I'm a big believer in music. It describes the human experience so much better than I ever could, and challenges me to think through my thoughts and emotions in ways that I might not otherwise. We laugh around our house and say that if Wilco, the Rolling Stones, Phish or Alison Krauss don't sing about it, it's probably not really happening to you.
Those fabulous bands aside, I must confess that I'm a bit of a Broadway nut, and I do love "Wicked." One of the songs, "Dancing Through Life," has truly hit home recently. It talks about living the unexamined life, a world where woes are fleeting and blows are glancing. I'm sure some of you just started singing along -- what can I say, it's "Popular" (sorry, bad joke).
One thing's for sure: living through IF is not living an unexamined life. It is full of pain, and you and your spouse must think and pray your way through issues they just don't cover in pre-marital counseling. Sometimes I look at my friends who don't share these struggles and think they are living the life described in the
lyrics: dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth. I know that's not true. We each carry around our burdens and worries; no one's life is perfect. That's the temptation though -- to pretend that it is. Not to think too hard about it, to engage in a make-believe world where everything is surely going to work out in the end.
DH and I are challenging ourselves to
live the life we have. Not to disengage. Not to float. Being truly in this experience, feeling the hurts, working through the worry, is where the growth will be. Yes, there's pain in the process. That's where we are stretched, sometimes almost unbearably. But that's also where God is. We seek Him there, and we trust that He will be there for us and with us.
Friends, I challenge each of you to join us in trying to be real and honest in this process. I also ask you to hold me accountable if you see me trying to "Pollyanna" my way through this, which is an ever-present temptation for me.
We have faith that if God brings us to it, He will bring us through it, and that applies to IVF as well. God is truly in the details. We trust Him now with follicle counts and FSH levels just as we pray to one day trust Him as we parent our much-prayed for child. Do we doubt? Do we get mad? Do we have days when we despair and fall victim to the "woe-is-me's?" Of course. Absolutely. More than I would like to admit. Do we continue to trust that God will use this for His glory? Always.
So here's to the process and focusing on finding the joy in the journey -- and to leading a
well-examined life.
