Life as it really is.

I want to keep pretending. But the simple fact is, I'm tired.

Year 3, Day 40: I am now 27 years old.

I don't remember what else happened between my last post and now. I'm going to go with: it was really important.

I do remember that two days ago, I turned 27.  I would say that I don't really feel older, but the truth is, I do feel older.  More than anything else, this is attributed to the fact that a few weeks ago I started school again. And I don't mean grad school. I AM STILL WORKING ON A BACHELOR'S PEOPLE! It is truly amazing how being in class with Freshmen and Sophomores in college draws my attention to the reality that is age. Maybe the more appropriate reality my attention is being drawn to is the reality that is time. It is remarkable how many life experiences we have in a year or two (or 8 if we want to get picky about the age difference between myself and the college freshmen).  The last year of my life has been the craziest, most wonderful, most life changing, most difficult, most depressing, most enjoyable year yet. It is impossible for me to adequately relate the dichotomy of feelings that I am constantly experiencing, but I like to think that it is that tension that creates drive, creativity, and interest within me. Within all of us, really.

So, self, happy belated birthday! A toast to a great 28th year.

Year 3(ish), Day 5

Guys, I can't keep using some stupid counter on my computer to figure out what day it is. I'm doing this year by year. Executive decision executed with perfection.

That being said, guess what?! CHRISTMAS HAPPENED!!! Bet you didn't see this post coming. OH WAIT. YOU DIDN'T. Because I'm not even going to post about Christmas. Mainly because you better believe that I didn't take a single picture of my son's first Christmas. (this is the part where you all praise me for being such an awesome family historian) I would like to point out the less-obvious-but-only-because-you-didn't-think-of-it-first point that David was also NOT taking pictures. AND PDD didn't actually care all that much. I have determined that if I put a picture up of PDD in his Christmas pjs, you will promptly forget that pictures of the actual Christmas celebrations are missing.

I mean, seriously. Could this guy be any cuter? I think not. If in doubt, check out the belly.

Some important parts of Christmas included: snow on Christmas day, crazy Christmas Eve complete with Ninja nativity (something I never, ever, ever, want to forget. Brooks, age 4, swapping his shepherd gear for 'ninja' gear and then karate chopping Liz in the back during the reading of Luke 2), Eric and Rebecca getting engaged, and... that about covers it.

What you REALLY want to hear about is PDD's birthday celebration...which also didn't happen. Actually, I recant that statement. It kind of happened. When happened means that several days after his birthday we let him eat an ice cream cone in honor of his birthday. I would tell you that PDD didn't really care, but that would be a lie. He LOVED the ice cream cone. He cried when it was over.

In my defense, I did have minor plans for his first birthday. Imagine something awesome. Now decrease that awesomeness by about 75% 90% and you should have a general idea of our birthday plans. Those were completely blown by a fever averaging 102 and misery. Poor guy had to go to urgent care ON HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY. Since he won't remember that day, I still think my 23rd birthday (the one when I peed my pants) is worse. Not that I'm competing with my 1-year-old son.... I do have pictures of PDD on his birthday in the urgent care. Maybe not our finest hour, but certainly a sadness worth documenting.

Although the sickness was awful (cold, flu, and ear infections in both ears PLUS the strong possibility that he is getting more teeth. UGH), I must admit there was a part of me that loved having PDD sleeping in our bed and cuddling with me 24/7. He is so busy and it is really difficult to find moments like that anymore. Now that he is almost back to normal, we can't keep him from doing everything himself and running away whenever the opportunity presents itself. At least the kisses (which I was beginning to worry were in extremely short supply) have returned.

The sickness basically ruined PDDs birthday and New Year's Eve, and working ruined our anniversary, so our holidays finished with a strong stink bomb instead of a solid bang, but whatevs. You get what you pay for.  I'm still determining life currency and how that all works, so if you have any insight, just let me know.  Something tells me I could be paying for more.... KIDDING! kind of.

I'm focusing on the fact that we survived the last year.  P-Dizzle reached his first birthday and I am going to take a little bit of credit for that since he is still on the helpless end of the spectrum. Also, this has been the hardest year of my life, so helping a little one survive that year is certainly going on my list of accomplishments.  I AM LIVING LARGE, GUYS! I don't have a photograph-worthy nursery (really, I don't think PDDs room even qualifies as a nursery), we haven't had any formal (or non-formal) family pictures taken, I didn't send out baby announcements or holiday cards, we skipped our son's first birthday and left his first Christmas undocumented, BUT THERE IS STILL REASON TO CELEBRATE! And if you disagree, then this is a party you obviously can't understand and no one is forcing you to be here.




PS--in the middle of this post, I had to reboot my internet (because our internet service is the absolute worst) so, naturally, I got a bowl of ice cream. This got me thinking that I should share with all of you this fabulous diet I am on to maintain weight--it involves eating a strictly healthy diet during the day and then at least one bowl of ice cream at 2 in the morning. Seriously AMAZING. I haven't shed a pound in weeks.

PPS- I really loved getting all of my friends' holiday cards, so I may do some "post-new-year's cards" just because. This is a very strong maybe.

Oops.

Yesterday, David, Pearson, and I were all sick. David and I both stayed home from work and Pearson was forced to postpone his play date with Grandma. Even though I am pretty sure I was nowhere near as sick as David, I somehow managed to fall asleep at roughly 11:30 am and wake up at 4:30 pm. Needless to say, I am now feeling awesome, Pearson is still hanging on, and David is miserable. Sorry, David. Next time I will let YOU have the nap. (since you're the one who had to go in to work today, etc.)

Day 479: Time to be Honest

Well, I've had this blog for four-hundred and seventy-nine days now and I'm fairly certain it is time for me to come clean:

I HAVE OTHER BLOGS.

There, I said it. I never got rid of my old blogs, I never transferred the posts, they are just sitting there, taunting me, willing me to "come back!" They are lonely, I know it. Tonight, in a moment of weakness, I updated an old blog. The blog I abandoned for THIS blog. And I know exactly why I did it. Since I had a baby 11 LONG months ago, I have felt constricted by the "boundaries of motherhood". That is in quotations not because it is a real thing, but because I had made it real in my head. People want to remember things that are nice and good and lovely and all of those things you think motherhood will be when you are living in your imagination and still 13. I read other people's blogs. I read my friends blogs. I think most of my friends are honest; I don't know if I can believe that everyone blogging is, but I do know that when I blog I am not always honest with myself. In the spirit of honesty, I have decided to post here what I posted THERE.

Perhaps the fact that I now have an 11-month-old has changed things, but I feel like the people reading my "mom" blog just want to hear about my exploits as an awesome mother with an awesome child.

NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T LIKE THAT. My house is a perpetual disaster, I am breaking out in zits 12 years behind the curve, I can't sleep and I am always tired, makeup no longer has any effect on my self-esteem, and I am 30 pounds overweight.

So I'm back. As me. I'm sick of trying to be positive about my fairly awesome, but nevertheless fatally flawed life. Bring out the trumpets, herald the bells, IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AND I'M NOT BUYING YOU ANYTHING.

Day 469: Deep in the Heart of Texas

Well, we made it. We are finally in Texas. It was a long road. 4 full days, to be exact. 

It began when David rented a Budget truck that was about 3 feet too small... and we had to unload everything to reassess what was going to be left behind. (at 1 am. Did I mention that?) Fortunately, David's coworker is a saint and came to our rescue with one of his roommates at 1:30 am and helped us until 3. Two extra men=much less work for us. But we were still up until 5 the morning before we left.

  

mid-unloading. 

Thankfully, Tori and Eric saved us by bringing over an air mattress and a few blankets so no one had to sleep directly on the floor for the few hours that we did sleep. So when we woke up at 7:30am with PDD, we were better rested for it. We finished the last details of our move (AKA threw away trash) and said goodbye to our little apartment. As we were closing up shop, David noted that Apartment 32 was all Pearson had ever known and suddenly, I felt even more sad and nostalgic about leaving.

 

 our door--and the loudest doorbell ever. I hated that thing and finally dismantled it.

Then we began the roadtrip by stopping at Target for some snacking necessities and In-N-Out for Burgers, Fries, and Milkshakes. Did I mention that Michael joined us for this roadtrip? He did because he is the best brother ever. He also really enjoyed finishing three books in four days while I drove all but 2 hours and David drove a crappy truck all the hours.

  

I think this is book one.

 

 We found some friendly shower-cleaning employees...but no bathroom-cleaning employees, which made me really concerned.

 

 And we faced P-Dizzle forward (which I'm pretty positive is against the law in maybe all of the states we drove through, but made this even remotely possible, although still traumatic.)

We stopped at the Grand Canyon. It was dark, but we had already cut Big Sur out of our initial trip plans (thanks a lot, Budget truck), so we decided to just go for it. Although I wish we had also been there in the day and we definitely did not get ANY good pictures, it was MAJESTIC. And Pearson loved being awake and out of the car. 

 Oh, you couldn't tell they are standing in front of the Grand Canyon? Are you blind?

 Just PDD being his cute self, like always.

and practicing walking with dad to blow off some steam before we got BACK in the car, which was a huge battle by this day of our trip. (end of day 2, of course.)

The third day I finally stopped at a target in the morning and bought a "Best of Sesame Street" DVD. Since PDD has never really watched TV, I didn't think it would be all that successful, but BOY WAS I WRONG! Especially since most of the "Best of" consisted of songs and he is obsessed with music. He also seemed extremely fond of Anderson Cooper's moment with Oscar the grouch, but we haven't revisited it, so I can't be sure. Also, I realized I hadn't been distracting him with much in the way of toys when I noticed him going to town on his toes... never fear that two top teeth appeared about a week after this picture was taken. 

 Our final day! At this point, it felt SO CLOSE.

 and book 3 on the home stretch!

 Poor Michael was, I think, a little tired of hearing PDD complain by the time we went to Texas and immediately sought some quiet solace when we arrived at my parent's house. 

After a little apartment drama (seriously, moving in two weeks made me such a stress case), we finally decided to stay somewhere for a few months and look for a house! We haven't started looking yet, but in the mean time, I am really enjoying our new apartment. It is almost twice as big as our last apartment, and feels new, and WE LEFT THE DENIM SOFA BEHIND! Which means I got a new sofa and suddenly the sun is shining brighter than before! haha. But I still have this aching hole in my heart that misses Palo Alto and all of our friends there. I miss the outdoors more than I can say, and Pearson misses it too. Every time the door to our apartment opens he seems desperate to escape, and I don't blame him. BUT we are still enjoying ourselves in a big way. Here are some of the highlights of our new life: 

 Stairs at grandma's house! He didn't even have to think about how to get up them. 

 A big bath tub. I mean, seriously, it's like a swimming pool for him. Especially compared to the pink tub at our last apartment as illustrated in the pictures below: 

 

eating apples. New favorite. 

 playing cars with Uncle Michael. Also favorite. Uncle Michael. and cars. Sometimes he will only go to Michael.

cousin Calvin! built in friend and soon to be best bud. 

 

 getting accustomed to our new ward...by sitting/crawling/screaming/shouting/gabbing in the foyer during at least one, possibly two, and sometimes all three hours of church.

 emptying the shelves of DVDS...

 ...to find Despicable Me. No joke, he will find the case and bring it to us to put it in. Then, he will watch a lot of minutes at a time. Enthralled. As demonstrated by this photo. And did we cover the fact that he is walking? He started walking about a week after week arrived--10 months. Now we are at 11 months and the slow and steady walking has turned into running (as of two days ago.) Before yesterday, it was hard to keep walking when he could drop to his knees and crawl like lightning.

 

We are also into kissing really hard. Not always, but sometimes. I love being the recipient of these kisses. A lot of intensity. And these kisses don't happen for everyone. But Chandler and Corinne have both been beneficiaries of Tiny Dancer's uncontrollable love. 

 we also enjoy being goofy

 and lately, we really hate sleeping. Actually, I've always really hated sleeping, its just the babe who is finally catching on.

other things PDD likes to do:

-throw balls

-dance (which actually means bounce) in almost perfect rhythm (sometimes his body can't keep up with the beat and remain balanced since he is usually doing this standing up)

-chase after the dogs and point out all of the "dahs" we see or hear

-try to whistle (which means that he puts his lips in an "o" shape and then sings really high)

-click his tongue until you copy him

-open up all of the cupboards and empty them all as fast as possible

-throw food on the floor (especially at grandma's when it brings the dogs running. This is usually accompanied by giggles)

-throw tantrums when tired

-avoid naps (especially in the afternoon)

- try to stay up until Dad gets home, when he will then cooperate and go to bed fairly well. Stinker.

-cry when Dad leaves for work

other things I do:

-get ready to go back to school in January

-work at Anthropologie

-read books I check out from the library or borrow from my sisters. (They basically have an amazing YA library of their own.)

-watch Next Iron Chef: Redemption with my mom and sisters

-take trips to the QT

-fill up my car for less than $3/gallon (on a good day)

-see my family whenever I want

-see the Dance family whenever we want

-watch the girls dance

-take piano and voice lessons

-be a cool mom (obviously)

and believe it or not, David actually made it here with us! He is...

-loving his new job. Seriously. All he does is talk about it. Fortunately for him, I find it interesting, so I like to listen. :)

-training for the Iron Man Houston in May

-wearing jeans and a t-shirt to work everyday (perks of only two people in the office)

-loving learning about Terreno (the farm business his Dad owns. I would say empire, but maybe that's just me exaggerating...)

And after all of that, here are a few pictures of P just being adorable because everyone loves pictures of a cute baby.

he just gets really excited about shaking things...

Day 377: This is Awkward...

There are two announcements I always feel awkward about. They're important enough that you feel obligated to make them but there is no way to finesse the conversation towards the topic. Those two announcements are 1. being pregnant  and 2. moving.  Especially if there is no anticipating either event. In better news, I'm not pregnant. (I cannot handle another surprise on that front).  In worse news, we're moving. Seriously. In less than a week we decided we were moving two weeks from then. A week from Sunday, to be precise. I have so many mixed emotions. I absolutely do not want to leave where we live now. It is my ideal location in every way except cost. To offset this disappointment, I started making a list of things I will be happy for in Texas. It looks like this:

1. Family (this really occupies several bullet points, but I'll spare you. One of those includes my sisters and home videos that have yet to be made. Even though I'm 26, I can still party.)
1b. QT!!!!!!!!!
2. One-Stop grocery shopping
3. A Wal-Mart that is open 24 hours and actually lower prices (even though I rarely went before I came here, I feel my joy at these two things may lead me to frequenting Wal-Mart post-move)
4. Super Target. 5 minutes from anywhere
5. Hot Tubs
6. Hot Summers
7. Humidity=curlier hair (not really a plus because when I say curly, I mean frizzy) and clearer skin (my skin loves Texas)

I don't even want to get in to things I will miss about living here. The list is far too long and I am trying to avoid tears. I think if I can get through the move without tears, they may never come.

So, that's my list. and this blogpost is my answer to the awkward announcement. If you can think of another awkward announcement or more positives to my Texas moves, feel free to share. If you can only think of things I will miss, keep those to yourself--my list is far too long as it is.

Now, on to packing. I haven't packed a thing and we move in T-minus 10 days. Ugh.

I never fail

No matter how many times I stop blogging, you can always rest easy that I will start again. You're probably wondering what PDD looks like these days. Well, here he is.

Instead of posting a lot of pictures I don't want to post, I'll let you look at the previous post and fill in the blanks. WITH YOUR IMAGINATION.

More (words, not pictures) to come.

                                                                                                                                     --Dancepants.

Pictures Just Because.

yes, I think my son is adorable. No, I don't care if you agree. But you should.

It's Been A While

I stopped blogging. For about two months. I've thought about opening the browser and blogging many times over. Usually about the same moment that I think that, the newest member of our household demands my immediate attention. Unfortunately, my computer time has dwindled to a maximum of 30 minutes daily and I receive an extraordinary amount of email, so those 30 minutes disappear at an alarming rate. I haven't even perused my most favorite blogs as of late--all of which are best friends/family, so it really is shameful not "unselfish"

Other times, I sit down to begin blogging and realize that if I want any pictures in my blog post, I will also have to connect my phone or camera and upload pictures on to my computer first. Just thinking about it wears me out, so I don't blog.

But I've decided its time to be honest with myself. I BLOG BECAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD TO WRITE. And so I don't care about the pictures. If they don't make it here, they don't make it. (That is the only apology that I will make, so accept it and move forward. Thx.)

I have a son. He is two months old. I keep saying this over and over, but it still doesn't feel real. He is truly beautiful (if you don't believe me, check facebook. thanks to an iphone, my facebook is almost 100% baby pictures now), but I can't come to terms with the fact that he is mine. I adore him. Also, being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am still trying to learn to appreciate the things that feel like minor accomplishments but are actually grandiose feats in the world of motherhood. And I'm not sure how to have my own life while sustaining his yet. 

One of my solutions is to make a zillion outings. We've had a slew of visitors, so we made the best of it. The first BIG outing was with Michael, my dad, Andrea, and Elijah. (from Utah, London, and NYC. Doesn't get any better) We went to Alcatraz! PDD (When I think of his initials like so, I say them in my head as "P. Diddy" and I laugh. You are welcome to do the same if you derive the same amount of joy from doing so as I do)  slept through the entire Alcatraz bit, so it didn't quite count for him--but it counted for me. Thank goodness for the Baby K'tan that came in the mail just before we left for the city. He loved snuggling up to me in that thing.

Then when Lauren came the next week, we were sure to go BACK to the city and make a number of stops. Lauren loved looking in the shops (which is super convenient since I love that too!) and we found a few new favorite places that I will have to go visit again in the near future. Lauren was the bomb dot com as far as visitors go. We still miss her. 

THEN, we decided to go visit Texas since my mom was going to be there for a few days. Plane ride was champion time for Pearson. HE WAS AN ANGEL! And it turns out that is a plus since we will be flying to London on Monday--again making the flight without my better half. Practice makes perfect? Doubtful when it comes to children. We dragged PDD all over the Metroplex! I didn't take the camera with me, so any picture I have was thanks to the iphone. Something about that little bag made the entire trip seem overwhelming.... We did get to see the cutest soon-to-be-five-boy family EVER while we were there. Pearson loved them!

Well, that's the gist of the past two months. I've already detailed a few of these things, but we all need a few more pictures in our lives.