April with a newborn...

I hope I can write this well. Don't worry it's just the pregnancy hormones I needed to write out.  I love my life! :)


This month has been quite different; duh you think...

Well that's what I have to keep telling myself, it's different and life will never be the same as it was before.  Some times/days I think I'm just babysitting and that the parents will be coming to get her soon.  The reality just hasn't sunk in yet.

But don't get me wrong I LOVE Hannah and everything about her and never want her to leave!! :)  We love her small dainty features and watching her sleep and dream and make those fun funny facial expressions.

I feel inadequate for this 'job'/to be Hannah's mother.  I have large shoes to fill from where she came from. It still feels like and I remember it like she entered this world just yesterday. What a joy it has been!!

I feel guilty for ever thinking these thoughts.  They say pregnancy emotions are still not gone for a little while after having your baby; and I feel blessed that it only hit me in the hospital; or so I thought.  This week has been a hard one.  I've held in my tears pretty well until last night.  Hannah has been quite fussy these past few days and I just couldn't figure out what was wrong.  She's had the same schedule her whole life, haha. Monday she had a dr appt and she hadn't truly slept all day.  Same with yesterday. Although we figured maybe we had switched diapers on her.  So we went back to the brand we started with.  Maybe that helped.  But we were also noticing that she felt like she had an upset stomach.  Well so of course I called the expert; my mother.  She said to use gripe water and see if that helps.  We gave her a bath and some gripe water and she slept last night from about 9pm til 2am!! After a large amount of food and cuddling and swaying she went back down til 6 am! Man I love this sleepy girl of mine!!



Well that was the beginning of it all.  Last night I was talking to Mike about things we needed to get done this week and things that were going on with finances, and things I wanted to do in the upcoming months before we move and that I was super frustrated with how my Mary Kay business was not going anywhere and that I felt like no one cared or wanted to buy anything from me and how my goals were not getting met; I finally broke down on him.  The first thing he did was hug me and not let go and talk to me for about five minutes while we were standing there and never let go.  He has been my biggest support through all of this.  He has never once given up on me.  I seriously couldn't have asked for a better loving husband.  He continued to give me the confidence I needed with motherhood, being a wife, and being a good business woman.  "Take it one thing at a time and keep doing what your doing because you are succeeding in all that you are working on.  You have a lot on your plate right now, especially this month.  You are doing great.  Don't get down on your self. I love you and Hannah is one lucky girl. Just do the best you can every day and everything will work out.  You will become successful in your Mary Kay business and we will be fine; don't worry about finances or school that is my job. I love you and I'm so glad you are the one I'm going through life with." (those are just some of the amazing things he said to me last night while holding me.)
Sorry ladies I have the best husband! :)

Tuesday morning I texted him and said I didn't know if I would make it through the day and that I might not get a shower in on the day because Hannah was so fussy.  He said don't worry about it and that he would come home and go to mutual then take over on baby duty so I could a good nights rest and that he would wake up with her during the night. It was what I needed to hear. What an amazing husband! But I told him no he needed sleep more than me.  He refused.  He did exactly what he said he would do and had to kick me away from the baby haha.  I finally got some good rest last night!

Then this morning I was browsing Facebook while feeding and rocking Hannah back to sleep and one of my friends had shared about the exact thing I was thinking and frustrated with; and it's exactly what I needed to read and watch this morning to help me with how I've been the last two days...Look it up and watch it!! :)  Simple yet powerful.
http://motherhood.mormon.org

I love being a Mother and I can't wait til Hannah gets a little older so we can play at the park and go for walks and play with each other all day and I can teach her what I know :)

Mike is right; things WILL get better.
* take one things at a time.
* Being a mother is most important
* Mary Kay business with succeed and get better; I did just have a baby.  I am a little preoccupied this month.
* keep working hard :)
* I am a good mother
* it's ok if i don't shower til noon or never in the day
* I am doing the best I can and that's all I can do
* things WILL get better

Thanks honey for having so much confidence in me and giving me all the love and support I need and always staying close the spirit and knowing exactly what I need :)


When my mom was here I was telling her that Hannah always smiles while she sleeps and that it's so cute and that we think it's cute and funny :)  My mom came back with the best explanation:
She's just talking to her friends up there and telling them how great earth is and how wonderful her parents are and probably telling them I'll see you on 'such and such' day :)  That really put everything in perspective for me.
There was also a time when Hannah was awake and she kept staring off in space or looking at something (because there was nothing on the wall in the direction she was looking) and my wise mom said again: she probably see's angels and they are talking to her :)
I'm thankful for my mother always teaching through example and through her own testimony.  Ever since those experiences I have looked at life and Hannah a little differently; all in a good way of course! Knowing Hannah is a precious daughter of Heavenly Father and that she truly did just come to me perfect from Him and she is mine that I get the opportunity to take care of for Him and bring back to Him :)


Sorry for the long lengthy wordy post, it's just what I've been thinking about and just needed to write down somewhere.

Life is great and I can't complain.  I am truly blessed and wouldn't have my life any other way!!

Last Saturday our amazing photographer came over to take her newborn pictures....

I CAN'T WAIT to see them all!!!

I am one blessed woman! With an amazing family, husband, and baby girl :)

Love, 

Mike, Lanae and Hannah :)

Baby Duke

I know it has taken me forever to get this blog post up but we have been quite busy this week with being in the hospital, coming home, dr visits, adjusting to life, and needing a day/afternoon of rest to catch up while Aunt Terressa (my sister) came up and watched Hannah while we napped for a few hours (THANK YOU)!!

Sorry I'm going to write my pregnancy/labor and delivery story...

The last week of pregnancy I think was the hardest for me. Physical pain, just wanting to be done, anxious, tired, uncomfortable etc.
 I went to the Dr. and was dilated at a two.  He told me if nothing happens by next week I would pick a day and be induced.  We thought 'cool, we will probably get to pick her due date'; so we started deciding what day we would like.
No contractions all week so we thought for sure would be induced.

Conference weekend came and still no contractions.  Conference was amazing by the way! The whole time during conference I thought this is my last conference without kids. Weird.

Easter Sunday morning was nice we gave each other our Easter baskets and spoiled each other with a few items and lots of candy!! :)

Sunday afternoon came and went and still no contractions.  My next appt. was the next day (Monday) April 6th at 11am and we would tell the Dr. what we wanted to do.  I even had a friend text me at about 4 pm and I had to tell her nothing was happening with baby.
Sunday night about 8 pm still nothing.  I'm still miserable.
Sunday night 8:45 I thought I needed to use the restroom and had some pain.
Sunday 9 pm more severe stomach pain
Sunday 9:15 pm we were timing my contractions and they were about 4 min. apart.
Sunday 9:45 pm SEVERE pain and contractions were about 3 1/2 min. apart.
Sunday 10 pm grabbed my bag and headed for the hospital; hoping they wouldn't send me home and that I wouldn't be coming home for a few days.
We rushed to the ER and checked in.
The nurse checked me and I was dilated at a 5!  They monitored me for a little bit, then moved me to the delivery room.
I received my epidural about 11:30 pm
The nurse let me sleep for a few hours after that.  She came in and asked if I was ready to push...I laughed and said NOPE. she chuckled and said ok I'll give you a few more minutes.
She came back in and said ok you ready.  I said no, haha.  She chuckled again and said well the sooner we push the sooner you will be done :) (I really didn't want to go through anymore pain and was scared to do the whole delivery part).  She knew that but her and Mike both said let's just do this :)
So we started pushing and pushed for about 2 hours.  Mike had to hold my right leg because it was so numb from the epidural.  They called in the Dr.  (he only lives 7 minutes away),  he got his gown on got a few instruments out and I had about two contractions and she was out!! It literally took about five minutes from when he showed up.

During delivery he noticed there wasn't quite enough room so he did have to cut me open a tad and place a few stitches.  So of course just from delivering I was sore, but I'm also sore from stitches.  And all while in the hospital my back ached from the epidural.  I was a train wreck. At least I felt like I looked like one. But some people told me I didn't look too bad considering I had just had a baby.

We decided to stay in the hospital our two days to get a good nights rest and get situated with everything and because I was still pretty sore.  I am SO glad we decided to stay that extra day.

It wasn't as bad as I thought.  IT WAS WORTH IT! :)

It was literally up until the last second we had to write it down on her birth certificate paperwork that we confidentlly committed to her name.

Introducing...

The most obedient girl ever; born on her due date! :)


Hannah Mae Duke  :)

Born April 6th, 2015
3:57am
7 lbs. 11 oz.
20.5 inches long


        Just a short time after birth :)

 We aren't exactly sure where she got her auburn red hair, but we are sure in LOVE with it!!
We kept joking since we both have SOME traces of red hair on both sides of our families that it would be funny and sweet if she was born with red hair but we thought, 'really what are the odds?'
And sure enough!!

 We had a few visitors the first night.  My sister and niece.
And friends Kylee and Melissa (no pictures sorry)

Her daddy Loves her! :)

 And in return she sure loves her daddy! :)

She is such a cute lovable sweet baby :)

I loved just holding her and watching her peacefully sleep. 

She is a cuddle bug!

Going home!!

Ever since we got home from the hospital she has been an amazing eater :)

We just can't stop loving her!

I look tired but I just wasn't expecting to be in the picture.  

Today has been the best day so far.  We got to get up and actually get ready for the day!

Hardly any pain today.

First Dr. appt. for Hannah

We just love our Hannah girl 

She is the best thing that has happened to us!

It's still a little surreal that she is actually our little girl forever and it's not just a short term baby sitting job or something.  

She is ours FOREVER and we can't wait to see what the future holds and watch her grow!!

Love,

Mike, Lanae AND Hannah  :)

APRIL :)

I'm usually a very tough gal and have pretty high pain tolerance but this pregnancy I never thought I would say how weak I was and how I wanted to just be done!!
I'm still a pretty tough woman but still never thought I would say or find myself doing any of this!!

I have never : ....

~ eaten so much milk & cereal in my life

~ chewed so much ice

~ had to pee so often

~ gotten up so many times in the middle of the night

~ been SO emotional

~ been so lazy

~ felt so unprepared and unworthy and lonely

~ gotten this much little sleep

~ wanted to go back to work so bad!!!

~ thought I'd say I would rather go through another ruptured appendix than pregnancy

~ wanted my mom more

~ slept with so many pillows

~ done laundry so often; because I only have a few articles of clothing that actually fit

~ slept in so late in my life!

~ seen Mike more excited about kids and wanting to be a dad :)  He is so excited and so sweet and ready to be a dad :)

~ counted down the days for anything like I have for this baby :)

~ "watched" so much tv during the day

~ felt so worthless not doing anything all day

~ wanted human [adult] interaction more

~ knew how much stress, emotion, and physical disability I would have and wanted my old self back SO bad; to just do the normal every tasks more easily without being restricted by some factor or another.

~ felt so fat and self-conscious about myself

~ Just wanted to be a mom so bad!


Baby Duke just arrive so we can name you, hold you, care for you and love you!!


No we are not having a boy...
(this is a picture from our 12 week appt. :)
The nurse wanted to give us an otter pop for being good )


Love the Dukes :)