One Year On, my cat's death anniversary. Memories stay, yes, i hate people/ things leaving me physically. I hate death. From the time i was born till i gt older, each time someone leaves me, I'll cry. Maybe it's the fear of loneliness. Idk. tabby was my stronghold, i clung on so desperately. i dreamt of him last night. He looked so peaceful, so cute. Maybe a sign to tell me to move on. I moved on, but the hiccups of life made me rmb his presence. I love him. I knw. the first wk of his passing, i avoided all stray cats, all wht my cate ate. Everything, it didn't help. Maybe it was regret fr nt treating him better while he's still alive. You'knw, we still make the same mistakes after knowing all abt the mistakes. Tabby, i miss and love you... Can you hear me?

My favourite aunt has colon cancer, stage one. She's a mother to me. Shocked by the news.

ICAs, Emotional turmoils, It's like the Almighty wna hurt me further. But i know nw. Suffering has to be undergone so I can have FAITH AND HOPE in Him.

I left the grp. honestly, being with a more competitive grp as frends, drove me up. I wanted true friends. I've gtn thm. i wanted friends tht can push each other to succeed. i've gt thm nw. Jesus loves me. He let others hurt me, so i can reject the nt so gd ones, and so i can accept friends tht share my interest, love me fr who i am. no matter what and nt pass snide remarks abt me. the grp is smaller bt fls more compact. Thank you, Jesus. <3

finally sort things out... Sigh, i thought i can gt a chance for renewal w them. Looks impossible, now is NOT POSSIBLE! the way they're hurting me is exactly the way those had hurt me yrs ago. I know i shouldn't dwell on the past, but i saw the entire evidence. Painful memories were brought back to life and i felt like dying. Enough is enough.

Spoke to Delima on msn. Really glad to note tht despite her busy schedule, she took time off to chat with me and met me today. After such a long time! Wanted to go dancing w her but plan failed cos of her friend -.- Anw, i made friends w her friend. She's a KPOP fan, but i forgt the name -_- Sorry.. She wanted to cry when she met me. HAHAHA. Sorry gal, can't eat and drink anything w you, cos of my poor throat. Should've gone MI instead. Ppl thr are more interesting. Yeah, let's leave to Seoul together. ^^

Peixin was worried cos of my cough. Yala, emotional stress by thm lorrr. Tsk, can't be happier whn they're ard. Had a nice chat with Peiting also.. She made me understand true friendship and happiness. Although i had brightened up after 1 yr, i'm still a bit quiet which gave ppl the impression of dao and unhappy with something.. But through what she said thn, she's genuinely concerned for me. Health, happiness, Studies. Rly an umma.. :D

I think i did the right thing by making tht mistake sometimes, it made me realise sth called true friends. DELIMA, PEIXIN, PEITING were truely there when i cried and needed support, were there when i was ecastic over my joy. they were the ones who encouraged me to go forth with what i liked to do and when i did what i loved to do,i was happier, they are happy. This was what i wanted and dreamt of for a friend. Instead of just 1, i had more. i'm no longer the loner. :D
Now, it feels tht i'm selfish because i'm the only one who's receiving frm thm and didn't do much to give to thm. Maybe by showcasing my love fr thm as a friend, i may find my first love (?)

V.E WAS GREAT! MADE GREAT AND FUN PPL! GLAD THT PPL OF THE SAME INTEREST ARE TOGETHER TO DO STH OF THEIR LOVE/ PASSION. we're heading to hospital to sing. all the better. hope the pts gain comfort by what we sing!

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