Merry Christmas?

Am back home from a short gathering at Aunt's house. Only had a slice of pizza and two drumlets for the whole day 'cus the alcohol is still swimming in my tummy. Gathering w the girls & proggers at Hard Rock Hotel was great, i had fun. Since it's christmas & i thought i could just forget & forgive everything and just play my heart out. But turned out that it was a real difficult task.

First round of chinaman w the proggers made my mind spinned like crazy, & the second round ended our celebration. People said that you will say the most truthful and honest things when you're drunk; & unknowingly i knocked down the thick wall surrounding me & broke down.

It was crazy. I felt really bad that i literally cried my heart out. I seriously thank Huimin & Yuewen for the warmest, warmest hugs because i really needed the hugs at that point of time & it's been really long since i had such comforting hugs. The moment i broke down was the moment when i realized i could no longer hide my feelings inside - the weakest part of me got exposed out totally. The independent me broke down, mumbling out all the thoughts and feelings which had been hidden well at the bottom of my heart. Sometimes it really kills to be alone, it really kills when your brain have entire control over your heart, it really kills to realize that actually your inner self have not yet move on when you actually thought you had. It kills to see your loved ones being loved, but no longer by you.

I thought i had moved on well as planned, but it turns out to be a no. It's just that my brain had control over my heart such that i no longer know how exactly do i feel. My brain told me to leave you, told me to hate you, but turns out that i've been neglecting my heart's true feelings. Sucks to break down & cry out loud & let others see your weakest side, but i know i had no way out. Part of me always wanted to get drunk and now i know the real reason behind it. It's tough to pretend to be tough. Although now i knew how exactly my heart feels, it doesn't matter anymore because it's too late. Time changes everything : people, feelings, environment, behavior... But actually, sometimes, some things just don't change. i realized i put up a strong & fake front (that i've actually moved on) is to hope that you could really move on. Now you did, but i didn't. You're right that it's different from being a lover and being a friend, totally right. Just sucks to feel my heart aching every now & then because it's affecting me badly.

I need to get over it. it's not a want, it's a need. I don't want to be alone facing these, but i have to be alone because the environment says so. Alone makes me stronger on the outside but weaker in the inside. I'm so weak now that i'm starting to be afraid to be alone. So weak..

Day 3 — Your parents

(I reckoned there's no more readers here so it's more of a for-myself post...)

I love my Papa & Mummy! Though there's this awkwardness going on in my family whenever we try to express our love out to one another, but the love is still there :D

Once Mummy was telling me about the different ways of Dad loving us, like he really has his own ways of loving the each and every 4 of us. He has us in his mind all day long, & will go all out to do ANYTHING (as long as it's within his ability) for us; major touched. Like recently my bro's bday party @ MBS, i was w my mum for the whole day & almost every call that she received from him was regarding my bro. Like whether the room was alright, whether the food has reached, was the food nice, how's the cake, have everyone arrived, was he enjoying... Everyday, every moment, we're occupying his mind. Just that he's not 'willing' to express them out, just like the rest of us.

& because most of the time he's not at home and our interaction begins to get lesser, i'll treasure the moments even more. Because my eldest sis often has her own plans after work, my 2nd sis is over at Melb, my bro is like a tenant of our house, i feel that i have a greater responsibility to ensure my Dad still feels the love and warmth at home. That's why i'll try my best to date my parents out for dinner, be at the living room when he's back & greet him, engage in small talks w him. It's hard to engage in small talks w him, but anyhow he's been slogging his life for this family, nothing kills to make him happy & feel loved right? I mean, he deserves it right?

My dad's cute in his own ways. Because we're not capable of expressing ourselves, he actually did things like gave random calls to my 2nd sis when she's back in Sg even when he didn't have anything to talk to her. Really meaningless calls like: 'oh you woke up alr ah?' 'Ya' 'Eat alr?' 'Ya eat alr' 'Orh.....' (& he'll give a super super long pause because he doesnt know what to say next) Hahaha mad cute. He just wants to seize this 1month + chance to hear her voice since she's back in Sg luh. Haha i love my dad :D

My mum, she's really amazing. From someone who doesn't know any english, to a little, to expanding her knowledge to high-technology stuffs, to social network like Facebook & watching programs online... Maybe it's due to the abundance amount of time she has at home, that's why she's keen in learning all these stuffs. & almost all are proudly taught by me (: She's not as 'antique' as compared to my dad - she thinks more about teens' thoughts and try putting herself in our shoes more. & she has a good sense of direction despite all the english signals that she hardly knows, which i strongly believed that it had passed down to her kids :D

She might be naggy at times, but she's really much better as compared to last time. She was super strict and fierce last time that's why i was more sticky towards my dad. Hur. & my sis & i realized that she's getting more comical as time passes. Hahaha ya like a 老玩同. But it's really sweet of her because she has a good memory of what each of us are 'lacking of' or 'are in great need of', and she'll get the things for us no matter what. Like there's times when i randomly mentioned that i need a ruler or bottle or whatever, these things will popped out in her head when she passed by them & hence she'll ring me up and ask if i still need them. Simple stuffs, but she put great efforts into remembering.

In short, i feel that i have a responsibility in showering love & concern back to them, just like how they did for me. & as their child is really important to make them proud of the things i do, that's why studies start to have a super important role in my life. I believe that one day, i'll be capable of doing what they've done for me, for them. I promise. :)

Day 2 — Your Crush

Guess it's supposed to be my current crush since there's a title regarding ex-crush later on. Sad to say that currently i've no crush at all. LOLLLL. Moved to a new environment since Aug & nah, 'everything' still remains. And 'everything' in current context exclude anything regarding NUS. Okay that doesn't make much sense but the meaning is floating around that area.

Ya. No crush. No love. No nothing. Only friends & sadly i still don't have much..... Fail hahaha. Was telling my sis that it's kinda possible that i'll remain single in my 3years Uni life, mainly 'cus my male classmates are almost ALL attached (amazing right), & my social circle is only THIS small. ya literally THIS small. hur. Partly blaming myself for being introvert (IKR SUCH A BIG DIFF FROM POLY URGH) & the rest, i'll just leave it lar. Doesn't need much pondering as well. What will come will come.

This is a super boring and meaningless post hahahah but i'm just finding stuffs to do online ):

Unsorted thoughts for tonight.

It was supposed t be a good day, starting w me following my sis t YCK to visit Queen. And then ending it w a good dinner tgt w my parents & sis. But sis' news came suddenly before dinz and i was taken aback by it. Was kinda shock cus it was really abrupt, though he was just a stranger t me. But it affected my sis so badly that I guessed the sad feeling just diffused into me as well. Sis is dealing well w it I guess, I mean, there's nth I can do as well but t make sure she's alright (at least at home). But it made me realised that 事事难以预料 really fit into and described this situation perfectly. Now I'm having this unknown fear in me because nobody will know what will happen the next moment. It's kinda scary but that's the fact. Reality is harsh but we just go t accept the way it is right? Like when someone's gone and u start reminiscing all the stuffs that yall have done tgt, the moments and laughters shared. The promises and stuffs y'all went through tgt. And then u realized everything could just come to a sudden end anytime because of some incidents. Life is really unpredictable & unfair, very unpredictable & unfair. So unpredictable & unfair that fear is beginning to arise because of its nature & we can do nothing about it but to adhere t it. Such a harsh reality.

心。

我不要说太多，不要想太多，不要放太多感情。因为一旦陷进去，就很难再爬出来。这样子挣扎非常地辛苦，可是总比以后可能会出现的痛苦还来的好。对吧？

Hopes, wishes, optimism.

No particular reason to drop a post on this date; it just happened that i finished my accounting tut for tmr & i'm kinda feeling gloomy now. and i think i've no idea why. Maybe partly bcus I had an extra $2k while balancing my indirect cash flow statement just now, which i had that figured out & balanced the whole damn thing (!!!). Yea since it's solved, idk what else is causing that angry gas floating right on top of my head now.

Anyway. 11/11/11 is a pretty nice date, plus 11:11 symbolizes a good timing for making wishes (but nothing beats Triple 10, i know that). But "The thing about wishes and hopes is that they lead to expectations.Which is pretty bad if they lead to disappointments naturally. #pessimism". Yeap i had that in mind after that angry gas appeared. Initially was thinking of making my 11/11 alil special, like having dates or sth besides of the same old routine - staying at home watching tv & studying. But i realised it wasn't necessary at all because it's just another plain day, just that it was made into a more special day by mankind. I'm just gonna live it like a normal Friday - Going parkway after tutorial, get lunch, go home, tv, OTOT, study, sleep. Any other extra plans more than that, just leave it to fate to decide. What will come, will come. But then again they said you have to fight for your own fate, so you should be the one planning your day instead of waiting for plans to be sent to your doorstep. AIYA CONTRADICTING EH?

Anyhow. I think it's kinda sad when people lose faith in hopes and wishes. I mean, they're meant to be good, meant to make one optimistic, meant to brighten up one's life. But disappointment alone can kill all of them; seems like disappointment can be really scary sometimes right? It's really a pity... Ah my brain is stucked and idk what to continue from here. But yea, just think of it: Lose faith in hopes and wishes, not looking forward to tomorrow, gloomy everyday. Hmm. Gross i think.

Anyway! Next week is study week! & tada my parents are going New Zealand, my sis is going Melb to find my 2nd Sis, leaving the poor me and my bro alone at home. Guess it's gna be a quiet study week, gna try to shut myself away from the outside world & live in my own comfortable world.

Yknow sometimes it's good living alone, & by that i meant doing everything alone - eat, travel, study, laugh, talk (you really can talk to yourself, really). There's was once when i shared my alone Uni life with Mark & he was grossed out by it, 'cus i literally did everything alone, even go pasar malam alone. I found it alright! It's like, nobody will trouble you to do things, you need not spare any thought for anyone, nobody will stir up your feelings, nobody will mess up your life. Although you might need a shoulder to lean on when you're tired, a listening ear to hear your rants, some care& concerns to shower you with, but so long as you get used to it, you will get used to it. Yeap.

I know i've been repeating the 'i like to be alone, i'm alone, i have to be alone' kind of phrases and contents in every recent blog posts, but that's what i really find enjoyable. Plus a handful of friends who don't mind you appearing and disappearing at anytime, that's enough.  Hee. Okay. 'nuff said. Everyone's getting bored already.


Will only be back after exams for the next posting, i think. Need to get myself geared up well for the first grand fight w the monsters in NUS asap. STRAIGHT As FTW!!! Hope beloved Warrior will jia her best you also! *cross fingers tightly for both of us*

Just keep going.

School's good recently - got back my tests results (NUS is quite efficient in marking system but not counting scripts for exams lol) & honestly i'm really satisfied w them. A 28/30 for accounting paper is like a WOW right, moreover i've done it in TPoly before. But looking down the cohort results, average marks was 27. Yea, i did great but i'm just alil above average. So now you see how competitive NUS is?

My birthday was great, & i was happy and satisfied(: Received a box of cupcakes on the dot, heavy rain & jam in the morning to school, 2hours break in school alone, meesua + red eggs for 'hightea', dinner w that 2 girls & they managed to surprise me w a slice of cake when i'm just sitting opp them, cut cake w family, a lil & sweaty surprise from the progs at night. Not forgetting the messages and wishes sent right to my heart. Life is actually simple, it just depends on the way you look at it. Treat it w a light heart & no expectation, then will your life be a good & satisfied one.

Caught up alil w the Singtel peeps as well, & it made me realised that though i'm no longer working there = disconnected for long, the feel is still there. It was heart-warming when my colleague said 'so sian w/o you" - it really showed me that a difference was made with my presence around (:

& sometimes taking a pause from your life, show some care&concern for the ppl around you simply by asking 'hey how're you doing?' could really make a difference in the friendship, or rather re-ignite the flame that had existed long ago. Yes it sounded like a simple task, but hell no is it simple to carry out the action. Just gotta say that everything is determined by your heart & mind.

Back to school - it's going good. Projects' deadline are coming up in the earliest 2 weeks' time, but my groups have already started. It was really different from TPoly when everyone just start chionging only when there's 1week left or sth. Plus, i'm no longer the most dominant in the group. The kids are smart that i felt safe going along w what they said, holding onto the rope which was well-tied by them., following the path which was well-led by them. It felt good, & no longer the most dominant one also means that i'll have lesser pressure built upon myself because i know someone would be there to hold the sky for me. ^^ But still it doesn't mean i've succumbed to their smart-ness because I STILL STAND STRONG WITH MY POINT OF VIEW. Being a useful follower is different from being a useless one; & i trust i'd always belong to the former.

"Consistency" is still the most important word in my dictionary. Trying to keep up with what's being taught every week, read up on the texts, do up the tutorials... It seems easy but it IS hard. I've slowly cultivated out a habit to maintain that consistent level & hopefully it'll do good to me because i trust that it would.

Soon after handing up the projects 2-3weeks later, i'll have a 1 week study break, & i'll start on my exams. Semester is officially ending on 30Nov, & i'm really really looking forward to it. I want to go on eating fest w my sis&cousin, go on short trips, sign up for classes, have xmas/countdown parties w my loves.

& I'M STILL STRONG, JUST KEEP GOING.

October.

2months ago, i blogged about hoping August will be good to me. I guessed it did, & so was Sept. Sept passed alil quickly, with me still adapting to a new environment (mainly still trying to make new friends). I was beaten down by a 10% quiz which i fell in the category of 'Below Average' - i was upset & helpless, and alone. But thank god for people around me, & i just have to pick myself up to continue fighting with the big fat monster. I had my one week worth of recess week in September, which i literally spent everyday studying at home & only out for dinner every night. I just have to suck thumb and continue it this way because at least i'll be less worried when i know i'm on track & i did what i could. Though in the end after a conversation w Char made me realised that i DID overstudy & i felt somehow stupid in the way of how i handle my studies, i still didn't regret because at least it's up to my conscious. 

What i've learnt?

I just have to discover/realise, change quickly, and continue. No time to look back, just have to keep on going and aiming far. Don't overstudy, & study smart.

I wish that October will not be here so soon. I don't want to celebrate my birthday. 'cus I'm like full-submerged in my studies now (though it makes me alone & out of the world) & coping well. I'm afraid that once i leave this comfortable studying life, i won't wna go back in. But i want my social life back. I miss my friends and laughing out loud w them )': Seeing people able to talk/speak to their friends happily in class made me feel so jealous. Worst is my only 'soulmate' in class is quitting school soon which literally makes me alone. alone + nobody relates to my life well = i could do is to spam twitter, because that's the only way for me to spread my 'current status/doings' to whoever out of my friends in the shortest time. K, it's gna be never-ending. Shall stop the rant 'cus no matter what, things will still be like that.

I just want to be happy & smooth-sailing in all ways in October. Projects' catching up, hopefully i'll be able to conquer all monsters. *crosses fingers*

Current.

我决定让你走 不要你跟着我受折磨

怎么会哭 我怎么会哭 我以为我能撑得住 能承受失去你的孤独
怎么会哭 我怎么会哭 明明我微笑着说出 只要你能过得幸福 我就很满足8 k* T: s$ G4 T0 G

再用不着承认 你的明天没有我;再用不着担忧 没办法陪伴你会寂寞

我怎么会哭 我以为我能撑得住 能承认失去的你的虚无
怎么会哭 难道我还不够知足 还不舍从前的相处

我不能哭 我怎么能哭 不要你看到我无助 让你觉得爱我是错误
怎么能哭 有什么好哭 只要你能过得幸福 就算再苦我也仿佛得到了祝福

怎么会哭/张栋梁

Week #2 of school!

Its literally my 2nd week of school but i've only been through 4 days of schooling! 1st week was mainly National day & NUS self-declared holidays, hence I only went school on Fri & Sat. So, school's still good up till now!

I made a new friend from TP Marketing in my class & now we're like dependent on one another (or maybe its a one way)! I have a Vietnamese groupmate in Law module, i have 2 RJC kids in Mgmt&Org module proj group. Best of all, we were all non-orientation people. Yea kinda expected, people who attended Orientation already have their own cliques or rather groups and i think its still hard t mingle and befriend them now. Life's hard that way but I'm all good. Besides the usual Lectures and Tutorials, Uni introduced a new session called Sectional Teaching - a combination of both and hence it's 3 hours longggg. But it's kind of good because I only need t travel t school once a week for that module instead of twice. Yea and its a 20mins car ride to/fro!

The thing that i'm most afraid of now, is Class Participation. Yknow that puny 10% of CP in Poly don't really affect us (or rather me) much and hence it doesn't really matter if we participate or not. But in Uni, class participation can be up to 30% high (projects are only 25% or so) which means its more or less a must to be active in every lesson. I've been through 2 tutorials & i must say that its either the kids are really outspoken/ active/ passionate, OR they are just plain kiasu and worried about their CP. I DO have questions to raise but the tutor just don't. notice. me. The kids just take turns t bombard the tutor w questions, esp in Law, & i see no reason why i couldn't even raise a question (even after raising my hand repeatedly, plus i'm seated in the first row). Competition is just plain intensive. & i just got t work more on that.

Days that i'm more looking forward t are Tuesday, Wed, Thurs. Okay and maybe Friday despite the 2hours break. I've no school on Thurs for 7weeks and i'm perfectly fine w it, & I like Tues Thurs & Fri are mainly because I'll get t see Charlotte. :D Yea, my another soul partner in Uni. We bidded for the same 'CDS' and we're even in the same tutorial group!!! That's one motivation for me in Uni currently. She still taught me how t take the Uni shuttle buses (which is the best invention in Uni)!!

Yea. Life's still under well control, & i'm adapting well. Current concerns are just befriending the classmates, the class participation, the modules workload (constant concern la), and the amount of stairs i've t climb everyday. Very gross, NUS' staircases very gross. Early in the morning climb so much = perspire even before lesson starts. I hope they'll slim my legs down and then tone them, instead of just building up the muscles.

August, 3/4 0f 2011.

Hey August.

It's the start of a new month, as well as the start of a new phase in my life. I'm not exactly looking forward t the start of new school term, i'm not exactly prepared, i'm not exactly in the right mood for it. But i promise myself that i'll try t be and stay strong, as long as i can. Things get tough, but that's the way one learns t be stronger. The thought of starting afresh in a new environment with new people always make my heart cringes a little, because i don't have much confidence in it. Even the most independent person have their fear of being alone at time. At this point of time, i don't want to feel lonely; and i don't want to be alone. August, please be nice. Carry forward the pure happiness that July once showered me with, let it accompany me for long, so as to remind myself that at least i know there is still hope as well as a reason for me to be happy. I'm a tough and strong Siewyin. No matter how much i can't do it, i know i'll have t do it, and i will do it.

Streak of Happiness.

So yesternight before i went to sleep i remembered that our QET result would be out today, & throughout my sleep i dreamt at least thrice about me getting back the result!!! I remembered seeing 8 and 10, idk why. And yea kept dreaming that Charlotte and i got Band2, means one module only. Was so nervous that i could sleep no more, so i ended up waiting patiently for 12Pm t arrive.

It was then Charlotte told me that she failed all of the exemption papers as expected, so i went t check out my email and saw this:

"Thank you for your time in taking the Advanced Placement TestsWe regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful in getting the module exemptions as you have not passed the test(s) that you have taken."

Guaguagua~ Yea i was perfectly alright w it, it was really expected. Because to be frank Poly's subjects coverage are like only 30-40% of what Uni really covers. & so no matter how hard i studied from Poly's notes for the exemption papers, things are gna be the same. (: And obviously i was more concern for QET results!!!!

I was having my Dad's company dinner and i randomly got reminded of the QET results. So i went ahead, with all sorts of feelings trapped within me. Scrolled through the list, i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when i saw a 'BAND 3'. So i re-scrolled carefully, and OMG IT WAS REALLY A BAND 3. Immediately painted a smile on my face & told my Mum, and Dad and Sis heard it as well and my sis said "Wah 你将厉害啊". It might be just a casual remark but i'm gna treat it as a compliment hehe^^

Yknow i'm really mindful about this QET because my English standard is like chapalang level, and i really don't wish t earn additional 1 or 2 modules which will be of no help t Uni results at all. Outsiders might think that my english standard is tengkokkok but hell no, it's like hovering all around. I don't read storybooks, i don't read newspapers. I watch HK and TW and Chinese dramas, i must watch English movies w subtitles because i can't catch the slangs. It's really a blessing to score a BAND 3 for this english test, really. I'm mad happy and inside me, i'm just skipping all around wherever i could.

Yeap. Just let me share my pinch of happiness here w yall aiight(: Next up, Parking ballot! The results will be out tmr, and if i really manage t ballot a season lot for my Mini, i'm all geared up t welcome my new life in NUS :D

Dramas always make us feel that all the 'magical' things have their chances of happening in reality. But in reality, there's just reality. Isn't it?

♥

My All-time Favourite Boy Guy. (:

I'm a happy kid tonight(:

So I went for a HTC Likes concert, mainly because of Derrick's appearance. And main point of this post is that I GOT RANDOMLY SELECTED T GO ON STAGE FOR ONE OF DERRICK'S SONG PERFORMANCE!!!!! It's randomly becus what I heard was the mgmt alr selected the one during the meet&greet session, when individuals take a photo w Derrick^^ (你要笑的得开心一点) was all I told him and he replied me '好'. Yea and height - heard that they want t find those 俏销玲珑 small size type t go on stage. I think mainly t 'suit his height' as well. Okay my height wins over my weight. Yea and I was hell lucky!!!

So his assistant found me and ran to the side of the stage. I was totally shivering while waiting for his song t end and then he'll approach me and lead me up the stage. So up the stage I go, AND HE GAVE ME A BUNCH OF ROSES. (L)(L) *melting in progress* So we sat on the sofa tgt while he sang away, I hope I don't look like a piece of wood sitting there la zomg. And I realised the flowers were all along not facing the crowd, aiya. & then he stood up during 2nd (?) chorus. Yea AND HIS EYE CONTACTS WERE POWERFUL. I'm so close t him that I could clearly see his defined double eyelids, the foundation on his face, his super goodlooking face. Ohgosh. But there's once he frowned at me, and so I frowned back and I realised I almost affected his singing cus he immediately closed his eyes and continue singing hahaha *faceplam*

So reaching the last chorus, his hand reached out and I stoned for 5seconds before holding onto his. HE HELD MY HAND FOR THE WHOLE CHORUS ZOMG. i even sang tgt w him by 'lipsync-ing' haha! & yea cus bringing a girl up on stage was one of his performance tactics, and usually he would hold & kiss the girl's hand. So when he's singing towards the end, I heard 'Kiss her kiss her!!' from the crowd, like wth! & I think when he was about t do so, he chuckled and ended the song..... But it's okay(: I stood up (STILL HOLDING THE BUNCH OF ROSES) and he asked 'Can I have a hug?'. WOAH THIS TIGHT HUG THAT ALMOST CAUSED HIM T LOSE BALANCE TOTALLY MELTED ME. Gosh! But as I hugged, I was 'hiding in his armpit' zzz so takglam. And he sent me down the stage w a 'Thank you.' (:

IM SO HAPPY AND NOW IM STILL HAPPY. Kept repeating that song omw home and the 4mins scene just kept replaying in my mind. I dwan t forget this scene luh): I mean cmon, it's totally unexpected! An idol whom you noticed and like and supported 6years ago, one day you got the chance t go on stage w him and he gave u a bunch of roses and held your hand and gave you a super tight hug. Omg it's like my accumulated good karma all got returned today. Okay not so kua but I'm really happy and delighted that I can even jump over the moon! &I'm still at the 发花痴 stage but I'm totally enjoying it:D

this is like the best unexpected day I've ever had. Seriously. Though there's pinpointing and disagreements any/ every/ somewhere but I'm not gna give a damn. Because the fact is I've gone on stage, received that bunch of roses, sat w him, looked into his eyes, held his hand and gave him a vv tight hug. Short in height sometimes really brings about advantages. Plus when good things come at the point of time when you least expect them t happen, that's pure happiness and joy. (:

Idk who exactly knows how I feel or feels real happy for me, NOW I JUST CANT WAIT T SEE ANY VIDEOS/PHOTOS TAKEN DURING THAT SONG PERFORMANCE. I JUST HOPE THAT IM NOT FAT OR TAKGLAM IN THEM.

Hi Kids.

Am back from a 5D4N Taipei trip - everyday eat eat eat eat eat, like never eat before. Supper could be as late as 1Am, but hell ya the food was really awesome much. Thankgod i didn't put on any weight! Just returned from a 3D2N Bangkok trip - everyday nua and shop and shop shop shop. I bought back 37pcs of clothings (tops,bottoms, rompers, dresses) , 4bags (when i have only a pair of shoulders) and 4 pairs of shoes and i must say, i'm really really vvv satisfied w my buys! :D Especially my sandals and shoes, mad awesome. Thank god i have 2 fashion consultants w me but eh, i still bought the least as compared t the other two. Hee.

& today i just undergone a Medical Checkup at UHC at NUS! God, i successfully made my way there after some turnings along Lower Kent Ridge Road. Smart kid w good sense directions ^^ Most importantly, i'm so glad that i'm perfectly healthy (okay more or less). At least my x-ray, blood pressure, urine, eyesight and body are all in good condition still ^^

For upcoming week, gna face a super stress QET test on 14july, English Test t be specific. I'm quite stressed out internally (ignore the structure of this sentence). Since young my English standard was (N) and I seriously dk how my OLevels could get a B3. I totally 混 and 'glided' my way through Polytechnic times and i even got praised for my english structure used in reports (TYCO). & now i gotta face a new English test which would give my English a whole new standard. Me no like ): & i heard from Charlotte that the sample exam paper looks damn hard. Ohgosh, welcome 2 more modules into my 4years. Just pray that i could at least pass the paper and just take one additional module instead of 2. Yknow, 4years in NUS is like 4 super shimmery golden years.

& can NUS faster email my registration stuffs!!! I needa book a lot for my Mini if not need t ballot alr i dwannnnn!!!

Currently.

1. Settle places to go for Holidays.
2. Make appointment for Baby's grooming.
3. Make appointment for Medical Checkup.
4. Email new residential address to AVA.
5. Decide whether to take up Advanced Placement Tests for exemptions of modules in Uni. ***

Applying for a seat for Advanced Placement Tests means i'll need to revise my Marketing Econs POM and Accounting to undergo the tests, and hopefully i'll get more exemptions. How? ): Should i just go ahead and apply for a seat and re-study the work and go for the tests? Eh, revising the 4 subjects is like..... Hell.

'If something wasn't mine, then I wouldn't lose it. And I wouldn't have t endure the pain of losing.'

Officially Graduated(:

So on the night before the Graduation, I went over t Xh's house for a last minute outfit trial. Thankgod the heels that she offered to lend me was just nice for my weird feet and we somehow ransacked her wardrobe to find something to replace my initially planned outfit. After 2hours of web-camming tgt w Jw, i've decided to stick back to my original one hahahaha. But that was a fun 2 hours though(:

So in the morning, Jw & I met at the bus stop and hitched a ride from Xh to School. Heels kill but i tried my best in conquering them. As i was holding onto a blue (or green) paper, i gotta stand there like a toot and wait for my parents' arrival and go into the ceremony area w them. Sat tgt with Charlotte and ShiMin, which was the same position as for last year. Thank god they were friendly, so we had some small chats as the ceremony progressed (:

Blaming on the small intake of Retail, almost all fellow coursemates went off their seats at the same time, leaving literally only the three of us t cheer for them. So yea we came up w an idea of screaming and cheering for almost every coursemate when they walked across the stage. Charlotte was really spontaneous about cheering for her friends though! hahaha. Yknow i was so worried that they won't cheer for us when it's our turn t go up stage. But thank god when we did, they stood up and cheered for us (': I was really glad and happy when my coursemates stood up from their seats and cheered for me. Yknow as you walked across the stage, you could feel all attention directing onto you. I really enjoyed that. Sometimes i thought t myself, walking across this stage every year was a sign to show that all my hard work and tears and time were paid off well. Yea, like as simple as that.

Afterwhich, award winners were led to a VIP room w buffet (STARES). It was freaking weird 'cus all winners were directed t stand in front of a backdrop, and 3-4 photographers started snapping here and there. LOLLLLL, like some famous stars please (HAIR FLIPS). Didn't manage to mingle around much w the lecturers as compared to my sis' year (I rmb she sounded like there were lots of interactions) but i could feel the air and wind and whatever blowing towards me whenever my lecturers praised me in front of my parents ^^

And then off to photo-taking w friendsssss!(:

It was really a sweet surprise from Gaen!^^ Literally 'escaped' from work just t take a photo w me, and before that loitering in school for nuts. But it was a pity I couldn't make it for yours):

Ah, my Year 2 project mate. Love all the nonsense and laughters we had tgt despite a tough time handling projects. But thank god we were strong enough t endure them(:

The most inspiring lecturer that i could ever get. He was so far the only lecturer whom i would take into deep considerations about everything he'd said. Be it influenced from my sis or not, he really had his own way of lecturing (which sometimes make me alil hate it cus i always fail t get useful things from him for projs): ) which at the end of everything, i would give a thumbsup for him and his actions.

Year2 project mate with the super nice-smelling hairwax and the one who always said "Fuck You" regardless of scolding or praising you. He had his own ways of communicating and I'm proud t say i got it(:

All the lovely girls who'd accompanied me throughout my 3years, be it directly or indirectly(: They showed me it's possible for a big group to hang out tgt, as long as we're willing to, and they helped me discovered the other unglam half of me (LOL) <3

MY TAMJIAS FOR YEAR 3!!! (Minus Nicole&Shawn) Super glad to have them w me throughout the year, all the munching and eating sessions during project times, all the tough times we'd been though together. I love them for giving in to me sometimes when i want things my way, listening to each other, giving unnecessary but funny suggestions and ideas. I love them for contributing all their mights to the group, knowing where the line is between projects and their love life, fighting for inside seats on benches, arguing who to bring a multi-plug, loving to come back on weekends as we could order tonns of food from Mac. All the screams and shouts and happiness when we knew our MM project topped the class, when we knew we were on the right track for projects, when we were praised for our project performances and report writing skills in classes. Can i go through my year 3 again to encounter these experiences w them again please?

We once promised each other to take a photo together on every year's ceremony together. We took one w Kevon during Year 1, sadly she was still in SIP during the second year of DHL. I managed to take one w Kevon for the second year and now, zoomed and we're graduating. One w Silver and one w Merit, i know our paths would be different in the future but still, I'm glad t have you throughout my 3 years in TPoly :D

 AND MY YEAR 1 CLASSMATES (Part of them) (':

Love them for being there and such fun friends t hang around w during m first year in Poly. Though things changed and bonds shifted somewhere somehow, but still i'm really glad to have them w me(: Countless times of nonsense and laughters w them, be it in school for projects or opp sch for lunch or nearby areas for lepak, i'll remember as much as i can because i really treated them w all my heart. (: Kahjen, a friend really w tonns of nonsense in mind and yet could be v emotional at times, she's really one strong-willed girl that i've ever met and i appreciated all moments i had w her. She knew i was somehow left alone in LTs, yet she told me i could always join her for lectures. We spent breaks tgt, and even celebrated the end of tests once at Bedok Interchange for CurryMee w Wanling and Tiffany. It was a pity i drifted away from my Year1 classmates somehow along the way, because they were a bunch of fun kids i'd love t spend my time with. But yknow, sometimes w my ego and some bitches' bitched stuffs, i just think that we can't go back anymore): Ahwell, time flies, people changes, everyone carries on with their own life. I just hope that somewhere along my future, i could bumped into them again(:

Gold and Silver winners standing together, how does it look? (:

Hopefully fate will put us together in NUS! :D

 KP! DPA got us together, Hugo Boss got us even closer, and i'm glad that we're still meeting up for random lunch! It's really weird because we could have endless topics to chat about haha!


And the kids i 'bumped' into 'on my way' t Mensa! (:

Graceng, everything started and still lasting all thanks to the RMIG BBQ^^ Always have never ending fun and laughters w your presence, mainly because you acted (and still act) like a kid! Hee. It's been a year, things and feelings changed, and i'm still glad t have you as my close friend. (Or best?). And stop asking me to go Chomps, i'm really sick of that place. Hahaha. Anyhow, thanks for always being around me and you're always good at sensing the moody me - one thing that only a few close ones are capable of. Yea, you should be proud of that. And i'm always proud of the way we communicate - it might be the same as how you talked t others, but t me our way of texting is unique. (; We know you weaknesses, and i hope you won't let them own you in any ways. SERIOUSLY. I know your weaknesses won't own you so please don't let them own you. Own you = you pig, okay? & I just hope that we'll still be in good contacts after my entry into NUS aiights! :D

One buffed guy with a big heart and a sunshine smile! Y'know when things go wrong, i'll just try to think of your big heart and ask myself "Why can't i do it when he can?". I think that will work and might bring me alil further(: 

Ah, now we're going 2years. (WINK). Couldn't believe how a guy like you could impact and affect my life in some ways, and yes i'm always glad t have you around whenever i encounter problems. Yknow your presence just act like a boost for me and the Ego in me would just build up and allowed me t face the problems calmly and in a 'Sart Sart' way. LOL. Thank god for RMIG which brings the both of us way closer, and i'm glad and relieved to see you putting so much pride and hardwork in your studies now! Yknow these self-disciplines and willingness to work hard are very hard to come by, especially in a guy. I'm always proud to have you as my junior, VP, and close friend (& now boyfriend? LOL), one whom i (somehow) personally guided in many ways and really showed good results. Yea, i'm really proud of you(: Please remember the times we spent together in your Year2, be it working together in Hugo, lunching/dinnering, lepaking, celebrating my birthday together, studying together, exchanging presents, or even being treated as a couple by the lecturers. Because i doubt there would be these times happening again, and to me, they were really a bunch of good memories that i would take away with me.(: I can still be here for you whenever you need someone t rant to, and similarly i hope you'll be there when i need someone to be there when im stressed up and crying facing my notes! (Remember?) & Remember the goal that you'd shared w me, the goal about what you want to achieve by the end of Year3. Because i know you can do it, and you will do it :D All the best aiights! :D


These are the people whom made a difference in my 3years' life in TPoly, and they would be remembered in a way or another. People come and go, things appear and left, life goes up and down. No matter what, I really enjoyed my 3 years well w nearly 0 regrets. :D Next up in life, i hope the 4 years in NUS would do good to me.

25/05/2011

(:

I'm really glad to know that some of you are still watching this space, like really watching this space as much as i do. I really appreciated that^^ Because yknow, i've recently cut down on stalkings of blogs (I think ever since SIP period?). The main reason being all the links that i used t stalked are saved in my previous laptop, and now w the new laptop (not really new, but close t a year old?) i was quite lazy to re-enter the URLs and saved the links and such. Okayyy, i know that's the only and simplest way left to know the well-being of my friends in the future, so i shall go stalk the links again soon. Heh.

Yup. It's cool knowing some people are still watching this space. Just wait alil longer okay, more emotional posts coming up. Hahaha i mean posts which really speaks about my emotions, mind and thinkings.

Love you all.

SO LONG!

Haven't been updating this space for long! Like so long! I've recently undergone two events which would have a huge impact on my future - TP Graduation, and my final decision on Uni.

Graduation was smooth-sailing, no tripping and falling on stage, and i had my coursemates standing up and cheering for me when i was called upon the stage. Mega touched(': Photo takings made memories rushed back into my mind, thinking about how we survived through all projects and submissions etc. it was a little pity that i didn't have the courage to approach my year1's classmates for a simple photo): Ahwell.

One day after graduation, after graduation dinner, my future got determined. i remembered i was still telling the lecturers that i was still considering btween SMU and NUS. However just one day later, SMU's rejection decided the path that i would have to go for another 4 years. I was taken aback by SMU's rejection, really taken aback and was quite negatively affected - either i find it impossible to get rejected, or because i was really hoping to enter SMU more than NUS. Like what DebbieNg said, toss a coin and see what it says, because if i was relieved with the coin's results it means that i'm alright w that Uni. However if I felt alil disturbed with the results, it simple means that deep within me, i prefer the other Uni. But oh well. A rejection was all it need to shorten my decision process on which Uni to go to. Just hope that i would really love my life in NUS and everything would be alright. *Cross fingers*

Shall update this space asap again, since i'm less busy recently! (:

So Long!

It's been long since i've blogged! Anyway, things are going well in life recently. I went for SMU's Lee Kong Chian Scholars Program interview which was real pressurizing at the BoardRoom's session, and SMU's admission interview which i discovered my skin isn't that thick as i thought it is. Afterwhich, i flew over t Melbourne for a 5days holidays, with my Sis and cousin as my companions = free lodging (:

Oh yea. I secured a one month's term job with the referral from my cousin, and ah well its a rather low-profile job. At least i'm enjoying it(: And i experienced the feeling of being trapped in heavy traffic due to Rally Speech at Serangoon - i was stucked in the carpark for around 20minutes ALONE. What else happened in my life recently? Oh, some debating sessions among friends and family members about PAP and opposition. I'm taking PAP's side. Just go away with all the "WHY??" questions and stuffs, i'm too tired to debate and moreover it's already over.

Oh yea! Received my first pair of TOMS from Yingting a few days ago, and fuck it was one size bigger ): I followed the freaking size chart on the web but ended up... My feelings got cheated. But plus point is that they're much comfy, just gna get an insole for it soon. And i attended a NUS seminar talk yesterday! Even received a free shirt.... (;

So much for independent moments regarding all the Uni stuffs, interviews & talks. Really hope i won't regret my final choice which i think would affect my future greatly. But it feels sucky to know that i'm facing all these decisions alone and attending all events in unfamiliar environments alone. Like nobody can give a definite suggestion in helping me finalize my decision - i just gotta rely on myself in the end. Anyhow it's my future right?

My Best GuardDog.

Was in TPoly with some ex-programmers when i received a text from my Sis saying that Rocky just passed away at 1.30Am. Things just happened too fast and everything lasted for purely around a week since his vaccination last week. His stomach suddenly became abnormally bloated just when the vet changed his dry food's diet, after a week when we changed back t his normal diet, Dad thought that things were wrong & he needed t go t the hospital. 

His splint (somewhere near the Liver) grew a tumor w cancerous cells, which burst and resulted in internal bleeding that has flown t his stomach. We opted for the risky choice of putting him on the operation table t remove the tumor instead of putting him t sleep - at least we tried. The operation went well, he started t eat a lil on the first crucial day. 

My parents paid him a visit in the evening, & he's still able t stand up, wagged his short tail excitedly, turned around t allow them t pat his back through the cage's gate, & gave his best smile t them - a way t tell them that he's doing well but actually he's bearing all the pain by himself. He was 40Kg before the operation, and after pumping out 6Litres of blood & putting back 1L blood + 2L water into him, he was 32Kg after the operation. The vet praised Rocky for being so strong as not even a whine was heard from him, & the pain was really intolerable. 

I'm really proud of him for being so strong & tame for a Rottweiler, & not wanting us t worry even though it was really hell pain. He did the best job as a guard dog, because his fierce and low barking never failed t make me feel safe. He's always so hungry, swallowing down his food instead of chewing, & even swallowed a durian seed before. Don't ever think of retrieving back a bone/toy after throwing out t ask him t fetch, because he'll bite it in his mouth & protect it w all his might. He's always so caring because he'll wait for me t lock the gate & walk me t the door t ensure my safety. Irritating flies always stuck up t him & he's always lying down and waiting for us t kill them for him. Our family paid lil attention t Rocky due t other dogs, but he don't seem t mind and be jealous at all.

You left before i could take a last look at you & give you a pat t praise you for being such a brave and good boy. & you still haven't finish chewing the milk bones that I've bought for you. It's a pity because it's just a few weeks away before you can enjoy your stay in a bigger and more comfortable new house - we've alr planned the area for your stay. Everything happened too fast, I still want t spend more time w you. However now you're finally free from pain, which is a good thing too yes. 

Be good up there, & take good care of Gigi yes? We always love you, & I'll always remember you as the best guard dog ever, and the super clumsy yet cute short-tailed Rottweiler which accompanied me through my growing stage of 11Years. (:

strong.

Please let the next upcoming three days t be strong, safe and sound. They're just too crucial. I'm not prepared, it's alr two years apart but I'm still unprepared. I just gotta pray and hope and believe that everyth will be fine and okay.

My Wednesday.

Brought Baby for vaccination. Typed long text while driving (somehow). Packed room. Flipped magazine and found more awesome brunch places. Fed doggies milksticks & they love it. Had a bowl of awesome homecooked barley. Eye super itchy & I did eye bath. Bought Cold Storage's discounted meat for dinner. Stocked up my Easter Eggs [: Bought 2packs of sausages worth 19.9$ (marketing strategy's success). Diarrhoea t end the day.

That's why.

Start of FO.

It's the start of Day1 of FO! It's like vroom & one year just passed like that. T think that I was still one of the programmers last year, hosting & worrying abt games, giving scores, debrief/briefing... So fast & I'm graduating alr :| Really can't deny that TPoly marks the best studying stage in my 20 years of life.

anyw! Had a busy day today. First was accompanying my mum t bring 2dogs for injections, then gg t dental t remove my stitches (finally it's been 2weeks!!). Then t city plaza t collect & purchase stocks which I was like a kuku there. Came home w Arnold's Chicken for brunch (^^), rushed all the backorders packing, rushed down t PO before 5pm under the rain. Home, rested, bathed, and now I'm omw t meet some DPA kids for dinner!:D still gotta continue packing the parcels late at night later! & I shall do 2nd round of packing of room tmr!

Thoughts.

Met so many people, faced so many different problems. & i came t realized that you can't change one's thinking & behaviour easily,unless they're really willing t. So I've learnt t change my perception towards people instead - in such a way that i change my expectations and point of views towards people. But yknow,keep changing yourself t fit better w others can sometimes be a tiring job, because its something like you giving in and others taking in. & then one day, u might just stop changing & everything'll be different. But will people actually realize the stop & the amount you've changed for them, and gradually realize about the difference? Do you think by the time of the realization, things can be back t how they were? Or things will actually get better?

Life's gna be alil mundane!

Just extracted my 3rd wisdom tooth via surgery this morning! (Like finally!) Gna stay put at home for the upcoming few days, & Parkway will be the furthest i'll travel t i supposed. But staying at home doesn't mean i've nothing t do! Packing the mailing items (part-time packer), investigate where the hell is my Dad's passport's application (part-time secretary), strengthen bonds w the doggies at home (part-time nanny), complete & send over my SMU application (student). AWESOME LIFE EH. ^^

& i've a random craving for pancakes w lotsssss of maple syrup & alil buttter on top since this morning. I satisfied it w Macdonald's Deluxe breakfast but the craving is still here! Gosh i think i'm gna get it soon. & it really sucks when you just extracted a tooth but you suddenly craved for tonns of good food. Argh shall treat these few days as a resting period for my intestines & put a stop t all good food through my mouth. Can try t shed 1kg also, like better than nth ^^

Application for SMU.

Please list three CCA(s) that you have participated in, which you consider as most important to you.


Activity 3: Sports
Description: DRAGONBOAT. Attended trainings regularly to strengthen on rowing skills.

Hahah okay i admit my writing skills sometimes sucks.

Day 2 - Your Crush

Eh, let's call it Crushed.

Dear Crushed,

It took me awhile before making up my mind t dedicate this letter t you. ^^ Hmm, not sure how you're doing now, but i'm quite sure that you're doing good. You made me realized that i could develop feelings for someone not depending on the look, & you're one main motivation t push myself t study hard in certain stages of the studying process. We might not have much memories together, but i'll never forget how we met each other, & some stupid stuffs that i did secretly t link myself closer w you (HAHA). Y'know, as the years past, when people told me some things & achievements about you, I'll secretly feel proud for you & proud of myself t have a crush on you (HEEE). As I grow older, as I move on w life, as I'm exposed to a bigger  & more complicated world, I realized feelings for another person could be developed easily & yet they won't last for long & won't work out well - these made me wonder if it's because i still haven't find the right one, or it's just my own problem. Anyhow, i'm loving my life as usual, & I know you'll make your life shine brightly like how you did in the past. (:

Future.

Went back t work on a random Wednesday, & was at B2 w Nicky. Thank god the crowd was slow & little, & we chatted alil about how my future could be. He asked why i studied RetailMgmt & would still like to pursue Business in Uni, it's like, retail is retail, why not further in retail kinda thing. But seriously what we learnt in Retail partially covers Business too, so i don't see a point why not further my studies in Business? So case closed ^^

Then discussed about what i could do during this remaining 5mnths holidays - i want t get a part-time job, a job that could benefit me in the future, a job that is not admin, a job like marketing that involves more hands-on instead of theories. He agreed that the current job won't bring much future, instead Hello! will actually have a brighter future (like duh). Hello! is like so much flexible & closer t the working society. But anyhow retail life is like this lo, people work you offday, people offday you work.. Retail is just born to be pai mia but most experience gained.

He asked if i'm those that strives to be a workaholic, or rather career woman. What's wrong w being one? & he said it's tough and life would be so much more lonely. Anyhow, a woman would like someone t take care of her & etc? This really left me stoned in the shop awhile & thought over it.

Career woman isn't that bad after all what right? But then life would be so mundane.

Ohwell. Back t help my Dad w his passport.

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

I don't have a best friend - i'd always think that any friend can just come&go, raise&drop your hopes, make you believe & yet betray you. I have close friends though. (:

Dear closest friend,

We ain't close for no reason. We've been through thick&thin, ups&downs, sidesways & upside down, happy&unhappy times.. Sometimes i just think the moments we had together can be put & made into a movie because we literally see each other grow in our teens' stage. We might not be the first in each other's list to share deep problems & thoughts & whatever, but as usual & as promised, I will and always be here when you need me. There's a big possibility that we might not meet/contact as frequent when we move on in life, but i'm sure that whenever we meet up again, the telepathy and way we communicate would never change - we'll still be the same like how we used t be. Lastly, although you're really getting more irritating & GL & nonsense at times, I'm still proud t share w others that i've such a close friend like you. :D

Independent day.

So i had a long-time-no-have independent day, at least for more than half the day? Solo-drive t Parkway & helped my sis t mail all the items, and then bought brunch home and dined w myself. Watched an hour TV, kept a lookout on the two dogs around the house, bathed, and made my way t Tamp. Carried 70+ albums & 1 camera t Cash converter, and made my way t school t meet Sky & Mr Wong t discuss some IG matters. Had a nice dinner & nua session w Sky, & flooded D's songs omw home. Watched an hour of TV, ate oranges w my Mama, & here I am.

I'd always love independent days when not much communications are done except for calling my dogs over, chatting alil w my Mama, ordering food from Auntie/Uncle, laughing t myself in front of the TV etc. The rest is done massively via phone texts. It's like, your hands & legs are busy moving around, but then your brain is left in another world, thinking about other things. Things that flood your mind easily & keep you occupied the whole day. Things that are just hard t put into words. Guess these things are just thoughts and thoughts and more thoughts.

Independent days. Days when you spend them majorly by yourself, somehow separating yourself from the world by completing the things you wanna do. Sometimes the feeling of immersing yourself into tasks t do alone is plain shiok (sounds pervertic but yknow..). & then when you're done or feeling bored, just ring up a/some friend(s) out for dinner/supper, or just chillout session. Life's still good this way eh?

Am not trying t display any emotional thoughts or speech here. But was just thinking, when a person who was once quite used t independency gradually turn it t alil more dependency, & then out of a sudden found the long-lost independency again.. Will independency just take over whatever changes & return t the original state again? Food for thoughts.

Working world

First week of official holidays ended & finally went back t Singtel after more than 1.5mnths of not working. Many things really just slipped off my mind & got alil irritated by it lol. Too bad cus I didn't go back t work due t so much things gg on.

Back t work, and welcome back t the political world. Just a short break & things got more and worst. :| Just the start of 5mnths holidays, & I'm starting t get worried abt part/full-time at Singtel or any other retail-related jobs that I can find and secure well for my future. What kind of job will be beneficial t me in the future such that I can move up the positions gradually? Singtel is definitely not the only job t rely on. Really can't imagine how isit like if I was t stop at Diploma and head straight t work. Like exactly where shld I head t? Start searching Newspapers for job? Thankgod I've Uni t temporary stop me from answering that qtn. How I wish I'm still in Year2, struggling w MR and redo-ing RVM like mad. Studying is really much better than working. ):

Man who can't be moved?

Sister left w cousin for Melbourne tonight for her further University studies. Initially didn't have much strong feelings about her leaving cus i knew she'll be fine. But then right at the moment when she gave me a very tight hug before her departure, tears just filled my eyes la )': The 'can't bear each other' feelings just came suddenly, and she just gave everyone a quick hug and left. Her friends pushed her bf over & 'chase after' her, & he even teared after the last hug. This' my first time seeing a guy tearing for a girl, & they said guys don't tear easily unless they really love the girl right?(:

& just as she was about t pass the gantry, she turned back and gave my Dad the last hug and told him t take good care - & both started tearing )': So much of complaining about how my Dad nag & treated her hot/cold at time, so much of complaining about how troublesome it is of her wanting t study overseas & all th things etc, ended up they still care for each other secretly.

Ohwell. Hope my Sis will have fun over at Melb while studying! 2years will pass quickly yes. Just that i'll hav more freedom in driving and less companion for all the Koi EAC Parkway Zichar and studying process. :| Guess i'll hav t work harder and be more independent in Uni(;

30Days Letters

Notice that long column at the left & it's 30 different letters i was supposed to write via Tumblr as promised to @totallystrangers. Couldn't find time for them (supposedly to be done continuously for a month) & now since i've graduated, i have all the time in the world!! ^^ & it serves as a guideline for me so i no need to keep referring back t Tumblr. Heh. So, watch out for the letters just in case they're for you (provided if my stalkers are still around)! ^^

See the Difference?

Makes me wonder if i fall into any category in my friends' mindsets.

Unofficial Graduate Life

The next day after i unofficially graduated, nua my day way & applied for NUS & NTU. Will apply for SMU soon 'cus wasn't in the mood to do up a 300words achievement essay yet. Ohwell, don't really have the mood for Uni yet though.

Whipped up 4dishes & 1soup w the help of my cousin and maid tonight for my Sister&Cousin 'cus they're flying over to Melbourne for studies on coming Wednesday! All alone in Singapore): But aiya, can study in Singapore then just do it beh. & it was really quite an achievement for the dishes i whipped up tonight 'cus everything taste above average! ^^

Well. Will be back at Singtel for a day before the other two come back from their trip to re-familiarize myself w all the transactions and stuffs. AT NEX PEOPLE, NEX.

4.

Time management for the past few days have been quite bad, wasn't able t get into the study mood well & lotsa time was wasted here and there. But still thankgod I managed t finish studying for Tomorrow's paper (somehow?) and make SOME sense out of the DistChannel notes. It sucks when you've only some idea abt what you're studying and they dont link up tgt at all, it's like the content doesn't match the subj title la. Same feeling as IMR paper but just gotta keep telling myself 'since I've been through soooo many tests&exams and managed t stuff all contents into my head, I'll be able t make it through this time, moreover it's the last tests in TPoly that I'll be taking. ):'

Ah well. Can't believe 3 years just passed like that. Anyw gonna be free after Mon, Wed and Thurs papers! & all are evening papers, cool or what.

Hard t get back the 6mnth's ago study mood ):

& I love t eat KitKat layer by layer, and even nua them w my saliva first then eat. ^^ OOOSH!

Done w FYP!!

I'm finally done w FYP on 31Jan! :D Nightmare is over, like really over. For the last one week before submission is really nightmare- staying in school till at least 11pm, carrying a laptop everyday, handling IndividualReports and FYP tgt, worrying abt the contents of the diff subjects, worrying abt fucking DistributionChannel that I have ZERO idea on what the report is expecting, worrying abt my StrategicRetailing that has totally no link within the contents at all, worrying I can't finish editing everything on time...

Everything happened so fast and so intensely. I was so stressed over StratRet when JacTan said 'okay la, now y'all are hovering around C (grade)' like wtf really thanks for that. Luckily efforts were paid off well and links (or rather too much links) were seen in the report. Really pray hard for it. DistChannel was totally a freak becus 5days before submission and our report was 'You're definitely not a D, don't worry'. WTF knowing nothing abt the subject yet gotta edit & add contents in it = fcking hell. I was so stressed up that I even teared behind my members' back. Trips home were silent, no smile on my face, stressed up sleep were all becus of DistChannel. That feeling is really omg and feeling so helpless )': but really thankgod Jiawen Xh were there for me <3

those sleepless nights, spending only 5hrs at home and the rest in school for one week, stopped all leisure activities just for FYP, a meal per day becus stress got over hunger.. FYP is really a mentally challenge piece of shit. Nevertheless, seeing 4sets of >80 pages of reports printed out fresh and warm & handing up one by one t each tutor were really great and relieved. Really couldn't stop getting so tense up until the time when the last report was dropped into the pigeon hole. Phew. Everyth ended peacefully w a lunch w TJs, and another lunch w the girls at ECP. Accompanied by 16hrs of sleep after that. ^^

now that we've braved through FYP w 4 individual reports on going, 1 presentation and 3endsems ain't gonna get us down. I'm tough, still surviving and still hanging there. I'm gonna go through this trip tough and well. Let's go!

Unscrew it myself.

I'm 1/2 done w Zara, supposedly t be 3/4 done by tonight but motivation's dying. Or rather died. I need t finish finances w Alvin tmr, we're only 1/4 done. I need t meet the designer at 2pm tmr, in the middle of my whole day schedule. I need t complete Zara by tmr night, deadline's on Friday. So someone tell me how t finish my finances by tmr evening when I'm disrupted in the noon? & finishing Zara by tmr night?

I realised I screw up my schedules and life (indirectly) quite often, and ended up being super mentally tired upon completing my stuffs. But at least I always have screwdrivers t unscrew them, so i'll be satisfied w my performances at the end of the day still. It's much better compared t people who screw their life and yet ask outsiders t unscrew on their behalf right? Mentally tough day tmr, but still going strong.

'You can't hold onto something that doesn't want t stay. And you can't insist on keeping something the same that is always changing.'

My Tweet.

That's what why i do it.

It's not the amount of things i've done, it's the smile from your heart that matters.

I always feel good when i see you smile. It's this simple.

But tonight just don't seem t be a good night. ):

2011!

My last day of 2010 was spent mostly at home- woke up at 2 and went shop&save w my mama. Brunch + nua and started my Remaining SIP report at 5 AND I FINISHED EDITING 27PAGES T 16PAGES AT 9PM. :D so happy and relieved that a heavy burden is dropped off^^

waited for gaen t pick me from home and jam + bad directions made huimin eeping gaen&i stucked and countdown in the car, with limited view of the fireworks o.o headed t The Chamber for some drinks and walked t ClarkeQuay where we bumped into other Proggers like Dillon and Justin and other TP ppl! Spent my last day of 2010 and countdown in a v special way, quite memorable la:D

Now it's 2011, do you still remember how you spent your 1st Jan? I do. (: