I'm my worst enemy.

woohoo!
got into pjc lol.
stupid moe go msj at 6.
now i cant seem to go back to sleep.
too excited i guess.
'anxiety insomnia' wud be the cheem way of calling it.

but need to report there at 7.30 am tmr.
hmmm...
must wear evg uniform i guess.
boring lol.
n here i tot that i wud hav nvr need to put on those clothes again.
lucky i nvr threw it away.
nth wrong or shameful bout wearing it though, just bring back too much memories.

so any1 out there reading this blog hu's going to pjc too?????
wanna go there together tmr??!?!?!?!?!?
so far, onli mi, wl n kelvin going.
not sure hu else posted to pjc.
dun shy, shy.come2.
if enough ppl, can book bus lol.
lame shit.. i know....

haish...
bout the performance thingy, not confirm yet.
still in the planning phase but i doubt it will commence.
wat kind of organisers need 8 teenagers for idea lol.
nvm2, suke hati diurang lar lol.

after the meeting, went to huimin house for cny.
now to think back on it, i actt went to more houses for cny then hari raya lol.
wtf...

go there after the meeting finish bout 1 until 10 pm lol.
hehe.
i finally learn how to play mahjong!
pong!
muakahkahakhakahkahaka.
played psp, eat, watch movie, used the internet, watch another movie, played psp againn, eat again n watched tv again n that is about wat we did over there lol.

at bout 9, alvin the mother call him to tell that one of his grandparents past away.
my deepest condolences to him...

thats was about it for last sunday.
regarding yesterday, nth much happen lol.
went to the lib wif din.
after reach home, didnt feel so good so took some panadol n sleep at bout 8.
that was 1st time i slept b4 mignight after the o level lol.
but must get use to it lei, skool almost starting liao.
cant slack animore.

i aslo hope that ever1 out there got into their 1st choice.
if nvr get, nvm, dun be too disappointed.
be happy wif wat u get.
for all u know, the skool ure going too cud turn out ok.

bye2 then.
the next time u see mi, it cud be in a jc uniform lol.
hehe.
=)

my thoughts at 8:45 AM

Memang khilafku.
Memang khilafku...menyayangimu...
Memang khilafku...menyintaimu...
Tapi ku tahu...semua itu..
Tak akan kembali lagi...

Bukan ku pinta...segunung janji...
Tidak ku harap...sinaran ini...
Cuma ku ingin...setulus kasih...
Bahgia kekal selamanya...

Oh...oh terkilaf...
Senyummu...enggan pergi...
Tawamu...mengiringi...
Wajahmu...ku terbayang...
Hadirmu...dalam mimpi...seumpama bidadari...
Potretmu...ku tatapi...
Mengharap kau kembali...

Memang ku rindu...saat bersamamu...
Memang tak mampu...melupakanmu...
Cuma ku mahu kau ada di sisiku...
Oh marilah oh sayangku.......


It Was My Mistake.
it was my mistake for caring bout u.
it was my mistake for loving u.
but i know that everything we had,
will nvr happen again...

it was nvr my wish to receive all those promises.
nvr did i hope for that ray of light.
all i ever wanted was for ure love to be sincere,
for this happiness to last 4ever...

ohh... i've made my mistake...
ure smile... refuse to leave mi..
ure laughter... accompanying it...
ure face... i keep imagining...
ure presence... in my dream...
resembles a fairy...
ure portrait, i keep staring...
hoping that one day u might come back to mi...

truly i admit... i miss my time wif u...
i realli can't do it.. trying 2 forget u...
all i wanted was u to be here by my side...
ohh... pls be here... ohh.. my dear...

my thoughts at 7:37 AM

Memang Khilafku.

after yesterday's entry, i read a few more chaps b4 going to sleep at 4.
wtf.
i forgot today got soccer match lol n i had to wake up at 6.
2 hours of sleep. how great.

bath2, then meet they all at bns b4 heading to yishun.
warm up2 then waited for the other team to arrive.
it was a very colouful match lol is all that i can say.
our team wore fluorescent green jerseys while they wore bright pink.
eee.
from a far, ppl could hav mistaken us for a dance group prac for chingay or something if it werent for us running around the filed chasing a ball.
dont want to talk much bout the game though cause i, myself know very little bout football lol.

all i know is that we lost but well, no surprises there.
4-0 to be exact.
at half time, it was onli 1-0 but haish... all our player pancit lol after halftime,
included ure's truly, mi.
well, pancit wudnt be more of the word to describe it.
i was on the verge of collapsing n fainting.
i even vomited water lol, how disgusting was that.
the previous match, vomit egg, now water.
ish ish ish...
it didnt help that apart from not having enough sleep, i even played on an empty stomach.

but dis aint excuses for losing though.
the opponent were truly the better team.
kudos to them. =)

so after the match, we walk2 around amk cause din wanted to take back his psp that was at the shop for reparing but the shop wasnt open yet.
walk2, eat2 then go 'home'.

well, at least the rest of them did.
as for mi, i waited for my sis at woodlands mrt cause we were going to west coast.
mi, my older sis n my two younger sis.
kind of a siblings outing lol.

go there, they all play2 at the playground while i slept at the bench.
i know that wasnt exactly brotherly example but i cudnt tahan animore lol.
sleep... i needed the sleep...
woke up, our father fetch us then we went home.

go home, rest2 for a while then after that went to hong zhou's house for cny.
so many ppl lol at there.
so shy sia.
i had to eat alone cause my fren all eat liao cause i came late.
my onli company were hong zhou's father n mother.
how comforting... got some dace

after eat, went inside his house n played wl's psp while the rest played some game
around the table.
at bout 10, went home wif the rest.

so that's bout it.
it's now currently 3am in the morn n i hope can get some sleep.
hav to wake up at 9 tmr cause got dance meeting.
maybe we perform in front of the PM.
how cool is that lol.
maybe onli though.
wish mi luck.
bye2 then.
till nx time.
good night.

my thoughts at 2:40 AM

Violent By Design.

boo...
stupid website not working...
cant read initial d manga.
now reading h2, a manga bout baseball with the earpiece in my ear listening to 987.
muttons just finish sia...

haish...
manga, manga, manga, tk habis2 manga.
even i getting bored of manga but wat to do.
it's 2 o clock in the morn n i got no1 to chat too.
internet also nth to do so desperation has caused mi to turn to manga.
the onli time consuming thing i can do online which doesnt require that much internet speed.

so btw, bought the watch liao at suntecc today.
bought a pair of shoe too, a blue puma suede wif white stripe.
bought a some sort of keychain for my hp too.
it was starting to look dull lol.
cost onli $4 so not that bad ar.
a bear in some gundam clothings n helmet.
orange colour so matching wif my hp, i think.

after that went break like normal.
i manage to do some dope shit moves lol but all tyco2 onli.
need to prac more i guess.
i hav to admit though that i hav kinda been kinda neglecting break for a while these past few weeks.
past few months to be exact.

ever since that happened, break just hasn't been the same.
the jokes dun seem that funi animore...
the ppl, i now see them in completely new eyes.
the atmosphere, haish...

wen i was in sec 3 n early sec 4 i cudnt wait for skool to end to go to the notice board area to break...
wen breaking, time flew so fast, i wud nvr even realise skool wud be closing soon.
n i hav nvr felt like going home until every1 goes home...
but now, going dome to break seems more like a chore.
i'll even look at my hp ever so often to check the time cause i cant wait to go home though i dunnu wait awaits mi here...
the outings are still fun but the breaking sessions... tk terperi...

tmr they all going esplanade to break but i not going...
dunnu y though.
just dun feel like going.

that's alll then for today.
to the future mi thats gonna read this 5 years later:
screw u!
dumb fuck!
nuff said!
i wan wok!
teng teng teng teng.
i dunnu.
huh?
bagus!

my thoughts at 12:49 AM

long time nvr update again but this time also not my fault.
stupid computer got prob wif the internet thingy.
so now at viki's house n thnks to him, it's fixed n i can thus finally update.
woohoo!
can start reading initial d manga also lol since the reborn manga i completed liao.

so as the whole world knows, today or yesterday to be exact was valentine's day.
hehe.
sad to say but this time, like the 17 valentine's b4 dis, i had no1 to celebrate it wif lol.
a girl i mean.

instead, like any other singles, i spent it wif my MALE frens.
shessh.
pathetic but at least better then nth right?

just for fun, 4 of us wore hoodies lol.
kinda cool n gay at the same time but who am i to complain lol.
then some more all 4 of us wore diff colour!
we were like the gay hoodies ranger or something lol.
XD heheFrom right: afiq (blue ranger), rafi (red ranger), hamster (white ranger) n mi (black ranger).

the other 2 that went along wif us were syafiq n viki but they no hoodies lol.

we met at 4.30 cause some of them had skool.
then after that we went too suntec city to walk2 around.
found a realli cool looking watch, $12 maybe tmr going there to buy it.
found realli nice looking sneakers too but all the ones i like seem to be made of pig lining sia!
wtf...
haish.. so disheartening...
nvm2... my search continues for the perfect sneaker!

so after walk2 around at suntec we went to by the bay to lepak2.
got some chinese gig going on n hams complain it was too noisy so we changed place to the merlion there.

wah.. bring back memories lol.
the last time i went there was during my sec 3 eoy holiday.
i still remember that night lol.
it was the 1st time i slept outside.

hehe. after the reminisce, we then went to esplandae underground to lepak2 also while seeing other bboy break.
my gang realli look like mat rep sak...
all sit one circle smoking....
haish..
ape nk jadi...
after a while though they all started breaking so it wasnt so bad i guess.

then after the breaking, we went home bout 10.30 cause afiq got skool tmr lol.
haha.
how grand it is to live a life of the skoolless.

after reach home, tried to fix my internet but to no avail.
so called viki n then he ask mi to come over to his house.
he godeh2 for a while n it was fixed!
how delighted i was lol.
finally can update.
so many things happened sia but i forgot wat...
thats why i began rewriting in dis blog lol.
so i wun forget the time i sent wif my frens.
haish but it seems i failed.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....
-n commits hara-kiri-

wtf. haha.
lame shit.
ok2. as some1 used to say it to mi.
"stop it seh!"

with that, i end this entry as i continue reading the inital d manga.
and to all those that is reading this, hope u all had a fun valentine's day.
both singles n couples.

fyi, if any1 dun hav any date for nx year's V-dae, dun feel shy to ask mi lol.
mukahkahakhakahkaha!
tk tahu malu nyer budak...

my thoughts at 3:39 AM

just came back from malaysia yesterday morn.
was there for bout 4 days from wed morn till this sat morn.
it was officially one of the most boring trip i've made to malaysia yet lol.
all i did there for the 1st 2 days were sleep, eat n stared into blank space.
my onli escape were the songs in my hp but even they were slowly becoming boring.

on the 3rd day though, the rest of my cousins arrived so it was much more eventful.
at night, got kenduri for my late granddad then after that got ready for bed.
at bout 11 plus though, the house phone received a call saying that my uncle was sick n is currently in the icu at kl.
his lungs stopped working or something...

for a guy whose bout to turn 17, 3 deaths of his close relatives is alreadi too much for mi.
i cant contemplate wat wud happen if my this uncle were to past away too...
does death hav a thing for my family or wat.

i dunnu y but i feel guilty for some unknown reason.
is god trying to prove a point to mi or something?
maybe i'm just being paranoid n that this things actt happen to every family all around the world
but i still cant seem to get the thought of it out of my head.

hmm...
we'll just have to wait n see, wunt we,
whether or not i'll get to attend my 4th funeral
of a close relative b4 my 18th birthday.

but enough of all these pessimistic thoughts lol.
after reach s'pore bout 12.
went out wif, wl, alvin, dabbie, yh, lian li, huimin, chris, jav, ishin, pei si, n one other girl which i forgot the name. ishin's girl lol so didnt bother talking to her so much.

went "raya-ing" wif them lol.
well, the chinese equivalent of it anyway.
b4 this, i didnt know they exchanged oranges at other ppl's houses lol.
i thought they just gav the orange sia.
well i guess that show how ignorant i am bout other ppl's culture lol.

went to thier houses one by one.
but if i were to write everything whiched happened, i wudnt sleep lol this morning.
some of the more memorable n noteable parts were at christina's n lian li's house lol.

at chris house, her father prepared for us sushi lol.
at 1st i didnt know wat was the big deal but i was shocked wen one of them said that one of the box actt cost bout $40!!!
i rather he treat all mac or kfc sia.

but ohh well, u know mi.
i hav nvr been the sort to turn down free food lol.
n fyi, it was my 1stt ime eating sushi too.
after trying, personally, u wudnt catch mi dead buying sushi wif my own money lol.
it tasted awful.
even the much talked about wasabi was a disappointment for mi.

hmmm.
but dun take my word for it.
maybe raw food just doenst suit my palette lol.
rice w/ things like ayam masak merah or keetam masak lemak is more of my thang lol.
mukahkahakhakhaka!!!
hidup, mati, masakan melayu!
(live, die, malay cooking!)

at lian li's house, some of them played mahjong while some played blackjack.
i picked the latter since i know squat bout mahjong.
it seems like a fun game though.
maybe if i got time, i'll learn how to play it.
right after learning mandarin lol.

that was the 1st time i played a card game so enthusiastically lol.
complete wif gesticulation n all the wat nots.
damn kecoh lol.
i guess when u hav money on the line, it gets to u.

dun worry though, i broke even.
i started wif 4 dollars n at one time, even reached $2 once while my all time highest was $4,30 onli lol.
but after the roller coaster ride of emotions n after bout 1 n a half hour or so,
once i got back $4, i quickly quit lol.
call mi a chicken all u want,
call mi no balls,
but at least i haave all my money wif mi lol.
=P
(fyi, minimum bet for one game was onli 10 cent lol)

after all the walking n visiting, went home n reached home bout 12.
watched tv for a while then went online.
finally got a couple of pics from yh n uploaded it at frenster lol.

kk lar.
i'm going to continue reading manga now.
to all the chinese out there, happy chinese new year!
something something guai le lol!
bye2.

my thoughts at 3:41 AM

just some random lyrics to a song lol.
i wanted to start this entry wif "i woke up in the morning at..."
then suddenly this song came to mind so i just googled the lyrics n pasted it there lol.

so anyways, wake up at about 1.
more like in the afternoon but who cares wif all this technicality.
went online 1st b4 i bathed.
dunnu y. dun ask also.
it's a man thing.
mcm paham...

then asked wl n alvin got any plan or not.
at 1st no plan then wanted to go to the movie to watch sweeny todd but then cancel
cause not many ppl can come.
they said all working, though i dun even know hu that refers to.

so in the end, we just went to the lib.
i used the laptop n read manga like wat i usually do at home while alvin n wl
alternately played thier psp while reading comics.
haish.. bring back old memories lol.
long, long, long, long, long, long time ago...
b4 o lvl era...

at bout 4, went then to the civic mac to eat while i continued reading the manga.
Kateko Hitman Reborn.
nice manga lol.
just the right mix of humour n action.
there's no female char wif excessively large n unrealistic cup sizes too just in case any1s wondering.

after mac, we went home.
i used the laptop until bout 10 n then went to my room.
sis wanted to use the laptop n my other family members were watching the tv.
so i just sat there in my room doing nth at 1st.

look thru my stuff n found a lot of stuff's which i owed other ppl lol.
4 pokemon comic books - afiq
a 'i not stupid 2' dvd - sharizan
a cd containing malay songs - afiqah
2 cd games - viki

god knows wen i borrowed all this stuff lol.
plan to return the stuff to their respective owners in the not so distant future though.
not good to owe ppl things lol during chinese new year.
mcm paham...

1st time i ever uploaded a pic at my blog lol.
wat ure seeing is 2 years' worth of un-filed w/s n hw which were nvr done or passed up.
i'm not that proud of it but the truth has to be told lol.
even i was amazed by the sheer volume of it.
imagine b4 the o lvl, this papers were scattered all over my room.
not scattered per say but just diff stacks, att diff places of my room.

my mom didnt believe mi n i tink huever is reading this wont to
but there's acttually a system in how that thing is stacked.
yup, u better believe it lol.
i kinda forgot wat the system was but i usually find wat i wan in less then half an hour.
giv or take a few mins lol.
XD

at bout 11 or wat, i cudnt take it animore so i listened to the radio via my hp.
it's the 1st time i lie down on my bed n listen seriously to the radio over a period longer then 5 mins lol.
muttons to midnight or something.
it wasnt as boring as i thought it wud be lol.
in fact, some part's were hilarious albeit most of the songs werent my type.


after the muttons thingy ended though at 2, i cudnt get to sleep...
so here i am lol.

hmmm...
i nth else to write lei so until nx time je lar lol.
going to continue reading my manga.
bbye2!
-waving hand profusely-
XD

my thoughts at 2:11 AM

Walk It Out

started the day today on a not so well note.
supposed to meet they all at dragon field at 8 but i woke up at 9.30.
ish3. apa nk jadi.
reach there, about 10.15 liao.
all of them resting alreadi.
haish...

nvm. nth will hamper my mood for today n thus, i still changed n kicked the ball around.
after a while, 2 ppl joined mi so it wasnt that lonely lol.

tgh shiok2 kicking the ball then skali din scold mi.
all of them packed n changed liao n were waiting for mi.
kacau ajer.

so i changed too n after that a couple of us went to ljs( long john silver)
to go n eat.
i realised today that wenever i hav money, i rarely am able to finish my food lol.
wen i dun hav money however , i eat like some starved animal on the verge of dying.

after ljs, we went to lib to read book, but i realli cudnt take it lol.
i kept falling asleep so after much persuasion, i n din went back to his house
where i quickly dozed off while din was on the fone wif some girl.

woke up, it was already 2.45.
so quickly washed my face n changed n then went straight to cwp to meet the rest of my klass.
reach there, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait n waited somemore lol.
not my fault that ppl dunnu how to come on time lol.

i'm not blaming any1 however cause during the wait, i managed to catch up wif a lot of my other classmates, mainly the boys though. not much of a ladies' man even if i do say so myself.

then after the long, n arduous wait, we finally managed to get on our way to novena, where our free food awaits us.
hehe. the journey there was not so bad too lol.
the klass, or shud i say the boys n some of the girls were kecoh sak.
really no shame lol.
myself included.
XD
mukahkahakahkahkahak!!!

reach there also, i did a lot of stupid stuff n i am really3 sori to huever i might hav hurt physically along the way.
i was hyper, dunnu y.
i guess too much unused energy cause of the shortened soccer training lol.

reached th piazza hut liao, we eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat n eat somemmore like nobody's business.

the food was nice lol.
wanna know y?
cause it's free lol.

after eating, we took a lot of pictures,
we in the sense which excluded mi ar.
pics aint just my thang lol.
n it has nth got to do wif my face being non-photogenic btw lol.

after the pic taking, some of us went home while the rest continued shopping wif ms chong at plaza sing.
haha.
i realli cant elaberate on the shopping how ever cause most of the time, ok2, all the time, i was playing alvin's psp.
not my fault also lei.
shopping also not my area of expertise.

shopping = boredom = me sleeping

so after the girls did their shopping, we all sat down at gelare n continued our nonsensical blabbering.
ms chong n a few of the well off students bought the ice cream there but mi, no thanks lol.
i dun intend to get my wallet burned by buying something that insignificant.
i buy ice cream from the uncle selling beside evg better lol.
$1 can buy one slice.
here one scoop = $4++++

then after the pit stop at gelare, we all walked to orchard
where upon reaching i took my leave to go to break.
or so i thought.
jeng jeng jeng.

wen i reach city hall, i saw ppl breaking but none of them was from lmq.
wth!
not having a hp sucks.
ooops.
let mi rephrase that.
not having a hp that can call sucks.

so i walked all the way inside n used the public phone. lucky it accepted coins lol or i wud hav gone home ffrom there.
so called shafiq then meet they all at 'by the bay'.
after a few minutes, went back to woodlands however cause afiqah got some prob n wanted some frens.
i also dunnu lar, too lazi to masuk campur also.

reached woodlands, i changed n break.
alone lol.
every1 said they were alreadi tired n just sat down.

haha. that was at 1st!
after i break3, suddenly shafiq started breaking.
then farhan joined.
then afiq joined.
after that hamster also joined.
haha.
i lov my crew lol.

break3 like normal then at 12, went home.

that's all for my day but sori for the long post n sori if it bores huever that is reading this but my day today was packed lol.
it was still fun nonetheless n the reason y i write everything down is cause i dunwan to forget this day lol.

editor's note:
hehe, i admit that i may not hav a lot of frens but i am happy to say that i hav many diff types of frens.
hanging wif a lot of diff ppl realli is fun lol.

haha, kk lar.
it's alreadi 1.48 am n i'm damn tired.
i think after i read a few mangas, i'm going to bed.
tmr i going to the mosque wif my mother early in e morn but i doubt it's gonna make a diff lol.
haish. nvm lol. up to her what she wanna do.
as long she happy, nvm.

adios then. sayonara.
bbye2.

my thoughts at 1:12 AM

I Fake A Smile So She Wun't See

it's one o clock in the morning.
i still dun understand y i'm still not asleep.
my body is tired, my brain, cant think straight n most importantly, i'm damn sleepy.
n yet here i am, forcing myself to be awake writing this entry.
god knows for wat reason.

on thursday i slept at 8 n woke up at 11.
3 bloody hours of sleep.
woke up, then spent the rest of the day at yunhua house wif wl, alvin, n huimin.
movie marathon but in the end, most of them just played psp lol.
returned home at about 9 n went online.

online till 4 n managed to turn off the laptop b4 i went to bed
but was to sleepy to move so fell asleep at the living room lol.
woke up n 12 n after that went to the lib.
alone.
used to it liao.
after that, went to din house to put games into his newly bought psp.
lucky bugger.
his mom bought it for him as a o lvl "present".

after that followed him go to hougang to meet his fren.
i basically just sat in the bus n upon reaching hougang,
crossed the street n took the bus back to woodlands.
haish. pathetic. i know.

but thinking back, these past few months, i've done a lot of stupid things just to get myself busy.
i've tried to go out the whole day n keep myself occupied.
maybe by doing so, i managed to lie to myself by trying to hide the fact that my life now is more dull but sometimes(like now) it catches up to mi.

haish...
i've even been telling many ppl to move on wif their lives but the truth is, i dun think i've moved on wif mine.

e.g.~ i saw her cry today n deep down inside i wanted to console her but i just cudn't bring myself do it.
in fact, i cant even remember the last time i looked into her eyes while talking to her.
even everytime while shaking her hand, i force myself not to look at her face.
maybe it's guilt. maybe it's fear.
who knows.
all i know n hav finally admit is that i'm one egoistic sob.

theres nth wrong wif a fren asking another fren y they are crying right?
but i cant.
all because i promised myself not to giv a damn bout her...

oooops. so sori for the emo shit lol.
i got carried away.

so anyways, after reach home, at about 8 plus, went to dome to break.
hehe, i still havent improved or learn anything new since long3 time ago lol.
today almost every1 was present except for viki hu was working.
today was also better i guess in the sense that every1 wasnt so depressed.
we all joke2 around like the good all days.
then like 10 plus, we all sit down one circle talk kok lol.
really nostalgic.
long time never do that lol.
but this time however, the lewd jokes just didnt seemed as funny as it did a year ago.
i managed to fake a laughter here n there but it was just inappropriate for mi.
maybe i've grown more mature( fat hope) or maybe my sense of humour have just evolved n it's no longer the same as last time.
hmmm. better not to think so much lol bout all this trivial things.
lmq for life lol!

tmr also ms chong gonna treat the whole klass pizza hut lol!
woohoo!

finally got klass reunion.
i'm kind of excited lol.
this is my 1st time i miss a klass so much.
4 asp '08 rocks lol!
hehe, onli geeks will say that lol but thats wat's fun bout being a geek n liking ure klass so much.
u wake up everyday excited to go to skool n thats wat i personally think differentiates us n maybe even explain y we do so well academically.
=)

but enough of that, my secondary skool life is behind mi now n i cant wait to go to jc n learn new stuffs.
maybe my klassmates wun be as great as 4 asp but hu cares.
u cant compare wat u hav now wif wat u had.
that type of thinking will onli make u full of regret n more depress.
just be happy wif wt u have or dun have.
that way, life is much more fun.
XD.

hehe, ok lar.
thats all folks.
until my nx update.
bye2.

my thoughts at 12:59 AM