Bite me, Hollywood!

I wrote this article, and it has yet to be published. It's just sitting in my ''completed" box for KSL, and I'm a bit nervous to publish something like this. I hate the inevitable negative feedback that comes with voicing my opinion. But since it hasn't seen the light of day yet, I thought I'd throw it on my blog to see if anyone even agrees with me on this topic.

Here goes!:

I failed at parenting yesterday.

At the end of the day, the scorecard read, Mom: 0, Hollywood: 3. It was a low-scoring game, like soccer or women’s basketball. I'm sure a better mother would have looked up reviews on "ParaNorman" before taking her child to the theater. A more prepared mother would have known that the film advertised and geared toward kids has actually been deemed inappropriate for most kids. But I hadn't been warned and when "ParaNorman" popped up in the previews before "The Lorax," I was duped into believing it was just another animated film we could look forward to seeing as a family.

I hate being duped.

Hollywood: 1, Mom: 0

So, to beat the 110-degree heat, we high-tailed it to our local theater and joined the audience full of children and parents. We paid more than $30 for tickets and $30 for food. I felt particularly old and crotchety when handing over my ATM card and complaining that, "When I was young, movie tickets were only $3!" I left out the part about walking to the theater up hill, both ways, on glass.

Hollywood: 2, Mom: 0

The lights dimmed and that familiar feeling of anticipation and excitement set in across the theater. I looked over at my daughter who has inherited my love of movies and passed her the popcorn.

From the makers of "Coraline," "ParaNorman" is a visually beautiful, stop-motion animation film that starts off decent enough. But about 30 minutes into the film, the story took a dive. My husband leaned over and whispered, "Isn't this the same plot as 'The Sixth Sense'?"

It became obvious that our family was suckered into seeing another disappointing film. The plot was weak and no matter how much I wanted to care about the main character, I didn't. More importantly, my daughter didn't. And judging from the whispers in the audience, not too many kids in the theater understood what was going on.

Disgruntled parents could be heard complaining when a character in the movie yelled out a few obscenities. It's bad enough when you have to pay an arm and a leg for a lame movie, but it's twice as bad when your child picks up bad habits from it as well. One of the main characters, a child, grabs the backside of a teenage girl in the final scene. But the icing on the cake was when a male character mentions having a boyfriend.

Immediately, my daughter leaned over and asked, "Can boys have boyfriends?"

Hollywood fooled me with snazzy previews into sitting through a terrible movie, and irresponsibly introduced an important topic to my child that they have no business introducing. Maybe the writers were trying to make parents like me uncomfortable. After all, the theme of the movie is that those who can't accept diverse individuals are the true villains. But my problem isn't with homosexuality. Homosexuality, and sex in general, are incredibly important topics I plan on discussing with my kids someday. But I didn't plan on having that conversation while watching an animated film over popcorn and gummy bears. It wasn't the right time or place to address the topic. I felt ambushed and I was angry.

Hollywood: 3, Mom: 0

This mom is fed up. There are a few gems among animated films for children, but there are far more duds. Hollywood needs to get to know their young audience better.

My advice for Hollywood is as follows:

Kids have short attention spans. Films made for younger audiences should be shorter in length. Most kids can't sit still 90 minutes or longer.

Movies should be simple and easy to follow and their subplots shouldn't have additional subplots. This doesn't mean it should be boring. But when an adult in the audience can't break down what's going on for the child sitting next to them, it's safe to say your film has too much going on.

You can create an amazing film without resorting to jokes about bodily functions and crude humor. It's been done before. "Up," "The Incredibles" and "Nightmare Before Christmas" are fantastic examples of this.

As parents, we assume that a film is appropriate for young viewers if it's been advertised during children's programming on television or through movie previews before other animated films. You know that. Don't take advantage of that trust and pull a “bait and switch” on us — presenting one thing and delivering another. If the movie isn't intended for young audiences, don't market it as though it is.

Please don't scare the pants off of my kids. If your movie has a G-rating, leave scary bears ("Brave") and terrifying imagery out. Kids like to be excited without being traumatized.

Kids don't care about computer graphics, so put as much time into the story and characters as you do into the visuals.

And last but not least, don't sneak political agenda into films made for children. They want to be entertained, not brainwashed. We all know that homosexuality is a hot topic, and many parents are doing their best to educate and raise loving and accepting children. Any mention of relationships, both heterosexual and homosexual, should be presented with the utmost care and not just as jokes.

I hope the next time I spend $60 on a movie, I leave uplifted rather than livid.

Nicole Pollard currently resides in Canyon Country, Calif.

Get over it

I thought the transition from summer fun to school was going smoothly. That is, until this afternoon when I picked up Taylor from school and she informed me that she cried today at lunch because she missed me. I double checked to make sure nothing catastrophic happened in her little first grade world, but no big dramas there. It seems as if the note I left in her lunch box that said, "Mom and Dad love you. Have a great Day," put her over the edge. Ugh.

Corinne also hit a wall today. She wanted to go to Magic Mountain, or swim, or do ANYTHING with her friends. The sad reality of having everyone stuck in a class room until fall break finally hit, and nobody is happy about it.

I woke up today and made a great breakfast. I packed an awesome snack and lunch. I did two crafts with Corinne and played for hours. We made home made play dough and pizza when Tay got home from school. And they STILL found reasons to bitch. I just couldn't win with them today. They were choosing to be miserable. And I keep having to remind myself that they are little humans, who have the same agency as big humans to choose grumpy over happy.

But this is life. And they just need to get over it, and I know they will. And I need to, too. I can't control every little thing that happens at school, or even everything that happens at home. And we're bound to have these days. This is what I'm telling myself now, after calming down and driving around the block a few times this afternoon when I felt upset that even after my best efforts to make everyone happy....they just weren't today.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Dear Tay

Dear Taylor,

I spent more than a few minutes staring at you while you slept tonight. Today was your first day of first grade, but it feels like your first day of preschool was just yesterday. I see you growing and changing every day. Your hair is longer. Your teeth are falling out at an alarmingly fast pace, and it makes me laugh when you pose for the camera with your pumpkin-esque smile. (You are so very proud of your missing teeth.) You are much taller than you were at the beginning of the summer and have lost all of your baby chub. And I've noticed lately that you're all legs now. But you're still my baby.

You didn't seem nervous at all about school today. I peeked in your room at 6 am and you said, "I gotta get up and get goin'!" You couldn't wait to walk to school.

You had a hard time choosing between a puppy backpack and a Monster High girl one when we were school shopping. You chose the puppy, but reluctantly left the Monster High backpack at Kohl's. I don't know why, exactly, but I drove my tired butt to Kohl's last night and surprised you with the Monster High backpack this morning. I guess I just wanted your first day to be special. I just wanted to see you happy. And I was so glad to see how excited you were to find it when you woke up. I hope I'm not spoiling you by doing things like that. I second guess myself, all the time. But when you have a coupon and Kohl's cash, and a little girl who has her heart set on something, it becomes a no brainer.

I watched you run up to a friend today that I had never met, and marveled at how you hugged her, beaming. And I tried hard not to take too many pictures or smother you too much when you stood in line with your crew to head into class. I'm starting to feel like I need to back off a bit, and that's not an easy thing for your dear old mom. I see you wanting to be more independent than you were last year at this time and I promise, I'll let you pick out your own clothes and make more choices on your own now that you're pushing the ripe old age of 6.

Even though we butt heads sometimes, I hope you know how much I love and adore the heck out of you. I'll try to ignore the fact that you were disappointed today when I picked you up from school. For some reason, you expected Nana. It's ok. I get it. I'm slightly less fun, more rigid, and I don't let you eat popcorn for dinner.

You make me laugh so much, and I'm always amazed at your curiosity and eagerness to know the answer to everything. You are smart and beautiful. More importantly, you have a huge heart. Case in point- you asked me to show you a real life picture of a porcupine yesterday, so I found one on my phone. You flipped through the pictures, and found a picture of a dog with quills sticking out of it everywhere. Apparently, it lost a fight with a porcupine....You cried. Loudly. For five minutes. I tried very hard not to roll my eyes, because that's just who you are. Sensitive, through and through. I pray to God it's a character trait that works in your favor, and not against you. I pray you know who you are, and how incredibly wonderful you are. I hope you never doubt that. I hope you choose to be confident and happy, because those things truly come down to choice.

My last little wish for you this school year, is to just have fun. I really hope you do. I hope you play, play, play, and laugh, laugh, laugh. I could give a poo about how you do academically, because I know how smart you are and you don't seem to struggle at all in that area. I'm excited to watch you on another new, little adventure.

Love you Stinker,

Mom

S is for....

S is for ....
SUMMER
Three weeks left. This summer has flown by and it's been a blast. I went into summer with a game plan. A cheap game plan. We've managed not to spend too much money, but have still done everything on our summer bucket list.

S is for...
SHOVEL NOSE SHARK-
We went to Harbor Cove with the kids last weekend, and I noticed shadows moving around in the ocean. A few teenage swimmers were shrieking loudly too and confirmed that something was in the water. Everyone was screaming about eels or sting rays, but a brave beach goer reached down and caught one of the many shovel nose sharks in the cove.

Taylor was brave enough to touch it, and Wes was brave enough to hold it while the hunter went to fetch his iphone so I could take a picture of him with his prize.

No worries, animal lovers. We let the creepy creature go after a quick science lesson for the kids on the beach.

S is for...
SWIMMING!

Finally! I have two kids that can swim!

The YMCA proved to be useless. Taylor started swimming the first week of summer after watching our friend, Andi, swim across the pool. It was like a light bulb went on in her head, and that was all it took.

Corinne, however, proved to be difficult. We bit the bullet and put her in private lessons with a wonderful gal in Valencia, who costs (deep breath) $25 for 25 minutes. That's a dollar a minute, for those of you who were doing the math in your head. But in the end, she was worth every penny. Corinne is getting better and better, and I can breathe a little easier when she's around the pool.

S is for...

Sea World!

Our last vacation of the year. *sigh*

We took the girls to Sea World. The ride there was painful. I won't sugar coat it. Corinne was getting over the flu she had the previous day, and both barfed and peed while in the car. Poor kid can't look at an ipad or color, or do anything remotely entertaining without wanting to puke. But we managed and made the best of it. I have to give myself kudos for keeping a happy face on the WHOLE 3 hours there. No joke. Hard to believe, I'm sure, but I was determined not to be a Negative Nancy.

The girls loved Sea World but loved our hotel even more. They're odd. They wanted to leave Sea World after an hour, just to see our hotel. But we stuck it out and enjoyed the shows and animals.


S is for....

RaciSt!

Ok, that's a stretch. But Taylor and I had a conversation the other day at Wes' baseball game that had me worried.

We were playing at the park near the baseball field when two little Hispanic girls sat down to play with the kids and their sand toys. They were speaking Spanish and Taylor froze. Literally, stopped dead in her tracks.

Me: What's wrong?
Taylor: They're speaking....Spanish!
Me: So. You speak Spanish. You watch Dora. You know how to say 'hola.' Say 'hola' and play together.
Taylor: I can't! I don't like it when Spanish speaking people are around.
Me: (Starting to wonder if she's channeling my deceased grandfather) Taylor, it's just another language. All of your friends speak Spanish too. Jasmine, Melanie, Kaitlyn, Kayla, Nikki, Sister Barron, Gabby....
Taylor: Ok....I'll just look at them and sign (in sign language) Thank you!
Me: Good plan. Go play.

Corinne, on the other hand, played right along with the two Hispanic girls and giggled when they spoke Spanish. She even tried to join in.

Little girl#1: *something in Spanish*
Corinne: Makalaka taka naka saka laka makamaka..
Little girl #1: (looks at Corinne like she's nuts)

At least she tried.

Totally unrelated video below of Taylor being chosen to assist during a show at the library.