Checklist

Glitter hairspray/ gel for us all
Bottle of water
Wallet!
Keys! (heheh, once bitten twice shy)
Towel (to wash off the glitter during the sleepover)
Red Earth lip gloss
An attitude that we're gonna make some noise!
Et cetera

Should I bring my teddy bear? Giggle..

Heehee. Yesternight my parents confiscated my handphone 'coz they caught me talking to Weijie at 3 a.m. The funny thing is, I didn't bring my handphone, or my keys (that was a moment of forgetfulness) or any cash (that was several moments of extravagance) out! So, I thought I would leave MacDonald's at Bukit Merah at 10.30 p.m. if I didn't see my family (a supper tradition). Of course, I didn't realise I had no keys to unlock the gate or the front door! Or mobile to call for their whereabouts. Or coins to use a public phone.

So what did smart-aleck me do? I walked home and climbed over the neighbouring condo's gate, and scaled the wall with landscaping shrubbery and jumped down. In a HotDates skirt. Heehee. All in a day's work for Sydney Bristow, but me? Like a bungee-jump. Okie that was overly dramatic.

Later I found out that they reached Mac at 10.30 +. Irony of ironies. Didn't matter anyhow, as we drove to East Coast and for the first time in weeks, I felt pretty full on fries (I think we ordered seven packets of Large Fries in all), Fish McDippers and assorted liquids/ sauces. When you think about it though, it's really quite hilarious.

I missed Mr Snowman. Last year I saw him, but I didn't get him. This year I saw him so many times but I never made a move till it was too late. The red shelf he had occupied previously was now empty. Devoid of his cute, rosy smile that warmed and melted (he's a snowman after all) my heart. So, me sad. If there is someone who can find me Mr Snowman, he'll make me one of the happiest girls in the world. Where are you?

Dear Jie: I hope things will work out. I've decided to stay by your side after all. I hope we can fall in love all over again. I forgive you. You mean too much to me for me to let go.

I'm not spending the New Year with him. But after the Christmas non-appearance, I don't really feel anything. I'll be at Fort Canning Park counting down to 2004 with everyone. We'll be having a glitter party where we'll help each other out braiding, spraying glitter and spreading some shimmer- the diva in me says, let's get loud!

I am hungry. Craving roti prata, good ol' curry, white wine spritzer, baked fish rice, pizza and more. At 2.32 am.

It was such an unexpectedly tough festive season this year. As you all might know, my dearie was grounded this holiday and all I really wanted for Christmas (heehee, yes, forget the wishlist) was for him to spend it with me. Funny though, how things just don't work out the exact way we want it.

He snuck out to meet me at Tampines Mall for a quick dinner (of roti prata- my favourite- and waffles) and surprise! bought me the desired top from ebase for my Christmas present on Tuesday and I just seemed to know, that when his brother did not "catch" him, that it was like God's way of letting us spend our "Christmas" together, if only for an hour plus.

After that his brother gave him a bonus: "One Night Only" out, but only once. He chose the 25th, because he knew I wanted to go for the ballroom dancing with him, but in the end we both thought it was better for him to come on the 26th to hear our pastor's message. Oh trust me this decision didn't come easy. I cried alot this week because of this. People may say I am over sensitive but.. it cannot change the fact that I miss my dearie!

I intended to execute Plan B: go alone to the Esplanade in my finery while everyone else was having fun. Dumb idea right?

But thankfully for my sisters. Valencia came to my place. I lent her my Pepperplus dress and shawl (she hadn't planned to go actually!)and we helped each other with the hair, glitter and stuff, arriving uh, fashionably late. And the moral of the story is, don't go for ballroom danccing last minute! Searched frantically for my M)phosis bag, my bra straps, my Revlon skinlights.. yowryowryowr. But definitely fun!

And Yammi was one of the main reasons I decided to go, despite my misgivings regarding sitting in a corner partner-less during the slow ones. Thankfully that did not happen and if I may say so, one of my male dance partners was rather cute. Heehee. But of course, if Weijie were there.. nah, I'm glad events turned out this way.

Pardon me for unloading in a place as public as this, but my mood swings have been over the top this week and I guess I'm kinda looking to update you all on my life. Yeah. Boxing Day now so I hope Christmas went spectacularly for you all and you are in my thoughts.

Maybe things do work out after all.

It's hard to find jobs. I tried the copywriters, the receptionists and of course, the relief teachers. Maybe I'll look out for tuition types instead, 'coz the hours are flexible. Sure would be fun though, if I had the time to do the things I'd always wanted to do, like bungee-jump or learn Latin dance. So cool!

Chinese New Year/ Christmas shopping have been amalgamated. Yippee. Me bought a Voir angel-sleeve black top, the skirt from ebase I've been gushing about (read: previous posts), a chocolate brown Mango short-sleeved top with D-rings to match, ordered a pair of low-rise dark rinse Mango jeans with gorgeous buckle accents behind. I'm thinking, just one more. Either the vertically striped faded pink/ teal green ribbon-sash tube from ebase that Yammi said was so me, or a military green surplice wrap-style spaghetti strapped Lycra tank with crossback, which would work with the peach ebase skirt.

I love collecting cards too! Bought a Precious Moments one today, among others, all totally cute. I don't write on them, I just leave them blank and stuff them into my scrunchies drawer as keepsakes.

People. Hey ladies, how have you been? The tagboard I promised oh so long ago is hidden under the links to your respective blogs. Thanks Eunice for providing the address! Yingling, I couldn't find B*Dazzled when I went to Wisma due to the thronging hordes and my most unenthusiastic mum, who complained later that the crowds were giving her a headache and she could see a "hundred thousand faces" on the escalator up.. giggle, we'll just have to go and see! (But seriously, I don't think I'd want to brave the masses on another Sunday evening in Orchard.. oh no sirree.) I'm thinking of you all, and I hope we meet soon 'coz I've got cards n stuff to pass to you (only Shuhui's gotten hers 'coz I stopped by her place en route to meet Jie last Friday!)! Slumber party or ear-piercing.. Bring it on girls!

Weijie. I miss you dearie. I hope you are doing fine. I know you only like reading the posts with you mentioned in it, so I'm going to say I'm really looking forward to the day you are released from your curfew. I can't wait to relive this year, when we went to Queensway to shop and Ikea for dinner, while making a few new memories along the way! And dear? My sis and I saw a reversible top at Bossini, we think it's suitable for sloppy guys who don't really care if they wear the same thing twice, just turn it inside out and you're ready to go! Heehee. Of course, not referring to you, coz to me you're always dressed well (warning lights flash an alert: biased! biased!), but me keeping a lookout for your prospective new threads. Or a nice striped collared shirt so I won't have to dress down, as in casual denim skirt, to match your uh, slacker style. Still, you know I'll like anything you wear. Heehee.. goosebumps.

My body clock is doing somersaults and headstands inside me. Yesterday (or was it this morning?) I slept at 7 am and got up at 3 pm. The holidays.

By the way, screw the wishlist. I discovered Christmas isn't about the Hallmark cards or the expensive presents or the candy canes or the next bag I'm eyeing or any crap like that. The 25th of December is a date on a calendar, but Christmas can happen anyday - and everyday- in our hearts if we welcome the right person in. I believe that without Christ, there is no Christmas. Maybe just a wishlist which remains just that: a list of wishes. Like mine.

Today I met my cellmates for Christmas lunch. We went to Swensen's at the Crown Prince, which just reminded me of my Econs tutor treating our entire class in TJ to ice-cream here. Having approx four bucks left for the remainder of the year I was most unwilling to eat. But Val was nice enough to offer to share a Cookie Summit and fries with me, after which we were so full I had an apple pie, period, for dinner. Giggle. It was really sweet, when we just started passing out presents and cards around the long table for each other. A mess, disorganised, spontaneous. A happy mess. I call these girls my sisters and I'm so proud to.

Not forgetting, of course, all my other girlfriends from TJ and CCHS. Like Chuxian, Zhumei and Fangfang. I remember that lingering moment as we parted ways at Citylink after dinner (where I watched you ladies eat, heehee), trying to remember your faces. Just in case we didn't meet for another few months. Except for Fangfang, who has expressed her game-ness to accompany me on my Tangs shopping spree (where the agenda is buy a pair of Mango jeans or Dress No. 5).

Today I went shopping with Eleta and Xiaoyan to kill time, and ebase was having 50% storewide! I usually don't like the clothes there 'coz they get a tad eclectic for my taste, but today I "fell in love" with this gorgeous 3/4 skirt with floral line patterns in chocolate brown and caramel pink that has ruching on both sides and an inner lining! Pretty pretty pretty. And a tube which when Yammi got there she pointed to and said it was so me without even knowing I had tried it on earlier! Giggle. You girls know me so well. Oh pretty.

Saw this in a vintage lithographed card in a book entitled "An Old-Fashioned Christmas" lying on my mum's bedside table.

"What can I give, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd I would bring a lamb
If I were a wise man I would do my part
Yet what I can I give- give my heart."

--Christina G. Rossetti

I don't know, I just love these little quotes and phrases. That heartfelt emotion. That powerful eloquence. That simple form of expression, pared down to its bare essentials. There's nothing redundant you need to eliminate, no space for bombasticism which would otherwise mask the odour of senseless but convoluted chimalogy. Giggle. Okie so that wasn't a proper word.

Yesh. I'm almost done buying, wrapping, scotchtaping and beribboning the gifts. Weijie and I are going to collect saga seeds and sign the Christmas cards I made, just like we did yesterday. Our company name is SqueaKs. He came up with it. I was about to call it the Doodlies or Papercut. But SqueaKs will do fine.

My sister asked where Weijie's half of our "couple gifts" was when she saw the mess of cellophane, sweets et cetera strewn haphazardly on the dining table. I told her I was doing it by myself, cards, gifts and wraps, since the poor guy was grounded. I guess I don't really mind, but at 5am it tends to get a little lonely when it's just you, staring at the purple ribbons.

I hope it's worth it. Tomorrow: Looking forward to watching "Love Actually" with the girls and getting our ears pierced at Wisma Atria. Back to the city, wheee!

I am not a shopaholic!

SooOoO tired. Project Shop, Muji, Prints, Metro Marina, Dorothy Perkins. Just a few of the places toured in the last 48 hours. With the exception of my dearie, all the presents have been bought. It feels so good to be able to splurge for once on my dear friends who truly deserve it. Though almost ALL my moolah has mysteriously disappeared. Great. Now I can stay home and rest. Giggle. Like real. Will still be going out. Ear-piercing, movies, dinners (hey is anyone interested in the Ikea Cafe? Craving those Swedish meatballs), sleepovers (I hope), shopping spree at Tangs, jogging (venue undecided), a trip to the Library and another walking tour of the city.

Aaargh! No more Bugis/ Suntec/ Marina Square/ CityLink/ Raffles City style shopping (not for tomorrow, at any rate.. heh).. Two thumbs up to Fangfang for not only enduring 6 hours of the latter, but for withstanding with utmost patience my indecisiveness in selecting certain gifts.. Drag me away from Perlini's. I went to three of their outlets today just to look for a certain pendant and a certain bracelet..

Shopping Belt Directory
1.Suntec/ Marina Square/ CityLink/ Raffles City (twice in the last couple days!)
2.Takashimaya/ Ngee Ann City/ Wisma Atria
3.Far East Plaza/ Tangs
4.Bugis Junction/ Bugis Street bazaar
5. The Heeren/ Centrepoint/ (OG)/ (OrchardPoint)

They're grouped in clusters, according to location, so we can maximise the hours in a single shopping day! Yes, WE... who's game? Heehee..

Subtraction from the Christmas Wish List
Happily Acquired: double star necklace on transparent strand from Dorothy Perkins

Went to Hamidah's place yesterday. She served us chicken steak and spaghetti. Me personally, I really liked the little chocolate-topped biscuits in shiny cupcake wrappers. Heehee. We'll be meeting this Thurs for "Love Actually", ear-piercing and planning of our Christmas/ year-end party. Promises to be fun.

Wow. I've been going out everyday and I think I'm gonna need some time to myself, just sitting at home wearing his hoodie, happily cutting and colouring cards. My only regret is that my dearie won't be able to do Christmas shopping with me this year coz of that grounding (well, not just yet), though we'll be sharing the cost of several presents for some of our our cell members.

Additions to the Christmas Wish List
another dress
another couple of skirts, one sandwashed denim
a proper sit-down English/ Italian dinner
diamonds
sequinned denim thog sandals from Forget-Me-Not
the mother-of-pearl/ gold hanging angel ornament from Jay Dee's
a pair of turtle doves
a really cuddly, smiley teddy bear
Bobbi Brown/ MAC cosmetics, notably foundation

Holidazzle!

Grad Nite: Shades of Joy

Wonderful. I was pretty crushed the night before when my dearie told me that he was not allowed to step out of the house this hols as punishment for getting home late on Monday. But he made me promise not to cry anymore (I went back on my word) so I could be "the most beautiful girl" there. Thank you dear dear, for that tiger-lily bouquet. My favourite flower.

After months of hassle, it was all worth it on the 2nd of December. An overwhelming majority of attendees looked glam and gorgeous, basically a 180 degree about-turn from the standard fare of drab TJ uniforms. Classic black was once again the colour of choice as girls accessorised with glitter clips, sparkle and even tiaras. High heels made us more visually equal to our towering male compatriots, namely, Haireez and Rohaizat, and the endless flashes from the cameras made us all movie stars (and seeing stars) for the night. Now I know why they called it Shades of Light, uh, White.

And this is now the part where I gush about my girlfriends' dresses. Guys, do read on.

Joan was transformed into Grecian royalty as she wore a flowing tea-length toga dress from Tangs which she accessorised with white suede braids and wavy spiral curls.

Kia Dai was every inch a lady in a black satin number sequinned at the neckline that was reminiscent of the Lindy Hop Forties, matched by an edgy and yet soft Farrah feathered hairdo.

Rozana made a bold colour choice, selecting a rich red brocade material with Mandarin embroidery for a more modern feel to a traditional kebaya top, along with wide-leg palazzo-like red pants.

Yingling's favoured colours of black and white looked womanly on her, flattering her curves with a cap-sleeved white top and lacy full-length black skirt, both from Allure. Her chic beaded drawstring pouch and tiny grey flower hair-grip topped off this elegant look.

Zihui went for Victorian charm in a handmade gown with crossback navy blue top and a crushed eyelet-scattered satin skirt, matched by navy blue and silver chandelier earrings.

Hamidah wore a tailored baju kurong subtly patterned with blue florals, and this timeless look was given a more up-to-date look with angel sleeves in turquoise silk and silver heels.

Shu Hui arrived fashionably late, opting for the little black dress which she paired with a silver organza wrap, a classy updo with her hair swept up in a wispy bun and dramatic cosmetics, particularly the blended blues which accentuated her eyes.

And I wore a coral-pink A-line dress of sandwashed Thai silk custom-made by Paperdoll, with a scalloped neckline, voile shoulder cuffs and a train which was trampled quite unmercifully on like, a dozen times. Heehee. This was accessorised by masses of curls, a tiara, and silver nails studded with tiny pink stars. The only thing missing from this ensemble was Weijie. Heehee.

Eunice, who could not be there with us, would certainly have been stunning in a beaded black dress and shawl from Cape Romance.

Thank you all, for the memories.

(The next time we meet will either be this Sunday for Hari Rya home visits or the shopping marathon/ ear-piercing session soon. Looking forward to seeing you girls and missing you all already.)

Happy 18th B'Dae Valencia!

Yesterday was a far cry from today but both were equally enjoyable. Today I went to Weijie's place to cook instant noodles for lunch/dinner after which we consumed 1/3 of a tub of cappucino chips ice-cream. Modest settings, but fabulous company. I didn't want to leave at the end of it.

Yesterday Hamidah called and told me to dress up. She had arranged for her DPP friend to show us around the high courts, linited access places like the Assistant Registrar's Office. After which she whipped out a disposable camera and we took a buncha shots around the Corinthian columns of the Court, THE Fullerton and The Asian Civilisations Museum! Yeah we went to the Museum, strolled along Clarke Quay/ Singapore River and wound up at Coffee Bean where I injected my last five bucks (the rest went to pay for hairstyling and the glossies) into the circular flow of income upon purchase of a chocolate caramel coffee cake. Mmm. Which explains why I shall spend today and tomorrow subsisting on instant noodles and the remnants of Char's mango cake till my folks return home. Then it was off to the Esplanade rooftop terrace, before parting ways at City Hall whereupon I seized the opportunity to do some shopping before Marina Square and Suntec drew their shutters.

Oh yesh I found the perfect place where I would like to be proposed to. Giggle. On the rooftop of the Esplanade terrace, set up a white canopy with tealights and orchid petals and a handsome man who will serenade me under the stars and a sumptuous meal. Gorgeous. The view is awesome. One one side I can see the twin lit domes of the Esplanade, and on the other, the grand columns of the Fullerton (where I would like to spend my wedding night in the penthouse suite) and the Singapore cityline. Hee.

Additions to the Christmas wish list
digital camera
double star necklace from Dorothy Perkins on a transparent thread
the pair of silver kitty heels from VNC

No-one can make you upset unless you give them license to. (How enlightnening from a movie such as The Princess Diaries.) That, below, that was catharsis.

Feels pretty good.

I feel sorry for people who are unable to forget the past. I'm not holding you back, YOU are holding you back. I feel sorry that you think that way of me. But you don't even know me, and if you did you wouldn't be talking that way. I might have been sensitive, but you were INsensitive. Which is worse?
I'm sorry that for lack of better adjectives you resort to calling me names in your blog. I'm sorry that you have to tell all the cliques you run around with about my sensitivity. That's funny. I feel sorry that you don't seem to realise it takes two hands to clap, but lump all the blame on me. And I feel sorry that after over a year, you're still so hung up on it. Thanks for the badmouthing.
If you ever come across this, my former 3302 classmate whom I once called a friend, know that my world did not revolve around you. It's called mutual care and concern, past tense. Know that I never backstabbed you. I stood up for you when people said you were anti-3302. I told them, you weren't so bad. Our mutual friend misunderstood me. For a month you ignored me when I thought I was giving you breathing space. You called me a publicity-seeker and a b****. You sent me a string of seriously hurtful sms-es when all I was trying to tell you was, it's okie if you don't want to talk, but I'll be here for you.
If you bothered so much about what people thought of us --to the point where you wanted all our meetings at Orchard and outside TJ kept secret-- why go around poisoning my reputation to people who didn't even know me?
And this year, when I approached you to clear up the misunderstanding, you denied everything but went back to your friends and badmouthed me in your blog again. I didn't ruin your April day, you CHOSE to ruin it.
You taught me one thing. That even our closest friends turn on us. I've had enough of keeping my mouth shut for you. The game is up. You're glad that I won't ever be in your life after this. I've done my part in restoring this friendship but you burned me. So if we never meet again, Eng Tat: all the best for your future.

Countdown: 23.25 hrs to Grad Nite

Glittery clips, Revlon Skinlights, nail crystals, 3-inch stilletoes, floor-sweeping trains, satin, silk, lace, shoulder-duster earrings, chopsticks, tiaras, beaded bags, flashlights, grand entrances.. a few of the things my girlfriends and I will be having for tomorrow. I am so psyched!

I remember that in January I was surfing the Net for prom ideas. In April I began the tailoring of my dress. In June I was purchasing accessories. In November I was fixing multiple hair appointments.

And tomorrow, it'll all be worth it. The cameras will capture the images, glam, vintage, romantic, princess, sassy, rock chic, elegant et al. My heart will cherish the memories. So let's make some memories everyone!

Today was great! I was actually really tired as I had barely two full, uninterrupted hours of sleep the night before. But thank God for giving me the strength and adrenaline to do the PC paper.

Aside: I loved Judith Wright's "Smalltown Dance"! I thought it possessed this wonderful whimsical quality that was nicely balanced by its mock-grave tone and otherwise mundane subject. If only I had a copy to "reduce to a neat compression" and "put..away in the cupboard". The "high scented walls", the "beckoning roads", the "wallowing white dreamers". In my opinion Wright's mastery of the English language has no equal. It was one of the first times I ever fell in love with ANYTHING to do with Academics, so that was a more than fitting way to end my A'Levels. Better add that to my wishlist.. copy of "Smalltown Dance". Yesh.

Boy do my leggies ache. Hung out with Weijie after my paper --two thumbs up for being on time today dearie!-- and then we went down to Marina Square where we shopped, mainly for shoes. Tomorrow some of us will be bringing our dresses to Joan's place for a "dress rehearsal". It's gonna be soO much fun!

Turns out that my dear won't be able to make it for Grad Nite though I had been devising means and ways to smuggle him in for a dance and photo opportunities. He has a 7 pm curfew for the next fortnight. Still, he's told me that the whole of Tuesday is mine. So, sweet enough.

"Familiar acts are made beautiful through love." -Percy Bysshe Shelley

Now I can get down to making cards, handicrafts and going shopping! This is just too exhilarating.

Wish List (updated)
an all expense paid holiday to Belgium and the Scandinavian countries
the stuffed snowman I saw sitting in Kalm's
good chocolate in a box
yet another pair of slippers
Spanish lessons
a green tote bag
Famous Amos cookies in a tin
a cute, cuddly oversized teddy bear wearing an item of
heart-shaped jewellery around it
to finish a children's book
to highlight my hair without health hazards
Swarovski jewels to string accessories for my friends
for reconciliation
for love
for simple contentment
Latin dance lessons, costumes provided
shimmery nail polish
gift card materials, notably a sharp pen-knife and ribbon
pair of smart black pants
to perform and sing on stage again
snowflake pendant
the entire Grisham series
crystal manicure/ pedicure
a stunning bouquet of irises/ tiger lilies
to debate again
to treat all of my friends to a holiday in Hawaii (so I can wear my tankini lol!)

Uh, am I asking for too much?

Thank God the exams are OVER!!!!! Whee! Whoo-hoo! Yayyy! Yippeeee! Woweee!

Grad Nite Countdown (heehee don't we all just love order and organisation?)

Friday: dye/ highlight hair.
Saturday: alter bag. get daddy who'll have just returned from China to load film into camera.
Sunday: shape brows. make-up trial run. alter dress.
Monday: manicure. pedicure. full dress rehearsal.
Tuesday: actual day. details to be posted soon.

Exciting.

Christmas, I'm lovin' it! I seem to have bought lots of presents for lots of people already! And I can't wait to get around to personalising, wrapping, beribboning them and shopping for more!

Giggle how come everyone's going to Ikea? I had 2 hotdogs with mustard and ketchup there today, along with a soft cream cone, and it was great! Next time I've gotta go back for THE Swedish meatballs with lingonberry syrup and baked potato and salmon. Yummy yummy.

Wonderful. Tomorrow my girlfriends and I are going down to Orchard to catch the Matrix Revolutions and do a lil' evening shopping. It's a pity that Shu Hui and I have to leave at 5 plus as we've got to find our way to River Valley for a BBQ that our tutor, Sue, is hosting. But there's always Friday, when we have a swim n' tan party at Joan's place! Now I can't swim, I can't even float, but I love my new Jantzen's tankini and that's as good a reason as any to be anywhere near a pool!

Can't wait for my Prac Crit to be over. Less than 24 hours to academic liberation. I MUST flip through a coupla past year papers. *summons willpower*

Oh I finally overcame my fear of the "dangers of dye" and bought semi-permanent SoftColor from Wella. Problem is, I have no idea how to apply it so uh.. hope I can do it on Friday night..

And plan out a Grad Nite schedule as well.. let's see..

Countdown
Whoo-hoo! Whee!
1 Day to end of the A-Levels
6 Days to Grad Nite

I must not be slack I must not be slack I must not be slack.
Hamidah and I only managed to get a couple hours of studying in today before uh, relocating to the Raffles Shopping Arcade! Gift/ card inspiration galore. And then when I went home I slacked in front of the tube box with my instant noodles. Not very constructive.
It's okie. Tomorrow =) Jiayou everyone!

Countdown
5 Days to end of the A-Levels
9 Days to Grad Nite

Yippee!

Wow. I'm so tired after studying out with Jason at Orange Julius. It fried my neurons and hopefully a good night's sleep will do much to replenish it so tomorrow I can mug out with Hami at NLB. Hmm. What should I wear? Heheh. But this evening was wonderfully productive as we were discussing the Gothic- formulaic genre or not? Jason comes up with these great insights and his help with my structure was just invaluable. So enlightened.

And before that I was accompanying my cell-mates as they ate dinner. I realise how much I miss their fellowship, and that 45 minutes in their company really brightened me up. Truly. We have plans to go for KTV next week.. it's a pity. We wanted to camp out in tents at ECP or Sentosa but judging from the predominantly rainy weather these days.. I just tell myself though, that it's almost over and this time next week is gonna be radically different! Oh yesh.. Val: I really enjoyed catching up with you over a Long John's meal today! Sorry though that I mistook the MRT platform for the control station downstairs and ended up at the Redhill taxi stand instead. Anyhow I'm looking forward to our shopping date!

Grad Nite updates.. Oh, I think I'll be going to X-treme to do my hair instead. After yesterday's hairstyling appointment (the curls overwhelmed my face!) I was rather downcast. As you know, I'm pretty broke 'coz I splurged on the dress with my own money and was really reluctant to fork out any more for someone to updo my hair if my aunt couldn't manage it! So I prayed and asked God to bless me with a great styling at a great price yesterday and today He did! Interestingly enough, this salon is right next to my church. Ladies I can personally vouch for the attention to detail that the senior stylist gives to her customers' hair, so Yingling or anyone else, if you are interested just message me for details. But I'll just say as well, that I have never tried their updo services so no guarantee there. Anyhow today was just great.

And my dearie sent me home too. I hope he has a good dinner (though it's past midnight now..).

Maybe I'll wear Dress No. 4 tomorrow. But won't it be cold?

Giggle okie ignore my previous post. Christmas. The season of giving is in the air. I hear the jazz carols, smell the chocolate chip cookies, see the ******* that I intend to give my loved ones. To the girls' clique in TJ: Hey ladies! So is our Christmas party on? We were talking about it a couple weeks back when Zihui and I temporarily abandoned the Russian Revolution and Circular Flow of Income to wax lyrical about the gingerbreadman-shaped cookies we'd bake, and the Christmas stockings and gifts we'd exchange. With such good company, who needs mistletoe? And of course, I can't wait for our swim/ tan party next Friday too! Sorry that I can't watch Matrix Revolutions with you all though (I know Eunice wants to strangle me on this 'coz I went with Weijie to see it on our first month anniversary, hee). But there'll be loads of shopping, that I promise you!

Disclaimer: I think u all can safely ignore the rest of this post too if u don't want to hear about me drooling over Grad Nite and gift ideas:) no offense will be taken. This post is partly inspired by Val.

Timetable
Lunch with Weijie on Thursday after Hist 3 paper.
Begin scouting for a suitable black evening clutch. (Closest contenders are M)phosis and Dorothy Perkins.)
Dress appointment with designer on Friday afternoon.
Hairstyling appointment with my aunt on Friday evening.
Stay over at Pop's place.
Travel back down to Marine Parade on Saturday for cell/service. Yippee!
Meet Jason (and Dom?) to discuss the Gothic on Saturday evening.

After a semi-sleepless night I finally had inspiration for the dress when I woke up in the morning. I'm ditching those shoulder cuffs (I guess I wasn't really that hyped up about the way they turned out). And yes Shu Hui, no crystal beads either- run the risk of looking like a human chandelier or one of those 60s psychedelic beaded curtains. Hee. I'll be redoing the spaghetti straps 'coz they're perpetually falling off my shoulders.
The design I have in mind is a bit of a fashion risk but I certainly hope it'll turn out well. The dress is influenced by Reese Witherspoon's Valentino vintage, the cinched back designed by Shelli Segal and now, the latest idea which I hope reminds one of Stella MacCartney's haute couture. Then I guess I better not carry a shawl that night, though what that'll do for my body temperature I shudder to imagine. Aiyah. Then my new strappy idea (that's all I'll say about it) means that I can't wear my pink crystal ring. Hee.
Hairr. Headache. Aah. How? I was thinking of a half up/ half down hairdo with spiral curls, but that might be too much if I throw in the tiara as well. Hmm. Something not quite so princessy. Maybe an off-kilter tiara and a more edgy hairdo? Same for my dress. Not quite so fairytale, not all sugar n' spice. Yeah.

Shopping List
-matching tops for Weijie and I
-cascades of gorgeous ribbon (you'll know soon enough)
-Christmas Presents! (shucks! the funnest thing to describe and I have to keep mum! grrr...)
-black evening clutch (preferably satin)
-Levi's Anatomic Finish Type 1 jeans (well, one can wish..)

Soical life begins on Thursday. Hamidah, hope that you're holding up okie after what happened to your dad yesterday. I'll be seeing you soon so just take care. To all my friends still taking their A-Level History and Lit, hang in there! It's almost over!

Today's Flight Itinerary
Welcome aboard AirAcademic. Today we tour the friendly skies of the USA, where we've been granted Department of Homeland Security approval to flyover the White House in Washington and reminisce about the good ol' days. This will be followed by a short stopover in the Middle East. Then it's off to jetsetting the airways of the former Soviet Union, where we will have the privilege of reliving a fighter pilot's experience during the Berlin Blockade. Fragments of the Berlin Wall are available for purchase in our in-flight souvenir store. On our touchdown at Temasek Airport, we will witness first-hand the fiery spectacle of the clash of wits in the Liberalist-Nationalist debate for Protectionism.
We here at AirAcademic pride ourselves on our world-class service (no pun intended). Better than the budget airlines you read about in the Economics Essay paper, we are pleased to provide a complimentary personal fan and free flow of cold water and lemon-cream biscuits. So buckle up, and bon voyage. As in all MCQs, make the right choice. Reach for the sky. Choose AirAcademic, your partner to a better future.

Miracles.

Today my dad left for China on a business trip. His third in a month. I found a great Christmas present for Dad and Mum though. It's a wonderful little coffee-table book on marriage that's filled with illustrations and quotable quotes. At least we celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary on Friday. At this place called Roland's Restaurant (they claim to have founded chilli crab in 1956.) And it was right on the 6th storey of a multi-storey carpark! Kudos, by the way, to my normally overdressed sister who somehow managed to look semi-casual -- for once. And it was so funny. We usually dine out at Sizzler's or Swensens, but in this Chinese restaurant we ordered dishes like mixed vegetables and sweet and sour pork! In Weijie's words, food that I could get for a fraction of the cost at the kopitiam downstairs. Yeah, well, I did want the sharksfin you know. Lol just kidding.

Okie, academix. Today I need to be ultra-disciplined and finish up the United Nations' set on peacekeeping, economic development (find that Kenneth Dadzie reading!) as well as the JC prelim papers essay plans. Tomorrow I work on Case Studies of Korea, Vietnam and the Middle East.

Weijie. I sort of miss him. I mean, sure, we argue and stuff, but we always make up in the end. Barely seen him this week (except once for a couple hours after Econs on Thurs) but once History is over my social life should start looking up. Muses. Hamidah and I might be going shopping on Thurs or Fri.

I have to confirm an appointment with my designer though. I'm going back to her for dress alterations. Changing up the shoulders. I'm beginning to think that the shoulder cuffs look rather redundant and want to replace it with 3 spag straps on each side. Now this is the part where I wish I had a tagboard, to see all of your suggestions. But will it look too grand/ overdone, especailly with the tiara? If so, will doing it on one side only look imbalanced? And if so, did you all see the evening gown of Miss Universe 2003? If I get myself strands of crystal beads attached from the shoulder to the wrist, will it look like a rip-off (and no pun intended)? If not, will it match my lavender shawl? If not, should I buy a black shawl to match the black stilettoes and black bag? Oh dear oh dear. I am rediscovering the fun of fashion planning.

Study.

It is good to be back. Lovely. I still have the pink roses Weijie gave me last Saturday (to celebrate our first-month anniversary I think). But I still have to mug. I need to finish up my History 3 syllabus by next Wednesay. Two years' work. Five days. But thankfully I've finished Econs, History 1 and GP. All that separates me from six months of academic freedom is Lit and History 3. So i better go out with a bang. Sometimes I get really paranoid about my grades, my marks, my answers, my essays. Then I breathe, and remember that I am powerless to change the past tense. But that it is in God's hands.

Just came back from studying/ shopping. It's funny how I met Ronnie T, whom I took like 5 seconds to recall- class chairman 6 years back in secondary school who had a crush on me. He's in Poly now, bleached hair and all, and is going to New Zealand for an overseas attachment next year! Now that is waAaY coOoL. But wouldn't I miss my nearest and dearest?

But I'm really thankful that I finished up Unemployment, Protectionism/ International Trade and part of Market Structures. If I can hold up I better keep my study engine revving after afterhour TV and burn the midnight oil. Yeah. Tomorrow, I'll meet Zihui and maybe some of the other girls to mug.

I can't wait for after the As! I'll go to the night bazaar@The Stadium with him, night-city shopping, girls' outings, Sentosa, the beach, the library..

That reminds me. Bee Dees' by Triumph is on promotion! Full lingerie set with iron-on appliques, $29.90. It is soO sweet. Better than my OTHER intimate apparel wishlist item: 5 sets of Pierre Cardin underwear, one for every weekday of the week. Hmmmmmmmmm.

Forgive me. I'm just writing as much as I can 'coz I have to abstain from blogging for a fortnight! (Well, at least my diary will be happy. Heehee.)Aargh. So um..
on the 10th of Nov: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY WEIJIE! Wishin You Showers of Love Dear!
on the 13th of Nov: HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY MEOWIES! Be of Good Cheer, Just as Always!

A rainbow always appears after a heavy storm. I hope that when I return, I'll certainly have some good news to report. For now, this is Jasmine signing off.

Celebrated Carrin's birthdae yesterday. We were actually a little sad 'coz we thought she wasn't coming after all, but she arrived after service and we cut the chocolate cake that Shu Lin baked (isn't she super?) and bought her a really nice shoulder-slung bag with groovy metal accents. One of the last instances of normalcy I will be reporting here for the next fortnight.

Yeah! Today, I will reward myself for mugging with Dominic by watching "The Matrix"- 10 pm on Channel 5 for those who are interested and free! Any takers? Heehee. Oh yesh, me doing my Christmas shopping early this year, I've already bought four friend's presents.. and it's so hard to keep secrets about what I bought for who and want to buy (zip my lips in front of yammi!!) and blah.. so I better shut up now. To the girls' clique: Would you all like to have a Christmas party/ gift exchange/ sleepover/ girls' day out? It'd be fun!Rozie and Hamidah, u both wouldn't mind right?

Yesterday I got into so much trouble with my folks. I wanted to share a hotel room with my girlfriends after Grad Nite; they didn't. Ah well I guess that's what parents are supposed to do: enforce discipline even when their kids can't stand it and don't understand why. I hope Daddy and Mummy, you can empathise with me just wanting to end my JC years with a bang.

I must finish up the Econs mindmaps by today or tomorrow.
To all my dear friends taking the As, the powerful eloquence of the next three quotes says it all.

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
--Alec Bourne
To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains.
--Mary Pettibone Poole
Why be a (wo)man when you can be a success?
--Bertolt Brecht

We'll strive for excellence together. Aspire for greatness. All the very best, and may God be with you. For courage, for discipline, for passion. Let the battle begin.

I ditched three copies of handwritten Wages notes at 1 am last night. It was time-consuming and precious little was getting into my head. Now, I'm using mindmaps. A lot less detail, but I'm beginning to see concepts and interlinkages more clearly. Which works fine for me, as seeing that I haven't done ANYTHING ELSE. Guess I've just been feeling pretty burned out this week. And that pretty much equates to slack.

I watched Survivor. One of the highlights in the whole seven seasons that it's been airing. Saw the desire for revenge of the Outcast tribe translate into a major victory against all odds. Heard Darrah and Tijuana say they'd have to be carried outta there before they stopped playing the game. And strangely enough, I am inspired.

To all those who have thought that I could not make it, that I'm just a feather brain, bimbo, whatever. I'm gonna kick butt in the A-Levels. (After I work it off this week, of course.) I am strongly convinced that it is not too late. It is never too late to give my best.

Yesh! I bought the purple tankini from Jantzen's and I just lurve it! I semi-starved myself all afternoon, subsisting on a packet of Famous Amos cookies so I could fit into it heehee. It shows a little bit of the tummy and has a great lace-up back with white straps, really nice. It gets even better when I discover that the original price was $69!

Please don't let my last entry bother u. It just clears my thoughts and puts my mental schedule in black and white where I may therefore be more obligated to carry it out diligently. Heheh.

Great Expectations: My Planner
Physical Well-Being
Jog twice to thrice every week.
Toning exercises for the arms and stomach area.
Take the stairs up- EVERY TIME.

Nutrition & Diet
When possible, consume more vegetables.
Refrain from all snacks except fruits and the occasional mint.
Refrain from all carbonated soft drinks.

Beauty & Fashion
Continue regular cycle of daily cleanser, toner and weekly exfoliating scrub.
Keep nails long. File when watching TV.

Education & The Future
Finish Economics topics by Nov 2.
Finish General Revision by Nov 7.
Take the A-Levels.

Miscellaneous
Remind Weijie most subtly that our first-month anniversary is coming up next Thurs, Nov 6 and that a corsage of hydrangeas or tiger lilies would be DEEPLY APPRECIATED.
Acquire lavender/ purple tankini from Jantzen. Decide to literally take the plunge after Nov 27. Learn to swim.
Start buying Christmas presents.
Meet third auntie to teach her about computers and electronic mail.
Go to Sentosa.
Go to the city for night-shopping. (The good ol' days, ponning Drama Nite for Taka and Papa Joe's.)
Quit procrastinating about the M)phosis bag.
Sew a circular skirt.
Design matching tops for Weijie and I.

Graduation Nite
Confirm alterations of grad nite dress design for the like seventeenth time.
Confirm hair appointments with stylist.
Meet girlfriends for "dress rehearsals" and more shopping!

Note to myself: Jasmine ah, you see all the above? I tell you hor, don't be "wu liao" anymore. Go study, good girl, shoo! And after the As we go on a shopping spree okie? (Except for the tankini of course, 'coz the Robinson's sale only lasts so long you know.) So hor, you know what to do lah. D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E!

With effect from Nov 3 to 14
-use of the computer is banned.
-retail therapy is banned. (This hurts already.)
-watching TV before 10 p.m. is banned (that's to allow me to catch The Practice, The Bachelor and Survivor.)
-Brand's Essence of Chicken, microwave and gulp down.

Yes I feel organised.

I'm not waxing too lyrical am I?

This is how I prove how much I know about Econs. Hamidah had to tell me that the Wages and Labour Market topics were one and the same.
This is how I prove how little I've done about Econs: Weijie.

Yes, balancing on the high wall around my apartment, in the moonlight. Well, actually, the lamp post. Looking at him from below, he really looked like Prince Charming. Giggle. Only from that angle huh? Until he struck that whole John Travolta from "Saturday Night Fever" pose. This guy in Hawaiian shorts I'm somehow falling in love with. And me in Dress No.4, the chocolate-brown halterneck dress.

It is fun to dance with him in the wide space behind my place. The light of the stairwell illuminates the blue terracotta floor. We try a waltz, a tango, a.. Chicky dance? I spin in and manage to crash - oof!- into him. The poor boy, feeling the brunt of my momentum. But he does catch me in the end. Almost perfect.

So he gives me a boost up, and in probably the most ungainly of fashions I manage to wrestle myself up into a somewhat decent sitting position where he joins me, with considerably more grace I might add. It's nice to have a bird's eye view of the neighbourhood.

It's nice to have him share it with me.

It's nasty. I totally lost my studying steam today. Yeah I chose to trivialise the twelfth-last day to my A-Levels worrying (unnecessarily) that Weijie's present wasn't good enough for him and curling so many dozen ribbons that my sister called the gift-box Purple-locks. Thanks alot Char. But I'm glad you've recovered from your fever. Now that just leaves Gabriel. My two siblings. Germ germ go away. And don't come back. I HAVE TO M. U. G.
Girl! Remember when you spent 3 weeks before your Os, doing the dratted Chemistry TYS till 3.30 a.m? You completed it in 5 days. Why can't you do the same for Econs? Why can't you just memorise Thompson's History notes like you swallowed the Sec 4 World History book whole huh? You know why? Things aren't the same.
But that's no excuse. Slog your guts out. Don't be stupid enough to throw your grades away before the battle's even started. Never too late. Move.
That's just me pressurising myself. Necessarily. Subject check for the past three weeks: Finished all of History 1. Touched Shakespeare Othello, Much Ado and John Donne- little solid detail. Seen Ms Tan and Ms Loong. Acquired more texts for Gothic and worked on contexts. Econs: virgin territory which has to be circumnavigated by next Wednesday at the latest. Unseen and undone: all of History 3 and Prac Crit. Ohh man.

Went out with the girls on Friday evening to fly a kite by the reservoir. I hadn't been there since I was a little girl and it was great. Trudging on a gravelly pathway. We just lazed around on the grass looking at clouds and giggling at how Kia Dai and Rozie looked like 5 and 10 years old respectively from our elevated distant view on the hill. And Zihui was going on about how the trees were like broccoli, and the reservoir was gravy. And the rest of us chime in. The sand mound is mashed potato and the buildings dotting the jagged skyline were the uh, ridges on the French fries (heehee okie that took a little smidgen more creativity).
Wouldn't it be fun to be eight years old again, running barefoot in sand, playing with balloons, carefree? But I'm eighteen, and I have an exam that will determine my entry into U, and a Grad Nite that brims with the prom-ise of beautiful memories, and a boyfriend I love, and a whole life ahead with so many more dreams for me to dream. I haven't seen enough rainbows or sniffed enough flowers. I haven't eaten enough chocolate or bought enough dresses. I haven't smiled to enough people or let them know I care enough to. There's a whole world out there waiting for me to conquer and to brave.
We'll make it.

Giggle. Can't believe I've cried so much in the past couple of days. Today as he walked me home he plucked a white lily by the roadside. And we think it's illegal to do that! Then I wasn't careful as I bent a petal while rummaging for my wallet, and he saw me looking so upset that he went to pick another one for me! So now I have two white lilies, sitting in a paper cup respiring on my balcony parapet. According to him, I;m supposed to hang them by their stalks and press them.
And as I was leaning over his shoulder while he used my laptop (my dad's, really) he looked up at me and said, "Don;t you think it feels like we're married?"
Tonight was special.

The past couple days I've been rising EARLY and mugging at school with my friends. Although we spent two hours today thoroughly examining the prom spread in Seventeen (courtesy of Shu Hui!), discussing hairstyles and accessories, it was not wasted. I haven't had such a good chat with all my girl friends in like a fortnight. The most exciting thing is we're planning a pyjama party/ sleepover at Ying Ling's place where we can chat and laugh all night! Okie, not too loud of course. I just hope my folks will let me go! And a trip to a jazz bar after Grad Nite. Hmm. Maybe Weijie could sneak into the Ritz or something. (cough *corsage* cough.) Giggle I wasn't supposed to bring up the R-word again.. romance! Anyway, we were thinking, how about a "dress rehearsal" for Grad Nite where we can try on THE outfits, bring our shoes, pierce our ears, test the cosmetics.. and check out the Seventeen mag for the fourth time (for Shu Hui heehee)! And Rozie chuckles and emphasizes the "dress" in"dress rehearsal".
But before that there's this thing called the As..
Totalitarian Regimes, here I come..

I give up. I give up trying to make him into Prince Charming. I choose to love him just the way he is instead. Maybe there won't be horse-drawn carriages and petal-strewn pathways. No roses maybe, or even a handwritten card. But there'll be good company --lots of it, giggles and holding hands across overhead bridges. There will be love.

Okie okie I realised the last entry sounded rather bimbotically nasty. Fashion frustration/ academic impatience? Sorry. I know what to do- silence is mine.

Aaargh.. I couldn't study today at BK and the library had no seats for another couple muggers so here I am, back at home. But not before Hami and I went to check out Style magazine, with its latest offer of a free satin passport holder. Turquoise and black both look good. I was thinking of converting it to an evening clutch for grad nite (a row of black self-adhesive sequins maybe?), but where would I fit the camera and lipstick? So that brings me back to the M)phosis bag I saw with the silver chain-link straps, but it's not shimmery and would it look too gung-ho for my princess get-up? Thinking of altering that dress again, by replacing the shoulder cuffs with daintier spaghetti straps cascading down. Realised I could only wear it once instead of the two occassions I had intended t for, thereby halving my cost-per-wear. But it turns out that my church year-end bash is going to be held at Fort Canning, which sounds really happening, but uh, do I really wanna drag my train all across the grass? Oh yesh hee hee on a fashionably brighter note, I have decided to collect dresses from now on. The ultimate embodiment of femininity, elegance and class. I bought Dress No. 4, a chocolate-brown halterneck, surplice wrap-style on Sunday. Giggle and of all places, This Fashion! I mean, who blows 120 bucks in a single receipt at This Freakin' Fashion?? My mum, apparently. Sigh. But that's not the point. Point is, girl, you gotta finish up the infernal Origins of WWI stuff by 4 a.m. tonight.

... Mug On!

I. Must. Not. Give. Up.

I. Must. Study. Harder.

Studying can have its hum-drum moments too. In all the blandness, do allow me to sprinkle a postful of chocolate chips and cinnamon powder to yummify your academic day. Mmmm. When the girls came over to my place on Friday to check out my grad nite dress and tiara, we invariably wound up designing our own outfits on the whiteboard and taking a Girllup (like, a feminist version of Gallup) Poll, Series 3302. Here... are the results! (Disclaimer: The results of this survey are intended for humorous purposes only. Please take no personal offense with the author of this blog- don't shoot the messenger.)

Mr Family Man: Hanis
World's Biggest Flirt: Haireez
World's Biggest Mugger: Eng Tat
First to Get Married: Hanis (Guys) Irene/ Zihui (Girls)
Most Likely to Leave Long Hair: Bowen
Most Eligible Bachelor: None
Most Eligible Bachelorette: Every girl

Most Likely to Become A...
Dutiful Diplomat: Hamidah
Hotshot Lawyer: Haireez
Crack-Me-Up Comedian: Hanis
Drumroll Diva: Rohaizat
Fashion Editor: Sharon
Fashion Designer: Jasmine
Beach Bum: Weidong
Teacher: (no prizes for guessing) Kia Dai, Chong Leong, Liwen, Shu Hui etc

And here are some of my own indulgent predictions if you're interested
Miss Personality: Kia Dai
Miss Grad-Nite-Surprise: Joan
Miss Class Spirit: Zihui
Miss Fashion-Find: Shu Hui (I can back this up with concrete proof! Just ask Shu Hui about her grad outfit!)
Miss Bundle-of-Sunshine: Eunice
Miss Candour: Rozie
Miss Motherly: Yingling
Sure hope I haven't made any miss-takes.. Don't miss-understand me, sometimes my lameness miss-tifies even me. (Note to myself: shut up.) Hey, it rhymes! Sorry.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." --Joshua 1:9.
Heheh. Better than a Letter of the Day on the Perfect Ten, this verse is dedicated to all who are taking exams, especially the A-Levels, this year. Let's neither quake with fear nor sink into sadness. Instead, we have a hope! God will be with me (and you!) wherever we go, even in the exam hall!

Polka dots. MacDonald's. Dad & Weijie. Bloghopping. Chatting. Ebase & Eleta. Great service. Hilarious dinner with sisters. God. The highlight of my day. Really really nice. OP shirt. Couldn't find. Much Ado About Nothing. Textual analysis. Characterisation. Tomorrow. Comes.

I'm tired. My eyes are glazing over. I'm still here. Hmmm.

Thank You

Today was my graduation. I didn't think I would cry but I did. I didn't think I would care but I did. I didn't think that leaving this school would matter but it did. And now it's bittersweet, knowing that moving on to what the future holds for us is inevitable. Leaving behind the memories, good and bad. Leaving behind the people I've forged bonds with the past two years. So this is my tribute to all who have positively impacted my life in one way or another.

To my girls' clique in 3302, Shu Hui, Hamidah, Kia Dai, Yingling, Eunice, Rozie, Joan and Zihui- thank you for the lameness, the bimboticism, the laughter, the Swensen's, the shopping and the tears. You have made a college i did not like much more bearable with your caring and continual presence. I will remember you ladies, you all are beautiful in your own right. (And you're invited to my wedding! Heehee.)

To my class of 3302, you guys are simply smashing. Creative, hilarious and gradually unified. I will not forget our date at the airport 5 years from now. Unlike other Arts classes we know, you people are not elitist, competitive or arrogant.
To Liwen, thank you for extending your loyal, warm friendship and insights to me.
To Irene, for the simple, innocent concern of a true friend.
To the "Western" clique of Rohai, Sharon, Weidong, Haireez, Hanis and Liwen, for letting me know that people are sometimes lots nicer than who we think they might be, and the endlessly ticklish entertainment you have provided to liven up otherwise dull classes.
To the "Mandarin" clique of Irene, Rumin, Bowen, Yiling and Chong Leong, thank you for being the quiet and calm in the eye of the storm.
To a certain person who shall remain anonymous, thank you for teaching me that friends are not always to be. Misunderstanding, strife, irritation, loathing, hurt. Thank you for making me take off my rosy glasses through which I used to view the world. Once my closest friend, now a stranger. I still wish we could reconcile and trust me, I have tried. But thank you, and I wish you all the best anyway.
Thank you all, for the friendship and the bonds.

To my debate society, I have nothing to say. But I am grateful anyway, for the rare opportunity to represent my college at the Nationals and attain 3 Best Speakers, any or all of which I would gladly have given for us to advance into the semi-finals. You unwittingly taught me that the real world is a cruel place, and not everyone will accept me for who I am.
To Nirev, thank you for being a lonely bright spot in this place. Your infectious humour and companionship are always appreciated.
To Zenon, keep going! Don't ever let anyone step on your toes or stab you in the back. Do our alma mater proud. Be the "pleasant surprise from a Chinese school" that the Bala said I was.

To my many tutors, Miss Lim, Miss Leong, Miss Loong, Miss Tan, Mr Thompson and Mr Bala, thank you for believing in me and constantly pushing me to do better. I know I have been underachieving and I hope that I can give you the best present any teacher could receive come A-Levels: excellence in grades.

Thank you all, for loving me the humanly imperfect and inherently inadequate way I am. I love you all, and I pray that God will bless you with all the joy your hearts can hold. You have left footprints in the sands of my life, and I hope that I have in yours. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is my tribute.

Send a dozen roses: 11 red roses and 1 white one. The note: "In every bunch there's one who stands out - and you are that one."

Bring her flowers for no reason (well, the reason is love).

Have a pillow fight.

When window shopping, secretly note what your partner likes then return later to pick up that something special.

Buy her an outfit while she's trying it on; let her wear it out of the store.

Hide a little gift for her so she'll find it during a walk together.

Hide a love note in a bottle of vitamins. The note will say: "Try some vitamin L."

Call her at work and ask: "Is this the office of the most beautiful woman in the world?"

Call him at work and say: "Hello handsome! Are you free tonight?"

Hide a love note in his pants pocket.

Send a big box via a courier with a tiny gift packed in the middle.

Sign your letters: "Forever and a day".

Use a thesaurus to help you describe your lover: beautiful, angelic, divine, sublime, stunning, gorgeous, exquisite, marvelous, magnificent, charming, fabulous...

Tell your mate that you - love, adore, admire, cherish, desire, want, need, prize, esteem, treasure him/her.

When dining out, share everything: your meals and desserts.

Give her your jacket when it is chilly.

Open the door for her.

Hold her dinner chair.

While slow dancing at a party, whisper something sweet to her.

Be extra attentive after your partner has had a bad day.

Let a Shakespearean quote speak for you.

Compose a list: "101 Reasons Why You're the Greatest" Write each reason on a separate square of paper. Wrap them in a fancy gift box.

Put a blindfold on your lover and drive them to a place where you have a blanket, candles, strawberries, sparkling drinks, and a rose. Park the car and take off the blindfold while you read a poem you have written for them.

Give your love an antique compass and say "You will never lose me". The needle always points to their heart!

Go through revolving doors with your lover.

On your lover's birthday send his/her mother a "Thank you" card.

And always remember: "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Albert Einstein

Excerpted from romantic-tips.com (giggle giggle)

"I now pronounce you boyfriend and girlfriend," Pauline said after shaking both our hands. Giggle, what an abrupt, funny, stunning way to go steady. He wants to marry me. Now, I think, maybe it's remotely possible to imagine this boy as a man with a future and calling who may become my husband, the father of my children even. Who knows till we try? It's not a hard and fast surety like, yes gimme the Destinee ring already. We're just saying, we're in it for the long haul. Love is not a state of transient emotion but an affair of the will. I must learn to love him, more than myself. I do believe that is the way he loves me. Weijie, u mean so much to me. Thank u 4 being part of our new journey together.

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." --Amy Carmichael

Well tomorrow the hard work starts. By today I hope to have drawn up a comprehensive 5-week study timetable which I WILL STICK TO!
Feel very feminine. Heehee. I have busied myself this weekend sewing up my Grad Nite shawl and baking pizza with my cousin Steffy, whom I have alot to learn from. More giggles. Weijie and I talked all night yesterday until 6 am when he fell so soundly asleep I could hear his snoring over the phone! Giggle. Today I'll probably be meeting him as he has to collect some data for his project at a hair salon our friend's dad owns near my place. I told him I would cook him some instant noodles and sandwiches 'coz he likes to eat homemade stuff by me. Lol the inspiration to cook and sew was given an added incentive 'coz I know he likes his girl to.
Yesterday I went to church and I was asked to stand in for a leader to be a consolidator! I was so nervous at first! Our role was to keep an eye out for anyone who answered the salvation calls and for those who just wanted to come up to the altar, we were supposed to pray for them. My friend Val and I were pretty nervous, but I discovered that it was really very meaningful to give of yourself and show concern to someone who needed ot. Above all I hope these people left FC yesterday with peace of mind and restored joy. : )

I have 5 weeks left before i sit for the most important exam of my life thus far.

I love being with him! Oreo cheesecake and Italian chocolate mint soda tasted substandard at the Pacifric Coffee Company, his presence inches away as I was planning my Shakespeare essay, reaching over to cover me with a jacket, was nothing short of wonderfully and sweetly memorable. Precious. I borrowed his blue hoodie too so I can snuggle up in it when the weather's cold and be reminded of him. Now I'll have to stop at proffering more details. Don't want to irk people by getting all lovey-dovey online. It's really not very nice. Heehee.
I didn't do well AT ALL for my Prelims. Good thing it's only the Prelims. 0.2 marks short of a B for Lit! Exasperation. But I've learnt alot lah. Like how not to take good grades for granted, how not to overestimate myself, and how to answer questions accurately and excellently under examination stress. I know some of my friends are simliarly impacted and understandably devastated about their results, but hey y'all, cheer up, let's remember that we're gonna make it throguh this year! Think of Grad Nite! Think of the exultation and ecstasy on the 27th of November! Confidence.
Today Ms Lim complimented me by saying she thought that I deserved a higher mark for my essay and had toned down my bombasticism (my own interpretation). Which was nice, 'coz she rarely praises and most of the time in class I feel rather ignored. I certainly hope I can majorly improve during my As, and I will.

Oh man I was so disappointed with my Lit results today that I cried. But one lesson that I'm takin away with me is that I can't depend on my smarts to pull me through exams. I worked really hard 4 Lit n gave up my other subs so I could exclusively focus on it. But apparently that's not the way it works and thank God I still have 5 1/2 weeks to make it right. I cannot waste time being a spoilt brat moping about not getting the stupid A. I nust focus for the As. Very importantly is my answering technique. One thing that went wrong was that I knew too much and put in the stuff I thought sounded good rather than what would have been good for the question. So I've gotta rectify that. Another is my planning of my essays. Need to be more selective material-wise and not pilipala regurgitate Rational Glass perspectives straight. Chill.

Yesh Hami and I were just discussing that it is so important to have a balanced lifestyle. It is no wonder that so many students spend their teenage years cooped up mugging and complain that they wanna die. No wonder life is aimless if all they have is studies. Faith, friendship, kinship, shopping, TV, fine dining and blogging (hee, with the former three being ultimately taking greater priority) are all great avenues to see that there is a big world out there waiting 4 us to embrace and it's not exclusively dependent on my like, Econs percentile. Thankfully.

Just came back from a little bout of retail therapy at Bugis (my third time there in four days!) and fell asleep on my bedroom floor. Why the retail therapy? Well it was a great excuse to unwind after receiving a small flurry of not-very-satisfying results. I went with Hamidah, and bought a silver hair clip and some Gothic classics from Kinokuniya, which was such a tranquil experience 'coz it made me feel all intellectual and I haven't done so in like, a year?? Whoa. That's what libraries are for. Yesh. I also need to add "read Shopaholic novel trilogy" to my Things To Do After My As list. I (giggle) also accomplished a minor feat in discipline 2dae: waiting for bus 12 and not stepping into the Bugis Bazaar which was but metres away! Heehee. I do hope the rest of my papers score better. But I do realise that if I do badly, it jolly well serves me right and I'll deserve any lousy marks I get for the simple reason that I didn't study. Except 4 Lit. Tenterhooks. Expectations. Man. And if I do better than anticipated, thank God 4 His mercy.
I think my blog is in dire need of a facelift. It's so.. white. I just couldn't download the skin i wanted: it's a simple pink hibiscus. So perhaps I seek help from my more IT-savvy friends?
My grandmum wants to go out with me on Wednesday. I miss her and haven't seen her in a month or two. Her b'dae's the same dae as mine and I missed our family celebrations 'coz I was with Poohwie. I'll have to rearrange my study time-table for that day (most likely Shakespeare or Donne).. I feel bad as I haven't gotten her a prezzie. She's usually the one I splurge on most every year. We're really close. She's like a bundle of energy when it comes to shopping (yeah! we can shop for 9 hrs straight!) and we share the same great tastes! Lol. Oh dear oh dear what would she like? I usually give her jewelry. Once I bought her a stained glass candleholder. The taupe jacket I found the other time didn't fit so well. Hmm. Maybe a nice silk purse? Photo frame with us two in it? Something that is exquisite like my grandmum and yet practical. I'll have 2 meet Jie some other day too. Waah. Thinking of him. He agreed to lend me his blue hoodie so I can use it as a jacket! Giggle then when it gets rainy n cold I'll snuggle up in his hoodie and think of him. Heehee. There's more to life than MCQ scores and Much Ado essays.

Yippee! Today was Yammi's baptism and it was just like a second b'dae! I really hope she had a fantastic time, lots of memories and a new life ahead filled with love, joy and ohana! It was great to see her do something so special, to be bold enough to take a stand 4 her faith. I wasn't encouraged to go for a second baptism and initially I was super-disappointed. But then I began to remember how much my first baptism meant to me, and to God. And it was just like, pure joy to be a part of Yammi's baptism.
Me going back to school on Monday. The holidays are over. The slackness is over. The shopping trips are over. From Monday on, I will mug like never before. Draw up a revision time-table, stick to it for the next 10 weeks and slog my guts out. Excel. It is never too late. I will not compromise any more. I will not waste my time, I will not waste my brain cells. I will study hard and study smart. I can do all things through my God who strengthens me. Nothing is impossible. I believe.

Yesh! The indescribable feeling of sudden freedom surges within me. How poetic. The prelims are. Over. Sigh. I'm so tired. I just finished working on a card for Yammi who's getting baptised this Sat. It was really tiring coz I took quite a few hours but I think it's worth it. I probably haven't done art for a year or more, unless you consider gift wrapping and post card writing an art. It was lots of fun to use both my hands and my brains simultaneously. I better be doin more of that in the next ten weeks. Studying, I mean. It's a simple tri-fold card that I made out of, uh, my brother's drawing block. Guess I was in one of those whimsical moods and it's filled with a smattering of pastels. There are three balloons with yarn attached to them. The bottom of the card is a miniature landscape of rolling hills and country cottages. Okie, and one castle with turrets too. And there's a raised rainbow as well. Oh! And later I'll go back and line the clouds with silver glitter. Yippee. It's really meaningful to do somethin like this for a friend, something handmade always has that great exclusive feel! I mean, it may not be perfect and it's certainly not Hall mark but I think it's the thought that counts lah. Oh, maybe I could ink a bar code on the back and number it with Yammi's baptism date.. this Sat.. that should be the 28th.. 280903..
Yeah my mum came out and saw me working on the card and she said maybe I could go and be a card designer next time. Heehee. Actually there are lotsa
Things I Would Like To Do After My As
1. design cards
2. intern at a fashion mag (pressing question: how?)
3. relief-teach/ coach debate at CCHS
4. date (giggle lol giggle)
5. write a children's storybook or short play
6. learn to cook and sew (then I can make my own skirts!)
Alright! My parents would like to bring me out for a very belated b'dae dinner tomorrow. I'm thinkin, maybe Sizzler's? Hmm.. actually I would settle for the chocolate buffet at 1 Fullerton just fine too. Or why not just Swensen's? Oh dear. I have been eating out so often (as in, every other day 4 e past few weeks n everyday this wk!) that I'm so sick of fast-food! Urgh. Enough is enough.
Today my girlfriends and I went to the library after we finished our Lit paper, going to the library is "ocular proof" of my friends' hardworkingness! I guess I was a teeny bit disappointed 'coz Shuhui and I were sort of semi-hoping for a smidgen of retail therapy.. .. . heehee it's oki. There's always tomorrow with Hamidah. Hitting the high streets. She's planning to wear the Phuture top that we picked out the last time we ponned Drama Nite for nite city-shopping. Yeppie the same time I got my beige Phuture wrap skirt at one-sixth the original price. Oh no. I hope I don't sound too fashionista. Female empowerment.

With only one paper remaining I am totally getting back into the prom groove. Aaaaahh. When my beloved Prac Crit is over hence marking the final throes of the Preliminary Examinations I think I shall unwind and enjoy a nice long weekend spent shopping, sleeping and slacking. The 3 S's. Hmm. Hamidah and I plan to go to Gloria Jean's or 'O Brien's at the Esplanade on Friday too.
I bought myself a pink tube that looks like the dress J. Lo wore in "Maid in Manhattan". I think I need to venture out of my fashion comfort zone. A look in my wardrobe reveals mostly denim, classic black, sweet innocent pink and occasional glimpses of lilac and white. I think slowly I should build up my spectrum to include bolder hues. My colouring is typically Winter so perhaps a fresh green, chocolate brown and turquoise would work well. Even cobalt blue, like the gold-sequin studded lahenga (traditional Indian dance costume) Hamidah lent me for Racial Harmony Day. Giggle -- Ooops it's still hanging on the back of my chair. I really must return it to her. Soon.
I don't know why, but I'm suddenly thinking of a gorgeous lipstick red satin dress. High drama for an evening out. Aiyah. Wish I had a tag board. Must learn how to fix my template so I can make my page somewhat more me. Yesh, 'coz I'm torn between so many choices for my grad nite ensemb.

1. Wrap:
Should I go with
a) the mauve/ pink shangri-la pleated material
b)buying another black silk shawl so as to highlight the dress
c) none at all (but I'll be freakin freezin at the Ritz!)
2. Clutch
Should I be
a) buying the little satin bag from M)phosis that I've been puttin off 4 ages
b) sewing a simple one myself
c) lol hemming a pocket in my skirt/ train to hold my IC and lipstick lol

Or maybe I should simply refrain from all this second-guessing myself and channel my energies into revision instead. That might work.
I must practise for my Lit paper on Thurs. TodaY I read through the entire PC book and some of the drama excerpts were so funny I was bursting out in sporadic giggles at MacDonald's! Okie then tml before meeting Jie I'll just plop myself in a corner of some ubiquitous fast-food joint n join the muggers. Yeah.
Okie I've so got to shut up about fashion... Just one last word though. I just realised that the fabric of the dress the model's wearin at promadvice.com, Glamour Gowns section, resembles mine. No girl donch lose it. Study.

Today I will be meeting Fangfang to study. Actually I planned to make it History day but I've decided to focus back on Lit again. I need to revise Carter, analyse Jane Eyre, memorise quotations. I need to secure this paper by just doing my best for it so I won't have to beat myself up for it the way I did for the Much Ado essay, which I was rather disappointed with because of my structure and implicit phrasing. But it is too late t brood over it, so I have to look forward and concentrate on doing that which is NOT beyond my means. Mug, girl, mug! Then after we'll hit the high streets with a vengeance. Here I come. Muahaha. No, not Orchard Road. I mean, the wonderful world of the Gothic.

The weather has been fantastic the past few days! Breezy enough to make you want to seek the snug comfort of a warm pashmina or cuddle under the blankets, chilly enough to make you want to stay in bed ten minutes more, cool enough to make you feel like getting up and enjoying it, wonderful enough to get you all romantic once more. Or is that just in our heads and hearts?

I'm looking forward to the Lit paper tomorrow. I'm so grateful that the hardest papers are over and now I can sit back and enjoy Lit and have the weekend to mug 4 History 3. I must not give up now-- it is too late to back out! No turning back.
Yesterday I was supposed to meet Wejie for study. But I should have known better. He dragged Yammi along coz she had been upset all along and could have used the company. I didn't mind coz Yam n I are pretty close and I really don't want her to feel left out just coz Jie and I are dating. She's still part of us. So instead of studying we just chilled and layghed. I was rather irritated with Jie coz he turned up an hour late and I really can't stand this recurring problem with punctuality. The two of us actually had slightly over an hour of time alone when he walked me home and we stopped in my stairwell to chat. But because of the revision time sacrificed, I was beating myself up about it today in MCQ as I had barely skimmed the surface of notes and there were several unexpected questions which came out both there and in the Case Study. My friends and I all agreed it was a tough paper. But now, everything is in God's hands. I can still make it 4 the As!
I've decided to save my flared purple wrap (the b'dae gift from my girlfriends) for next week to celebrate the end of Prelims. Yesh. A nice long weekend, then full steam ahead for the As. I must do well. I mus not be afraid of hard work and discipline.
This week Yam and I have organised a blue/ purple/ denim theme for our cell so I can wear the Miss Selfridge top she gave me and she can wear the purple beach necklace we chose 2gether while shopping. But for the sake of modesty (modesty is always in!) I'm wearing a rolled-sleeve white windbreaker paired with the Mango bootcut jeans my cousin gave me.
I'm so thankful for older girl cousins with impeccable taste whose hand-me-downs are branded and almost new. Hee. I'm not brand-conscious but I don't mind a little bit of quality now and then. As long I remember NOT to ever get caught up in this wave of materialism and metamorphosize into some fashion victim. No way. I like me, amd "me" is not defined by the brands I wear. "Me" should be defined by a cheerful smile, a happy heart and a tender spirit.

Hey y'all! It's just so funny. It's the first day of my prelims, and my examination appetizer was the Econs essay paper! Having NOT studied for either Econs or History, I'm just going to put in my best within the next few hours/ days, hope for the best, and expect the worst. It was almost comical 2dae when my long-lost sister Shuhui and I were giggling in the library n everybody else was looking super-stressed!
And my girls' clique bought me some really great gifts (shopping courtesy of Shuhui, whose taste I must really say is getting better n better!). Heehee. I'm so excited. They chose this pair of denim thong sandals edged with blue sequins and a gorgeous purple wrap skirt with a handkerchief hemline. Un-ironed and a little creased when Shuhui wrapped it round my uh, school skirt and Phuture suede jacket, it looked fantastic when I tried it on at home with the lilac Miss Selfridge top Yammi gave me! Even my style arbiter cum fashion critic of a mother conceded that it was really nice. Mum even wants to get somethin similiar now! Giggle erm, Mum, I love you but maybe you don't wanna get a skirt so trendy it's in purple! So, I am so totally hyped up. Even better, the ensemb might even match with the cream pinstriped handbag my cellmates gave me! This is way too cool. And my favourite paart of it all is receiving cards! I love those. I mean, how many girls can say that they got a card that said "Happy Birthday to the Queen of the High Street"? I just knew that tiara wasn't for nothing after all.. Heehee. Excuse my enthusiasm. I just think it's great to be lurved. Muchas gracias, dankeschoen, merci, thank you EVERYBODY!!! I'd so love to reach through my computer screen and give you all a big hug right now! Heehee. You too, Poohwie.

"If the devil reminds you of your past remind him of his future." -- T-shirt slogan

Today my cell group celebrated my birthday for me. Shu Lin (the "baby" of our group at 15) baked this cake n it looked great! It was a chocolate cake iced with whipped cream and little smudges of the colours of the rainbow and chocolate bits! And well, I was pleasantly surprised. Giggle. Who doesn't like being pampered once in a while with gifts and cake and most importantly, expressions of love and friendship? Even though I do my best not to show it, I guess I have this dumb but real fear of people forgetting my birthday. I mean, it is a special day when those who love you care enough to show it, to just appreciate for a moment on a special day how much you mean to them. Yeah. And today, I felt loved by God's family.
It's amazing how the simplest gestures can mean so much. Meow came down to church today just to hand me a birthday card even though she was so tired and stressed from all those projects. And yeah, she was so stressed that when I handed her a little Pass It On card, she began to cry.
Aside to Meow: I so missed you! Thank you loads for that gorgeous postcard. Yesh I really tasted His love today heehee. Just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are so sweet and giving and u have such a tender heart too. I mean, I know that poly work is really taking its toll on you with all the demands of the projects n stuff, but I hope to see you smile again and dance before God! Never give up kk? Have a good rest too dear sister!
Just a digression. Lots of my schoolmates sent me b'dae smses wishing me a romantic evening with Pooh! Heehee. Thank you. My first date, smackdab in the middle of last-minute cramming for the Prelims. It was fantastic. Thank you my dear Pooh.
And thank you my dear friends, for just being there 4 me and tolerating my lameness, crap and occasional outbursts of bimboticism! You guys n girls make my life richer with your love and 2dae I just wanna let you know that I care.
It is true lah. There is more to life than making the grades and hitting the books. There are friends, love, laughter, dreaming, chocolate, uh shopping, teddies and rainbows! And that's not even the beginning...

I wonder what will happen today. I've decided to go with the flowy denim skirt and a white spaghetti top with a dual handkerchief hem and a teeny pattern of purple flowers at the side. Pretty innocent looking. When I asked Pooh for input, he said he liked me looking that way. So that's what I'll do. My first date. Heehee. I'm so excited.
To think he actually took me up on my suggestion to invite his dad 4 dinner. I mean, how unnerving is that?
Well econs tuition is over and my tutor gave me a piece of pottery she made. Pretty cooOl, so Sue: Thank you!
Well it's still remarkably early by my standards (few minutes to 1 pm). I just couldn't sleep this morning. Noisy with the incessant churning and whining of the blenders in the kitchen, an oscillating fan which deprived me of much-desired wind half the time and the bright light streaming in through the windows despite having an eye-mask on. Ah well, whatever it is, I just know today is gonna be special.

I feel good. I feel good. I feel good about this.

Ooh scary.

I cannot take it. I need to vent.
AaaaaAaAaAAAaAAaaaaaAaaaaaAargggGggh!
There.
How can anyone conceivably spend six hours out and only finish 9 pages and 1 essay plan? Huh? (The 9 sad, lonely, sordid pages I did cover weren't even important, unless anyone would like to tell me about the value of TVC and AFC curve whatevers!) I demand an explanation. From myself.
Well maybe it had to do with the fact that I spent uh, 3 hrs choosing and writing 8 cards which I read, and re-read, and re-reread? No? Oki, how about the fact that I spent another hour sleeping? Or the fact that I kept smsing every like, 5 minutes when I attempted to get down to useful matters i.e. eleventh-hour mugging for the PreeeEeeEEELIMS! Breathe.
I must not lose hope. All is not lost. No. I hate econs. Graphs. Formulae. Freakin definitions. Numerical examples (strawberries anyone? Yes? How bout factories?) Yowryowryowr. Now, breathe again.
Iyawn when I see the cover page : Foundations of Economics. Drowsiness tugs at my eyelids when I flip the page. "Let student economists to new notes have gone, Let Diagrams to others, Worlds on worlds have showne." That was an embarrassing modification from Donne in the oh-so-distant week when I was -get this- PRODUCTIVE! Jasmine, oh Jasmine, wherefore art thou love for Economics?
But, because I despise that wretched subject so much, I am NOT going to let it have its way over me! You hear that, you GCE A Level Economics script-markers? You're not going to succeed! No, I will triumph over Economics. If you want me to hate you, I will love you. Oh I will go to sleep with graphs in my head, diagrams in my dreams, examples in the other areas of the cerellebrum not occupied already. Watch me. I'm unproductive now. But I hate Econs, and I love Econs, and I will mug my guts out for my A. I will be back. I will terminate your hopes of vanquishing me. I don't like Cs and Ds. I've had enough. This is my riposte. It is time to exact revenge. Muahahahahahaha.

I went out with Wai Kei to Bugis, ostensibly to study. Alas, I have learnt my lesson and will never study anywhere with a shopping centre and bazaar opposite! I saw this gorgeous tiara at Accessorize and I just had to buy it. It was the same one featured in Seventeen's prom spread. I thought I had resigned myself to hair jewels but.. heehee.. princess tendencies resurfaced. The little cinch is that for some reason I can't place that ring I bought the other day! I need to check their metallic sheens for compatibility.
And b'coz I was so distracted Mr Loke Wai Kei actually msged Pooh and told him I hadn't studied for the past 3 hrs. And then Poohwie called me, and he sounded so fierce! He demanded to know what I had been doing. WaaAah. But I do like it when he's firm. And anyway it worked and I managed to finish making notes/ comparison chart in the next hour. Hmmm. I didn't pick up his four calls after that.
Tomorrow I think I will go to Siglap Mac to study. Free from distractions like the alternately loved/ loathed 'S' word. You guessed it.

His name is now Pooh. Well it all started out rather non-romantically. He called me a piglet coz I was sleeping all morning (which was rather uncalled 4 since it was he who I had talked to till 5 in the morning) while he was in school. I'm so proud of him! He was the only person in a class of 100 to score an A for his Japanese module. And since he had a tummy-ache yesterday and had to employ the services of the gents' room, I figured a Pooh-Pooh was necessary to purge his system. So he's Pooh, and I'm Piglet. Heehee. This is so fun. We had our first quarrel yesterday and we made up a few hours later. He thinks I'm understanding while I totally admire his patience with me. I love that we can communicate how we feel and work out our problems (albeit with alot of voice-raising, sarcasm and tears on my side.) That he can't bear to raise his voice at me no matter how unreasonable I get. I love that stepping into this new phase of our relship allows Pooh to express his feelings 4 me and vice versa. He is soO sweet.
Today I slacked at home n didn't do any productive work. I'm so sick of fastfood! I've eaten it for 5 days this week. Sian. The studying out was really getting to me too and I needed a break b4 I continued with Econs so today is my off-day, kind of. I also realised something. I think I'm going to do my best NOT to post any more academic to-do lists. It's not really fair to my already stressed friends who do read my blog.
Oh.. one more thing: I bought a ring! (Aside: The age of liberation is here! Females can assert their economic autonomy.) It's for grad nite. It's pretty huge by my standards but it is a deep fuchsia which matches my dress perfectly (I just tried it on past midnight yesterday). Since it is the only piece of jewelry I will be wearing (barring the possibility of piercing my ears) it ought to make a statement. As long as it doesn't say Bling-bling. Yeah, we were talking bout Grad Nite and in Pooh's words, it's the night when "my girl turns into a princess". He is swEeet.

"We are all of us angels with one wing, and to fly we must learn to embrace each other." -- Max Lucado
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."-- Henry Thoreau
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." -- 1st Cor 13: 4- 8, The NIV Bible

I'm really happy. He makes me smile. What he said today I will treasure for a long time 2 come, though I can't even remember it word for word. Giggle. It feels great. Kind of wonderful and tingly and all school-girly sweet. I told Meow I was scared, n she said,"Why? It should be a fun time!" Speaking to him this evening relieved some of my fears. He is sweet. And I could say alot more, but this is a rather public place : ) hee.
I would never have thought that such a thing would happen this year. I mean, I always told myself, no way girl, not during A Level year. But some risks have to be taken. I told my parents. They seemed to take it alright, all things considered it wasn't too bad, though they did severely stress 2 me that it's a crucial year academically. I agree with them lar. I will get my priorities straight n manage my time efficiently.

Sorry ignore my previous message. I was only trying to achieve catharsis by purging it from my system. I'm giving Lit the most time because this is the one subject I want to settle before my As.
Me slept late again yesterday. Talking to him. I asked him to wake me in five minutes, only when I finally got up it was way too late. But it was nice yesterday (yeah, at 4 am), bcoz the atmosphere was relaxed n we were communicating what we wanted n how we'd been feeling. Especially 4 me. Ever since we confessed our feelings for each other I'd been feeling especially vulnerable with my emotional guard down. I teared up. I was really scared. But I'm more composed now, and am ready for tomorrow. Bring it on.

I've only finished memorising 4 Donne poems this week and I think I need to do two more.
I must complete my explications on the 12- 16 poems I am selecting for Donne.
I must finish up my analysis of Angela Carter.
I must work on Jane Eyre themes and quotations.
I must make sure my Much Ado revision is fully completed.
I must re-revise my Othello notes.
I must finsh it all by tomorrow or Sunday evening by the latest, by hook or by crook.

I think the last one worked.
Now back to the real world where the dinner plates are calling out to be set on the table. Yes yes yes I hear you. Signing off the Matrix.

Attempt One:
Oh yeah speaking of gentlemanly, some of my debate team-mates once asked me why I subscribed to the chivalric code when it was so diammetrically opposed to female equality n rights (the stuff I stand for). Well gentleman, feminism is not an excuse for men to start treating their female friends, sisters n mothers with disrespect. It is an opportunity to see them.. uh, us.. as equals, n rightly so. Yes, we have different brains, we're wired differently, we even have different responses and instincts, but we're still equal. Ladies let's show 'em what we're made of! (And no, don't take that the wrong way.)
I'm still trying to shed my serious tone.
Attempt Two:
You know what? I;m really glad I was born a girl. For one thing, girls have so many more cute clothes to choose from than boys! And besides, boys always have to give in to girls!
Did that work? Or does that sound too cliched and bimbotic? Sigh.
Attempt Three:
I can't believe I used to bother so much bout wat people thought of me. Call me feminist, bimbo, dumb blonde, worse. To my face, behind my back. Again, "Thou hast not half that power to do me harm that I have to be hurt." Emilia in Shakespeare. It doesn't matter now. If u knew me you might change your mind. If u don't, I can't change yours. But I'm glad that your opinions matter no more.

Looks like it is possible to be productive online as well. I found this fantastic site on the metaphysical poets with great essays and explications on certain works which I really hope will help my understanding of the Hees and Shees, Thees and Thous. If not, I will really be "blasted with sighs, and surrounded with teares". Just kiddin.
Oh yesterday I saw two denim pleated skirts. One was a short and mini-ish, while the other was slightly below knee-length. It was so funny. When I couldn't decide which looked better, I suddenly experienced an impulse to ask him for his fashion advice. We're just taking things slowly now. He sounded stressed last night about us, and I hope he's feeling better today. But I know that it took alot 4 him to come out and tell me straight how he felt about me, about us, and I'm really glad he was bold enough to. : ) Also, that he never pressed me for an answer. That was gentlemanly of him.
For now it seems that the next big marker in our relationship will be us meeting up with our cell leaders on Saturday to discuss things and seek their advice. I realise that to many people it would appear that the route we have chosen is long and meandering. I admit, I'm super careful about this. But I would much rather lay this relationship on a firm foundation of mutual understanding, open declaration n the pleasure of developin it at our own pace rather than rush headlong into foolhardy notions of raspberry romance only to come out hurt in the end. Do I sound very serious? Hmm I think I do.

Today was rather productive, studying at Princess Mac with Hamidah. For some reason I just like total silence at home, and background noise (read: my thanks to Perfect Ten) outside. Luv knowing that evryone else is chillin, snackin n the likes and my table is one of the few with books n notes spread on it. That was eons ago. Nowadays all fastfood joints have operating licenses and signs that go "Muggers Welcome".
Today I came to school two hours late for Lit and I was really glad that Ms Tan showed me mercy in condoning my absolute disregard for punctuality and my non-standardised "uniform". I was wearing my fave denim skirt with the Cinderella slippers and the TJ Jubilee tee, which looked even weirder accented with the clear bangle studded with trios of crystals from Topshop. Somebody even asked me where my pumpkin carriage was. Sigh, don't they know they gotta wait till the clock strikes twelve? And where's my gown? Hee, I;m laming. Good to be back. The funny thing was, when I previously used to care an awful lot how evryone thought of me, now I really couldn't care less. I guess I've realised that it is asinine to find validation of my self-worth in man.
I didn't sleep well last night, thinkin about him. But things are very clear for me now after I prayed. How will I know what will happen unless I give it a shot? It's now or never. If it works out, then that's just great. If it doesn't, at least I learnt somethin from this experience to bring to a future relationship, and then it's time to move on. At least I'll know I tried. Either way I hope I won't regret whatever I am on the threshold of doing now. I'm oki. I'll be oki.
Now back to the books.

I finally talked to him. Till uh, 4.30 in the morning. Which totally threw my study schedule off, but I think it was worth it. I feel a little tingle of anticipation now when I think of us. I don't know. Loads of issues have been settled, but we still have to wrestle with others. It may take days. Or weeks. Or longer. Suffice it to say that we are at a crossroads in our friendship, a turning point. I have no clue what's going to happen next. We could see everything we've taken a year to build up fizzle away, or things could swing in the reverse direction. Ohhh I'm still scared, but some risks have to be taken-- a great leap into the unknown. What's going to happen?

I think I'm only at like, 12.5% of my total studying capacity. Yesterday I couldn't really get into my Much Ado, but the Rational Glass perspectives turned out to be pretty enlightening. Realise that if time permits, I should be memorising loads of quotes from The Bloody Chamber and Jane Eyre for my Gothic. I'm really hoping I can do well for Lit. Actually my cousin (who is super-hardworking though she claims she's not) wanted to study out from like, 8 am to 8 pm or most likely later but I guess we're all bushed. Slept at 2.30 last night after an invigorating long hot bath (kinda contradictory, but I shall gloss over that for now). Yeah, and actually I was warming up to this whole idea of a study marathon at the Starbucks@MPCL, but for some reason both of us feel drawn to study at my place instead. So, let's see how it goes.
I've decided. I want to host my blog at mugger.com, not blogger.com anymore. Hopefully I'll be inspired to live up to my domain name (if I got my Net jargon right). I wish I could find the fun in mugging that I do in shopping. I realise that all of us are facing the same overload syndrome now. Too much, too soon. (Sounds like a relationship assessment.) We're all worried we can't finish studying, especially for labour-intensive (ha!) subjects like History, with the Sino-Soviet split and perestroika and General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade and Retail Therapy. Okie I just put that in for the fun of it. As I have discovered, it's really not that fun after all. Why are there so many bracketed sentences today? (Gee. I don't know.)

My 3 Biggest Stupid Fears (been meaning to post something frivolous like that 4 some time now)
3. Losing my giraffe pencil-case/ "girl" keychain
2. Using a shower cubicle/ changing room with a limp fluttering curtain instead of a proper solid good ol' fashioned door
1. Having my birthday forgotten

And did u notice I didn't make any reference to shopping in there? That is WaAy too cool! Alright! Oh yeah I saw the Legally Blonde 2 trailer on TVMobile (the only time the dreaded thing ever came in useful in the slightest) and it looks great! I'm all hyped up abt it. When Reese Witherspoon was getting interviewed she wore this funny purple top with think pink spag straps which looks like part of Marc Jacobs' retro/ mod collexion. Hmm talking about this is in my deliberate attempt to manoeuvre my thoughts away from him (read: govt intervention n discretionary fiscal policy) is having the reverse effect. We were going to watch it together on my b'dae : ( now, who knows? Told Hamidah I'd just buy a little cake n eat it 4 myself. Kind of pathetic huh? *laughs at herself* She's so cute, always calling me up for the weirdest reasons, like the time she told me bout her capitalist theory where it's the middle class which always gets exploited, therefore, moral of the theory, get rich quick! Hee. Sigh.
I'm supposed to hit the showers now. Well not literally, but u get what I mean. Gosh I suspect my incessant assocations of my life with my books is going to totally rile up my friends. Sorry ladies. You know I just like to do that. Not irritating u, of course (could I bear to? giggle), but all the E Lit references. Anyway u all still luv me right? Hee. Sorry again. Just kidding. I'll just shut up right about now/
Oh all the best to all my dear friends who are mugging away 4 the Prelims right now. You all are special wonderful individuals, and I'm positive we can all do well. So let's just slog our butts off together!Whenever you have a panic attack, make sure 2 reach for a chocolate or snack. (There. Rhyming couplets emphasize content. Obviously I need a whole like, truckload of work before even "watching n learning" from the likes of Hardy or Jennings or Larkins whose works they always throw into Prac Crit exams to befuddle, perplex, astound, confuse and confound. The employment of lists illustrates confusion of mind.)