On my own, I'm a thinker and an observer. More often than not, its people watching that gets me thinking about life. Working in a hospital environment brings a mishmash of all sorts of people in one place, and hence, is a natural environment for me to allow my thoughts to run deep.
I was watching a stroke victim arrive at the hospital. His aged wife, who was obviously inexperienced with handling such patients, left his car door open in her haste to get a wheelchair. While she was gone, he hung precariously onto the open door and tried very hard to get out on his own, almost losing his balance. It looked like he just wanted to show that he's ok and he can still do certain things on his own.... without help. Its as if he was trying to prove that he's still capable of independence. Unfortunately, the car door wasn't stable enough a support for a man weakened on one side of his body, and so he eventually gave up with a sigh and sat on the passenger seat of the car waiting for his wife to return.
Independence seems like such a great thing from birth. Or rather, from two years of age when we begin our 'terrible twos'. It seems like we struggle so hard to show people that we can - we can feed ourselves, we can tie our own shoelaces, we can score great results in school, we can earn our own keep, we can buy our own house, we can make our own decisions, we can do all these.... without any help.
But then, as we get even older, gradually the fact sets in that more and more, we do need help. We need help with our failing memory, we need help to get around a country that's developing too fast for us to recognize our way, we need help to cross the road, we need help to learn new things, and for this man, he needed help in simple daily tasks like eating, bathing, and getting out of a car.
I wonder if the old man was ever in his prime, adamant about receiving any help from people because he 'can handle it by himself'. I wonder if he had inadvertently turned away people who would be sticking by him right now as he walks through this crisis. I wonder if he's ever neglected and taken for granted the people who cared about him.
Just yesterday, my mother shared with me a story of a deceased granduncle who was a very good man. He worked very hard and took care of his family well. His house was always well-stocked up with food and his kindness even extended to my grandma's impoverished family, with grocery and thick blankets sent to them when the weather turned cold. Sadly, he was despised by his wife for being 'just a sugar cane drink seller', and was eventually abandoned by his own children in his old age when he came home one day discovering that they had changed the lock to his house while he was out. He spent his last days in a hospice run by charity. His last few words to my mum when she asked if his children ever came to visit: "It's all fake... It's all hypocrisy."
It pains me to think that a perfectly good and kind man had been reduced to this state of mind after he'd been mistreated. The Bible says that in the last days because of the abundance of lawlessness, the hearts of people will grow cold. I start to look at my own heart that on occasion, learned distrust. If I know what type of person I'd hate to become when I'm old, it would be like my granduncle, regarding all kindness as hypocrisy. That people only called me nice names when they needed a favour from me.
So I gleaned two precious lessons from the two old men:
I need to accept the fact that I'm not as independent as I think I am. And embrace the precious relationships that I have because people are worth more than what they can ever do to benefit me.
I need to believe that non-hypocritical love still exists in this world, where you are loved, accepted, remembered and included for being who you are. I need to continue giving this real love to people even at times when I struggle to believe.
Right from the start of this year, I saw so many posts on FB about beautiful rainbows and double rainbows being sighted all over the island.
God said He put them in the sky to remind Himself; but sometimes I feel as if they were also left there to remind me... that I'm remembered by Him, and that there is still a reason to believe.
You know, when I feel cold, I can cover up with a blanket.
But when my heart starts to feel cold, there's nothing like a God blanket to keep it warm and toasty.
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| A rainbow ... light passing through water drops |
I'm just glad that I've got You God. You never fail to be that Light.
