________________________.:my entries:.

to be honest, i am not in the mood to blog..but then i'm in a worser mood to sleep or to even glance through the multitude of readings tt's piling up on my desk...(excuses not to study..HA!)

but seriously, today's events made me very unhappy...the way the meeting was conducted...and of cos the bombshell about the new management committee of my club... it felt very surreal...and some of the things that happened are actually already fading away in my mind...but some thing stay...like how in the world can "X" as a leader just appoint pple who have not shown commitment whatsoever to take on one of the big 4 positions in the club?? is there no democracy? even the vp, "Y" was shocked...as with other people...of cos the person appointed "A" wasnt...DUH... but haiz...and of cos the other stunning announcement was that "B" is now the vice-president...oh well...i shd be happy for "B"...i really ought to be..but why is there this negative feelings inside? am i jealous? am i dissatisfied? but in a sense "B" did well to deserve the position...i need to show more encouragement and support...i guess im just unhappy that "X" decided to do things the autocratic way..appoint people...come on!! you're already stepping down...shdn the incoming president be making the decisions here??? and to think you didn even discuss it with him!!! WTF??? no sense of transparency and respect for him!! *shake head*

but a more disturbing fact was that dear pointed out that i am a very fake person... sigh...i know everyone is hypocritical in a way...but to have him tell me that right in the face really hurt...so in my anguish i hurt him back...im sorry for that....i truly am...but then it leads me to think why cant i accept criticism objectively? true, there's a certain level of hypocricy in everyone...like why do we smile at people we don't like? why are we nice to someone and behind that person bitch abt him/her? it's all levels of hypocricy...just the degree of it as dear correctly pointed out...but i juz feel even more cynical now at this point... =(

on the bright side, ken said something very encouraging to me today...

"you know something...thats the beauty about you...you take pride in your work...and let me tell you something...a man is not made by his status...but by his achievements...so putting it into context: if you are the marketing person, (what) you want to do with it depends on how much drive you have in you to reach out as far as you can, to really make what you have onhand into a star...now that is what i call a fantastic person"

so yep...there is still hope in this world...even if it's small...

You can love me, but I must make me happy.
You can teach me, but I must do the learning.
You can guide me, but I will have to walk the path.
You can coach me, but I must win that game.
You can even promote me, but I must be successful.
You can even pity me, but I will still have to bear the sorrow.
For the gift of love is not the food that feeds me,
it is the sunshine that nourishes what I must finally harvest for myself.
So if you love me, don’t just sing me a song;
teach me to sing, for when I am alone I will need the melody.

Author Unknown

when u dont do sweet things anymore, send sweet smses anymore, forget annivesaries, does this mean love is no longer there?

am i a very bad girlfriend who restricts her boyfriend too much?
even his friends have been commenting abt me...sigh...is it time to let go?

hrm...wonder if anyone read the article on this woman whose husband had an affair with another woman who's due to be married...it always makes me feel incredibly sad reading abt such issues...how vulnerable a r/s is in this modern day and age...and how people no longer believe in the sanctity of marriage...

i was super cheezed off by this guy who commented a few days later...he suggested allowing the idea of cohabitation over marriage, with an "emotional contract" of sorts, that allows each person a certain number of "affairs" per year...HELLO??? what kind of promiscuous lifestyle are u inculcating here??? geez...

it's only thursday of 1st wk of sch and already i feel incredibly burnt out..let's see...i spent 9hrs, 11hrs and 13hrs in sch for the past 3 days...GAWD...fortunately, today is MY DAY OFF and nobody is gonna take that away from me!! cannot imagine having to go back to sch...i'll juz die of exhaustion...

you know to be honest, i do not enjoy going back to sch...yeah..good parts are being able to meet ur frens and blah blah...but the bad outweight the good if u ask me...so much work to do and readings and projects..all these are beyond the usual class hours..people only see that SMU peeps have max of 15 hrs of actual class time each week, but what about the shit we have to go thru beyond that? yr 3 sucks...all the advanced modules suck worse...the cheem-o-lo-gy is not comprehensible for normal folk like me...geez...

ok im whining again...but where else and to whom can i vent my frustrations? taking a quote fr my cousin's nick "nobody will pity you"...cynical i know...but it's true...everyone has their own life to lead...and their own problems to contend with...

after a wonderful 4-mth long vacation break...it's back to school...YIKES!!

of course i love my dearie who stayed up late last night just to go all out of his way to fetch me home... *HUGS*

I LOVE MY RG FRIENDS!!!

a bunch of crappy and crazy pple who will definitely cheer you up and make the atmosphere fun and lively with their incessant chatter about anything and everything under the sun...who will take time off busy schedules to attend birthdays, even though almost everyone will be late...who will bitch with you and share gossip like how a good gal friend should...who will take silly and spastic photos just for fun...who play with toys and give them voices...who, to this day, give handmade presents...who will think of peas as the best green veggie in the world...who will say you look pretty and love you as you are even when you look ugly...and we take forever to say goodbye because it takes forever to hug each individual person and say something special to her before we leave...

i look like a swollen ba zhang!!! (T.T)

PAIN PAIN PAIN!!! i juz extracted my wisdom tooth...

*note to reader, the next few lines will be full of gory details on the whole operation, so if u have a weak constitution, please skip this entry*

as i was sitting in the clinic waiting for the dentist to arrive, i was quite shocked to see this old man come in...apparently this guy is the surgeon who's gona op on me...geez...scared man...what if he cant see it properly or if his hands are gonna be shaky??? *bleh*

went in, sat in the killer seat and opened wide...a needle the length of my fingers was inserted into my mouth...jab jab jab...OW OW OW!!! i think my gums juz bled as he jabbed the needle in...of cos my dentist was there assisting...OWIE....

my dentist: oh, there's another cartridge over there
me: thinks to myself...shit...more pain...

jab jab jab...OW OW OW!!! within mins, half my mouth was numb...it kinda feels weird.. like u wun even know if u bit urself..cos there's no feeling...gee...but that IS THE WHOLE purpose isnt it? ha!

all these weird surgical instruments being poked in and taken out...i saw something that looks vaguely like a pen knife (perhaps docs might call it a scalpel) in and cut cut cut...no pain on my side..juz this wide-eyed fear...feel so terrorised u know...gee...next comes the grinding/drilling sound..."zing zing zing"... more blood oozing out...i can feel the horrid taste of it...

well apparently my tooth is a biggie...and they have a prob pulling it out...the doc was literally tearing my mouth apart when he tried to grab my tooth with what i think must be pliers and yanked with all his might....i was like "uh...uh...uh" (think muffled sound of ouch)...goodness..it's such a barbaric operation u know... he was yanking this way and that...and he moved around to the other side and behind to yank somemore...but my stubborn little tooth juz didn give way...when finally i heard.."GOTTIT!"

my my is it HUGE...haha..the roots are long and amazingly, it is intact except for a bit of root broken off....anyone who wants a picture gotta wait..there's some gum still stuck to it...GROSS right?? i knooowww!!! but it's coolness of cool when u can see it whole and bloody and OUT OF MY MOUTH!!! =)

my doc started wiping my face...and it was then i realised there was blood spatter all over my mouth and outside of it...EWW...wonder how much of the red stuff i actually lost in the process...

so i got stitched up...2 stitches apparently...and my goodness...he so CANNOT STITCH... after meddling with the thread and the tiny hooked thing tt's supposed to be a needle...he finally got something done inside my mouth...and lo and behold, he couldn for the life of him snip off the excess thread!!! geez...he was tugging this way and that i was gonna get a lip cut fr it...BLEH...more muffled "ows" and he decided it wasn a nice stitch...so he had to RESTITCH the wound...KAOZ!!!

more tugging and yanking...blah blah blah...

everything after that happened rather quickly...now im back home...blogging after have tiny spoonfuls of porridge (yes, my diet for the next few days at least) and watermelon that my maid kindly chopped into tiny bits for my consumption...

initially after the anaesthetic wore off i was in PAIN i tell u...mega mega pain!!! ok ok...so my threshold of pain is extremely LOW but it's still painful nonetheless.. *boo-hoo*

but now it's much better...im like drinking blood now so yeah...to anyone who wants to get their tooth out...good luck...i so DO NOT LOOK FORWARD to my other op!!!

hey everyone!!!

i'm back fr ASOC camp..boy am i SUNBURNT!!! *pain pain* yeah, it's so bad tt i didnt wanna go for my cous' housewarming party today...my nose is redder than rudolphs' and my arms and neck are bright red...my legs feel itchy cos my skin seems to be peeling..and even my scalp is hot...SIGHS...it's the damn sun...and the lack of proper sun tan/block equipment... =( how to go out and have fun???

ok so i DID enjoy myself at ASOC camp despite the horrid burns..the pple were ok.. though i felt tt they were kinda bored after a while...not the very enthu type of pple...more mellow and laid back...not to mention they are all gamblers who would always give up winning the game challenges juz to play a bit more bridge, daidee, or a round of frisbee...haha...but ok la..slack has its own advantages...lol...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on another note, internship is over!!!! YAY!!! haha...it was definitely a memorable 15 weeks...i've learnt so much and enjoyed myself too..although the admin work bored me...the tax work was surprisingly interesting and challenging at some point..perhaps i CAN consider a career in tax...not to mention the wonderful appraisals tt my boss and colleagues gave...it's flattering... =) but also encouraging...tt my hard work and good attitude paid off...comparing PWC with perhaps some of the other places tt pple i know intern at...i guess it's overall a good work environment...for an accounting firm..at least i get to do REAL work and experience some welfare too... =)

now the sad part is writing the report..ha! I super dislike all the damn reports... and now tt my poor labbie doesn have microsoft officer after i rebooted it...writing tt damn report is gonna be challenging...*grouch*

_________.:tag me:.