________________________.:my entries:.

f***ed up....screwed....

AIS midterm and i have no idea what to do about it...i wish monday wud neva come...

tried dis test taken fr T's blog...haha...so BHB...

Congratulations! Your IQ is 138

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns.

click HERE to try it out

Haha...ego booster.... =P

went blading for the very first time yesterday!!! oh boy it was really fun though sounded like a screaming banshee for every few steps taken...heh... =P luckily the park was quite empty then...heh...but it was really quite scary wad..haha...trying to balance on wheels...and not knowing how to brake! i seriously think cycling is way easier...and safer...

hrm..i think e guy at the blading rental was damn amused by us thou... but at least he was nice enuff to help me during e initial bit...if not i surely wud haf had it worse!!! still need to learn e art of falling man...i always fall backwards...and once i was rolling towards e drain n cannot stop....so boh pian...force a fall outside a drain instead...

owwwieee...butt and legs ache man...thank goodness for knee and hand guards...if not i'd haf been in a sorrier state...

conclusion: total number of falls = 4

thanks F for spending a wonderful afternoon wif me!!! sure did make me feel happy and contented!!!

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went to watch team america wif B yest evening...chose it over closer cos i wanted a laugh...it was quite hilarious...and very south park-ish...so lame and so crude...definitely for those who wanna watch something brainless...

had crabs and sting ray for dinner...super duper stuffed cos we ordered a small black pepper and a chilli crab fr 2 different stalls...which turned out to be a big chilli crab and 2 small black pepper crab...bleh...i think i will swear off crabs for the next half yr....

watched 2 movies on 2 consecutives days at the same place....sounds damn xian rite? but well, it wasnt so bad....

1st movie was a series of unfortunate events...free movie preview tix so y not right?
well, quite a unique piece i guess...about the 3 kids...and how they bond tghr and keep close as a family when their parents are "murdered"...macham detective story as the kids unravel how their parents died...what they were involved in...yada yada...

2nd movie was a very long engagement which i watched with the smux pple...B allowed me to crash the gathering they had...was quite reluctant to watch cos i know it's a french show and some kinda war/love thingy...well, anyway, it was quite gory/sexual la...and somehow french films are shot really differently from the american and hk movies that we're like so used to...so yah...also like detective story...as it depicted how the female lead overcomes all odds to search for her fiance who was "lost at war"....hrm...i guess what it shows is how she never gives up even as all the evidence led everyone else to believe that he has passed away....and how she clung on to any bit of hope that might be there....

well, compare that to life...things are quite different la...is there really a need to cling on to shreds of hope when it might be easier to let go? in shows/movies things can always turn out positive, but life doesn always give hope to those who believe....

i many seem to sound very pessimistic here...but when there's so much hope, there's greater disappointment when it all ends at nothing...

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

-Adam Sandler: I wanna Grow Old With You-

gonna have a family dinner tonite...cousins are bringing their other halves along...wish i wud get to meet al's gf...heh...im sure there'll be questions about mine...bah...cant escape...

dis shall be e first sat i sorta spend alone...there's always a first for everything i guess...just a prelude to the subsequent saturdays to come....mayb i'll go out to study...see who's free to pei wo...

have a sudden craving for haagen dazs ice-cream...haha...no more in my fridge liao....cannot la...muz control and not indulge in fatty foods....sigh....

to all the friends who have cared in one way or another...thank you for showing me concern and love and for offering me your friendship....

i'm ok now....

things are sort of settled....although they will never really be the same again....i will be strong and hope it all gets better....

quote: "juz be brave and face it or find a way to deal with it"

time to face the music...i dunno what to expect....i dunno how i shd feel...

anticipation...nervousness...worry...

preparing for the worst yet being hopeful that things wun turn out so bad...

but how to do that when up till now i dunno what i really want? or mayb i know what i want but i cant bring myself to face it....

It really is murphy’s law isn it…I typed a really long post and it got deleted when my IE crashed…T, if u’re reading this, I HATE MURPHY….ha…

I feel tired and numb now…im amazed I managed to sleep, despite waking up twice in the night and having gastric cos I skipped dinner and my neck is cramped now cos of the awkward position I propped my head….sigh….this is definitely a WRONG time to get embroiled into this…yet I let myself get involved….i let myself sink into this deep deep hole….with no way of pulling myself out of it…

Sometimes I wonder if things wud have turned out differently if I had not made a sound…if I pretended to be deaf to what I hear, to be mute and not say what I feel, to be blind to what I see….to be devoid of feelings like jealousy and anger….

When it was originally the fault of the other party, words can surely turn things around to make it my fault…I am not a person who’s good with manipulating words and meanings, I cannot influence as well as u can…I do not have the capability of doing what you do… and so I lost…in a way…im left holding on to the shreds…with no say in what is to become…I hate this sense of helplessness….

Sure I’d go as far as to admit that I have been wrong to do what I did….it was not my right to know everything…but having to live in darkness of what’s going on…having you keep things from me…it really pains me…u can claim that u’ve never tried controlling my life, u’ve never tried to break into my privacy…but if u think about it fr my point of view, when have I kept anything from u? I don’t think I have…it’s a vicious cycle, the more u hide, the more I want to know…n to u the more I know, the more u hide….

if it were “just a friend”, if she really did not mean anything, y cant u just say it? Y cant u just tell me u found a fren on ur trip? Y cant you be open and communicative? Sure I may be upset, but after it goes away, I wud appreciate the honesty…

If u think my actions are unforgivable and that there are no more feelings to be spoken of…I cant change ur mind…all I know it that for close to 3 yrs….we’ve been working things out…making changes and sacrifices for each other…building what we have together now…for 3 yrs we’ve had happy n memorable times….and sad ones…the petty quarrels, the big arguments…and now that’s the end of the road…u want it to end…and I cant stop you from it…I cant make u change ur mind…

But I believe part of ur anger probably comes from guilt, that you have kept things from me…that I found out about what u tried so hard to hide…u feel naked, u feel exposed and u feel “betrayed”…but what about me?

Do I not feel anything? Am I not as hurt and as betrayed?

hiding n avoiding...
is it my fault tt u become so?
or is it just a problem with YOU?

isn what i've done for you enough?
y cant u stay true and honest?
y do u hide it from me?

i am hurt.

our vj class dinner...total turnout..11 

silly poses at my place 

at ting's 

at fang's 

ting's cake 

at my uncle's hse 

me n my family! 

me n some of my cousins on CNY eve 

OH BOY!!!! the last few days haf been GREAT!!! oh boy!!! i LOVE chinese new yr!!! as gerrie puts it...it's the only time u ever get free money!!! (ok...tt sounds a bit mercenary...but all un-married pple out there know it's true!!!!)

in brief...here's my account of CNY....

cny eve: went wif my LTB grp to visit client in the morn...and den reunion steamboat at my place....played lots of silly card games like 5 of a kind, bridge, dai dee, diamond 7, indian poker....hehehe....and joke of the day...."how many ang family men does it take to change a lightbulb?" =P

da nian chu yi: went ard visiting....collected ang paos...ended up at gramp's hse playing wif cyrus n gambling at the black jack table....haha...my dad is a damn funny banker...atmosphere was super rowdy and absolutely FUN!!! (although i lost $...darn!)

da nian chu er: more visiting....dis time it's to the long-dist relatives....and den ended up at my aunt's place to learn another type of game..."si sek" aka 4 colours...apparently it's damn popular during my parent's childhood days...it's quite fun...pretty much played like mahjong but far more portable...haha...it's in the shape of little ice-cream sticks...

da nian chu san: back to sch for tax n audit...how XIAN is that....had a major migrane in the morn i tot i was gonna get into a car accident on the way to sch...bleh...dangerous....parked beside stupid des n he pasted something on my windshield...and signed off as "the 1"...OH MY GAWD...how LAME....went for din din wif VJ class mates...turnout was 11...WAH...tt's how amazing...haha....though it was short n there wasn really much "real conversation" gg ard...it was fun!! haha...some things juz dun change over time... =)

da nian chu si: went visiting wif my RG pals!!! it was SUPER DUPER FUN!!!! wow whee...went to fang's for lunch, mahjong, n to celebrate ting's belated bday...packed 7 pple in e car n headed down to ting's for bridge, bridge n more bridge....finally went to shan's and picked june up along e say...so tt makes 8 pple in one car...heh..i think pple fr other vehicles were juz looking n laughing..haha...more bridge...and finally my place to end e day of food, angpaos, mahjong n bridge....we shd do this more often!!!

bondue girls! 

oh boy!!! retail therapy does wonders for me!!! am on such a HIGH right now after buying 3 tops and 2 skirts...*grinz* am SO SO SO glad i managed to haf pat go shopping wif me on dis really hot day....at bugis st mkt no less...heh...and i bought my white skirt AT LAST!!! and all for 15 bucks only....hahaha....so proud of myself!!! =D

well, now quite stuck as to wad to get him for Valentine's...xianz...if i ask him wad he wud like, den no surprise le...if i juz get liddat...wad if he doesn like??? *scratch head* ze me ban? and i wonder wad he's gonna get me...*tries to think hard* oh well...let it be a pleasant surprise... =)

oh boy it's finally the end of the week!!!! YIPPIE!!! haf been so so so looking forwad to this man!!! hahahaha...am in such wonderful spirits now...la dee da....

and to all my frens out there reading this n concerned abt my mental health...please...i am NOT psychotic....a bit neurotic i guess but not PSYCHOTIC....almost fainted when ray asked if i was ok and on e verge of suicide or sth....BLEH....

well, at least i got that straightened out....hahaha....

hrm...i am beginning to enjoy tax classes...maybe it's e atmosphere....and how chester is so farnie....and LAME....oh boy...sometimes e jokes are SO COLD u juz laugh...and of cos thanks to lulu's morning ringtone of myojo mee resonating thru the entire class making everyone laugh so hard we couldn stop...n of cos lulu juz goes beet red....hehehhee...and i made a conclusion tt chester n victor muz somehow be related cos they look super duper alike...after their respective haircuts!!! hehehehe....

audit sucked...ok la...it wasn tt bad...at least the class was kind n did not shoot questions to KILL the grp...but im juz freaking glad it's over and i dun haf to spend hrs meeting wif my audit grp mates ever!!!! YEAH!!! man...i gave up my manicure session for audit man...e sacrifices i make....HAHAHA....

oh yeah..im gg shopping!!! whee whee whee!!! i wan my retail therapy!!!

at the end of my incredibly long day...(starting from 8am till 1:30am the next day) it's really heart warming to know that i can go back to someone who wud give me a nice good nite hug and tell me that despite my sucky long hectic schedule, everything will be ok.... =)

_________.:tag me:.