Do You Hear What I Hear?

Cause I hear a lot of crap that passes for Christmas music these days. The thing is, I love Christmas music. But there are some simple rules to follow when enjoying the sounds of the season.

1. Songs can be either religious or happy (or both) but sad songs at Christmas suck. Like that one about the boy who's mom is dying and he wants to buy her shoes. Boo! I don't want to hear about your dying mother, sing me a song about Santa!
   
2. Love songs don't count as Christmas songs either. Sorry Andrea, I know how you love that Wham! song, but singing about your lover dumping you on Christmas does not bring the Christmas spirit. Especially when your band name has an exclamation point in it. I'm thinking of adding one to my name. From now on you shall all call me Rachel!
   
3. If you have ever appeared in a music video in a bikini or any of your songs have included "licious" on the end of a word, you shouldn't be allowed to make a Christmas album (Jessica Simpson, Mariah Carey, etc. , etc.)
4. Every Christmas song is better when Kermit the Frog is singing it.
   

Now if we can all just follow these simple rules...

The Computer Age

Maura asks a lot of questions. I hear this is common among 5 year olds, but I still feel like she asks more questions than any other child on earth. I have had to somehow limit her question asking for my own sanity so we had this rule that she could ask as many questions as she wants when we are in the car. This sounds mean, but it works. And trust me, she doesn't run out of questions. But with me in bed lately, she doesn't have car question time so I let her loose yesterday. Normally I can answer 50% of her questions and the other half I have to call somebody or look it up on the Internet. Here are some examples of questions lately
"How many moons does Jupiter have?"
"Do stars move in the sky?"
"Do all birds migrate and which ones don't"
"What is Barbie's mom's name?"
"I know how the baby comes out....but how did it get in?" (completely avoided that one)
"I don't want to have a baby, can I just buy one? (Ya, didn't grandma and grandpa buy Emily?That worked out well for the most part :))
"Why don't any of your shirts fit over your belly?"
Tonight one of her questions I didn't know and couldn't find out.
"Mom, can we eat food in heaven and if we can, can we eat tater tots?" I told her I didn't know and she said, "Then look it up on the computer."

Why can't I look up what we eat in heaven? Maybe I would work harder if I knew there would be Chicken Tikamasala from Bombay House. There has to be a way to find this out.

Outnumbered

So...it's a boy! It isn't the most pleasant thing to find out the gender of your baby when you are freaked out in an emergency room, but I am still thrilled to find out. I'm trying to focus on my little boy and not on all the things going wrong, and knowing that what is causing all this trouble is a real life baby boy is helping. (In case you are wondering I have some rare thing that is called a placental abruption. The nurse kept saying "This is so rare!" Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better). I thought Maura would be sad that she didn't get her sister (and won't be getting one, by the way), but the morning after we told her she had an epiphany while eating her Fruity Pebbles. She said to Rand, "Daddy, I get to have two brothers and Collin only gets to have one." At least she inherited Rand's way of looking on the bright side. I am very, very excited and I'm hopeful everything will turn out fine. We don't have a name yet but every time Maura asks I tell her we are naming him Maynard, just because it is the ugliest name I can think of.

Thankful Thanksgiving

I just wanted to post on this Thanksgiving for all of the things I am thankful for. I am obviously thankful for the big things, my husband, kids, extended family, friends, etc. I would elaborate on how much I love these people, but that just isn't really my style. It isn't that I'm not extremely grateful for all that I have...it is just that my emotions make me uncomfortable so I have to use humor to mask how unpleasant it is for me to talk about how I feel. So I thought I would list the little things in life that I am very grateful for.


Extra Strength Mylanta
Netflix
Chocolate Licorice
Target
Taco Amigo's bean burritos
Concealer (and makeup in general)
Jeans with elastic waistbands
A 5-year who knows how to change her brother's diapers
The Disney Channel

Let us all reflect upon the small things in life that we take for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's So Hard To Say Good-Bye

It looks like it is time for us to say goodbye to our first (and probably last) pet here at the Bruno house. Sophie the bunny is officially on the market. It seems Maura has developed a severe allergy to her beloved Sophie. Just from touching her fur she gets hives all over her face and neck. I am a little sad, but I have developed a severe reaction to Sophie's litterbox, so maybe it is for the best. I am sad because Maura is going to cry really hard when we give her away. So if you know anybody who would like a bunny please have them email me. Here are her stats:

Name: Sophie (she also responds to "damn bunny" and "stinky")

Age: One year

Breed: Fluffy white type of bunny (she is actually a dwarf jersey woolly)

Size: small-ish. She weighs about 2 1/2 pounds

Comes with: Cage, food, hay and litter for one month. There is also a leash we use to take her outside cause she is real fast. Don't laugh. It's embarrassing when a miniature bunny can run faster than you.

Care: she is pretty low-maintenance. You have to empty her litterbox every day and give her food and hay. She has to get out of the cage and run around for a few minutes every day or gets mad and chews her cage. She also needs to be brushed about once a week. She is litter-box trained and only goes in her box. She won't go on your carpet or your lap when you let her out. Unless you scare her.

She is pretty darn sweet and we like her and want to find a good home for her. I would rather the person who takes her does not turn her into rabbit stew. Or a coat.

I Hate Today

And I hate all other days that say that they are friends with today. Or even if they say they just "occassionally hang out" with today but "it isn't very serious." I hate yesterday and tomorrow because they are too close to today and it's badness has rubbed off on them. I hate this post because it has the word "today" in it.

I Have an Idea...

Maybe the news stations could stop broadcasting how horrible the conditions are in our country. I have a feeling that people are stressed out enough without hearing words like "disaster" or "catastrophe" or "cataclysm" every time they turn on the TV. Can't I just watch reruns of Hangin With Mr. Cooper without being told that the world is coming to an end??

Sally Free and it Feels so Good

I am finally getting around to posting pictures from Halloween. Maura was a cute little genie and Collin was Buzz Lightyear. When we went trick or treating he saw another boy dressed up as Woody and he was so excited he almost hyperventilated. He mostly just loved saying "Trick or Treat" and didn't care if he got candy or not. I wanted to include a picture from last year, because we were at the height of the Sally craziness at the time and Maura kept telling me how Sally was there the whole time. I didn't think much of it until I saw the picture and notice the little orbs around Maura's head. Freaky right? I'm happy to report that the pictures were orb-free this year. What a relief.

I Know the Meaning of Love...

...It is sitting through an hour and a half of "Barbie and the Diamond Castle." Seriously, they sing every five minutes.

Still Here

So...I have received some concerned emails about whether I am still alive or not, so I thought I would give a little update. I will use my favorite format, a list.

1. Unlike the rest of Utah, I am THRILLED with the outcome of the election. This is the first time that my voting has not been followed by a deep depression. Sometimes I feel like the only Liberal Mormon housewife in the world. It can be a lonely place.
2. I have been given about 3 due dates...and today at the Dr. he put a big ? next to my due date. This doesn't make me feel very good. Shouldn't doctors know these things? I'm due anytime between May 1st and May 30th. For anyone who has been pregnant, this is a big deal.
3. The baby really hates me. I am still on a schedule of throwing up 3-5 times a day. Yet I have still managed to gain 7 pounds. Life isn't fair. If I am going to miserable, I shouldn't be fat and miserable.
4. Collin has some strange rash on his genital area. Nobody tells you that your kids will develop the strangest bumps and rashes and neither you or your doctor will have the slightest clue what it is. We finally took him in today after it spread. We were trying to prepare him for the doctor poking and prodding him, but it backfired a little. As soon as we walked in he yelled "He's going to touch my penis!" and then he asked everyone he saw if they would be the ones to touch him. Next time I will let the doctor surprise him.
5. I just realized that some pedophiles are going to come across my blog. Maybe I shouldn't have shared #4.

Fake News

Like everyone else, I am a little sick of politics right now (but not sick of arguing with Republicans, because that never gets old). Every news station is just recycling the same old information and I'm tired of all of it. Plus Rand has to limit my news watching, because I can't sleep after I watch how our country is completely falling apart. My solution is to only watch comedy central for my political news. I love Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. They not only tell you what is going on while making it funny, they always give you someone to blame (lately they have been blaming a lot on Alan Greenspan..and I'm okay with that).

I'm Not Worthy

I have the best husband in the world.

I have been completely useless the past few weeks. I haven't even been in the laundry room in at least 10 days, but the laundry keeps getting washed and put away. I can't cook or do dishes without throwing up, but the kids haven't complained about starving to death, so he must be taking care of that too. On Saturday I was having a particularly bad day and he took the kids to the Zoo and let me have 4 hours of complete silence. I love him so. He is the best housewife ever. If only he could do the throwing up for me too...

**I have been asked to add that my husband's domestic skills are rivaled only by his extremely good looks. Who says you can't have it all?

I'd like to buy a vowel

The spinning wheel noise is back. It is really loud today. The intensity of the volume seems to be directly correlated with the amount of sleep I had the night before.

Crazy Pregnant Brain

What is it about being pregnant that makes me feel like I am losing my mind? I know I am scatterbrained on a regular basis, but I really feel like I am missing some very vital brain cells. Yesterday I rinsed my contact lenses out with cleaner instead of saline and I burnt the surface of my eye off (it still looks like I have a bad case of pink-eye). And today I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I got out of the shower and went to blow-dry it and couldn't figure out why my hair was so greasy. I can't remember where I parked, or if the peanut butter goes in the fridge or the pantry, or my own phone number. Help me! This is a real condition-right?

Formal Announcement

So...I feel a little bad that the announcement of my pregnancy was kind of a side note at my pity-party yesterday. I guess I thought everyone knew. Anyway, I am due May 5th. Maura is very, very excited as long as it is a girl, and Collin is hoping for a baby Buzz Lightyear. Keep your fingers crossed! And no need to curse me with twins, we already know there is only one.

Happy Birthday Kris!

Oh crap! I almost forgot my mom's birthday today too. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I LOVE YOU! After having a daughter of my own, I appreciate you even more. I wish you were having a better day than me, but I have a feeling you probably aren't. At least we can share our misery on your special day.

Make Checks Payable to...

I usually try to keep my posts lighthearted....I figure life sucks enough that you don't need to read about my problems. So I apologize for this post, but I guess I just need a little therapeutic venting. Here are the facts:

1) My husband lost his job a month and a half ago
2) I found out I was pregnant a week later (trying to be excited, and I'm sure I will get there)
3) I have thrown up an average of 5 times a day the past month and haven't slept more than 3 hours a night
3) My boss quit today...so I'm pretty sure this means I don't have a job either
4) I have two little kids who don't care about any of the above and need me to take care of them and pretend like everything is fine.

Needless to say, my stress levels are at record highs. And trust me, they are usually at a fairly high level on a regular day, so the meter is about broken at this point.

Send well-wishes my way. I need them. But don't hug me the next time you see me. I'm not there yet. I might be soon. I will keep you posted.

Wow. That was enough self-pity for a lifetime. I feel a little guilty about indulging, considering there are plenty of people who would trade my problems for theirs in a second. Well maybe not plenty, but at least a few.

Low Self Esteem

I just dusted my treadmill. I am pathetic.

Why Does the Caged Bunny Hide?

I am not an animal lover. I never have been. I don't really understand the human-pet bond that seems to exist among other people and their animals. So last year when Maura begged for a pet, I thought long and hard about an animal I could put up with. Cats are creepy and gross, dogs are too much work, birds are too noisy and reptiles escape never to be seen again. We finally decided on the small animal variety, but again it was hard to find anything I liked enough to name and spend any effort trying to keep alive. Ferrets are ugly and disgusting and since Emily and I witnessed our pet hamsters eating their young when we were little, they are out too. I don't care how cute and cuddly you are, once you have been seen holding the headless corpse of your offspring, you can't come back from that. So we decided on a bunny. They don't make noise and they live in a cage. Done. We found a cute little fluffy white bunny and brought her home. Mostly she is a the perfect pet. She is litter box trained and pretty clean. We can let her out and hold her and pet her and then put her back when we are sick of her. Plus she lives in the laundry room and I have someone to talk to when I am folding clothes.

However, Sophie the bunny and I are not friends right now. She recently learned how to hop up the stairs and has taken a liking to hiding under Colllin's bed. I just spent the last 45 minutes trying to coax her out. I actually yelled the words "Sophie, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way!" In case you are wondering, there is no easy way and the hard way involves a broom and lots of swearing. I finally recruited Maura to scare her out and I grabbed her before she realized what was happening.

After that Collin put her in well-deserved time-out and yelled that she was a naughty bunny.

The bunny is staying in her cage for a few days. Maybe she will be let out for good behavior in time.

That is what you get for losing!

So...does anybody else find it creepy that the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point is shaped like David Archuleta? I would like to have been in that meeting when they were trying to decide the theme for the year. "I know, let's do a maze shaped like that guy who lost on American Idol!" "Hey, that is a GREAT idea."

Although, in the spirit of Halloween creepiness, I guess in a weird way it is appropriate.

I love the 90's

So...Stef had these questions posted on her blog and I was just thinking how much I miss the 90's. It was such a simpler time. There were no cell phones, no texting. No Hills or Fergie or Paris Hilton. No reality TV, no skinny jeans. I miss my flannel shirts and my doc martins. I miss my silver lipstick and incense. I miss my life size poster of Kurt Cobain.

One thing I don't miss....Highschool.

Here are the questions from Stef's blog:


1.Did you date someone from your high school: Once or twice

2. What kind of car did you drive? A black Chevy Cavalier. It had aqua lightning bolts on it. I miss it so.

3. What is your most embarrassing moment in high school?:Every single day.

4. Were you a party animal?:hardly.

5. Were you considered a flirt?:Only if you were a boy who wore lots of black, was depressed and wore black fingernail polish. Being in a band would help too.

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?:Nope.

7. Were you a nerd? :In ways I myself will never even fully understand.

8. Were you on any varsity teams?:Ha. No.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?:Once the principal called my mom in and told me I would be suspended for skipping so much school. Seems kind of counter-productive, don't you think?

10. Can you still sing the fight song?:We are the Tigers...the mighty mighty tigers. Oh, wait...that is the Frosted Flakes Jingle.

11. Who were your favorite teachers?:Mrs. Giles, my English teacher. I never once missed her class, she was the coolest 70 year old I ever met.

12. Where did you sit during lunch?:At Taco Amigo with Andrea. Mostly we didn't go back to school after that.

13. School Mascot?:Viking. It was a Trojan, but I guess that it was a little too controversial for little old Pleasant Grove to be associated with Condoms. Didn't Vikings rape and pillage? I guess that is better...right?

14. Did you go to homecoming and with who?:No and Nobody.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you?:Not for all the money in the world.

16. What do you remember most about graduation?: That I actually did...Graduate that is.

17. Where did you go senior skip day?:Um....could you narrow down the date? Every day my senior year was a skip day.

18. Have you gained weight since then?:Weight, no. Size, yes. Someone should explain to me how that is possible.

19. Who was your prom date?:Nobody. Why do you insist on bringing this up? I was a loser okay? I went to 2 dances my entire high school career. Okay????

20. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?:I already missed it.

21. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself?:Not to take anything seriously. Highschool is not reality. It is an alternate universe where the rules of the real world do not apply. Everything is magnified and made to seem so important. It isn't. Once I experienced the real world, I realized that I took everything way to seriously.

Let's get caught up...shall we?

I feel like it has been awhile...so here are some updates from the Bruno household.

No, we have not opened a cocaine processing facility in Collin's room. He thinks it is hilarious to dump baby powder on his toys. This was a few days ago and his entire room had a fine dusting of powder. He was so proud of himself that he had managed to cover every square inch of his room. I was laughing too hard to discipline him, so I'm sure he'll do it again as soon as he can. There is still a haze in his room and I think our lungs are all coated in it.




we decided to take the kids to the Bean museum a few days ago and I guess I forgot how truly creepy taxidermy really is. I know Andrea is freaking out right now-this place is her worst nightmare. You can see Collin won't take his eyes off the bears. He kept asking if the animals were going to "go." His reaction to the place was equal parts fascination and terror.


There were some animals there that were really disgusting, but this overgrown mutant rat thing was the worst. What the heck is a springhare anyway? Actually, there was an enormous grasshopper that was worse, but I couldn't look at it long enough take a picture.


Maura and Collin have been inseparable lately. Collin gets sad every day when she is at school and they have to sleep in the same room now. Even at the risk of waking them up, I took this picture because it was just so cute. Plus it was one of the only times I have gone in Collin's room and he was actually in his bed instead of on the floor.

Tagged

I have been tagged by Chanin

Rules:

Link the person who tagged you
Mention the rules on your blog

Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them

Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers blogs

letting them know they have been tagged.


I probably have 60 quirks, but I will try and narrow it down.

Quirk #1
My sleeping habits.
When I do fall asleep (which doesn't happen too often) I talk, walk and kick in my sleep. I've also been known to wake up Rand to tell him there are people in the house. Or I just wake up screaming. I also have to sleep in V-position with my arms and legs stretched out.
How do I have a husband??

Quirk #2
Winshield Wipers
I am scared of the kind of wipers that go toward the center instead of side to side. When I see them I feel like they are a bad omen.
You have probably never even noticed that there are different kinds of wipers. You're lucky.

Quirk #3
Meat
Most people think I don't eat meat because I like animals. I don't really care about the animals-I just hate meat. I choked on a steak once when I was 11. I had to be given the Heimlich and I saw my short life flash before my eyes. I haven't had a steak since. When Rand orders ribs I have to put a menu up between us so I don't have to look at it while I eat.

Quirk #4
Fingernails
Fingernails gross me out. I have never had fake fingernails and I never will. If you cut your nails anywhere near me I will tell you to stop. It is disgusting.

Quirk #5
glasses

I can't drink out of glasses or mugs. It always tasted weird to me. I have to use plastic or paper cups.

Quirk #6
Ski ball
I dream about it. I am obsessed with it. I love it.
It is the best game ever invented. I wish there was a ski ball championship. I wouldn't win, but I would watch.

Random Thoughts

Some random thoughts that have been rattling around in my head today...

1. Chewy runts sting my throat and they don't taste good. Especially the orange ones.
2. There is a huge hawk's nest in a tree by my house. I think I could fit inside. Every time I drive by I want to climb the tree and find out.
   
3. We need a new car. Can you listen to Tool in a minivan? Will the universe explode or something?
   
4. I like lists. A lot.
   

Mental Illness or True Love?

So...most of you that know me know that I am not the most sentimental person in the world (to say the least). I don't like to hug people, I don't cry that much (even when socially acceptable) and I don't watch lame "chick" movies.

However, I feel like I should make an exception for today. I just realized (after reading Heidi's post) that 10 years ago today Rand and I met. I was a college student that was determined not to get married until I was at least 30. Then one night Corinne convinced me to go on a date with her boyfriend's brother. I didn't want to go and I wasn't too happy about it, but I went. And all my plans went down the drain.

10 years later (9 years of marriage + 2 kids) I am pretty darn glad that I met him. I can't think of anybody else who would put up with me. I am probably a pretty hard person to live with (I'm okay admitting that) . I am opinionated, sarcastic, pessimistic, stubborn and impatient. I have probably contributed to his rapidly graying hair. I like to call him girl names like "Rannie" or "Randrea." But he stays and treats me good despite all of this and he even decided to have children with me (and risk passing on all of these traits to them). Maybe he is just crazy, but that's okay. I love you sweetie! I hope you can stand a few more decades with me.

Hooray for Stop-Action Animated Creepiness*

The Nightmare Before Christmas special edition DVD was released today. Yay! I have been waiting for years for Disney to re-release this movie on DVD. How can you not love a movie where Santa Claus is kidnapped, tied up and tortured by Halloween creatures? How?? I love this movie!

*It is worth mentioning that the girl in this movie is named "Sally" and you don't get much creepier than her. Maura only saw this movie after Sally came to be...so I don't think there is any relation. But I do tend to think of this when we talk about Sally:

Uh...............

Maura: "Mommy, what is Sally's address?"
Me: "I don't know, where is her house?"
Maura: "Mommy, it's the invisible one, you know that!"
Me: "Why do you need her address?"
Maura: "She needs some new clothes, I need some money to send to her."
Me: "Can we send her invisible money?"
Maura: "Mommmmy"

So here is the letter. Sally is the one on the left...you know the creepy one who looks like she is screaming. I think she is holding a balloon. But it could be an axe. I didn't ask.

Maura's 1st day of school

Today was Maura's first day of school...this pictures says it all. She wouldn't even let me walk her to the front door. "I can go myself, I don't need your help." She said she would just wander around until she found her class. I guess she found it. And she doesn't need me anymore.

Rachel's Reviews (in 10 words or less)

I have nothing more exciting to blog about than all of the movies I have rented. Here are my brief opinions.

The Bank Job: Great movie. I couldn't understand most of what they said.

Charlie Bartlett: Good movie. Basically a biography of my highschool years.

Starter for 10: Okay movie without James McAvoy. Great movie with him.

Wristcutters: Loved this movie. It was totally messed up.

Penelope: Better than expected. Mostly because James McAvoy is in it.

Eagle vs. Shark: Didn't get it but I felt like I was supposed to.

Grace is Gone: I hate crying and I hate cheesy movies. check and check.

Deep Thoughts by Rachel

There are lots of things that you notice when you can't get out of bed for a week. Here are some observations I have made with my time:

1. My husband is really nice. He brings me coke Icee's when I don't feel good. I like him.
2. Maura is also very sweet. She went to the aquarium with her dad and "had to buy me an animal to make me feel better." He is a brown seal and she named him Mittens. I also quite like her and plan on keeping her.
3. Collin could care less if I feel like my insides are on fire. He will still throw things at me. I still like him.
4. The new Twilight book is awful. I wouldn't have bothered reading it if I had nothing but time on my hands, but I did and I wished I didn't. It sucked more than I thought any book could suck. Sorry if you liked it, I won't hold it against you.
5. Pain pills make the days pass by much quicker. They also make me spend more time than I would like to admit staring at the ceiling and thinking about ponies.

Go Away

So I had some minor surgery (I'm fine, it was no biggie) and I have been bedridden for a few days (=torture) and I have been heavily drugged and reading lots of magazines and watching lots of TV. Here is my question: Who are these people and why won't they go away? I have no faith in the future of the human race. Forget Health Care and the Econmy, I will vote for the candidate that makes this come to an end (along with Jessica Simpson and all of her kind). I can't turn on the TV or open a magazine without seeing these people. This is who our girls have to look up to? What a joke. WHERE ARE MY PAIN PILLS?

Happy Birthday Pops!

Today is my dad's 57th birthday! I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Lars! I can't believe you are so old and still able to do things that normal people can :) The other day there was a commercial on TV with Wilford Brimley and Collin yelled "Grandpa on TV!" That is how old you are old man. We hope you have a great day anyway. We love you!


At least we know what you will look like in 20 years.

Welcome All Mythical Creatures!

It has been awhile since I have heard from Sally...and I was almost starting to miss all the creepy stories Maura would tell me and that strange feeling of someone watching me when I was alone. And then...Collin came home with a new friend a few weeks ago. His name is the Pukel Man. I'll explain. My mom & dad watch the kids once a week while I'm at work, and to get Collin to sleep my dad tells him stories about the creatures in Lord of the Rings (I know, it sounds strange, but Collin loves it). For some reason, Collin became obsessed with the Pukel man (who is similar to a dwarf and live in forest, in case you were wondering). Now the pukel man comes everywhere with us. "Pukel Man is hiding on the ceiling, Pukel Man is on my lamp, Pukel Man is driving the tractor, TIME OUT PUKEL MAN!", etc...

I'm not quite sure what it is about our parenting style that invites these imaginary friends in...or if there is an "imaginary friend" gene that both of my children posses, but it is really entertaining, so I won't complain. I might have to change the blog name, because it seems Sally is long gone and has been replaced by a creepier imaginary being. Although, she has been known to sneak back in to our lives just when we think we have seen the last of her. Maura always told me that Collin could see Sally too. I guess she was right. More on our new friend, Pukel Man to come so stay tuned...

And you thought Sally was creepy....This is a statue of the mythical Pukel Men (otherwise known as woodwoses)

No wonder I don't sleep at night. Look who is wandering around my house...

Insomniacs Anonymous

So...as many of you know I suffer from a fairly extreme case of insomnia. For as long as I can remember I just can't seem to fall asleep. I remember being pretty young and going in to wake my dad up to tell him I couldn't sleep (seems kind of pointless, right?) And while it is only midnight and pretty early, I guarantee that three hours from now I will still be awake, just too tired to form coherent thoughts in my head or do anything other than be angry that I'm not asleep. So what is the problem? I'm not really sure. I have tried everything I can think of to convince my body it is time to sleep. I've tried sleeping pills, anti-anxiety pills, meditation, herbal remedies, self-hypnosis, exercise, music, yoga...to no avail. I have even climbed into bed with my peacefully-sleeping children to try and absorb their peace of mind through osmosis. Rand (the husband) has offered to hit me over the head and I'm starting to think it isn't so that I will go to sleep, but so that I will stop complaining about not sleeping. It isn't that I am having any traumatizing events going on (usually, anyway)...most of the time I am worried about something ridiculous like aliens invading the planet (not the friendly green kind either, the really mean, probing kind) or a nuclear bomb or something else completely irrational. I just can't seem to shut my brain off. When I am exhausted in the morning Maura will ask me why I am so tired and when I tell her I didn't sleep and she will say "Just find the Off-Switch for your brain, that is what I do." So why does a 5-year old have this thing figured out and I don't?

Anyway, I am completely open to any suggestions anyone might have to help. Please tell me any ideas (other than pills and hard liquor...I've exhausted those options) that you think might help. Even if I don't know you very well or you stumbled across my blog somehow...just send any thoughts my way. Or maybe if you are a fellow insomniac we can start a support group. Or maybe that time would be better spent taking a nice nap...

It Is For Your Own Good, Trust Me

In my long quest to force everyone to love what I do (because really, I have better taste than most everyone) here are the things I am in love with lately:

This is the best show ever. I would compare it to something, but I can't. You have to watch it to understand.

This book is amazing. Don't read it if you are easily offended, as the main character is a stripper (use your imagination).

Even if you have never heard of Joy Division or Ian Curtis (but you should, they were great) this movie is soooo good. Tragic, but great.

Someone at work gave me this CD awhile back and I haven't stopped listening to it.
Bon Iver "For Emma, Forever Ago"

Life Lessons Learned at Seven Peaks

I Went to Seven Peaks with the family tonight and came away with more than a sunburn. Here is what I have learned:

1. While I do not have the most confidence in my physical appearance, I feel pretty darn good about myself right now.
2. Leotards DO NOT equal swimming suits.
3. There are some really flattering swimsuts for girls who have curves (and/or rolls).
4. Nobody at Seven Peaks seemed to be aware of these.
5. Maura is somewhat of a thrill-seeker. Even while trembling with fear, she will still go down the big slide.
6. Collin sees imaginary fish in the water and likes to hand these to people-people who weren't very appreciative of his gift.
7. Don't get a tattoo of a martini glass or a playboy bunny(or the two together). You might as well tattoo "Tramp" on your back, it gives the same message.

For those about to Rock Band

We entered a Rock Band competition and we are currently in last place! We sorta thought everyone would suck as bad as us. We were wrong. If it were a contest to see who looked coolest playing their instruments, we would smoke the competition. Unfortunately, you must know how to play to win.

Meet the Band:
Lead Guitar: Steve, or as Keiko lovingly calls him, "Frankenstein" (his hand had an unfortunate encounter with a table saw)
Bass: Keiko, aka "Birthday Cake-o"
Vocals: Cathy, C-Durf
Drums: Me, I have no nickname, I just kick butt on the drums

Sally? Is that you?

So...I just moved into a new building at work and I am not exactly thrilled with my new surroundings. I sit all alone in a corner and it has forced me to talk to myself a lot more than usual. But worse than that, there is this noise that is driving me insane and I can't find out where it is coming from. It sounds like that wheel they spin on "Wheel of Fortune." It is probably a good thing nobody sits by me because they would have seen me crawling around under my desk putting my ear against everything to try to figure it out. I really wish somebody would come and talk to me.

4th of July

We had a great 4th of July this year celebrated with some old traditions

• BBQ
• Fireworks
• Kids having complete meltdowns (okay, it was just one of mine)

And some new traditions:

• Riley leaping over the fireworks (thanks a lot, now my 2 year thinks its cool to run through balls of fire)
• Played some Rock Band (although I was banned from the microphone)
• A (mostly) friendly game of wiffle ball. The old man pulled through and hit the scoring home run. Pretty impressive for a grandfather of 7. I came darn close to pelting Riley in the goodies a few times. Nobody wanted to pitch for me after that.

Fishlake

After many fun days (and some not-so-fun-moments) we made it back from Fishlake. The kids had so much fun with all of their cousins and second cousins and some other more distant relatives (I'm not really sure how that all works).

Best part about the trip:

1. Seeing my long-lost cousins and aunts and uncles
2. No work, no cleaning
3. Caught up on some reading
4. Maura and I got to go birdwatching (one of our favorite things to do) we found Pelicans, woodpeckers, mountain bluebirds and one fat, smelly marmot (at least we think it was a marmot)
   

Worst parts:

1. Maura throwing up in the tent (seriously, she couldn't lean her head outside??)
2. No shower for a few too many days
3. I shined the flashlight in my eyes and then tripped and fell on a rock (don't ask)

The kids at Goblin Valley

My cute kids by the Lake

Apparently Rand caught me reading some porn

Uncle Dan's (a.k.a. "dude's") magic show with his lovely assistant

Maura's Birthday Extravaganza

So...I went a little overboard with the Birthday activities. It was one thing after another this year. I guess you only turn 5 once so I gave in to everything Maura wanted to do this year. She requested a "Rock" themed birthday so she had to wear a guitar shirt, have a guitar cake, and she handed out her own "Monster Mix" CD to everyone that came to her party (along with inflatable microphones to sing along). While she was picking out songs for the CD, I almost shed a tear when she said she "had to have Purple Haze" on it. I am so proud. Anyway, here is a list of the festivities in order:

Breakfast in Bed (but she let Collin join in)

The Aquarium

Family BBQ

The awesome cake I made

At Thanksgiving Point with her friends

I think I just kept the activities going so I wouldn't stop to think about how my baby is 5 years old. How is it possible? It has not been five years!

How did she go from this:
To this?
Anyway, I love you Maura! Just stop growing already!

Sally's New Home

Some of you have asked for an update on Sally, so I will give it to you. Although, it seems that my own REAL children aren't as exciting as Sally. This hurts a little. But anyway, here is the latest on our resident invisible friend. Turns out I was not a good enough mother to Sally, so she went out to look for a new one. She found one and she was recently adopted. Her mother is also invisible, so it is probably a better fit anyway. It was hard for me to be there for Sally when I couldn't even see her. It created some tension in our relationship. But her new mother seems quite nice and so Sally moved out last week. Maura says she is doing well. I know what you are thinking...that this means no more Sally. But Sally always seems to find her way back into our life. Tragedy follows that girl wherever she goes, and I can almost promise that she will be back and she will have some more traumatizing events to deal with. The Sally saga continues...

Maura, the Karate Kid

So May was a big month for Maura. She graduated from preschool and then this past weekend she received her yellow belt in Karate. I have to admit, I was against the whole karate thing at first. I was afraid it would crush Maura's creativity with all the "Yes Sir" and "Attention!" But she loves it and is doing so well, so I guess I'm on board now. And her creativity seems to be well intact. Congrats Maura!

Maura with her preschool teacher, Miss Jeanna

Maura with her Karate class

I'm so Lost

So who saw the season finale of Lost? I am hopelessly obsessed with this show and I have been since it started. I have been known to have hour-long conversations with family members (while Rand rolls his eyes) and friends about the theme and meaning of this show. I frequent "Lostpedia" far more often than I care to admit. And I don't know why I do this, because I am still no closer to understanding what is going on. So if anybody has any theories, let me know. Why do they have to go back to the island? How did Locke get off the island? What happened to the people left behind? Where is Claire? Why do I care? Why don't I get a life?

What is your damage?

2 posts in one day? Why? Because I am avoiding my complete wreck of a house. My boss is kind enough to give me one day off a week to catch up on my life. I don't know why I take this day off, because I never accomplish anything that I need to. For example, here is what I have done so far today:

1. Played barbies with Maura, but accidentally popped Ken's head off and couldn't get it back on, to which Maura screamed "Mommy, he was the handsomest one I had!"
2. Tried to sew a torn barbie dress, but gave up and decided Barbie is now a nudist.
3. Un-clogged the toilet after Collin put a roll of toilet paper in it.
4. Let our pet bunny out and then forgot about her. Finally found her in the mess of toys in the family room. Too late.
5. Cleaned bunny pee off the family room floor.
6. Did 2 loads of laundry but still couldn't see the laundry room floor, so I shut the door.
7. Added "Heathers" to my netflix queue. Best movie ever!
8. Watched part of a really lame Lifetime movie.
9. Added two posts to my blog.

I think I have done enough for one day. I'm going back to bed.

Maura's Story

I asked Maura to tell me a story, so here it is. She made me write it down exactly how she told it.

There was a girl who didn't have a mouth, and a flower who didn't have a stem and couldn't drink. Their dad died and went to heaven but then he came back to life. The flower got its stem back and the girl got her mouth back.

The end.

Profound, right?

They're baaaack

Although I love spring and summer, there is one horrible side effect to the nice weather. Grasshoppers. There are few things in life that I hate more. They are disgusting and their evil eyes eat your soul. Okay, not really, but I just can't describe in words how much I hate them. Every year I tell myself that I won't be as afraid of them this year, that I won't run screaming away from them and leave my children stranded in the street. So I made this promise to myself again this year...and then yesterday I saw my first grasshopper of the season and I forgot about all of that as I lost all rational thought and ran the other way. Damn you all vile creatures!

My Son is Strange Because....

...He sleeps on the floor. I'm not sure what is wrong with Collin, but he refuses to sleep in his bed. He will only sleep on the floor and if I make a nice bed on the floor with blankets, he moves them. I feel bad that he is sleeping all night on our hard floor. I'm also angry that I actually spent money on a nice bed when it never gets used.

Read This Book

Don't let the "Oprah's Book Club" sticker scare you away...this is an amazing book. It's terrifying and deeply disturbing (just how I like my books). Just be prepared to have end-of-the-world nightmares while you are reading it. It is everything you have ever imagined a post-apocalyptic world would be...and then some.