Sh*t.

I officially screwed up for the first time tonight.

We had dinner at Claim Jumper and Adam had some pizza, and I dosed him for it. Then, he was still hungry, so I let him have some more. He wanted a cupcake and since it had been some time since he'd eaten the extra pizza, I decided to dose him for the pizza AND the cupcake he hadn't eaten yet.

Now I know why you don't dose preschoolers before eating.

I mean seriously, who's not going to eat a chocolate cupcake? Not my Adam, the little sweet-a-holic that he is.

But as 4 year-olds are often wont to do...he changed his mind. And refused to eat it.

So I had him eat a fruit snack and some smarties to compensate and when we got home 45 minutes later I tested him.

56.

Okay, drink juice!

15 minutes later,

56 again.

Now I'm begging and pleading for Adam to eat some glucose tabs. Which he is refusing to do.

I get him to drink some orange juice

I test him again...ERROR!

I test him again...486!!!

Yeah, I said WTF too.

I tossed aside the One Touch and got out the Aviva meter and tested him AGAIN.

80.

Whew.

He refused to eat anything else, but sissy got him to suck on a lollipop while we read him books before bed.

I will be testing a lot tonight....

Lesson learned.

The 3 D's

Diabetes, Depressed and it's that time of Da month.

Enough said?

Seriously, though, I have lots of things that I'd like to post, but I've been feeling kind of blah. Okay, not kind of...really blah. I covet my bed and I wish I could retreat to the cool darkness of my room during the day.

And really, Arizona? 105 degrees still? Give this mama a break.

I'm waiting for a call back from the endo again - Adam's been bottoming out after breakfast...this morning an hour and a half after his insulin, he was at 55. Gah. If I don't get a call back today, I'm adjusting his dose myself.

Giveaways!

After only blogging for a few weeks, I've been the lucky winner of TWO giveaways! Crazy, I tell you, since I've never won anything in my life. I guess I'm lucky in T1D-land. :)

First up, I won this super-cool bracelet for Adam from the amazing Heidi over at D-Tales.

And then Meri at Our Diabetic Life was giving away TWO amazing prize packages - Contigo cups, a Medic Alert gift certificate AND a Spibelt! And I was a lucky winner yet again!

Thanks, ladies!!

So...you want to be a winner too? Then it's YOUR lucky day! Run on over and visit Hallie and her super-cute daughter, Sweetpea at The Princess and the Pump for another amazing giveaway!

The power of a great friend.

One of the things that I have missed the most over the last few weeks is being able to drop Adam off with one of his friends so he can play and I can, um, get some stuff done! Over the last few years, my friends and I have had a great system going where we all get "mama" time and our kids get to play together. It's been my saving grace as a SAHM.

I wanted to write about a great friend today. I can't even call her just great - she is amazing. She has been a rock for me over the last 6 years we have known each other, and when Adam was diagnosed with T1D, she was right there, front and center, telling me that everything was going to be okay.

We've all had friends who don't know what to say...or what to do when our child is diagnosed with a chronic disease. Some are scared, some don't understand, some just brush it under the rug and ask, "why are you so tired all the time?"

But this friend was supportive in the exact way I needed, although I didn't realize it until this morning. She was never scared of diabetes. She never freaked out at the idea of needles. She jumped in right away and said, "Teach me. Show me. Let me help you." That is what this mama needed.

And over the last 3 weeks, I knew she wasn't just "saying" it. Because she kept asking me, "Are you ready for me to have Adam over yet?"

This morning I was ready.

I dropped him off at preschool and handed her the diabetes bag. She's already been over and checked blood sugars on herself and Adam, so I know she can do it. She knows what to do if he's low or high. And, I am, of course, just a phone call away.

Over the next few weeks and months, I will show her how to calculate insulin. I know she'll be able to do it - because she showed me that she's not scared of it all. That is invaluable to me. Even if she's nervous on the inside, I know Adam trusts her implicitly (as do I) and it will all be fine.

And I think I'm going to go have a good cry right now, because of how blessed I am to have this person in my life.

Hit the Diabetes Jackpot

Our $200 box-o-fun arrived today - a three month supply of diabetes paraphernalia. The Costco-loving side of my personality loves the fact that I've got boxes and boxes of supplies. It's amazing to me that this will likely only last 3 months.

Thank you

Thank you all for your advice last night. I forced some juice down him, but he really didn't want to wake up to drink it. I think I got about 2 oz. down him, which brought him up to 90. He woke up this morning at 102.

I put in a call to our endo and he had us change his ratios back to 3 units of Levemir and then change the Novolog ratios to 1:25 for breakfast and 1:30 the rest of the day. Which is what we were at 2 weeks ago...so I guess I'm finally catching onto the fact that T1 Diabetes is like a mood ring...you just never know what kind of reaction you are going to be dealing with!

Another question for you experienced gals - what type of log/logbook do you use? Do you keep it on the computer? Paper? Steel-trap memory? I'm struggling to find the easiest way to log this information. Do you log food as well as numbers?

Battling lows...

Let me preface that I will be calling our endo in the morning, but I thought I'd pose the question here since I'm wide awake, and judging by today's numbers, I will be for quite awhile.

We made quite a few changes in Adam's insulin during the first few weeks, and for this past week, we've ended up on a carb ratio of 1:15 for breakfast and 1:25 the rest of the day, then 4 units of Levemir in the evening. That has worked well for this week - his numbers have been great - no huge highs and no low lows.

Yesterday was the first day we've battled lows. Granted, he had his flag football game in the morning, and it felt like we were chasing his sugars all day long after that to keep them up.

Today, he started out with a blood sugar of 118, had a good breakfast and my husband gave him 4.5 units of Novolog.

And that's the last Novolog we've given him today. I checked him around 10ish and was shocked to see 53 flash back at me, so I gave him some juice and he popped back up.

He's been grazing all day...not really eating much, but I had to keep giving him some snacks to keep that blood sugar up. He didn't eat dinner, but we still gave him his nighttime Levemir. Was that a mistake? Is this that "honeymooning" I keep hearing about?

I just checked him and he was 63 at 10pm. I'm going to check him again in about a half an hour and see if I need to give him some juice or something. I'm nervous.

When did it begin?

I know it's a moot point by now...Adam has T1 Diabetes, and it's not going to change. But I can't help but go over the last few months to try and figure out when/how this all began. I have a theory, and I'm curious to know if any of you had determined a "root event" as to where this all began for your child.

Back at Adam's well-check in April, I brought him in and had no idea he was sick. I mentioned in passing to our pediatrician that Adam had this rash on his back and belly. She took one look at it and said, "Um, that's strep rash."

Color me dumbfounded. I had no idea he was even sick! One rapid strep test later, and it was confirmed that he had a raging case of strep throat/scarlet fever.

So, we got our antibiotics and went on our merry way.

In early June, as I was clipping Adam's fingernails, I noticed that Adam had deep, horizontal ridges in his fingernails...like dents.

Of course, I consulted Dr. Google, and there were all kinds of possibilities - vitamin deficiency, illness, etc. I came across a picture of Beau's lines that looked exactly what Adam's nails looked like.

One of the items on the list of causes was scarlet fever.

Bingo! I breathed a sigh of relief and forgot about making an appointment to take Adam in to the ped's office.

Did y'all click on that link and see what I missed? What is number 1 on the list?

Yeah. Uncontrolled Diabetes.

Of course, at the time, I had no idea that Adam could possibly have that. He wasn't showing many symptoms at that point, if any.

And I know that the fact remains, that whether we had caught it back then vs. now...it just doesn't matter. Thankfully Adam's diabetes was caught before he ended up in the ICU with DKA.

But it certainly is interesting. This has likely been brewing for at least 6 months. It is fascinating to me that the body leaves these little, seemingly insignificant clues as to what is going on in deep inside.

New Realities

This new life we are leading is a strange one.

On the outside, to everyone else, it looks like we are back to “normal” – back to preschool, running errands, going to soccer and football games.

But on the inside, nothing is normal.

I have never been a cell phone addict – my friends would laugh at my non-existent texting abilities and the fact that my phone was always at the bottom of my purse, dead.

But now I jump whenever I hear my cell phone ring. I have a mini panic-attack if I’ve forgotten it.

My heart races…is it about Adam? Is he sick?

I’ve never been good with details, but with this disease, the details are important.

I have to get it right. The right amount of insulin. Don’t forget the diabetes bag. Don’t forget to check his blood sugar. Am I missing something? Why is he so cranky/tired/angry?

Being a parent creates a whole new level of awareness in your life. But the level of awareness that parenting a child with diabetes requires seems pretty overwhelming to me at the moment.

Will there ever be enough room in my brain for all of this?

2 1/2 weeks into Type 1 Diabetes...

These pictures make me sad.

It became a running joke on Facebook...this summer, Adam would inevitably fall asleep somewhere in the afternoon (usually on me!), and I'd take a picture with Photo Booth on my Mac. "Where was Adam going to fall asleep today?"

People would laugh...say, "Man, I wish my kid could fall asleep anywhere!" I thought it was sweet, too. I got some extra cuddles with my little man.

And now I know different. It's not funny. It's not cute. He was falling asleep because he was sick.

I had no idea what was raging in his little body.

Overwhelmed...

...in a good way this time. I cannot believe the amazing support I have already received since starting this blog last night. last night! The D-mom group is definitely something special. Thank you all, and I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Back story...

To be blunt, my little guy has gotten the short end of the stick since before he was born. You would never know it, though, if you met him. He is easily one of the most positive, sweet souls I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant, we were told that our son would be born with a cleft lip and palate. Thankfully, when he was born, his palate was intact and it was “just” a cleft lip. He latched on with that cleft lip and nursed until he was 14 months old.

“Whew!” we thought. We got so lucky! One quick little surgery at 4 months old and he’ll be as good as new.

And he was! For a few months anyway.

At his 6 month well-check, our AWESOME (did I say awesome? ‘Cause she is) pediatrician noticed “something” in his eye. A speck…hardly noticeable…but she wanted us to have it checked out with a pediatric ophthalmologist.

I wasn’t worried. After all, we’d already had our scare! Adam was going to be just fine.

The doctor was amazed that our pediatrician had seen what was in Adam’s eye. It was so tiny…a cataract. He said it was fine for now, but it needed to be checked in 6 weeks to see if it got bigger.

Whew. Okay. Not so bad…we can deal.

Six weeks later and we’re back in his office. The cataract has gotten larger and is obstructing Adam’s vision. The lens of his right eye must be removed. Immediately.

I cry. I can’t believe the shitty hand my son has been dealt. But it is fixable. Do-able. It’s not a disease.

When Adam is 9 months old, he has the lens of his eye removed and is fitted for a hard contact lens that we must learn how to put in his eye every day.

Ever tried to put a contact lens into a squirmy, uncooperative 9 month-old’s eye?

Yeah, didn’t think so.

It takes 2 of us to hold him down, often times upwards of a half an hour to get that damn thing in. (This is, I believe, what they call foreshadowing. God gave my husband and I practice at holding our son down, so we'd be ready for insulin shots. Heh.)

*This is where I have a nervous breakdown and begin to explore the joys of Lexapro.*

Like everything else…it gets easier. Adam gets used to his contact lens, patching, etc.

We get used to searching for lost contact lenses on our beige carpeting, letting a few f-bombs fly when we step on them and have to pony up another $140 to buy a new one.

Fast-forward to this summer – Adam is starting pre-K three days a week from 9-1pm, my daughter will begin 2nd grade.

I am smelling something wonderful. It’s called freedom.

Freedom to exercise. Freedom to contemplate going back to school. Freedom to build things in my garage. Freedom to bake…for people to actually pay me to bake!

If you read the first post, you know how this story ends. The universe tells me, “Ha…hold it there, little missy. We’re not done with you yet.”

And so the story begins.

The beginning.

In the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong. A mother always knows.

There were a few potty accidents here and there…just blips on the radar screen, figuring he was having a bit of regression.

But really, regression after a year and a half of being potty trained?

Then came the incessant need for water. I’d find him in the garage, grabbing the big bottles of water for himself. Over and over again.

Hey, it’s summer in Arizona! It’s 115 degrees out, of course he’s thirsty!

The constant eating. The little dude would throw back 4 slices of peanut butter toast in the morning and still be hungry. Then it became 8 chicken nuggets at lunch.

He’s a growing boy, right?

Wrong.

He’d actually been losing weight. Looking back at the photos of his first day of pre-K (the day before his diagnosis), I can see it now. The thin face. Dark circles under his eyes. Pale. Scrawny.

Then, that fateful Monday night when we went to IHOP for dinner as a family. Adam sucked down his milk in minutes. Then 1, then 2, then 3 glasses of water in 15 minutes. My husband and I exchanged worried glances. That night, Adam wet the bed within an hour of falling asleep. Then, with a pull-up on, he soaked through that within a few hours.

I googled. I worried. I stayed up past midnight, lurking on diabetes message boards, hoping that I wasn’t going to become a member of this sucky club.

I took Adam in to his pediatrician first thing in the morning. He drank over 20 oz of water on the way there. He had 4 pieces of cream cheese toast and was still hungry.

The nurse tested his urine. Lots of sugar. When she came in with the meter to prick his finger, I knew. His blood glucose was 550, and then I cried.

His pediatrician came in the door, took one look at me and gave me a huge hug. She said she just about cried when she saw his numbers…especially knowing what we’ve been through with Adam since he was born…cleft lip…severe reflux…cataract in his right eye at 9 months old…contact lens.

And now this. Fricking-fracking Type 1 Diabetes.