Important things

For the love of Pete the Cat.

As of a month ago we have a third kid.

So I should probably start blogging again now that I have all this free time on my hands. I should also go online to verify the proper way to clean the Hepa (HEPA? Caps or no caps? Huh.) filter of my vacuum. Or just find out if I need to buy another one.

Yeah, that seems like a good use of my time.

Casting out Fear

It hasn't been that long since I posted to my blog. I think it was in October.

Of last year.

Oops...

I think that maybe it's a discipline issue more than anything else. Or a reliable laptop issue. Or a who in their right mind would blog on a tablet issue. Or a why would I want to sit at the desk and type away while my feet get cold and I have four books that I want to read and Castle and Agents of Shield are waiting for me on Xfinity OnDemand issue.

Or maybe it's just a priority issue. Or discipline.

Well, you know what? There's no rule that says one must keep a blog, is there? Is there?! I don't see any of you keeping up with your blogs. For reals? Some of you are keeping up with your blogs? Wow. Do you want to write this post for me?

Okay, so all kidding aside. I had sort of an epiphany last week about why I might have lost motivation to write. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with how my kids are sucking the life out of me. I can't really use that excuse anymore because one is 2 and the other will be 4 at the end of the month. They're at the point where they don't need me to do everything for them (only like, 66% of things.) They play nicely together, Allison is potty trained and often tells (screeches at) me that she can do it herself (then she pees all over the bathroom floor because she couldn't get her pants down in time or she refused to use the little potty seat or she wanted to pee standing up like her brother. Which is another reason my bathroom smells like urine. If I had a dollar for every time I tell Owen to watch where he's "pointing that thing" I wouldn't be wearing 5 year old running shoes.) And I can't blame it on all the housework I do after the kids go to sleep. Lord knows those dishes aren't going to wash themselves but they might just get up and walk next door where they can live in a sanitary environment. And we bought that chair and a half so that my unfolded laundry would have a place to sit and feel like part of the family for a few hours days.

Okay, never mind about not kidding about things. I just don't have it in me to write seriously for more than a few sentences in a row. THAT is a muscle that I haven't exercised in quite some time. But if you don't drop a hint of levity into the mix you might end up feeling sorry for yourself or popping your kid's Ritalin or heaven forbid eating an entire package of non-gmo-free snacks (I'm looking at you Fun Size Butterfinger!)

So the real reason (this is the serious part) is...fear. Yep, good old fashioned fear. Fear of who is reading. Fear that maybe I'll put a comma in the wrong place. Fear that maybe I'll write something that the people I love won't agree with or like. Fear that I'll write something and that someone I don't know will stumble upon this blog and read it. Just. Fear. That's it.

While not keeping a blog out of fear is very much a First World Problem, in my case it points to a deeper issue that has real world implications. I have a fear of being known. Known and rejected. Known and found lacking. I want people to like me. All. The. Time.

What I discovered last week is that it all comes down to love. I started reading in Genesis and was asked the question, "Give one way that you need to release control and submit to God." So after answering that question with "fear" I ended up at 1 John 4:18. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

So what is it that I have reason to fear? Well, if you back up a little bit into verse 17 the only thing I should fear is God's judgement HOWEVER I don't even need to fear that anymore thanks to Christ's death and resurrection.

So if his love abides in me and I have nothing to fear, then why do I still fear the opinions of others and what effect does this have on my relationships with others? If I am always concerning myself with what others think of me I will eventually exhaust myself trying to keep them happy. Which can easily lead to frustration and resentment because I'm working so hard for that person to see me as something that I might not be - or at the very least, not be to the degree that I portray myself. And of course this can lead to dislike and/or hatred and the dissolution of a friendship.

That is not love being perfected.

Sooo...that's where my head's been at lately and I hope that you got something out of it. If nothing else, you know me a little better than you did before. I hope you still love me but if not, then I'm going to have to be okay with that.


For more about my journey through this lesson you can find where I started here, at IF:equip. I highly recommend signing up for the daily emails as they go through the book of Genesis. There's a short passage of scripture, a few reflection questions and typically a short video or audio clip (4 minutes tops). You can do it on your smart phone while your kids are eating breakfast and if you skip four or five days it's easy to catch up or just dive right back in. Also, you can go to desiringgod.org for a 1985 sermon by John Piper on 1 John 4:17-19. This is what I read through to learn more about what "perfected" really means in this passage and how all of THIS (picture me waving my hands around in a big spherical shape) translates into loving God and loving others. The audio track is also available at that link.

When you love someone with real practical deeds, you never hear a warning signal that says, "You're going to get punished for this." - John Piper

Annie's Microwavable Mac & Cheese Cup

The nut doesn't fall very far from the tree.  Here's a video of my kids stuffing their faces with our free cup of Annie's Mac & Cheese (courtesy of Influenster)

What does your favorite cheese say about you? I'm a mozzarella girl myself.

MamaVoxBox!!!!

It's VOX BOX TIME!!!!  The Mama Vox Box is full of goodies like:

• belVita Soft BAked Breakfast Biscuits (Approx. Retail Value $3.69/box)
• Dr. Scholl's For Her Comfort Insoles ($12.49)
• POND's Luminous Finish BB+ Cream: ($9.99)
• Annie's Microwavable Mac and Cheese Cup ($1.69/single, $3.29 multipack)

As always, I was given this box for free by Influenster  to test. Then I give 'em my opinion. Easy Peasy.

If you're interested in joining Influenster click on the button below or the box over in the sidebar. This is my personal link so that they know how awesome I am at referrals.

Meet Uni the "Yoonkicorn"

Parenting Tip #76

Don't create a character that you aren't willing to commit to for an extended period of time.

You've been warned.

Bonus Friday (Part 3)

Part 1 & Part 2

Mini Mange likes to fly his kite.

Mini Mange likes to fly his kite then let go of the string and yell, "I got it! I got it!" while chasing it through the field.

Tonight we watched our son do the same thing he does every time he flies his kite.  Get the kite in the air. Lets go. Chase. Catch. Repeat.

But tonight, the wind was a little stronger than usual and we watched our little guy run.  And run.  Still running...

I turned to Matt and gave him one of those, "aren't you going to do something about this?" looks that I'm super good at.  But nope.  Matt was not going to do anything about it.  I kicked off my flip flops and started jogging after my kid and his kite.

Then I was running.

Then I was running a little faster.

Then I was sprinting.

Then I was dodging traffic.

Finally, I was staring up into a tree at a spiderman kite while holding a tangled mess of kite string.

Thankfully, the tree was in the front yard of a family who had just finishing unloading their moving truck and three grown men (who had watched my progress across the field and street with great amusement) came to my rescue.  One of them went inside for a ladder while the other came out with his wife's curtain rod to knock the darn thing down.

Matt put two and two together when Mini Mange arrived back without a kite or a mother.  He eventually followed our very amused little boy to the edge of the park then sat down on the grass to watch while the neighborhood newbies and I got things under control.

Bonus Friday (Part 2)

After the DMV, I headed over to Mr. Bill's house to clean.

Mr. Bill is a really nice guy who's wife passed away last year.  He called me up to see if would be interested in cleaning his house for him because "well, I could do it my self...but I don't really want to."  Fair enough, the man's an 80 year old Korean War Vet, as far as I'm concerned he can do whatever the heck he wants.

About an hour and a half into my work, I realize that there are about 9 flies buzzing around one of the windows in his living room.  "Bill? Do you have a fly swatter?"

"Sure do! Let me get it for you. Where is he? I'll get him for ya."

"Um well, you see, there are a few of them flying around up there...like eight or nine..."

"We're gonna need a step stool for this!  Here, you get started and I'll be right back."

Now, Bill was a fighter pilot, or maybe he did something with bombers, I'm not really sure - in any case, he was pretty bad ass back in the day, but in 2013 he's not much bigger than me.  The sight of Bill up on his step stool waving that fly swatter back and forth just about gave me a heart attack.  I was fairly certain he was going to fall and break something.

"Back when our planes were on standby in '51 and '52 all of us Air Force guys would hang out on the runway in the tiniest little shack you'd ever seen.  Boy, that thing would fill up with flies so fast...now, the reflexes were a little better then, mind you, but we could catch those flies with our bare hands! Then we'd throw them at the ground to make sure they were good and dead because...well, why not?

Now, it may be "a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."  But it's also true that where men gather together in groups of two or more and there are flies to be found, those men will eventually try to catch those flies with their bare hands.  Then they will smash them on the ground.  I've seen students do it, I've seen my husband do it, I've even seen my 2 year old son do it.

After we beat the flies into submission, I dragged out his ancient 40-pound canister vacuum to suck up the
carcasses and do my final sweep through the house.  After banging into the wall/door/bed frame/coffee table/insert furniture piece here for the 16th time I began reciting my bi-weekly prayer:  "Lord, I wouldn't be heartbroken if this thing stopped working and maybe, just maybe, Bill would buy an upright vacuum. Amen."

I finished vacuuming his bedroom and went to turn off the machine.

Nothing.  The stinking thing would not turn off.  I bet you didn't realize that it's possible to simultaneously feel horrified that you just prayed a nice man's vacuum into oblivion and overwhelmed by gratitude that the Creator of the Universe would grant such an insignificant request.  Scratch that, I'm SURE you didn't realize it because you're not a loser like me who prays about vacuums.

I finished vacuuming the rest of the house but was terrified that I would be electrocuted each time I plugged that thing into the wall.  (Little blue sparks of terror!) When Bill walked in the back door, I tried my best to hide my elation as I explained the problem to him.  He said he'd take a look at it and try to get it to work again.  Little does Bill know that this event was ordained by God and there is not much hope for bringing his Electrolux back to life.

Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me and think happy vacuumy thoughts.