the studies performed on homosexual parenting that support the effectiveness of homosexual parents. It is their opinion that “no generalizations can be drawn from them” (Patterson, 2000, 2004; Schumm, 2004; Lerner and Nagai, 2001; Nock, 2001, Fitzgerald, 1999; Sears, 1994; and Reders and Kilgus, 2002 as cited in Haynes, 2008, p. 7) and “they are rendered essentially unusable from a scientific perspective” (Cox, 2007, p. 205). Mooney-Somers and Golombok (2000) note that outside of Brewaeys et al.’s (1995) research which focused on children born via artificial insemination to lesbian mothers, that the studies thus far have only been drawn from volunteer samples which may under-represent the struggles children experience in same-sex union homes (p. 124). Downplaying the connections between child outcomes and same-sex parenting, Patterson (2006) notes that this is not as vital as the quality of family relationships
(p. 243). Schumm (2005) notes, however, that this “research continues to be trusted to provide serious answers. It is quite remarkable how many authors note the limitations quite fairly and then ignore those weaknesses in order to draw relatively firm conclusions” (as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 205). Data from these studies was reanalyzed and the differences were found to be significant in areas of self-esteem in the children of same sex couples versus heterosexual couples (Williams, 2000, as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 205) as well as social and emotional difficulties (Lewis, 1992, as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 205-6).
Patterson in her review of studies of the children of lesbian and gay parents asked the question: “Does parental sexual orientation affect child development, and if so, how?” She concluded after two decades, that the research “failed to reveal important differences” (Patterson, 2006, p. 241). Another study performed by Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblarz (2001) reached the same conclusion in spite of several findings in their research regarding children playing and behaving in nontraditional gender conforming manners, participating in homosexual behaviors (6 of 25 versus none of 20 in heterosexual families), and differences in sexual promiscuity as compared to the findings of heterosexual families (as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 206). Cox (2007) asks the question “How healthy is rejection of gender roles?” Advocates of homosexuality agree that “gender nonconformity in childhood may be the single common observable factor associated with homosexuality” (Rekers and Hamer as cited in Cox, p. 206). Cox goes on to summarize the warning signs for raising children in homosexual unions by noting several of the things I have already covered in this paper including mental health issues, medical issues, increased domestic violence, infidelity and instability in the length of same sex relationships.
With respect to adoption, the gold standard in America is “the best interest of the child . . . . to be reared in a family setting with parents whose health and life-style are likely to ensure appropriate care and guidance until the child reaches adulthood” (Cox, 2007, p. 207). When a change this significant is proposed against hundreds and thousands of years of heterosexual parenting, the burden of proof should lie in extensive and lengthy studies involving all ages of children and adults raised by homosexual parents. To-date, this has not even begun to scratch the surface. This begs the question as to where we place our enabling compassion. Haynes (2008) asks “Is it good for children to be placed at higher risk of growing up with such conditions and behaviors in their parents? Does it improve mental health to tell society that these kinds of relationships are equal, approved, or healthy? Is it a social good to bring relationships with these qualities at higher rates into the mainstream of society” (p. 8)? Long-term effects on children have not yet been examined (Mooney-Somers and Golombok, 2000, p. 122) and Patterson (2006) admits the need more study including those on adoption, children born to gay fathers as well as a greater understanding of family relationships and transitions over time, the need more longitudinal studies, and the use of a variety of methodologies (p. 243). Unsettling to me is an observation by Cox (2007) that the best interests of children may be usurped by the civil rights claims of same-sex couples (p. 204). I agree with Haynes (2008) that “research has not made the case that same sex lifestyle and relationships are as healthy for adults and young people or as healthy for raising children (p. 7).
The role of religious conviction with respect to same-sex marriage. Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1978) spoke of days to come when “religious convictions are heavily discounted.” He quotes M. J. Sobran who observed, "A religious conviction is now a second-class conviction, expected to step deferentially to the back of the secular bus, and not to get uppity about it" (Human Life Review, Summer 1978, p. 58 as cited in Maxwell, ¶ 10). “This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain of people's opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. If we let come into being a secular church shorn of traditional and divine values, where shall we go for inspiration in the crises of tomorrow” (¶ 14)?
Religion to me provides the balance in a godless society, not by way of force but of invitation as I stand for doctrines and principles that are true and eternal; doctrines that the Savior gave His life for in behalf of every son or daughter of God, regardless of their stated sexual tendencies. Prophetic warnings in The Family: A Proclamation to the World state “the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets” (The First Presidency & Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, 1995, ¶ 9). I trust the watchman on the tower. Harvard sociologist Pitirim A. Sorokin (1956) has also noted “that no society has ever ceased to honor the institution of marriage and survived” (as cited in Cox, 2007, p. 216).
Maxwell (1978) admonishes that “if people are not permitted to advocate, to assert, and to bring to bear, in every legitimate way, the opinions and views they hold that grow out of their religious convictions, what manner of men and women would they be, anyway” (¶ 13)? “Properly humbled and instructed concerning the great privileges that are ours, we can cope with what seem to be very dark days and difficult developments, because we will have a true perspective about "things as they really are," and we can see in them a great chance to contribute” (¶ 50).
Conclusion. In the text, Introduction to Social Work, it is noted that social work and social welfare are based on three premises: (1) that the person is important, (2) that he or she has personal, family, and community problems resulting from interaction with others; and (3) that something can be done to alleviate these problems and enrich the individual’s life” (2008, p. 2). I ponder often on the scripture "And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this"(Esther 4:14)? As a covenant daughter in Zion with added knowledge regarding traditional families versus same-sex unions, I hope to stand and do my part in the social work profession as I advocate for “the dignity and worth of [each] person” and “the importance of human relationships” (Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers, 1999). In my efforts to promote the best interests of all I come in contact with regardless of our differences, I hope to give guidance to those who struggle in all ways.

Works Cited

Byrd, A. D. & Cox, S. E., (2007). Strict scrutiny of prospective adoptive parents: what children really need. In A. S. Loveless & T. B. Holman (Eds.), The family in the new millennium, (pp. 204-219). Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers.

Farley, O. W.; Smith, L. L.; Boyle, S. W. Introduction to Social Work, 11th Edition 2009, Pearson Education, Inc.

First Presidency and Council of Twelve Apostles (1995, November), The family: A proclamation to the world, Ensign, 25(11), 102.

Haynes, L. A. Homosexual marriage: A social science view. Address given 10/5/2008; retrieved on 11/28/08 at: http://www.journeychristianministries.org/CPA-SSA-marriage.pdf

Maxwell, Neal A. Meeting the challenges of today. Address given 10/10/1978; retrieved November 28, 2008, from http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6197.

Mooney-Somers, J. & Golombok, S. (2000), Children of lesbian mothers: from the 1970s to the new millennium. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 15(2), 121-126.

Patterson, C. J. (2006). Children of lesbian and gay parents. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(5), 241-244.

Tagged ...

10 years ago I...
1. Am really supposed to remember???
2. Still had my amazing husband with me …
3. Was working full-time at home as a medical transcriptionist.
4. Was surviving on no sleep.
5. Pulled off my first daughter's wedding and reception (Melanie's)

Things on my "to do" list...
1. Homework so I can pass my classes and graduate from college
2. Exercise
3. Organize my finances
4. Digital scrapbooking (I gave up on getting them in photo albums)
5. Clean my house.

Snacks I enjoy...
1. Hey – I’ll settle for a home cooked meal!
2. Ice cream
3. Homemade cookies
4. Hot tamales or Juyifruit candy
5. Fresh Utah peaches – I had forgotten how good they can be!

If I were a millionaire I would...
1. Save more for retirement
2. Start trust funds for my daughters and grandchildren
3. Hire a housekeeper and cook
4. Travel
5. Do a lot of humanitarian work

Places I have been...
1. Abroad: Germany, Austria, and England
2. Nauvoo, Kirtland and other church history sites
3. Prince Edward Island (Anne of Green Gables land)
4. Washington D.C.
5. Backpacking to awesome country including Half Dome (the top, thank you very much!)

Jobs I've had...
1. TA/RA for two professors at BYU
2. Medical transcriptionist, medical record reviewer
3. Institute of Religion secretary
4. Spud harvester (potatoes) on a combine in ID for my husband’s uncle to pay off my pre-marriage debts (yeah, my husband brought the quilts, dishes, and savings account; my contribution was to come debt-free!)
5. Field disker on the ID farm (until I sunk the tractor in a sink hole that no one told me about. When I walked into church, the whole town knew who the girl from CA was already b/c the Woodville corner grocery store owner spread the word (does the “ville” give you a clue how small and tight this farming community is?) They may as well have put it on a billboard – very embarrassing! It happened just off the main road so everyone made sure they came and saw it. Then to make matters worse, it stayed in place all winter like an icon because there was no time to get it out beforehand with the harvest going on. So for years whenever we went back up there on vacations, I was well known. Big small town news …

I tag...
1. Melanie S.
2. Cheryl R.
3. Karen J.
4. Amie P.
5. Leah G.

Thanksgiving Point Tulips - FINALLY!

It was a spectacular spring day in Utah today and my cousin Judy and I spent the morning walking the gardens of Thanksgiving Point and having lunch afterward. A perfect weekend!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

I was able to celebrate Mother's Day earlier this week when my mother was able to come to my home for lunch. I was so excited to have her see where I live and we enjoyed a couple of hours together before she had to leave. My cousin Don came home from school on his lunch hour and played some old tunes on the piano for her and she smiled like I haven't seen her smile in a long time. It seems the older and more frail she gets, the more I see the mother of my youth in her eyes. I am flooded with emotional memories and I find myself in awe at all she has endured as a widow for the past 22 years. I am a lot of who I am today because of her. I love you, mom - more than you will ever know.

Here is my crew of grandchildren in their new BYU t-shirts I brought down from UT for them last weekend when I flew to California to celebrate Carter's birthday and baptism. It was wonderful to be with all of my daughters and son-in-laws and I had so much fun holding and playing with all of my grandchildren - such joy to my soul when I live so far away now. The baptism service was sweet and when the men were gathered around Carter as he was confirmed, I knew Kent was sharing this event with us.

So on this Mother's Day, I am grateful for a recent opportunity to be with my family and the opportunity to fill my heart with renewed love for each of them and my arms with loving embraces from the sweetest grandchildren in the world. I am so very blessed.

Proud of me!

Winter Semester 2008
ENGL 315 011 Writing in the Social Sciences 3.0 A
FAMLF 100 016 Strengthening Marr & Family 3.0 A
HFL 260 002 Family Finance 3.0 A
I SYS 100 001 Spreadsheet Skills 0.5 P
I SYS 101 002 Computer Presentation Skills 0.5 P
REL C 324 024 The Doctrine & Covenants 2.0 A
GPA 4.00

AEbleskivers

When our daughter Cheryl lived in Utah while her husband Jon was on his mission, she became friends with a great guy named Rob. Long story short, Rob broke up with his girlfriend Mindy and she moved to San Diego. Rob was heartbroken and couldn't believe she actually left and moved on with her life. He whined at Cheryl long enough that she told him that if he loved her that he needed to go after her. Rob told Cheryl that he couldn't do that because he had no where to live and no job in San Diego. Cheryl told him that her parents would take him in - and we did! He spent a few months with us and we fell in love with him. Rob served his mission in the Santa Barbara area of California which is near Solvang, a little Danish community. Kent and I were taking a trip up there and Rob told us that we had to try the AEbleskivers there. We did and we fell in love with them. They are little ball-like pancakes that you cook in a special AEbleskiver pan. We bought a couple of the pans and brought them home with us and it became our Sunday nght tradition to have friends and family over for AEbleskivers while Rob lived with us. While Cheryl was here visiting recently, we had dinner with Rob and Mindy (yes, he won her heart back and they got married!) We surprised them with an AEbleskiver pan and made them for dessert. What a great reunion for all of us!