Dont give up

In this life, you might stumble

As you try to battle

The never ending challenges

And the occasional bruises.......

That life throws at you

At times one wonders

And even ponders

If its all worth the bother

When you face another boulder.......

That life throws at you

Joy can often be fleeting

While pain is often lingering

But never go too far away

From places where love holds sway........

No matter what life throws at you

Always remain beware

Of those who embrace depair

Never give up

Ill-wind will definitely letup.........

No matter what life throws at you

Surround yourself with love

Like fingers in a glove

Distance yourself from hate

And all deadweight........

Dont give up......No matter what life throws at you !

Lest We Forget

 I know we have all heard about the recent plane crash in Nigeria. So many lives lost needlessly.

Soon - after the dust has settled -  the media will move onto something else. Similarly, most of those who were unaffected by the plane crash will all move on .........to the latest news item.........the latest red carpet event........the latest political shenanigans........the latest beauty competition......the latest celebrity divorce.......the latest 'upper class wedding'..........

Parents who lost children will never forget; spouses who lost their partners will never forget; children who lost parents will never forget; friends who lost loved ones will never forget.

Lest we forget........ here is a timeline of recent plane crashes in Nigeria: 

>> Sept. 26, 1992 – A Nigerian Air Force C-130 crashed minutes after taking off from Lagos airport. Around 200 people died.
>> June 25, 1995 – A Harka Airlines Soviet-era Tupolev Tu-134 crashed at Lagos airport, killing 15 people.

>> Nov. 13, 1995 – A Nigeria Airways Boeing 737 crashed on landing in Kaduna, killing nine people.

>> Nov. 7, 1996 – A Boeing 727 operated by Nigeria's ADC crashed on its way from Port Harcourt to Lagos. All 142 passengers and nine crew died.

>> May 4, 2002 – A Nigerian EAS Airlines BAC 1-11 crashed in Kano. At least 148 people were killed, 75 on the plane and at least 73 on the ground.

>> Oct. 22, 2005 – A Nigerian Bellview Airlines Boeing 737 airliner crashed shortly after take-off from Lagos. All 111 passengers and six crew were killed.

>> Dec. 10, 2005 – A Nigerian Sosoliso Airlines DC9 from Abuja crashed on landing in Port Harcourt, killing 106 people, half of them schoolchildren on their way home for Christmas.

>> Sept. 17, 2006 – Twelve Nigerian military personnel, mostly high-ranking officers, were killed in a plane crash in Benue state. Six survived.

>> Oct. 29, 2006 – An ADC airliner with 114 passengers on board crashed and burned after take-off from Abuja, killing 96 people.

>> June 3, 2012 – A Dana Air passenger plane carrying 153 people crashed in the Agege suburb of Lagos.

This means that over the past 20 years, Nigeria has lost at least a thousand lives to plane crashes. This is not God's will. 

To better understand how bad this is....... one must note that since the UK started operating in Afghanistan in October 2001 - as part of coalition forces - 417 British forces' personnel have died (as at 3rd June 2012)

This means we are losing more people during peace time than other countries who are at war.  I read somehwere that 'What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient' (Bodie Thoene, Warsaw Requiem). This describes Nigerian processes and procedures perfectly. 

To all who are in positions of power and influence but choose NOT to do the right thing, I say....You have blood on your hands !!!

Exploring and Questioning Norms ..........Part 3

Thanks for reading the previous parts of this post. Here is the final part:
Another Disclaimer: My opinions are just that... My opinions. I am not anti-anybody. I say what I see.

So................ here is the final part of my post on some of Nigerian norms I question:


(5) Women should be seen not heard:
Despite all the 'progress' we have made, I still feel that women are not respected in Nigerian culture. Yes, we value our mothers and appreciate our sisters etc etc.  But does the society actually respect women? I think - to a large extent - NO !

My opinion is largely shaped by how Nigerian women are generally treated when it comes to marriage. Here are instances relating to marriage that have shaped my view:

(a) Assumptions about Single Women: While we all claim to be more enlightened than previous generations, I feel single women are generally disrespected in some situations and women are generally more respected by Nigerian society if they are married.
For example, a single well dressed lady is generally treated with suspicion - and assumed to be a 'hooker' - if she is unaccompanied in a restaurant or hotel bar. I know some of you will say that they shouldn't be in such places in the first place OR that this doesnt happen nowadays BUT I recall how I was treated suspiciously when I stayed alone in an Abuja hotel. Also, a post on Linda's blog discussed this issue, so this must be common. You can read here............

(b) Propositioning Women Randomly: It does appear most Naija men see all women as fair game' - to be approached and 'chatted up' randomly. Unfortunately, it appears that the richer the man is, the more confident he feels the lady will accept his 'dog-like' approach.
When I was in Nigeria, I was lucky enough to co-own a business and I can say that whenever I started discussing business with a  potential male investor or client ; 90% of the time, their first thought was how they could get me into bed. From what I see nowadays, nothing much has changed........

(c) Marriage Pressure: No need to expantiate abi? As soon as a young lady is getting to her late 20s, she is pressured to get married. Even the most 'enlightened' of parents is guilty of this..........They start with subtle hints and then it becomes a full blown chant.........till the poor girl starts seeing 'Marriage' in her sleep, her cornflakes, her plate of rice etc etc. LOL I actually know people who are scared to call home now because of this pressure :((((

(d) The In-laws: Once a woman does get married. She is expected to welcome her in-laws into her home with open arms.................Often with no questions asked, no consultation or consideration for what her own plans might be. It's almost as if as soon as she is married.......... she is expected to become dumb and mute.
I know someone who found it difficult to pass her professional exams because her house was constantly being 'invaded' by her husband's relatives visiting London.
Another lady who is dear to me had to put her foot down and insist on less visitors when she realised that her salary was going on constantly beefing up their monthly feeding budget - as hubby's people were constantly in their home.
Another more traditional friend was playing hostess to her husband's younger siblings in London while her hubby was busy in Nigeria gallivanting with hot babes. The worst thing was her in-laws even knew her hubby's 'main girlfriend' in Nigeria............... *hissssssssss*

(e) Marriage as the Dream-killer: I will say that more often than not, most Nigerian women put their dreams aside after they get marrried.
Why is it that so many Nigerian men state that they like 'ambitious, go-getters' as potential wives. However, after marriage, they are quick to complain that their new bride is 'too ambitious and driven'. The very things that attracted the man to the woman now appear so unappealing.
So if a girl is considering marriage, here are a few questions to consider:
'You want to get a Masters degree?'........
'You want to occupy a senior position in your organisation?'.................
'You want to open your own business?'................
Well, you better discuss this with your potential hubby so your dream doesnt die. However, discussion with hubby is no guarantee these dreams will not be pushed to one side because quite a lot of Nigerian men will encourage your plans - ONLY IF they don't interfere with (a) You producing children; (b) Your husband's own plans and (c) You ensuring the home is run properly.......

(f) The Forbidden 'D' word: The 'D' word I refer to is the 'Divorce' word. More often than not, Nigerian women are made to feel that whatever is wrong with the marriage can be fixed if they pray or obey their husbands. Yes......
- It doesnt matter if he is a womaniser...
- It doesnt matter if he doesnt support the woman.....
- It doesnt matter if he treats her badly..........................................NO, NO, NO....
To wear that honourable badge of 'Mrs X'.....most Nigerian women are often advised 'to pray and humble themselves'. Ha ha, I laugh in Spanish. This kind of advice is what gives a lot of Naija men the balls to misbehave and maltreat women. Humph

(g) The Last Straw:
I am always saddened when I hear instances where widows are maltreated following their husband's death.I still see instances where...
- The wife is often blamed if her hubby dies suddenly
- The wife is expected to take a back seat in the planning of her hubby's funeral
- The hubby's people seize his properties without considering the wife or his children
- The welfare of the wife and children is ignored as soon as their bread winner passes away
- Widows live with the 'stigma' of losing a husband (through no fault of their own)
This is so sad and I cannot even imagine what a widow goes through when she has to bury her husband, take care of children - while dealing with hostile, suspicious inlaws. *sigh*

I must say that despite these irksome customs, we have still seen strong women emerge .....like: Queen Idia,  Mama Ransome Kuti,   Madam Tinubu, Queen Amina of Zaria etc etc ...........This serves as evidence that Nigerian women can overcome all that is stacked against them. However, it takes a lot of resilience and stubborness. mmmmmm

So, my dear people, I don talk finish. If I talk true, make God bless me....If I talk lie, make I continue to chop better food. Amen (I have finished talking. If I have told the truth, may God bless me, If I have lied, may I  continue to eat good food. Amen) LOL

Do tell me what you think about our Nigerian culture - and how it treats its women.
Also, do tell me which customs you DO NOT like or wish would fade away with time

Take care and God bless
xxxxxxx

Exploring and Questioning Norms ..........Part 2

(2)Elders are always right
I first challenged this belief here and I still believe this is one of the reasons Nigeria has not realised her full potential. Why are we still hearing the same names in politics? It is only in Nigeria we have 'Youth Leaders' who are aged 45 years and above...............

While I accept that most elders have knowledge and experience beyond that of most young people, I also feel that age often comes with caution and older people are more accepting of the status quo. Over the years, most revolutions, inventions and innovations have been delivered by young people. This is because they are still restless enough to ask questions that preempt drastic change, for example ...
'Why is this situation like this?' OR  'How can we make it better/ easier/ faster...?'

A society that ignores its young minds is not ready for progress. While I accept the saying  'What an elder sees sitting down, a child will not see standing up'.....I also agree with the saying 'Age considers; youth ventures' (Rabindranath Tagore)

(3) A childless woman has no value
A lot of women are often made to feel worthless because they are unable to have babies. This is so so wrong. While I accept this is not exclusive to Nigerian culture; I must say that Nigerians are not diplomatic in their disrespect for childless women.
It doesn't seem to matter ......
Whether the woman has discovered the cure for cancer......OR
Whether she has being to space.............OR
Whether she has being awarded a Nobel prize...........OR
Whether she has even been instrumental in the cessation of war or conflict
.......If she never born she no be person (if she hasnt had a child she is not worth much)

I am always amazed when parents who have brought up their daughters to be principled start panicking when the married/unmarried daughter-without-a-child gets to her mid-thirties.

In some cases I have seen these same parents advice their daughter to 'Just have a child before it's too late'. While I attempt to understand their concern; I cant help but despair because (a) It places the women under so much pressure and (b) It makes all their other achievements seem unimportant

(4) Preference for male or female children 

Preference for Male children:  I am always shocked when I hear fellow Nigerians tell me 'I'm lucky' whenever they find out I have only boys. Really? In this day and age? I even recall a Nigerian man telling me that 'daughters are a waste of time because men will marry them and take them away one day. ' Surprisingly, this man was 'educated'

I'm sure we all know of cases where supposedly educated Nigerian men complain that their wives have failed to produce a male child - conveniently forgetting all the Biology lessons they had in secondary school (that it is the father that provides the chromosome that determines the gender of a child).

Preference for female children:  Similarly, I am always told that 'I must have a girl because girls are more likely to take care of me when I am old'..............
How can one predict that? I know daughters who are cold towards their parents and shower more affection on their in laws..........and I know boys who jump whenever their parents need something...

All I know is as I cannot predict the future and see whether my boys will 'take care of me in my old age' ............Also, I cannot keep on having children in an endless quest for a daughter. So, I will love the ones I'm blessed with wholeheartedly. Today has enough worries, let tomorrow take care of itself LOL

So...........
Do you feel our Nigerian culture ignores the voice of the young and listens only to the elderly.....??
Do you feel motherhood is the only way a woman can truly be judged as a success.......???
Finally, do you feel young Nigerians still consider the gender of their children as cause for worry........(i.e is there still a preference for female or male children) ???

Stay blessed and see you next Friday for my final post on this topic
xxxxxx

Exploring and Questioning Norms ..........Part 1

I want to start by saying thank you to all who visit this blog and follow my 'rambling' posts. I am really grateful to you all for an opportunity to share my thoughts. *kiss* *kiss*

Now today's post:

One of my favourite authors is Malcolm Gladwell - a Psychologist

In his book - Outliers, The Story of Success - he has a chapter titled 'The Ethnic Theory of Plane Crashes' where he discusses the impact of culture on airline safety

In summary, he talks about how 'Power Distant Cultures'  (where younger/ less powerful people accept that  they are required to defer and obey older/ more powerful people); seem to have have higher levels of plane crashes. This is because  because junior crew members find it difficult to correct the senior official - The pilot. It makes fascinating reading and got me thinking about my culture.......

In Nigerian culture, we very much defer to our elders and this can be a good thing in most cases BUT it can also be a bad thing.

In my next three posts, I will share some some of our cultural norms I now question....(Disclaimer: By 'Nigerian culture', I mean general cultural norms - not tribe specific):


(1) The eldest child should be responsible for his/her younger siblings..............:
I have seen instances where so much pressure has been put on the first child that s/he is forced to do things they should not have done. While I understand that some of them have lost their primary breadwinner i.e. their dad.....In most cases, they are pushed to provide for their siblings by their parents.

An example:
A friend of mine (let's call her Liz) told me about a conversation she overhead sometime ago.......

In those days before mobile phones became common in Nigeria, one of Liz's neighbours had a defective landline so this neighbour often came to Liz's parents house to receive phone calls.

This neighbour had a daughter in Italy who called home from time to time. Anytime this girl called, her mum and numerous siblings would crowd round the phone excitedly. The phone conversation would often begin with the girl crying to her mother - About how her 'madam' was forcing her to do 'extra hours'.....About how she often was not given food........About how the 'madam' took most of her money.......etc etc

Surprisingly, her mother would listen patiently and then pass the phone to her siblings. Each of her siblings would then proceed to tell her....
'Sister, dont forget to send my jeans oh'.........
'Sister, dont forget to send my shoes oh'.........
'Sister, my birthday is coming oh'......
.........on and on until the mum took the phone and concluded along the lines of:
'Dont worry my daughter, it shall be well. Try and work hard so we can put our enemies to shame'

So, basically this mother - and siblings - were telling this 'overworked ashewo-of-a-daughter' to bear whatever stress she was under, sell herself to the highest bidder and expose herself to AIDS ...... as long their needs were met. (ashewo = prostitute). God help us !!

 In my opinion, it is not right for able bodied parents to put the load of bringing up their own children on the shoulders of a young son/ daughter.

While I accept the truth in the saying 'He who eats alone, chokes alone'.....I also accept the truth in the saying 'Better to be alone than in bad company'
So, do you think our culture puts unfair pressure on first-born children? Let me know what you think about this...............................

(Part 2 on Friday)
xxxxxxxxxx

Your Elevator Pitch

*Elevator pitch  is a short summary used to quickly and simply describe why a product, service, or organization is special or unique. The summary should excite and convince others................:  

Sometime last month, I was fortunate to meet an inspirational gentleman who gave a good talk.  I feel his message benefit you all. The basis of his talk was a comparison of two profiles:


PERSON A......................:

- Born 1968
- Parents separated when she was 6 years old
- Became a victim of sexual abuse at 7 years
- Failed her O Level exams at end of secondary school
- After 3 attempts at JAMB, she gained admission into university to study Sociology 
- Impregnated by her married lover aged 22 years old when she was in her final year at university
- Unmarried mother aged 23 years old
- Aged 24 years old, unemployed and depressed
- Aged 26 years old, her fiance called of the wedding at the last minute
- Unemployed aged 28 years old


PERSON B.........................:
- Born 1968
- Grew up in a very loving home
- Graduated top of her class aged 22 years old
- Created her own NGO aged 24 years old
- Gained a Masters Degree in Global Health aged 28 years old
- Employed by prestigious global health body aged 29 years old


Looking at the two profiles, which person would you say is now a successful proffessional with three children, a loving husband and a happy home......................???

Of course most people often choose the second person. However, both profiles belong to the same person....How.....?? Here's how..........:
- She was born in 1968
- Her parents did separate when she was 6 years old. However, she grew up surrounded by a loving mother and grandparents
- She was sexually abused by a neighbour who was baby sitting her when she  was 7 years old 
- She did fail her O levels at first attempt because she was 'distracted' by friends and parties
- However, she passed them on second attempt
- Despite repeated attempts she did not get the required marks for her preferred course (Law)
- At her third attempt at Jamb, she gained admission to study Sociology
- While at university, she discovered she absolutely loved Sociology and Anthropology and shone
- Unfortunately, while at university she had an affair with a married man who convinced her that his marriage was on its last legs
- She then got pregnant in her final year and abortion was not an option (especially as her mum found out)
- With the support of her mum and grandmother, she graduated top of her class after having the baby
- However, aged 24 years old, she suffered a crisis of confidence and became depressed
- Luckily, with the support of her family (especially an auntie who was a UK based medical doctor) she overcame this and set up an NGO for young, single mothers
- She met a man the next year and they got engaged the following year
- The man's mother was always against the relationship and at the last minute the 'mummy's boy' called off the wedding
- Aged 27, she won a scholarship to study for a Masters Degree in Global Health
- After graduating, she found herself unemployed aged 28 years old 
- Happily, her strong dissertation, volunteering experience, supportive mentors and NGO background secured her a position with a prestigious global health body aged 29 years old

The message behind this is that - We all have ups and downs; We all make stupid mistakes; We all stumble and fall; We all lose at some point in time; We all fail at some point............

However, it is up to you to decide what to focus on...Your successes or Your Failures?

If there's one thing I know it is that generally, people are very willing to remind you of what you lack or where you have failed...........However, it is up to you to remind yourselves - and everyone - about your success.

You must walk around with an elevator pitch in your head - of what makes you special, of what gifts you have and of why you are a survivor.

If you don't believe you a great - and that you deserve to be here ...............no one else will.

See you soon
xxxxx

(images from: http://www.fotosearch.com/ )

Tags and Hugs

Before I begin, I want to say thanks to my 'brethren' who keep on checking up on me. I really, really, really appreciate this. Love to you all.

While I have been 'absent', My dear powerhouse Simply Mee gave me an award. Thank you my sister.


I'm sure you guys know the love I have for this woman so I will not bore you with the respect I have for this woman. Let me just say I have the utmost respect for her because she is not afraid to say 'This is me...No sugar coating...No Effizy.....No Pretence !!' Love it !!


Anyway, the award requires me to......

#1 Post the rules

#2 Post 11 things about myself.
#3 Answer the questions that my tagger posted for me
#4 Create 11 questions, then choose 11 people and tag them to answer your questions.
#5 Remember to let them know you tagged them.
#6 No tag backs.
#7 Let the tagger know when you answered their questions.


11 Things about myself:
- I prefer the company of very old and very young people. They are less judgmental and appreciate life more
- I find men easier to deal with
- I am really mischievous and I constantly find humour in most situations, Indeed, I believe I have a resident comedian in my head LOL
- I cant stand lateness especially when it is habitual
- I am really organised
- I dont like doing things half heartedly. I believe that if you are going to do something, do it properly......always give your all
- I cannot stand liars
- I cannot stand people who flaunt their wealth or status
- I avoid judging people because I know I am flawed
- I love to dance
- I feel younger now than I felt when I was 21


Here are my answers to my sister's questions:
1)What hairstyle are you currently rocking?.......At the moment, its pulled back in a little bun. My hair is natural but I use weave-on from time to time. 
2)How long did you spend in primary school?.....I spent six years
3)What is your naughtiest moment ?......I have soooo many. Okay, here's one: when I was little, I loved to outwit my mum. One Christmas eve, me and my sisters wanted some of the fried meat and my mum refused. We stole some and hid it in our hair. LOL Please dont judge me! LOL 
Heres another - My dad didnt like us drinking fizzy drinks but I often took sprite or seven up and poured it into a cup ...and had it on the dinning table with my meal. My dad never knew! LOL
4)How do you express your anger?.......I go really quiet because I avoid speaking in anger. It also allows me think how best to deal with the issue. 
5)What would you spend your last penny on?......A good meal and a good book 
6)When was the last time you treated yourself to a niceeeeeee warm food?...Today. I made nice pepper soup with catfish and chicken. We had it with pounded yam! :)
7) Who was the last person you said  "I love you " to? ........My sons as they left for bed a minute ago.
8) What is your favourite take away dish?.......I have to choose Nigerian: Suya and Foreign: Chinese - Mixed seafood (scallops, mussels, prawns, squid in oyster sauce) and egg fried rice. Tooooo good.
9) How do you eat in public, spoon, knife, fork or hands, loud, quiet, slow, fast etc?....Knife and fork. Really slow because I'm often talking to someone....LOL 
10)Do you polish your shoes? ....Definitely. I like to be 'on point' LOL
11)What are your thoughts on after Life?....As a Catholic, we believe in Heaven as the ultimate destination after death. However, I do believe there have been instances of reincarnation and that the world is full of unexplained mysteries. For example I have had dreams that have seen the future. The only way to find out what is on the 'other side' is to die. I rather not..... so, I feel we should be kind to each other because nobody really knows for certain what happens when we die.  


That's done !!


Unfortunately, I cant tag anyone because I think practically everyone has done this. Hope you dont mind.


Instead, could I please ask readers to respond to this:
List Three things that you like about yourself........and Three things you dont.


See you soon.... I promise to post on Monday.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxx BIG HUG xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello

I do apologise for my long absence but I have been thinking over whether to continue with this blog or shelf it.

More and more, I feel I will concentrate on my writing.......especially pidgin English poetry

*sigh*

I'll be back with a final decision

Love to all of you who drop by, shake their heads in disappointment and leave politely LOL

Stay blessed
xxxxxxxx

The Naija Issue

I know I said I would only blog once a month but events in Nigeria moved me to write this post

I avoid reading blogs - including mine - when I have a tight schedule. However, I checked on my blog today and saw Naijaline's comment in my last post and I decided to address the 'Naija issue'. Thanks Naijalines

My thoughts:

I last addressed the 'Naija conundrum' when Southern Youth Corpers were killed in the North here  Since then, we have seen more deaths, riots, chaos and increasingly staggering levels of corruption.

As a stubborn Fela-listening, Status-Quo-hating, Political Science undergraduate; taking part in students' protests was the norm for me - and my friends. However, some of those friends now occupy political positions and are now doing the same thing we all protested against. Similarly, some acquaintances who were Labour Union activists have now moved into politics - with an accompanying change in ideals.

Political change will only happen if those who are commited to it are not swayed by friends, familiies of finances or fear of discomfort.

If you think of Aung San Suu Kyi , Nelson Mandela ,Gandhi , Martin Luther King...............political change does not come easy

I don't want to preach to anyone.............Each person knows what they can or cannot live with.....

However, my only request is that - if you are a Nigerian - ask yourself:
- Are you willing to die for Nigeria?
- If you enter Nigerian politics, will you do things differently?
- I know quite a few bloggers who come from politically influential families......Do you feel guilty? Do you feel you can be an agent for change? Do you even want things to change?
- If you have a foreign passport, are you willing to hand it in and return to Nigeria to fight for change?


The recent protests accompanying the removal of fuel subsidy reminded me of the student protests we took part in years ago. It also gave me a glimmer of hope that things are changing in Nigeria. However, part of me worries that Nigerians are still easily swayed by money and power.

You think not??????.................Well............
- Think of how Nigerians visit popular Naija websites to sing the praises of ostentatious weddings of the children of prominent Nigerian politicians.
- Think of how we bow down to people who are wealthy but have no visible sources of income.
- Think of how we fight to join the campaign team of any relative or friend who declares his/her intention to run for a political position.
- Think of how we return home from abroad and start bribing, lying, queue-jumping and shoving as soon as we step off the plane

I refuse to sit behind my computer and preach to anyone about what they should or should not do - with regards to making Nigeria a better place to live. All I will say is LOOK WITHIN BEFORE YOU POINT THE FINGER...........then DO WHAT YOU CAN TO CHANGE NIGERIA....TODAY !!!

As I leave, I would like you to view this video of a great African revolutionary - Burkina Faso's Thomas Sankara

Beware The Poisoned Chalice..............................

''Poisoned Chalice" is a thing or situation which appears to be good when it is received or experienced by someone, but then becomes or is found to be bad. ...............


I was helping my son with his homework sometime ago and I came across the image below:

Source: www.goodcleanhumor.net

I was fascinated that such a graceful, beautiful animal would have to drink in such an awkward, clumsy way.


Seeking more facts about Giraffes and their unusual drinking position, this is what I read:

'Giraffes use their height to good advantage and browse on leaves and buds in treetops that few other animals can reach....................

The giraffe's height also helps it to keep a sharp lookout for predators across the wide expanse of the African savanna.

The giraffe's stature can be a disadvantage as well—it is difficult and dangerous for a giraffe to drink at a water hole. To do so they must spread their legs and bend down in an awkward position that makes them vulnerable to predators like Africa's big cats'

This got me thinking of how each of us possesses exceptional assets that can also contribute to our downfall. The trick in life is recognising your asset - and staying alert - so that this asset does not become a Poisoned Chalice.


Here are some examples of assets that could become Poisoned Chalice:

- Beauty: 
I have seen instances where beautiful people think they can get away with anything because of their physical perfection. Examples abound of girls who thought their beauty was enough to get by....and boys who were so gorgeous in school.... they ceased to work hard. 
All I can say is that Bill Gates, Richard Branson etc could not have been the most beautiful people in school. There is a saying that 'Beauty fades but Dumb is Forever'......Enough said

- Intelligence: 
Psychologists identify seven to nine types of intelligence....including verbal, visual, physical, introspective, interpersonal, musical etc etc...................I like to keep things simple so I have just two - 'Common Sense Intelligence' and 'Book Sense Intelligence'
Unfortunately, a lot of us focus on pursuing 'book sense' without remembering that 'common sense' is often more important. 'Common Sense' is the type of sense that tells you - 'To buy only what you can afford'.....'To avoid certain people'.........'To avoid gossip'...........'To avoid borrowing'............'To never underestimate anyone' ............etc etc
The thing is people who have 'Book Sense Intelligence' often have very little 'Common Sense Intelligence' because they feel they know it all. 
If you ever feel you know it all - because you have a Masters Degree or a P.hD......believe me, you dont !


- Children:

 Parents often see their children as their greatest assets.......unfortunately, some parents devote less time to nurturing these assets than they do to reviewing their bank statements. 
The problem with this is that these assets have a funny way of becoming liabilities - if you fail to invest time and energy on their upbringing. We can NEVER predict what a child will become in future......BUT we can predict - to a large extent - what a neglected/ badly brought up child is LIKELY to become in future:............A Poisoned Chalice to his/her parents !


- Wealth: 

We all pray for financial security and we should. However, wealth comes with its own burden. Questions arise: 'How do I stay on top?'............'Who are my real friends?'............'Will my children squander their inheritance?'.............'Will my spouse still love me if I lose all my wealth?'
The only way a wealthy person can find answers to such questions is to lose all the wealth and see what it is like to be poor...This is not a palatable option.
So..........while we pray for wealth, we should all pray for the wisdom to handle such wealth so that it does not become a burden that weighs us down.


- Friends: 

Some people have a natural ability to attract people and make friends. The trick is to know when to stop making friends just for the sake of making friends..................AND...............to recognise which people are friends or acquaintances. 
Good friends are an asset......but bad friends can be serious liabilities. Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to think their friends have their best interest at heart. 
When I was at university, I knew several girls who couldn't make a single decision without discussing it with their 'closest friends'. Wrong move....
A nice boy is asking them out?.....They seek their friend's opinion.
They hate their course and want to change?........They seek their friend's opinion.
They have a job offer out of state/ abroad?.......They seek their friends opinion.
A potential sugar-daddy is bothering them?..........etc etc..............*sigh*  If you need impartial advice, ask someone older who is a role model 
The truth is humans are instinctively selfish and 'friends' will usually put their own interest first. A friend can become a poisoned chalice if you let them. 


- Strong Family Ties

A strong family bond can be a blessing ....but it can also be a 'Poisoned Chalice'. Examples abound of people who were very close to their siblings before they got married and expected that bond to remain unbroken after they got married or entered into a serious relationship.
Whether we like it or not, we change when we become involved - romantically - with someone else. 
A man who chooses to discuss his finances with his siblings and not the mother of his children/wife/ partner is creating the right environment for chaos. 
Similarly, a woman who chooses to discuss her career, fears or life plans with her siblings - and not her husband/ partner; is clearing the ground for confusion to reign.
Similarly, a person who makes ALL his/her decisions to please his/her family members is likely to regret this.
There comes a time when your life partner should be your confidant and 'next of kin' in everything. If this is not the case, you are with the wrong person !  

- Well Known Name

Some surnames are so well known that once the name is mentioned, doors and arms open wide to recieve the bearer of the name.
This can be an asset or a liability.............depending on how the bearer handles it.
I know of children of famous parents who have failed to make their mark because they feel 'daddy' or 'mummy' has done it all. 
Similarly, I know of children of famous parents who have excelled because their famous parents have paved the way for them.
The difference between these achieving and non-achieving bearers-of-well-known names is largely down to upbringing and how much they themselves hunger to make their own mark 
As my father would say.........'Some children are taught how to SPEND money and not how to MAKE money ! 
Bearing a well known name is incredibly empowering and and can be a good thing..................but it can also be a 'Poisoned Chalice' ...............if the bearer is not equipped to ensure the 'well-known' name does not become well known for laziness, bad manners and notoriety.


So,
As we enter into 2012, my prayer for all - including me - is that we recognise our assets and work against them turning into liabilities. Not everyone has the power to see what asset is a potential 'Poisoned Chalice' - so we should all guard against complacency.


Stay blessed ...................I'll see you soon
xxxxx