Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I'm in so much trouble. My mother doesn't trust me anymore. She never did. Duh. I hate this. I won't tell you the reason why, cause it's something you shouldn't know. Ariff gave me a bracelet, and she said this:mum:who's that from?
me:my friend.
mum: siapa bagi?
me:minjam wah.
I mean, ITS NON OF YOUR BUSINESS WAH. I'M NOT A KID. Done with that. No more saying anything about her lagi.
Exam is coming, and I'm only prepared for maths. Shit. At least I'll know I'll pass my maths. With all the formulas memorised. What I'm truly worried of is factorization. I don't know which method to use. :/ I used to be good in algebra, I used to like it even. No, love algebra. :D
IRK is boring. She bores me so much. I just played with the teddy bear Ariff gave me through out the period. But she saw it. Shit. At least I had something to distract me, better than listening to her lecturing for an hour. REPEATED lecture.
Next, umm, Science. Me, Zee and Finie kept laughing. Sir pun marah. He asked us to do our work. I can't remember why we were laughing. Lots of things. We were crazy.
And I am high. Right now. I ate so much of that Kopiko candy. But I don't even think it contains real coffee. Just some chemical mix. So why am I high then? Cracked sudah. I think cause,
I MISS ARIFF!
:D
I always write I miss Ariff or I Love Ariff on Iskandar's table, and he got annoyed everytime I do that. But I'm enjoying. :D But now, I can't do that anymore. Our tables were rearranged, so he's not sitting behind me anymore. *Sigh.. I miss writing on his table. HAHA. :p Sorry dude.
Then, umm, I found this set of poetries I collected. It was from Primary Six. There was this one poetry, for my friend, Paul. But kami jarang in contact sudah. Anyway, he is taking his A levels, I bet he's studying. *sigh. I miss him. Next year he'll be flying off to somewhere. Malaysia I think. But I remember him saying his parents wanted his UNI in Brunei. Or was it Malaysia Forgot sudah.. It was two years ago. But, still not a reason to forget. Shit. We only see each other once a year. Yes, ONCE a year. Starting from Primary Six, everyday, cause we went to the same school. Then he went to MD and I went to MS. We jumpa last year masa mengibar bendera for a Royal Wedding. This year, I saw him at Centrepoint. I was in PE and him in the blue t-shirt that he wore when he sang to me 'once' by Dealova on stage, in front of the whole school. Teacher's day celebration. And I went BRIGHT RED. I think it was zelle yang tagur. Haha. Shit. I miss St George.
And I miss Ariff.
Serious.
And something happened tadi, a moment that made me hyperventilate. But, I can't tell you. It's just between us two. :p I guess some people just have to keep secrets.
Oh, and that Can You Keep A Secret? novel. Jack Harper is HOT. Even though it's just a book, I could still imagine him. So messed up, torn jeans, a t-shirt. WHOA. And he wore that to his company. And he's a millionaire. I wish such character exists. Haha. In my dreams. :p
*Sigh. I'm talking about something else, cause I miss Ariff. I seriously do. I thought he wasn't coming tomorrow, so all the time I kept thinking, 'How I'll survive a day without youuuu? I'll miss you.. :'/' Then I thought, sometimes I don't go to school and the worst thing is that I didn't told him that I wasn't going to. So now I guess it's my turn to feel his absence where he was supposed to be present.
But then, he said inda jadi. He'll come tomorrow. YAAAAYYY! So I won't have a thing to worry. :D
I love him, so much.
Our 5th month sudah. 6th November it'll be 6 months. But if you count in the first time, then it's about 9 months. Whoa. WHOA. NINE months. Nine happy months. Excluding the times when we had some problems. I think. Haha. But otherwise, happy months happy months. :D
5th November is coming. His birthday. What should I give him? If you guys ada ideas, please contributeee. I need HELP!
What I Love About You.
The sparkle in your eyes,
The warmth of your skin.
Your breath on my neck,
that quivers within.
The touch of your hand,
the smell of your hair,
The kindness in your smile,
That strength in your hair.
Your kiss on my lips,
Your body near mine,
The stroke of your touch,
That feeling inside.
The sound of your voice,
Compassion in your embrace,
The serenity in your stride,
The power in your face.
The calming of your presence,
the beating of your heart,
The promise of tomorrow,
that we may never part.
The beauty of your kiss,
and that magic in your touch.
It is for all these reasons and more,
Why I Love You so much..
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Grounded, for a month. HAHA. That's a record. So now, I'm updating.
Selamat Hari Raya peopleee!
Haha, a week late. Damn it. My laptop was taken awaaaay, and now is my chance to use it. So I'm making the best of it. This might even be the last chance I will have for the rest of the year. Next year is a must for me to use the laptop. I need to use it for Design and Technology. Darn it if my dad takes it. I'll fail one of my subjects tu karang, on purpose. :D Dare me.
And I'm sorry, I have no time to link yet. I'll try to find some time next time. Promise. Sorry, really really am. I have lots to do. My mock for SSRU is coming up in a few weeks, and I need to study. I'm sorrrryy. I won't be updating for another month. :D
Sorryyy...
Friday, September 12, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABANG!
MAY YOUR WSHES COME TRUE
Ramadhan.
It's such a busy month. Okay, here's my everyday schedule:
4am -sahur
5am -sleep
8am -ugama
930am -home
1130am -go to ms
4pm -finish ms
6pm -shower then sungkai
7pm -get ready
730pm -terawih at nini
10pm -home and get ready for bed
11pm -sleep
It's basically full, and I just can't find time to go online and update. Anyway, if I want to go online, I'll have to use Mac cause my laptop cannot connect to the internet properly even by using cable, and hell I don't know why. And, my brother is always using Mac, cause, duh, its his. :D The only time I have is Friday and Sunday. But my MIB is still not finished and I need to do some revising, cause, I need to get those grades. I neeeeeeeed it, seriously. Otherwise, whoa, I don't even want to know the consequences from my parents. *Sigh..
Well, updates.
Ariff; a few days ago, I wrote how I felt on this piece of paper, and I showed it to Finie, then she gave it to Zee. Afinie stubborned me to give it to Ariff, but I didn't want. Inside, there was everything. I mean everything. My feelings, my thoughts, the things that are bothering me all this time. It was everything that I don't want Ariff to know.. I persisted not to give it to him, but then, I don't know, my hand stretched out and handed him the piece of paper. He opened it and I was in my car.
At night, I texted him. But in the end, he just won't reply my texts. He only replied my mc's. I don't expect his credit to run out that fast. That, unless he's texting someone else, which is rare. He hates his hp. So who could it be? Could it be that girl? Wow, I never knew.
Next day, I asked Afinie what was Ariff's reaction, cause she came home late. She said, his face was very marung.. Oh well, that paper wasn't meant to be given to you anyway.
Next update; my thoughts and feelings. I don't expect him to read my blog ever so often anymore, I'm having a feeling he'll miss out this one. So I'll be glad to write my feelings down. I'm having a feeling you like someone else. Could it be that girl? That form one girl? She's my friend for fuck's sake. I cannot hate her, you see. I heard she likes you. Too? Wow, if it is true, I'll let you go then, go and be with her. Don't persist on me.. But I've been thinking, he gave me my chance when he knew I like this guy. Why can't I give him his chance when he likes this girl? And that if its true.
Oh shut it. I'm talking crap. I don't even understand what I'm typing. I don' even know what I'm saying.
I'm sure it's not true, right?
(:
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Gloomy gloomy day. :/ I was expecting to play netball just now, but oh well.
Last night: I went to Q-lap cineplex to watch Wall-e. I like the beginning, even though it had nothing to do with the movie; I like the rabbit. :D And, I saw my cousins, their hair dyed, no surprise there, and I saw my teacher, Sir Faizal I think. My brother said he looks rugged. :D
Today: I woke up at 1015 to find my lights switched on and air-con turned off. Next to me was my logged in laptop, and on the floor was my book. I fell asleep. I was supposed to finish my MIB project. But I guess I was too tired.
I wanted to bring my laptop along to school, but my dad needs it.
School. I think I hugged Ariff more than three times today. I miss him, A LOT. Teacher Farza got pissed today. Because we didn't finish our presentations; groups 2, 3 and 4 are supposed to present today, but my partner is not here, our presentation is not finished anyway. Group 3 didn't bring theirs, and group 4 hasn't started yet. :/ Maths, FREE PERIOD! I went to the canteen with Zee, and when we came back, the teacher was in. :D Then she went out. *Sigh. Then we spent the rest of our remaining time talking. CCA nada, cause raininggg. -.-' shit this.
And, I TALKED TO LISAAAA! :D Kami berbaik suuudah. And I'm satisfied.
Friday, August 29, 2008
I felt better last night after apologizing to her. I was high. Honestly, I had hopes that she'll forgive me, I was so sure that she would. It gave me a spirit booster. I finally had the urge to laugh the hell out, and have fun. Today I had the mood to continue my MIB presentation. Its 339, and I'm tired, so I logged on to my blog and I found this;
'and now, i need a space, qai'
She wrote that. What's that supposed to mean? :/ Does that mean she won't forgive me? Everything went back to the way it was before last night, and I just don't know what to say. I made a huge mistake, and I can't seem to be able to ever get it right. How could I have been so stupid? *Sobs.
What the hell is wrong with me. Why didn't I chose to think? Why did I chose to get mad at her just like that? She's my bestfriend and I know she won't do anything like that, exposing something that she knows people shouldn't know. I wanted to believe her, but somehow I was mixed up with anger and lies. When did I became like this? I hate changes. If I was given a second chance, I would take it with pleasure. I guess this mistake isn't meant to be fixed, I guess this was how it was meant to be?
But, I won't give up on her, I'll keep on apologizing, no matter how persistent she would be on me, because this is My mistake, and I tend to make it right no matter if it's destined to be like this or whatever. I will apologize once more.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday, a week after that day when she turned her back to me. She said I didn't apolagised. -.-' I read her blog just now. But I diiiiddd, but it's just that she said my sorries aren't sincere. Wth this. Im having a heavy headache here.
I know she has something between her, and the 1L's. She didn't cried at PE cause of me, it's cause of her classmates. It's obvious though she's having a problem with her classmates.. :/ And I don't want to cause mooreeeeeeee. I don't want to be another burden to her. She's still a bestfriend to me, but I don't know what I am to her. I miss her maaann. Shiiiiit. It's because there is still a problem between me and her that I don't laugh just as how I used to, I lost it, I lost myself in these things. And everyday is a bad mood for me, I didn't pay attention again just now during Science. I misss herrrrrr. :'/
And I'm not sure if you're reading my blog or not, but if you are then I'm sorry.. If you won't forgive me for the sake of me, then do it for the sake of Liyana. We're not gonna see her next year anymore, and I don't want to ruin her moments just because of this huge thing. :'/
Shit, I'm losing my words.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
So here's the thing today, I've got this new teacher, and her name is Ilisa. HA. Guess what she taught me today? SHE TAUGHT ME TO RUN AWAY WHENEVER SOMEONE WANTS TO SETTLE A FIGHT. So I'm making use of that education, mark my words.
Today, after going to the stadium, we went back to school around 5-ish. So we had free period for the rest of the remaining time, meaning dismissal. Lisa was at the canteen, and I went to her to settle this. But SHE RAN AWAY FROM ME! So I was like, Lisaaa, jangan lari waaaah. She increased her pace. So I went back to Ariff, who was there with Muaz, and I shouted, EA LARRRI AH! And I pressed my voice, Muaz seemed shocked BUT I DON'T FUCKIN CARE. I WAS MAD! Then I went back to Zee and Afinie, and said, she fuckin ran awayyy! I pressed my voice at 'fuckin' and increased my voice at 'ran away'. By then, tears started falling again, the people around me turned to look, I DON'T CARE IF I CRIED IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL! I'M NOT EMBARRASSED, SO WHAAAAT? BIIITTTCCCHHH! FuckFuckFuck. FUCK HEAD!
I need to chill.
So then, zee and fin pulled me to somewhere closed, cause I was seriously crying. And I told them everything. Zee and Finie went to lisa after that and when they came back, same story. Lisa didn't want to talk. Their case went like this:
Zee: 'Lisa'
Lisa turned away with her back facing Zee.
'Qai said she's sorry.'
bla bla.
all she said was 'ah' 'ah' 'ah'. Like, WTF?! HAVING SEX KAU KAH?!
I mean, she didn't have a problem with zee, WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST FACE ZEE WHEN SHE TALKED? KENAPA KAU MESTI KURANG AJAR ARAH NYA EHH? ARE YOU GONNA BE LIKE THAT PERSON I KNOW, WHEN EA MARAH, SHE WILL MARAH ARAH ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND HER? ARE YOU GONNA BITCH LIKE HER TO ME THIS YEAR EHH? TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP? TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU THEY'RE SORRY? WTH ? FUCK YOUR ATTITUDE! I WANNA SWEAR YOU BUT I JUST CAN'T, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY? I WANNA SHOUT BUT SOMEHOW YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HEAR, AND SEE HOW MUCH PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED. YES, IM USING CAPS, CUZ I AM MAD! AND YES, I'M SO EMO, BUT SO WAAAHHHT? I DONT FUCK IT CARE!
I can't take this.
If I die now because of my chest pain, would you care? NO.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I kept reading that convo over and over again.. I was mad, I was furious, I wanted to know who actually told who. But right now everything just doesn't seem so important to me anymore. All I want is to get my bestfriend back. I don't want us to fall apart just because of my foolishness and stupidity, I'll never forgive myself for that. I miss the times when we make doodles, have fun, laugh the hell out of ourselves even though it's only been, A WEEK! Shit. I don't want those moments to end. I'm sorry lisa, I really am, my apologies are as sincere as they can ever be. Last year when we had a fight, I forced you to forgive me, at the beginning of this year, we berbaik because both of us joined the rawi competition. And now, it's up to you to forgive me or not. If you don't want to, I deserve it. I lost my bestfriend just because of this small thing that I could've just repel from without getting mad right at you. I'm so sorry.. :'/
Another fight with my bestfriend. Shit. Between me, zee, baz, lisa and liyana, its always me and lisa to have an argument and then fight with each other. I'm not blaming her for any of this, I'm blaming myself, cause it was ME that got into a fight with fiif too, it was me that changed, it was me that's thinking negatively, it was me that made this small problem into something big. I'm the problem, me, me, and STUPID ME. Session Start: Saturday, August 16, 2008
- chL - `AQ58 (ruqaiyah_7@hotmail.com)
leeys .hong's (lee.syy@hotmail.com)(10:09 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
what did you told fiif?
(10:09 PM) leeys:
what?
(10:10 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
about ari..
(10:12 PM) leeys:
you and him are close?
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
no
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
you told her that aku curang arah nya
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and we dirty talked?
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
ariff said, you told her, and she told mateen, and mateen told fiif
(10:13 PM) leeys:
what?
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
you know about ari was something SUPPER private, and no one was supposed to know
(10:13 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i got so pissed off when ariff told me that
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and i thought i could trust you to not tell anyone but our group, which is you, me, baz, zee, liyana.
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and fiif is NOT included
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
you think kami sudah berbaik kami jadi bestfriends tarus?
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
well, we are not.
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
kami just friends.
(10:14 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
..
(10:14 PM) leeys:
wait.
(10:14 PM) leeys:
eh
(10:15 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
mateen told ariff*
(10:15 PM) leeys:
I DIDNT SAY KAU CURANGG.
(10:18 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
...
(10:18 PM) leeys:
what? seriously , apa kan? i dont understand? i asked fiifah. who told who?
(10:18 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
ariff said, mateen told him
(10:18 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and iif told mateen
(10:18 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and you told herrr
(10:19 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
who else knows about si ari, but you guys..
(10:19 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
:/
(10:21 PM) leeys:
bah , what did he say?
(10:21 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
whats you rnumber?
(10:21 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i forward ariff's text
(10:22 PM) leeys:
-------
(10:23 PM) leeys:
banar qai. i swear i didnt ucp kau curangg. i told fiiif , kau and ari rapat saja. but idk if she said kau curang.
(10:23 PM) leeys:
thts all
(10:32 PM) leeys:
and its up to you. im not forcing you to believe me or not. just tell your boyfriend that thanks for saying aku cakap kau dirtty talkeed samaa si ari. allright? im done. BYE. goodnight.
(10:37 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i believe you. i wanna believe you
(10:38 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
lisa, cuz you're my best friend
(10:38 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
but its just that
(10:38 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i asked him balik balik, and he kept saying the same thing
(10:38 PM) leeys:
nvm. just dont. you know what , im so regret telling fiifs about you both rapat.
(10:38 PM) leeys:
because she asked me.
(10:38 PM) leeys:
how was qai
(10:38 PM) leeys:
so yeah i told her.
(10:38 PM) leeys:
but just that
(10:39 PM) leeys:
uhh. lett he be. keep saying.
(10:45 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
:/
(10:45 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
he says he's sorry
(10:45 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and im saying im sorry too
(10:46 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i'll fing out about this tomoro
(10:46 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
when mateen on
(10:46 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
at least
(10:46 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
*find
(10:47 PM) leeys:
uhh just dont say sorry unless youre sincere enough to say that.
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i ammm.
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i dont know anything about this
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
tadi, i was having so much funnnn.
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
then suddenly ariff sounded so, i dont know, like something was wrong
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
he wanted to talk to me on the phone
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
buta ku functio
(10:48 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
n*
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i HAD to go back home
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
and elave my cuzens
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
just to know whats all this about
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
like hell
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i didnt know it would involve you
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
as a matter of fact, i thought it was you i could turn to..
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
:/
(10:49 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
but then, you rname was mentioned
(10:52 PM) leeys:
ohh whatever it is. im so tired aboutt this you know. how many times should i tell you, i just said that. you just text me when i was in a goood mood. now , it just gone like that.
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
im sorry alrightt..
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i believe you.
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
i believe that you said that
(10:53 PM) leeys:
pls dont say that
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
but
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
ish
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
whatever then
(10:53 PM) - chL - `AQ58:
laters.
(10:53 PM) leeys:
bah byeI know I'm stupid. I wasn't thinking alright. And I regret being mad at her so much.. Everyone saw her cry during PE just now, except ME. I put an act as if I don't care even though I didn't saw her cry, but I actually do. I do care. I wanted to talk to her but since she saw me cry yesterday and didn't care, AT ALL, so I decided to let her be. I might talk to her tomorrow before registeration if I had the guts to.Liyana said she had enough problems with her boyfriend, and she also has problems at home. And I'm here just to cause MORE. I feel like stabbing myself with something that's sharp. I know, ITS EMO AND I DONT CARE. I wanna scream, I wanna shout out to the world, I wanna cry more than anything right now.. How could I have the heart to do this eh? Why issit that I am too stupid to even think? School was all she had, friends, her bestfriends was all she had left, and I RUINED IT ALL. Why am I doing this? I know I should talk to her and settle this, but what she said, 'dont say sorry unless its sincere'. She won't forgive me, she obviously won't forgive me.. I don't want us to break apart, lisaaa,, :'/ You're my bestfrienddd bwaaaah.. *sobs..I'm seriously shaking.. :'/ I wanna cryyy. CRY THIS OUT. But I know this would stay..
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A very busy week.
Chaotic, depressing, tiring yet exciting. That is how I describe my week even thought today is the third day of the week.
Monday; I didn't went to MS in the afternoon. I needed to prepare for my orals on Tuesday, which was yesterday. And well, instead of studying during most of that time, I fell asleep. From 12 plus till 2.30. So I wasted a lot of time. I studied till my head was about to explode.
Tuesday; Day of the orals. I woke up at 440 AM just to study. I drank Air Zamzam and berdoa berabisly. I even prayed Subuh. :p And well, the orals was moderate. But I'm not that confident to get a Grade 1. Cuz at a few times, I got stuck. Sheesh.
Wednesday; Today! Well, something heart-beating-exciting-suspending thing happened, yet its something that i was threatened not to tell. :D So yeah. Busy week man. I didn't went to Ugama today, cuz I'm having a sore throat, even my voice sounds different. But actually the real reason was that i was too tired & lazy. So I persuaded my parents, and in the end, they agreed. :p
Ariff; He is relying on 'bomoh's. Does he know how much I hate bomohs? :/ After what it did to my mother, I will not ever forgive & also forget. He wears a black necklace, and I almost touched it. :/ Err, well, whats the point in using that necklace? There's no reason. I mean, physically, it gives us confidence cuz we thought it had given us 'powers' but actually its us ourselves that gave our selves confidence. Have faith in yourself, and work hard. Believe yourself that you can do it, and automatically the mind would want you to study. I hope you get that. I mean, banyakan doa lah. Don't rely on those. It won't work. Refund your money...
Friday, August 1, 2008
I miss Ariff. :/Yesterday, he took my hand again.. [[: Sweeeeet. But I'm not sure who let go of each other's hands. :DWell, I've just found out that using deodorant is not good actually. It makes you sweat more. Luckily I've stopped using mine. :pOk, orals. It's coming up in four days and I haven't memorized anything. :/ I'm pretty nervous yet I won't study. Shit. But I do sometimes, when I have nothing to do, then I'll open the book. :DFridays. I want to go jogging, and lose more and more weight. I'm currently normal, I've gained weight. Shit. A few months ago I was underweight. See what food can do to me. I absolutely DON'T want to be overweight, or even worse, obese. That would be my most worse nightmare. How would I live life when I'm like that? :S I mean, for me. :D No offence, people.My laptop is shit. I cannot select all the text and right click. LAPTOP, YOU ARE A BULLSHIT!-.-'*Sigh. I miss him. I wonder why Ariff won't go online and why he won't recharge. I mean, he comes from a rich family. His cousin, I've seen his car, it was mercedes. I mean, the expensive one. Ariff, I'm not sure, but he said he has a fish pond at his house. :D I'm not sure if he was being sarcastic or what. :D Shit, I miss him, like so much. Mostly the couples in my contacts are online, the both of them. Ariff hasn't been online since, last week maybe? I've not talked with him much lately and well, I haven't been messaging with him since, errr, last week too. And he hasn't recharged since the June holidays. I'm not sure who's credit he transfered, but yeah. He messaged me two times, on my 3G number. -.-' And when I tried to mc him, I couldn't reach him.. So obviously, he didn't recharged. :p Yet, I appreciate him messaging me the other day. [[:
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Surprisingly, I'm not moody anymore. I did this one graffiti; AQ58. 5th is his and 8th is mine. :D But then, I was moody when I showered this afternoon. It was supposed to be a short one, but then it took me more than half an hour I think. :p I kept thinking, was it something that I do wrong? :s Well, he's the one with the innocent eyes, so it must be me. I have no one else to blame but myself. *Sigh.But I love his innocent eyes, makes me melt. :p
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Moody again today. I've been moody since last week. Sheesh. Why can't I ever get cheered up? So many things are messing with my mind. I can't think straight. Gee. Starting from Ariff to orals to exams to schedules to my mum and to today.
I hate my life really. I can never get what I want, I mean NEVER. But my siblings get what they want, why can't I? What am I in the family? A bitch who came from another family? Pfft.
I just need a break from everything. A break from life.
Crushed. I am CRUSHED. And I don't mean crush in a good way, bad.
Guess what Ariff said. 'Bureng waaaahh. Main Bula?'
He's saying that as if I'M boring. Haha. Yes, unfortunately I am. And that's cuz you are the gentleman and YOU should start something to talk about. You don't know how much you hurt me just by saying that. You don't care. I made FOUR doodles about you; about how much you just don't care anymore. It's like you're better off on your own now. Sheesh. Fine then, if that's the way you want it to be.
But then, I kept thinking, I don't want to let you go. I seriously don't. Maybe it's you that wants to, cuz it's just so obvious. First, you just don't want to spend much of your time with me, you'd rather be with si Waie and Adam atu. Secondly, football is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT to you than me. *Sigh.
A WEEK LEFT TILL MY ORALS! And I'll be the FIRST one to sit for the oral because I'm joining Rawi and the competition is on the 9th. My oral is on the 5th. So I need to take my orals early so we can practice. And our lagu is the one that's SERIOUSLY HIGH PITCHED AND HAARDD. I mean, seriously hard. Even our teacher kepayahan. Shit. So how are WE, students, gonna cope? :s *Sigh..
IRK WAS BORING! I SLEPT HALF OF THE PERIOD! THE TEACHER KEPT ON KNOCKING THREE TIMES AND WILL SAY 'OI'. HOII. I want a replacement. Haha. I wish. :D But a new teacher would be great. :]
I'm back to straight A's! Except maths. It just had to spoil my grades. I got a 'C'. Pfft. Well, at least not an 'F'. :D And for that, my dad is going to send me to tution. Butt, I want my precious nights & I want my mornings. SLEEEPP! :D
Orals. By tomorrow, I must memorize all the doa's and all the other things. Shit. Doa tahlil is FIVE pages long. Even my teacher said it took her about a year maybe? To memorize all that. But I have a week; 7 days left. What are my chances?
Plus I have a folio to do, and a presentation to prepare. And I need to get these done by the same week as my orals. SHYT. Stressful, very. This week, I'll be busy. Then end of October, end-of year exams. 13th Mock for SSRU. Then around 20th Nov, Huge Exam. And I don't think I'm going for raya this year. Maybe just morning, then afternoon, home. At least a month holiday after that.. :D
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Moody ku masih. Saturday is coming, my khatan day. BUT I'M STILL HAVING MY PERIOD HEREEE. Holy. I want to follow wah. Bazilah period, Liyana I hope will NOT have her periods on that day. Amin.. :D
Like, the loud ones are having their periods, shyt ne yo. Our majlis would be ruuuiiinnnedddd. *dramatic. -.-'
Haha. I just logged on to Ariff's email. I miss him waaaah. =pp Apakan, I am being lame.
I am still in between hyperism and depression, and in a mood. Ah shit.
And my chest was paining again just now. All I had to do was tahan. I couldn't even scream -.-' I wanted to so badly. See, it is paining again. *Sigh. I want a cure for this, but fortunately there isn't. ='/
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Ariff, I miss you terribly. *Sobs.
He tried to hold my hand tadi, but he kept letting go of it cause I kept asking what happened to his thumb. Shyt. I didn't want him to let go. I shouldn't have did that. I should've just let it be. SHYT!
And he is ADORAABLLLEE! Shyt eh. I'm falling for him even more.. So much more. This is already about 2 months and 17 days maybe? *Sigh. I miss him. To the VERY much.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I can't think of any other title other than that. Haha. I am high. ;D In between hyperism and desperation.
Just now, when I just came, which was around 1240? -.-' Very late, I know. Ariff accompanied me up stairs. I don't know why, but I got tired easily. Usually, even from Asrama Puteri I won't get tired. Ani baru sikit tired udah, maybe cuz Ariff was hot and he just burns me up? Haha :D Well, anyway, masa sampai di atas sudah, he was like, just walked forwards without looking back at me. Like as if i wasn't there. Pfft. -.-' Whatever.
During geo and english, I kept watching him play futsal. :D Haha, HE IS BURNING ME UP! I didn't pay attention during geo because I kept looking outside. Then break, erm, we just talked for a short while. He was wearing his specs again! And I LOVVVEEE! He looks smart when he wears his specs. :D Haha, shyt. I love him. :D
And I GOT FULL MARKS FOR BM! And this is my first time getting a full mark for a bahasa melayu. I've never got any higher marks than 93 maybe? :D Haha. SHYT. And I jumped around in class just now, just cause I got a full mark for BM. And did I mentioned that it was BM 2? :D My BM 1 will spoil everything.. -.-'
