TTC - Happy?

I really don't get it.. Some ppl tend to make fun of those who are TTC-ing.. They think that TTC is FUN and HAPPY journey..

TTC is indeed a painful journey.. No kidding babe! It's hard when we have to sacrifice lots of things.. Money, time, career, family,...what else? How would a person make fun out of it?

Do we feel happy? HELL NO
Do we deserve to be sad? YES
Do we endure pain and sufferings? YES

I guess, ppl who never really been "into" the journey, please dont say anything.. You have no idea what the rest of TTCians been through.. Shots after shots, appointments after appointments, medicines after medicines.. Do you think those are FUN and ENJOYABLE to go through?

THINK again!

Bitter Sweet

My bestie has confirmed pregnant! She took 4 months of unpaid leaves just to follow her hubby as soon as they got married.. I guess the sacrifice paid off when she is soon to become a mummy..

Truly, I'm happy for her...

Deep inside my heart, i just wish that her baby would be friends with my baby.. We are so close to each other, and I've always imagine that our children will be friends as well..

Well, I guess, it's not my time yet.. I just have to keep on stepping till i reach my destination..

Dear Allah, please safeguard the baby throughout her pregnancy, as I truly understands how it feels like loosing one..

I Believe

I've been listening to quite a number of TTC songs.. but somehow, this is song is the BEST among all..


"I believe" by Steve Carlson & Darren Sher

Here we go, incomplete but not alone
Both of us together down this long and winding road (and you say)
I want to build a perfect circle, make something beautiful to call our own

(chorus)
And I believe that there’s a change around the corner
And in a world that’s out of order we still have time
I believe in the love that’s all around us And as the arms of life surround us it all seems fine
I believe…

Let the seeds we’ve sown live on forever once they’ve grown and inside our happy home they will see
There’s a lot of things that we will do, sacrifice anything for you
Promise anything, knowing you will be

repeat (chorus)

I believe it’s coming our way, that change is coming some day
It’s just a matter of time…

Lucky?

All my life, I've been working hard to get things that I wanted.. I was born in a broken family, my mum was only a school teacher. I started my uni days when my mum retired. It was hard.. soo hard to survive during the uni days. I had to work during weekends, and there were some days, i had to work right after classes.


Well, those were the old days.. Lucky me, I managed to hold a law degree with honours.. I am what I am, and I'm proud to become what I've always wanted to be.. alhamdulillah..


Then, I got married to a wonderful DH; a person who loves me even when he sees me in a mess, a person who loves me even when i get moody, a person who loves me at times when I'm hard to handle.. Yes, I'm lucky.. very-very lucky.. But Allah has His way to test us.


Now, I've been tested again.. Despite all the efforts to conceive, I have yet to succeed. You name it, I've tried it.. Fertileaid, Biodex, berurut cara kampung, IVF, acupuncture, rawatan islam at al-hidayah and the list goes on and on.. Still, no desired result.


Well, I aint gonna give up, yet.. I believe that there will be ease after hardships. I know that somehow, somewhere, all the tears and efforts will pay off.. insyaallah.. And i just love this quote by Bill Rancic "everything will be OK in the end, if it's not OK, it's not the end"..

It's Like Looking At Myself In The Mirror!

For those who knew me, they would know how ub-sessed am I with Giuliana & Bill's show. Ive been following their shows since day 1. I never thought that my obsessions to them would be just like looking at myself in the mirror. It's just a co-incidence whereby both of us are struggling to have a baby..

So well, to cut the story short, i just wanna drop some few lines about yesterday's show. Giuliana had finally re-visited a fertility centre in Denver to undergo her 3rd round of IVF.. She has been given so much hope from the her Dr and genetic counselor.. Touched by the words, she burst into tears.. And yes, i cried too. I even cried so hard that as if the words were uttered to me!


To be honest, it was nice sometimes hearing inspirational words from other ppl. I still remember when Dr Colin said to me "i will use my magic to help you to get pregnant".. Hearing those words, I was too, burst into tears. Dr Colin convinced me not to give up and initially God will help me. Being one of those who's battling against infertility, it's hard sometimes looking at other ppl's happiness. Not that we're jealous, but we kept on wondering "when will i feel the same too?"


On the other hand, as you all probbaly knew already, Giuliana is struggling against breast cancer. She had her eggs retrieved, but the whole process had to be postponed due to her breast cancer treatment.. Giuliana, if you happen to read this blog, I just want you to know that you are indeed inspired me.. Despite all the challenges that you're facing, you never failed to me other ppl happy! You have made me realised that there are soo many other things to cherish in life rather than thinking of our mishap. And, taking you as my inspiration, I am now not afraid to tell to the whole world that I am struggling to conceive! I know and I realised that infertility is not something that I can be ashamed of, simply because God has put me in this way.. I truly adore u, G!

My TTC Journey Thus Far

Hello ppl..

I've been married to my DH for 2 years 6 months already.. Yes, it's not that long, but it feels like forever.. He's working in Brazil, whilst I'm here.. I rarely see him, not that I'm complaining, but I was all alone throughout my TTC journey (sad huh?)..


May 2009 - We got married

July 2009 - UPT +ve, but was diagnosed with Ectopic Pregnancy. Therefore, my right fallopian tube was removed.

September 2009 - Another UPT +ve, but had a miscarriage at 8th weeks.

December 2009 - Took birth control pills with the intention not to get pregnant for 1 year.

July 2010 - Diagnosed with blockage at my left fallopian tube. Therefore i stopped taking the birth control pills. I started to realize that it's hard for me to conceive naturally.

September 2010 - Approached a fertility centre at Metro, KL branch and the Dr. discovered that my DH's sperm was at a very low quality, even tough the quantity was over-whelming.

October 2010 - Started to consider the options to conceive.

November 2010 - The first IVF/ICSI's journey began at Metro, KL Branch. 25 eggs retrieved from OPU and 3 embies were transferred. Another 3 embies were frozen.

December 2010 - Suffered OHSS!! The first IVF failed. It was a BFN!!!

February 2011 - Started my FET Journey. Endometrium lining had failed to develop. FET journey postponed to the next menstrual cycle.

March 2011 - Endometrium lining only developed at 9mm, and the Dr decided to transfer the 3 embies to my uterus. After 2ww, it was also a BFN!!!

July 2011 - Approached another fertility centre at DEMC, Shah Alam. The Dr diagnosed me of having PCOS in my both ovaries.


September 2011 - Approached another fertility centre at Alpha, Sunway Damansara. Dr suggested me to do laparoscopy ovarian drilling (LOD) to treat my PCOS. Had to wait for my next menstrual cycle.

October 2011 - Undergone the LOD with Alpha. Dr suggested me to undergo another IVF after 2 menstrual cycles.

At present - contemplating where to undergo the IVF treatment. whether Alpha, Sunfert or HUKM?



When i looked back at the journey above, I feel myself like a super-hero.. It takes a superman guts to go through all those. Pills after pills, drs after drs, shots after shots.. i wonder what's next?


Whatever it is, im thankful to Allah for everything that He bestowed upon me. Walaupun susah, aku tetap bersyukur kerana aku tahu, semua ini dugaan buat aku.. Aku tahu, setiap dugaan, setiap air mata yg mengalir adalah penghapus dosa..


I wont give up. Ya Allah, please gimme strength to move on with this journey, I'm thankful for all the challenges and I do hope that You will guide me along the way.. ameen..

Where Do I Begin?

Day by day, I've been reading and reading the journey of the unknown ppl from all walks of life. I started thinking that I should have my own. I used to love blogging, but along the way, i felt like the more i write, the more ppl misunderstood me..

Well, since I've started my TTC journey last year, I feel obligated to share with the outside world, that whatever obstacles that might have come, we are indeed the special ones in the eyes of Allah..

I've created a "TTC Group Malaysia" at Facebook not so long ago, and members are increasing day by day. There you go, it proves that we are not alone. Whether or not you wanna admit, infertility is a common problem to young married couples nowadays.

Therefore, hello once again ppl! To those who wish to laugh at my journey, feel free to do so, and to those who are experiencing the way that I do, feel free to leave some comments ya? I'll try to share as much information as possible here.. May Allah bless us all.. ameen..