________________________.:my entries:.

oh...dear told me he wanna join the smux camp...n there's dis discount tt if u go in threesomes, u get a couple of dollars off the fee...n i think he's got pple whom he wanna ask....FEMALE, FEMALE, FEMALE....so irritating...i know e gender ratio in sch is like quite crap la..but den such camps shd be able to garner male interest too rite????? *growls*

im back fr ASOC camp! =)

wad can i say...wanrong is such a nice facilitator work with..we had so much fun, her grp n mine...initial part during ice-breaker..lucky we had dis enthu girl who tot us e "yee-ha" game... and den had fun laughing, playin, n den sabo victor to dance ard e tree wif elaine, one of my freshies...MUAHAHA....victor is damn sporting la...n den SB kept taking photos of everybody...

yep yep...games were pretty ok...thou much can be said abt organisation la...overall still pretty messy lor...but my team of 4 girls n 1 guy...we won downball(sth like table tennis but on a volleyball sized court), we lost by a bit at minesweeper all cos e stupid game master did not see properly...we worked wif eugenia's team to win e sea-ly formations...n den our 4th grp member came n we went on to win e watermelon game (eat watermelon fastest w/o using hands...haha...my grp members ate a lot of sand too man! eww) n got 2nd for melting ice...whee!!! we're damn good sia! hur hur hur...

afternoon play amazing race lor...tag team wif rong's team...so fun...lucky we got their team ar... they had one commando to take lead n one other girl who knows sentosa as thou she lives there..heh...but den we made a huge mistake at the 1st stop as such we we trailing quite far lo... haiz...n den we fought hard and pushed our way up fr 9th to 6th...heh...ok la..not so bad...kena a horrible sandal tan-line...fortunately no shirt line...weird hor? heh...a lot of the girls got blisters.. ouch..lucky i wore comfy sandals... =) oh...dear's grp got 4th...congrats...

dinner was bbq...hrm...was quite impressed by dis guy in my grp la..he was damn gentlemanly n very nice to all...he helped everyone get food cos we were all too tired to move...haha...he's crappy n entertaining too..haha...my last minute grp member transferred fr dear's grp...well, it's their loss tt their facilitator transferred him out...hrm...lemmie describe my other members...e other guy is called shawn...not very talkative but still quite fun to be ard..e 4 girls generally stay tghr la..one is my age...one is fr RG who wanted to get into law but coultn, another is a touch rugby player and the last girl is fr HK....yupz...all are nice pple...so quite happy to haf them...

after dinner we went all e way to one of the "twin towers" to sit n chat...tghr wif rong's grp.. it was so fun...n crappy...n we pigged out on chips and marshmellows... =P long time neva go camping...miss out on such interesting experiences...heh...

i could go on n on abt e rest of the nite n e next day(it rained, so we left very early cos cannot play games liao...but we did play indian poker..haha..so fun!)....but no pt la...summary is tt i got to know more people...jnrs and some others fr my batch...got to know rigan...the "shen" of acct fac...haha...but den still feel pretty distant fr most of the big cliquish bunch fr acct....oh wellz, at least i know i dun DETEST all acct pple....heh....n i like my jnrs... =) OOH!! i saw cherlyn!!! still pretty as ever...haha...n youyi, thou i think he cant recognise me...like got quite a few other VJ pple cos i saw their shirts(fac shirt, orientation shirt etc) but i dunno them...ANYWAY, most important thing is tt I HAD FUN! =)

i dun like acct pple!!!! everytime im ard them i feel stressed n "outcasted"...sigh...juz cos i was seperated fr all e acct pple last term...n acct is not my main deg...UGH...dis sch is damn elitist lor...acct pple are like so "gao gao zai shang"...oh wellz...

am so damn pissed off at C man! i mean...e way she plan e timetable is for her own benefit lor...n tt D is so damn accommodating towards her...ok la..i think they are definitely much closer in terms of "gan qing" as compared to me n either of them...3s a crowd...blah blah...so ya...n den like 5 pple bid same course...n nobody cares abt my timings...BAH...

was fuming n i was whining to W abt it..she's such a nice person la...pity we're taking clasing courses...if not i think i click beta wif her than any other acct person...n most importantly, she UNDERSTANDS how i feel...

was feeling absolute LOW when i got hm fr tt horrible ASOC meeting...wanted to call dear n tell him everything...but i remembered he was studyin so dun wanna disturb..so called P...but she wanna play mahjong...called T but no answer....so went online to vent frustrations...sigh...

met T (another one) online...started whining all over again...n T was saying she dun mind bidding diff class tghr wif me cos she feels weird bidding wif e others too...n like they dun wanna do proj wif her...so it's like bid tghr for wad? so i was quite happy after tt...until C came on n started discussing course again...so irritating la...plans change again...BAH!!!!!

in e end..i think im gonna end up wif a 3-day wk ending at 6:45 everyday! MY GAWD! my worst nightmare!!!!

oh yeah! i juz remembered sth tt made me real happy on sunday!
e guy at e ticketing booth asked to see my IC when dear n i bought tix for Brotherhood! Muahahahaha...it was NC 16 lor!!!! Hahahahaha....i actually look young! (for a change) *whee*

i am exhausted...brain dead...cannot think...been trying to arrange e best timetable i can get n sadly, there are so many BLARDY considerations...who ask me to take a FREAKING double deg???? UGH...

e biz pple haf their own schedule, e acct pple haf their own schedule...doesn help that they prefer not to include me in their discussions cos im too impossible to accommodate!!!! *sobs* i am so super screwed...i need to despeately find "my kind"...those wif equally screwed lives as me...n den we can all dis tghr....n bid tghr.... UGH UGH UGH....

been having headache on courses to bid for...on one hand, there are the biz pple i wanna bid with, n on the other e acct pple whom i need to bid with....jialat...y did i put myself in such a horrible position? shd i clear my biz courses or acct courses first???? "*pull hair* i dun wanna end up having to take courses all alone..tt would be e ultimate sad case scenario!!!! =(

right now..if all goes right, i actually have a 3-day timetable..which is good news...worried if i'd be able to make my bids lo...cos all are quite popular courses at popular timeslots...but den it's like if i were to take modified term den i hafta keep some "less xiong" courses to take...GRR... jialat la... *pull more hair*

today is definitely a wonderful day! *big wide smile*
dear remembered!!! tt's e happiest moment dis morning when i received his sms...i originally tot he'd forget cos he was quite bothered by all the briefings and studyin for stats exemption...but he didnt!!! *yippie*

anywayz, lunch at suki sushi was so filling! i think the buffet there very worth the $ man...free flow sashimi n drinks n tepanyaki too...had a great pig out...hehe...

watched brotherhood today...i think it was great man! can really see the emotional bond between e leads...so heart-wrenching during the battle scenes...wah...blood n gore everywhere...den pple dying...crying...fighting for their lives...innocent deaths...bodies...bleh...i was crying first in e middle of the film n den again at e end...so paiseh...need to borrow tissue cos i dun haf...HAIZ...but it was damn touching lor... ^_^

bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

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ok..got tt out of the system...
sigh...i feel a "dai gou" wif the freshies...maybe im juz not "blending in"....

i feel blue...

probably PMS...

was telling dear abt my frustrations abt e VSA camp...how some of the products are really not very marketable...and yet e whole group seems quite ok wif e standard of work they've done on the bookmarks n notebooks...oh crap...nobody to stand out n say "hey, thisis quite bad..perhaps we shd do some touch up"

nobody really takes e leadership role to guide and lead e whole grp..save one or 2 "nominated" pple...and me,myself and i...i feel like a dictator...(all e while during harmoc prac we were accusing YZbeing dictator chew...)i kinda understand how it feels...it's so much much easier to tell pple wad exactly u wan them to do especially when nobody bothers to volunteer to take oncertain jobs...i dun wanna be a dictator...i really dun...but if i didn do it..nothing will get done...everybody wans to be a goodie goodie...and not do anything "unpopular" wif the grp...
 
dear certainly has lots of ideas n comments, but he doesn like to speak up and tell everyoneabt it...he'd rather pass e msg thru a medium...which is exasperating cos i feel some of his opinions are really constructive and will really help...oh heck...i cant force pple to voice out can i?

another thing to note...i officially DO NOT like dis guy HL from my grp...he super buay pai sehone lor...everyday ask dear for a ride back...actually, i dun mind la...it's on the way...but den today as we had 5 pple...(dear, me, 2 beneficiaries we had to send to the mrt and HIM) and den he very "zi dong" went to sit in e passenger's seat..leaving me to sit behind wif e beneficiaries WTH...let him take ride, he come n "zheng wei zi" wif me... >_<
 
and i dun haf a very gd impressionof him to begin wif...super kiam siap, un-gentlemanly, tells terrible jokes, n is fat n ugly(thou i dun mind fat n ugly pple, i juz wanna put dis in)...wah lao...he really gian peng gian sai lor...today he brought bread toschool for lunch to save money...n he was complaining abt having to take e long 67 bus home fr schyesterday cos dear couldn give him a ride then...i was thinking "GET USED TO IT"...i mean, seriously la, he's not poor lor...every week can go simlim to buy stuff cannot be very poor lor...so KIAM for wad???
ok ok..im juz being very bitchy here...but who ask him to de zui wo? HMMPPHH...

another thing is tt i feel tt dear n i haf not really been spending quality time tghr, thou we see each other everyday in sch, it's somehow different...and as for after sch activities,yesterday was golf, today was tuition, tml will be grp dinner, thurs golf (tentative), friday...we're doing stuff tghr, but there are others...not tt i really mind, juz tt i wish for ALONE time wif dear...even if it's juz doing nothing... =(

he came over afterall...tot it was a peace treaty...in e end...it was to get plaster... SIGH...

FEELING MIGHTY PISSED OFF!!

HE calls me an ingrate!!!
HE argued wif me e moment he got back from JB!!!
HE thinks im trying to be difficult!!!
HE accuses me of using underhand ways of making feel guilty!!!

WTF?!?!?!?

and all these...juz cos i didn want to collect e durians he got me from JB!!! >_<
so infuriating!!!

1st n foremost...his instructions were not even precise...i had e impression tt he was on his way home..not on his way making rounds delivering durians...

2nd...im was pretty zonked out...slept all e way hm fr my cousin's hse...

3rd...so late already...y cant it wait till tml????

ok..i admit..my fault...i didnt say "thank you" e moment i heard abt e durians...i wasn thinking at tt moment...n after tt it was yak yak yak until i got no mood to say thank you...is tt y im called an ungrateful person!?!? sheesh...F***...

blardy hell la...how to cool off this quarrel? i've gotta face him for e whole entire week...

a fren was confiding tt he dreamt of havin sex wif a close female fren...when he's in fact already attached...geez...i told him NEVER to tell his gf tt!
 
den again..wad are dreams? are they supposed to represent our sub-consciousness? is what we dream of sth we wanna do in real life? i've been plagued by weird dreams too...insane ones...but it's all my insecurities there...sometimes i do wish for dreamless sleep...at least i can sleep proper...

am i a very bad n unsupportive gf? =(
it's like dear has been feelin low n somehow im not helping...cos i feel low when he's a grumpy old grouch...n den i sullk too...den we juz end up quarrelling n feeling lousy all over again...
dear was sayin when he's feeling down i shd b e one to lift his spirits...tt's wad a gf is supposed 2 do...crap...

it's been 3 days of work in sch...yup...gotta know e whole grp of freshies...so yeah...my grp not too bad la...at least they are nice pple...can clique wif some of them..and all r willing to help out...nobody wif AP or anything... =)

hmm..been bothered by some issues la...me being dear's facilitator n all..i can sense tt he's not having as much fun as he shd be...cos im there...yeah...i like working wif him...but im not sensing e same kind of enthusiasm being reflected back...it's like he acts as thou we do not know each other...i mean...he's quite cold towards me lo... =( mayb im juz being overly sensitive..but den he's so much more jovial towards e others than to me..he doesn say it but i feel a difference...

n does being tghr in e same grp mean tt he cannot treat me like his gf? for example, he doesn wait for me to go lunch...he juz walks out wif e rest of them...den esp today i wanted to go out n eat...pp came over to join us ma...but den he doesn seem interested lo...he told me to take his car n go along myself...i felt like he was accusin me of being an irresponsible facilitator..leaving my grp n gg out to eat...well, to me they are not kindergarden kids lo...in fact e guys are all older than i am...obviously we dun need to be tghr during lunch break rite? if they wanna come along, im certainly open to e idea...but like *UGH*... dear doesn seem to think so lo...he's so RELUCTANT to spend lunch wif me...also..dear doesn "sayang" me like he would...damn...i carry such a heavy bag...i tot he would offer to help me wif it...u know? it's e offer tt counts...not so much e action...n yest i asked him to help me get my labtop..he did...and den immediately passed it to me to carry myself when there are like 4 other guys wif empty hands...GEEZ...am i being very demanding? wat happened to gentlemanliness? am i taking him for granted? i dunno if there are boundaries as to wat u can or cannot ask of ur bf... =(

*sighs* and den there's dis other girl whom i somehow feel "threatened" by...well, personally, i like her very much..she's funny yet sarcastic n cynical to a certain extent...i think we can communicate tghr on e same wavelength...in fact i see a lot of myself in her...and i also see part of myself...e part tt i wanna be, in her...dunno how to explain la...n den she's also very friendly towards e guys...i know she n dear can click very well too...juz tt in my presence, some things are kinda weird lo...i dunno la...all these insecurities tt come wif having dear start school...i really can't help it...=(

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it was HER birthday yesterday...i wonder if he knew abt it...

sAtUrDaY

today was GREAT! haha...went ktv wif jc pple..so fun meeting up wif them..n i muz say san is really humorous...i like being ard her...all e sarcastic wit...yeah...n she's quite an ice-breaker too... =) so ended up singing/screeching for 4 hrs wif jw, ms, nette n san...e 2 serenes came too! but had to leave early...den hwing n jev came after tt...yupz...a wonderful..dinner at swensens...crap n crap...n exchange stories...experiences...teasing hwing abt her hair...jw gettin pinched...ms talking abt gf...jev saying disgusting toilet stories..san describing her acting class...haha...yep..it was great fun...

oh...super sad case of driving manual car man...stalled on a SLOPE!!! OMG..i almost died of heartattack when tt idiot jw started screaming!!! piangz...make me nervous only...boh pian ma...who ask him so heavy!!! it's a cute small car wad...hehe...lucky no major accident...

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fRiDaY

went to da beach wif my dear twin...played pool..haha..i won 2 outta 3 matches... *big grinz* and den went cycling...n den enjoyed e time we spent facing e sea...enjoying e breeze...talking...abt old times...old flames...new frens...new lives...n reflected on how we didnt really change very much over the past 10 odd yrs...

i love e serenity of it all...n best of all...the company of someone dear... =)

*point to note...there are an incredible no. of cockroaches on the breakwaters...esp at nite...if anyone heard screaming...tt was probably us =P*

BH lent me his car to drive...well, it's quite exhilarating to drive all alone in a MANUAL car...neva done tt before in my 1yrs driving span...auto cars r damn easy to handle..but manual leaves much to be desired...well, i survived..no scratch, no bump, no major road accident... =) lucky BH got faith in me...

jo's bday today...er..yesterday...ok la..went there n met SB, PY, El n these 2 guys fr IS...we were e only smu pple there so i guess tt's y we stayed wif one another...sickening AL was MIA...she was supposed to go wif me...cos we shared jo's present ma...but den she was totally uncontactable..think jo was mildly irritated...anyway, quite a lot of pple went n her cake was huge man!! a whoopin 4kg...n it tasted GREAT! apparently it's some chocolate moouse(how to spell?!?!) thingy...thou on e outside, e icing juz made it look all pink n pretty...hehe...very girly...ya anyway, it was pretty fun...

recently a lot of pple asking me to help out wif orienation...geez...asoc camp...pow wow camp...blah blah...think cos e uni is small, tt's y they need more manpower for the new incoming batch...300 graduating...1000 coming in...GOSH...i can't imagine how disgustingly crowded the whole place is gonna be...EEK...i guess i might as well help out wif e camps if i can...nothing else to do anyway ma...n it's a gd opportunity to get to know e freshies... =) thou i muz say, im not exactly a very sociable person...

had my very first meeting wif my VSA groupies yest...9 pple turned up..ok la..not so bad...im ok wif my partner facilitator, but we seriously do not GEL...got a communication prob there man...we think on diff wavelength...n totally got no mo qi!! =( it's like during the briefing, i spoke more...hey not tt im trying to qiang feng tou...she was eating thru-out!!! n she repeats all tt i've already said...leaving e freshies very bored...oh well, hope i can get along wif my freshies...dear is so coincidently put in my grp...out of 10 grps!! i was so so happy when i found out...den after tt someone wanted to change me to a diff grp...i was very reluctant n elena asked y...so i said dear is in my grp...she wanted to switch dear to another grp but den i didn wan...aiyah...i was mainly irritated cos its as thou u're taking sth precious away fr me after giving it to me...worse than not having at all...n esp after realising how much time this whole proj is gonna take up...a whole mth!!! sigh...in e end i was almost resigned to being moved elsewhere...but den Elena was so kind as to say no need...she dun wanna separate us...n dis is very mean, but i think they all dun quite like my partner facilitator...esp dis guy called chris...(tt's another long story) oh well, as long as it's not me they dun like...*shrugs*

wad would u do if u found out tt ur bf was surfing porn? geez...a girlfren mentioned it to me today...i dunno man...hrm..well, are guys entitled to tt bit of fantasy? to view women wif big boobs and long endless legs n blah blah blah?? would i freak out if i found out tt abt mine? *shudder* hope tt day neva comes...but i would think he's a bit of a freak...but den again..it's juz like masturbation isn it? guys do it but nobody admits...*shrug*

anyway, another girlfren asked me today wad would i do if one day my significant other became blind or crippled or has some form of disability...i dunno ley...when i say it now tt i wun leave him...i cannot guarantee for sure tt i would really really do tt in real life rite? read tt article abt dis guy cheating on his wife dunno how many times... n she still took him back despite saying she'd dump him if he were unfaithful(of cos the situation is somewhat different)...but if u cant stick ard...does tt mean tt u dun love e person enuff? muz we all be self-sacrificing martyrs to prove tt we love someone?

oh..exactly 3 days ago..i officially do not need a P-PLATE!!!! WHEE!!!

today is juz not my day...so irritating...ok la..perhaps it wasn as bad a day as i make it out to be...oh wellz...lets see...first i was bothered by the silly locker thingy...i wanna change e location of my locker but i dunno which locker nos are located at "prime area" which is near e biz blk...anyway, went to make a lot of calls to pple who own lockers to get an idea of location...but still failed..haiz..i gotta look personally tml...

anyway, den bh said he saw me walking to e busstop today...well done...neva offer me a lift...n e weather was scorching hot juz now...grrr...oh wellz...at least e afternoon wif shan went well...bought a present for jo...hehe...=)

den went down town...so suay..boss no in so cannot collect my $$ sob sob...ended up waiting for 1hr for her meeting to b over...xianz...waste time...n i was tired after walking aimlessly...n e cheque was a disappointment...i hate e damn CPF man...took away my money...take home becomes so little.. =(

dear went to cut hair today...think it looks quite punky...ha..oh well, different look lo...mayb i shd go cut my hair to match hor? heh...tonite got tuition again...oh wellz...

_________.:tag me:.