Lilys Dance Class

Here are some pictures from Lily's dance class that she has once a week... SHE LOVES IT!!!!

It was very hard to take pictures because we aren't aloud in the room with them so i had to take them all through the glass window... so that's why some aren't so clear.

my crazy hospital night...

Its been a crazy 4 months.... Ever since i started feeling better in my 11'th week of this pregnancy i had my doubts and concerns. With the last 2 babies i was sick for a while, so when it ended so soon.. i figured something was wrong. Due to insurance changes and finding a doctor, i didn't get to see a doctor until my 15'th week. Going into that appointment i had an uneasy feeling. So the second he couldn't find the heartbeat... i knew! And no matter what he said to assure me that its hard to find sometimes.. i already knew the baby was gone.
He wheeled in the ultrasound machine and after what felt like 30 minutes of him trying to find the heartbeat on the ultrasound he said, "this is an old machine... lets go to the ultrasound room."

I was sobbing and so they took me around the back way so no-one would stare at me or ..... something?.. As soon as they got my uterus on the big screen... there it was. This poor little baby, unmoving and sooo tiny. They say it passed at week 8, but i had been carrying it around for 7 weeks!!!!
Clearly my body was not going through the natural process of getting rid of it. So he gave me the choice of a DNC, or some pills to make me go into labor and pass it. I of course opted for the pills... cheaper of course. If i would have known what would happen next, i would have said...DNC please!

On my way home i cried harder than i ever cried before. Mostly apologizing to my poor baby that probably thought that i did not want him. If i could go back and just deal with the horrible nausea.. i would do it in a second. I would have prayed for the babies welfare and not for God to take away my own pain. I just pray that he never thought that i didn't want him... i just didn't know how much i wanted him... until he was gone.

Later that night after starting the pills... i felt my water break and i ran to the bathroom. There it was... i didn't know what to do with it... but i looked at it for a while and cried. Then about one minute later i started bleeding. I put a pad on and started to go to bed.
About 5 minutes later i realised i had already soiled my pad, so i went to get another pad and realised it wasn't stopping. I couldn't change the pad fast enough. This may sound gross, but there was blood everywhere. I had it running down my leg and all over the bathroom. Of course now i was worried for the blood seemed to be a constant stream. So we made arrangements for someone to come to watch the kids while i went to the ER. It was 12:30am... so of course i had to wake up poor Ashley to come and sleep here.
As we were waiting, the blood stream turned into a huge gush that just couldn't stop. Colin ended up calling 911 and so i was extremely embarrassed when the 3 cop cars, fire engine and ambulance showed up. What a nightmare! On my way to the hospital i soaked through 4 pairs of underwear..4 pads.... a bunch of paper towels and my pants down to my knees. They said my blood pressure was excellent so they weren't worried..

To make this long story short... I spent a long time in the ER trying to stop the bleeding. I of course got diarreah!!! what the crap!!! and they were trying to make me do it in a bedpan....
That was worse that the stupid bleeding. I convinced them to let me get up and do it. Which was a mistake and i stopped breathing, fainted and they had to bring in all these people to pick me back up on the bed. During that time (which felt like a 2 hour nap) i dreamt i was in the happiest place and i was so happy. Then i came to, and all these faces were in mine saying.."Sarah! Sarah.. open your eyes.. Sarah!!"
I was so confused and spoke in gibberish for a while.
Eventually they decided to give me the DNC anyways... so much for saving money right?
After getting out of the OR room they were unhappy with my blood count which had gone down from 37 to 24. Which is bad... apparently! All i knew was i wanted to go home to my babies.
They were worried about my blood pressure which was all over the place. I finally convinced them to let me leave, so Ive been home for a couple days now. Im just trying to recover, but everything seems to be soooo difficult to do! I black out going up the stairs and breath heavy picking up the kids. Im trying to stay inactive, but its boring. I guess im supposed to take it easy for 2 weeks until my body replenishes its blood supply.

Im sorry this is such a long post... im just trying to get it all out!

One thing im grateful for... coming home to my 3 kids whom i love with all my heart! I cant imagine coming home without my baby and no kids to hug me. Now i understand what my friends went through..
And thankyou to all my friends who helped me and supported us through this horrible experience.

I asked william today if he thought any of the girls in his class were cute...
" The girl that sits to my left is cute..." he says
Tell, me about her.....
" She has brown hair and its curly like this... " ( makes twirly finger movements..) he replies..
What is her name?
" I don't know, but she is beautiful so she didn't tell me." he smirkes..
OOOOOh! you think she is beautiful....
He giggles and hides his face under the seat....


Then he proceeds to tell me that when you go to jail you have to break rocks all day.
"Oh yeah... tell me something else about jail.." i ask
" Well, sometimes if your naughty you get sent to kitchen duty" he answers..." you also have to work out and do laundry and stuff. And they don't feed you and you only get to brush your teeth and go pee and that's all you get until you die."

"that's interesting William... although i think they have to feed the prisoners. Its the law.." i tell him..." William where did you learn about all this?"

" i learned it from watching spongebob..."

Isn't that nice!!! thank you Nickelodeon for teaching my kids how un-fun prison can be!