/*Picture*/

_______.:bkgrd music:._______


___.:friends:.___


char
chinz
claire
ernest
fang
jas
jintang
jo
joanna
junie
ky
larry
mong
nette
novej
paul
pearle
shan
tiff
ting
vivian
wahwah
wanshi
yuwei

________________________.:my entries:.

.::Saturday, January 31, 2004::.

went 4 my very first clubbing experience on thurs nite at centro...very surprised when my mom actually never comment...haha....mayb cos she believed tt i was in safe hands?

yupz...well, nothing much 2 say abt e experience...juz tt e whole clubbing thing is over-hyped...seriously, its not as fun as it "seems"...firstly i hate e smoke...wah lao...somehow everyone ends up smelling like a chimney right down 2 e hair on my skin...geez...washed my hair like 2 times n still smelly... =(

ok...tt aside...im glad tt there were 6 of us so it wasn so xian...played zong ji mi ma den kena down dis ribena-sth drink...think it's ribena vodka...ya...den when e dancing started went to e dance floor...hmm...like very cramped leh cos e area was ao freaking tiny...oh well...it was fun for e moment...when u juz let loose n heck e world n haf fun...hrm...after sweating it out on e floor, went back 2 sit...n drink...dis is when e trouble started...haiz...had a bit of vodka coke and den downed my vodka lime...felt damn bored n wasted sitting ard....so back 2 e dance floor....geez man...dunno how come my tummy so weak...i felt totally shit soon after...had 2 take a time out to puke...grr....lucky got pple like qing n boonhow 2 take care of me....if not sure goner...think i ended up dozing off on bh's shoulder... slept all e way hm too...hehehe....

well, if it's one thing i've learnt is not to mix drinks...n not to drink too much...(hmm..theoretically are 3 glasses too much? someone tell me leh...) and tt i absolutely hate e crappy, loud, roudy rap music tt they played....and tt if i muz club, i muz haf pple who can take care of me coming along...haha....

hmm...went 2 watch last samurai today...not bad la...got action, a bit of humour, at some pts heat-warming n there were also sad moments....e pple they cast as samurai got "seh" esp at e battle scene...haha...e girl very chio too...hmm...was esp impressed by e samurai guy's gd english...thou e one who acted as emperor is super FLOP...muahahaha...

think i'm in better spirits today...i'm trying to learn bit by bit 2 ignore e past...trying not to bother...not feel suspicious...n hopefully in time to come i can move on at last...

.: ru rambled on 1/31/2004 05:00:00 AM:.
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.::Wednesday, January 28, 2004::.

saw e pic on ting's blog...n ting's reply 2 my qn on e person in e pic...sigh...singapore is so small...some pple i wanna keep out of sight n out of mind juz keep popping out...worse thing is i cant really find fault wif e person cos she's juz in ting's words "one of e sweetest girls i've known"...i dun know her personally, but i think i know a lot more abt her than i wud like to...it's not juz her...there are others tt affect me...y cant i let sleeping dogs lie? hmm...i am still BOTHERED...bothered to e extent tt i get recurring nightmares...been a while since i cud get restful sleep...it's juz so tiring...i really hu si luan xiang a lot...like e saying goes...ri you suo si ye you suo meng...

i asked pearle today if i shd go see a therapist or sth...dis is not very healthy...shit man...i hope i'm not gg mad... =(

hmm...saw some beautiful postcards today...picked a few n had e urge to write to someone...realised i've not written little "notes" to my frens in a long time...den my mind was a blank when i picked up e pen...i haf nobody i really felt like writing to...a few pple's names came up but i juz couldn put any words down on e card...in e end i juz gave up...

quite pleased tt i managed 2 clear some work today...beta some than none rite? haha...tml is yet another long day...got full day class plus e bash 2 worry abt...speaking of which...i only managed 2 sell a few tix...special thanks 2 my dearest twin who agreed 2 buy 2...and a very obliging n supportive darling who promised 2 go wif me...kena "scolded" by bernard lor...haiz...he say y i never try hard enuff...=(

im mentally tired n emotionally stressed out...but i guess i've been blessed wif a relatively good mood today...not screaming at anyone yet...juz keeping really quiet...there's nobody to share my feelings wif...oh well...juz hope for a nite of dreamless sleep...

.: ru rambled on 1/28/2004 11:04:00 PM:.
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.::Monday, January 26, 2004::.

to all who visit my site...dis is an outright appeal...please help me out man!!!

smu has a bash at centro dis thurs, 29th Jan 2004....tix are going at 15 bucks...it's inclusive of one drink and some free tattoo thingy...my screwed up cca has made it compulsory for all members to sell their tix...damn...so i've got 10 tix on hand...please show me ur support k??? come on la...my FIRST time gg clubbing wor...haha....n if i manage to sell all my tix...will give everyone a rebate of $1...PLEASE helkp spread e word k??? 10 tic not THAT much...bai tuo le!!!

juz call or sms me asap ya? thanks lots...

.: ru rambled on 1/26/2004 04:52:00 PM:.
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it's amazing how a few hrs wif a bunch of gd frenz can make my mood so so so much better... =)
feeling upbeat and somewhat energised...good food(we actually ate dis 10-scooped ice-cream called viking on e rocks at cartel for dessert...haha...wat pigs we are!), GREAT company...acceptable ambience...yupz...cant believe i actually know dis crappy bunch of pple for like 12-14 yrs!!! goodness me...seems like centuries ago man...haha...i'm really glad we managed 2 keep in touch all these yrs...n thou we dun see each other often...i never feel weird among them...never feel any need 2 be anyone but myself...no need for any pretenses, no barriers, no masks...it's a very comfortable feeling...

.: ru rambled on 1/26/2004 12:46:00 AM:.
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.::Sunday, January 25, 2004::.

was in a real pissed off mood juz now...i have decided tt i'd never ever organise a class gathering again...it really doesn pay off...e effort and e time...e stress of it all...n in e end it's nothing but disappointment...what was initially supposed 2 be a cherry chinese new yr reunion turned out to be a no show...wif everyone cancelling at e last minute...i mean come on...how often do we even meet up? a couple of times in a yr...if u've already said tt u can make it...u jolly well keep tt day free n be committed abt it...isn there supposed 2 be e motivation of being able to catching up wif old frens???? dun tua at e last min...very irresponsible...GRRR...

sometimes i wonder y shd i bother when nobody else does...i give up really...no pt...no pt...

**********

juz uploaded some cny pix onto sony image station...er...someone teach me how to put e pix on e blog leh...

.: ru rambled on 1/25/2004 01:47:00 PM:.
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.::Saturday, January 24, 2004::.

am i asking for too much? am i being unreasonable? perhaps...maybe i'm not looking at it fr e other party's perspective...i wud haf behaved differently had it been e other way ard...i wud not have cast a net of doubt n worry...i wud haf given more assurance...more attention to e matter...

i do not know if my reaction has caused hurt...but hurt is done both ways...

******

i had a good time dis afternoon...it was wonderful to have met up wif an old friend...n even more comforting to know tt we can still communicate well and like old times...there were changes...we have both grown somewhat...n i also deeply appreciate e effort made to remember an overdue present... =) it was a sweet gesture...for e greater part of today...i was happy...

.: ru rambled on 1/24/2004 11:09:00 PM:.
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another day of endless visiting of relatives...man...i ate n ate n ate lor...shoots...think i'll confirm put on weight n grown fatter since the whole cny festive season started...looking forward 2 ABT class nest wk man...need 2 burn those calories...

rainy rainy day today...been pouring on n off since dis morn when i woke up...n it's still raining even as i type...fortunately for us, everytime we get 2 e new "destination", e rain wud juz pause till we got into a sheltered place b4 continuing 2 pour...heh...lucky lucky...

finally settled e sunday thingy wif jiwei...wah..heng i followed up o/w sunday kena tua again...kinda looking 4ward 2 seeing my clique again...hrm...esp nana...haf not seem her since last yr august i think...wow...tt's long...den shall go ba gua see anything new happened 2 anyone...ie: anybody got attached, blah blah...heh...so 38 rite? =P

took more photos wif e digi cam...wonderin how 2 upload 2 e blog for all 2 see...hmm...anyone can help???

.: ru rambled on 1/24/2004 12:51:00 AM:.
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.::Friday, January 23, 2004::.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YR EVERYONE!!! =)
dis new yr has been good thus far....haha...wif all e ang paoz i'm getting...i'm feeling REALLY HAPPY...muahahaha...still got another 14 days to collect ang paoz...hope there's more coming in...heh...i sound super mercenary huh? oh well, it's only once a yr when i get such gd money ma...keke...

let's see....CNY eve was good...yupz...had lunch wif e gang at seoul garden...hmm...they really ketoh u lor...student rate was like 12 bucks...den plus dis, plus tt...end up payin 17...ok la...ate quite a bit...haha...but definitely not as much as some of them piggies...*snigger* ok ok..b4 i kena whack...it was really good to meet up wif them n continue our 'tradition' to haf reunion tghr...*big wide smile* hmm...finally got 2 meet john too....me thinks he's actually quite good-looking! =P oh ya...almost died when i realised parking fee went up to 7 bucks for those few hrs there...haiz haiz...dad has not mentioned abt e low value in e cashcard YET...hope he doesn notice...*hide*

ya....reunion dinner at couz hse was gd...thou i didnt eat much...it was really fun...playing wif e kids...man...amanda esp is such a darling!!!! SO SO SO SO ADORABLE!!!!! wah...if next time my kids r so cute i'd really be happy 2 haf more man...hahaha....after dinner i was niao-ing wif my older couz..haha...tt also includes bullying e gor gors...muahahaha...ck gor actually let me use him as punching bag....hehehe...den took some silly photos...really retard looking poses man...haha...it wud haf been beta if they were more "onz" to sing karaoke lor...piangz..got mike, got some song tracks, juz tt e singers r all SHY...*shake head* one day muz drag all of them 2 go k-box again... =D

yupperz...dis morning spent a damn long time getting ready...haha...mei helped me put some waves into my flat hair...hmm...muz admit i quite like e look in e end...thou it does seem kinda messy....*grinz* well, sth new dis yr la hor? hmm....cos we started off so late(like close to 12)...everywhere we went, mom JUST HAD 2 announce tt we were late dis yr cos of mei n i...piangz...like she never contribute 2 our "lateness" lor...haiz...nvm...xi guan jiu hao...actually come 2 think of it, dis yr only visited 4 hses leh...a record low man...muz make up for it tml i think....gonna chiong another 4 hses maybe? haha...oh crap...i'm not sure of wat 2 wear...heh...sound like a damn bimbo hor? aiyah...xin nian muz lok gd rite? cannot blame me wot...kekeke....

hmm....on a heavier note...a promise was not kept today....still wondering how i shd react 2 tt....

oh well, gd nite world...think i shd still end e day wif a smile.... =)

.: ru rambled on 1/23/2004 12:57:00 AM:.
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.::Wednesday, January 21, 2004::.

e airplane took off 2 hrs ago...hmm....like wat pearle said...y are u upset? wat r u crying for? frankly...i dunno either...for e helplessness of e situation, cos of jealousy, cos of him or cos of me? perhaps a bit of all la...

i hate airport farewells...it's always so freaking sad...of cos unless u're e one leaving on a holiday or sth...yup...den it'll juz b all excitement...anyway, i now wonder if i shd haf gone...perhaps if i didn walk right to e gate i wun feel so bad...ya den some pple wun even spare a few more fleeting moments wif me...like so eager 2 rush in...so i bid farewell and walked off quickly...it feels so lonely and depressing 2 leave e airport alone...i hate alone-ness in a crowd...makes it all e more worse... ='o( so in e end...i called ting n cried again!!! damn damn damn...i think there's seriously sth wrong wif my tear ducts leh...nowadays like cannot control lor...a bit only get so emotional liao...crap man...

ya...den when i drove hm i was so distracted tt i forgot 2 turn on my headlights...realised it only halfway hm...lucky no accident...*phew* in e end i think my mom knows i cried...it's so freaking obvious...esp when my aunt visited later she pointed out tt my eyes look swollen(even des noticed they were puffy dis morn during FA)...thou mom didn say a thing then...there was dis knowing look on her face...shit la...i dun wan her 2 know...n i dun wanna look sucky on CNY...

well, i've my 5-day plan 2 carry out...heh...fr chu xi all e way till chu 4...yup yup...gonna fill my schedule as much as possible...cos i wun get another holiday like dis till after exams man..so muz really enjoy dis one...and another underlying reason...to get my mind off things...actually, i like 2 b alone at times...but when i'm alone, i tend 2 think too much....so beta not...rather b busy busy busy than rest n b melancholic...xin nian muz haf e cny qi fen ya?

.: ru rambled on 1/21/2004 12:32:00 AM:.
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.::Tuesday, January 20, 2004::.

it's damn freaking late already and i still hafta wake up early 4 sch tml..wah super xianz..but decided 2 blog anyway...like a nite-time ritual man...a time for reflection...

today was a fairly gd day...went 2 chinatown wif laoba...haha..we were like tourists man...taking photos everywhere we went...den look at all e displays like sua-kus liddat...haiz...can only do such stupid things wif u man....haha...lucky never meet anyone who might recognise us!!!! muahahaha...den kena coaxed into eating dim sum at dis air-conditioned place...getting out of e heat was def a gd idea...hmm..food was ok la..thou not particularly fantastic...hmm...den somehow after lunch we all kena caught in e rain...wah xianz... it was a spoiler man...o/w we cud haf walked somemore...den there was dis lady who tried 2 sell us umbrellas..."3 for 10 dollar ar xiao mei...yao bu yao???" heng we siam quick...haha...i realised it really gives u e CNYZ qi fen when u go chinatown during cny period...e festive cheer is there... thou as i realised, it's definitely not the place for me to buy my clothes...haha...all e cheong sum and auntie-auntie clothes...haha....

hmm...soon after i went off 2 meet my mei n go shopping...managed 2 buy 4 tops...2b shared btwn us for CNY...haha...piangz...3 of the 4 were chosen 2 match her pretty new shoes fr trace(i think)...ya well, i like e 4th top...i picked it one!!! n me thinks it looks quite sweet... =) it was still raining when we were abt to go hm..heng some1 offered a lift...hehe...

hmm...evening was after dinner was supposed 2 go drink coffee...supposed 2 b a fond farewell ended up making me feel so lousy...and depressed...sigh...found out certain things abt e trip tt i kinda knew deep down but didnt wan 2 come true...2 pple whom i dun haf any fondness for are gg along...dunno y...when i knew it juz shattered me to bits again...i'm not supposed 2 feel dis way...afterall, i was mentally prepared for it...hmm...den again...do i feel dis way cos i'm juz simply insecure? unsure of where i stand? i juz hid in e toilet n cried...i didn wanna show any weakness so i juz gave e cold shoulder...in e end couldn help it...e dam still broke...damn it...(no pun intended)...e issue juz wasn discussed after tt...juz a deafening silence...it's not abt blame or anything...not tt anyone can control it...given e relation btwn them, such a situation will always occur...whether it's now or in e future...i juz hate myself tt i cant accept it...emotionally...n i know i can never be rid of e horrid feeling of distrust...and jealousy...perhaps not until e day i can completely feel nothing...by den it wud no longer matter...

.: ru rambled on 1/20/2004 01:14:00 AM:.
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.::Sunday, January 18, 2004::.

i'm so proud of myself!!!! muahahahaha....i cut my denim skirt n managed 2 stitch up so tt it looks more 'pro'....hey...it did take me e afternoon lor...first had 2 figure out how 2 work e mini sewing machine...piangz...realised so many parts of it missing...n i had 2 manually spool e thread ard e bobbin...n blah...haha..luckily i still remember some of tt home ec stuff tt i learnt in sec sch!!!! hehehe...in e end, cos e machine was so pathetic...i had to sew some parts by hand...but i think it looks pretty nice...heh...i'm like SO SO proud of my efforts man... *big wide grin* aiyah, did it on e spur of e moment...n tt's like damn rare...cos usually i would PLAN sth way beforehand b4 doing it...but dunno y suddenly decided 2 do juz that...heh...

well, today was a real slow day la...basically after all e excitement regarding e skirt...i spent e rest of e afternoon slacking away at hm...didnt even get to go out...ok ok...a change i guess...not tt i really mind anyway...

came up wif a whole list of clothes 2 wear for e next few days...haha...kiasu? maybe lor...but i still wanna buy new yr clothes leh...cos realised they are all not-very-new clothes...

.: ru rambled on 1/18/2004 10:26:00 PM:.
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is there ever a way to know if e person u're wif is "THE ONE"? i think at this point in time, most of us in relationships wun know...YET...how 2 b certain when circumstances dun allow u to? i mean, there's so much uncertainty...esp now when we're at dis age of self-discovery and exploration...still trying to figure out what we want in life and all...n wif all e factors surrounding us...studies, family, frens...how can one know??? and when u do, how much wud u do for that person? how much can u give up and sacrifice?

a relationship is about sacrifices...well, not tt i juz realised but after listening to june n gerrie yest made it even more evident...i'm still trying very hard 2 overcome those few barriers...to make my relationship work...right now it's been a very calm few wks since tt fateful nite when i faced one of e greatest tests in my life...had e worst 24hrs of my life...i never tot i'd b able 2 survive it well...i guess i'm still pulling myself together...slowly but surely...e pain doesn hurt as much now...i'm healing...and all i can hope for is that i wun have to face such pain again...but as someone once told me...u'll get stronger after each trial...i certainly hope so...

hmm...i dunno y i'm even blogging all these...im in a good mood leh...not e melancholic moods tt usually result in lots of retrospection and thought...ha...maybe juz trying to sort out what's on my mind...blogging had become as much a habit as it is a life...haha...is that considered sad case???

anyway, on e bright side...i'm feeling much better in sch...not much of a change in e way things are btwn me n my classmates...but i feel tt i can at least have a few more pple i can turn to...even thou i do not usually see them often or even talk 2 them in sch...at least i know i have them wif me online...some mode whereby we can confide in each other n help each other... =)

yup...den next wk's CNY! yay! ang paoz...new yr goodies! i hope e new yr brings new hope n more luck...haha...according to feng shui, it's not a bad yr for me...*grinZ* thou i'm warned of being more careful on e roads...heh...can't wait for reunion wif frens n family...haha...trying 2 keep my wk as packed as possible...o/w it wud b a long long while b4 another long holiday!

oh crap...juz remembered i'm supposed 2 go buy new yr clothes...haiz...i hate shopping on a timeline...i juz end up making impulsive buys...n den waste $...e best buys are always unplanned for... =)

.: ru rambled on 1/18/2004 01:24:00 AM:.
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.::Friday, January 16, 2004::.

it's a real nice n sunny day today...wish i were out there in e sun...PL mentioned tt she's gg sentosa...so envious lor...i wanna go sentosa too...but nobody who wud b "eng" enuff 2 go wif me...n meanwhile i'm still aching..thou it's subsiding...

DY tua-ed me...feeling quite pissed by it...grrr...damn damn damn...i dun wanna go for e overseas summer term talk ALONE...now i'm like weighing e options...shd i even go overseas for summer term? everyone's been telling me it's not very worth it since e diff is only abt 2k if i go for 1 mth n for 4 mths...so ya...and e 2 unis dun seem all THAT well-known...another options is to go for an internship instead of for a term...more exposure tt way n u get paid! hehehe...

i'm such a slacker...i cant seem 2 get my lazy arse off e chair 2 get ready 4 sch...supposed 2 haf chorale prac...XIAN...i wud very much rather stay hm till 5 and den go for jo's bday thingy...heard tt we're gg somewhere tt serves non-meat food cos some of them cant eat meat today...ya...it's friday...almost 4got...

laoba's in a pissy mood...she doesn wanna tell me why...she doesn tell me anything anymore...guess i shd b used 2 it by now...been feeling tt drift btwn us...is it cos of religion? or is it juz distance tt sets us apart? i dunno...somehow, i feel that she doesn treat me as a close fren like b4...there are others 2 take my place...other frenships...other pple...same goes for my couz...was irritated tt she tua-ed me e other day...AFTER i promised i'd gof or her performance...man...feel "cheated" in a way...i mean...like y wud i spend money 2 watch sth i'm not even interested in???? for whose sake???? UGH....so after tt i decided 2 ignore her...maybe it's juz me being mean, but it's like she also dun wanna make time for me...den after tt come n say i dun understand wat it's like 2 be alone...stuff liddat...which makes me feel all guilty n all....sigh...i dun wanna care anymore...it's easier tt way...n less painful...

read thru one of my old emails...someone said how it is easier being cynical...that deceit, manipulation, and all is juz part of human nature...it's part of life n we cant juz detach ourselves fr those emotions, or fr pple who encompass those characteristics...i wonder if it really is like degeneration of mankind...are childern e only one who still retain their innocence? and lose it when they grow to be like us?

.: ru rambled on 1/16/2004 01:39:00 PM:.
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.::Thursday, January 15, 2004::.

found myself a quiet, peaceful, scenic corner in sch...it's a new feeling...i can see pple walking by below, e hustle n bustle of sch life...yet it feels like im juz watching fr above...totally deteached fr it...

legs still aching fr e workout...man...lest u guys think i'm super useless, ifah also said she's aching...haha...guess we both dun exercise much...

biz law totally bored me...mayb it's cos of where i was sitting...more much motivation to stay focused n concentrate...all i tot of was when i'll b going hm....aiyah...got make up class dis wkend...so super xian..i dun wanna spend my wkend coming 2 sch leh... =( wonder if it's a good idea 2 pon...hiak hiak...ok ok... shall get all e bad thoughts out of mind...

got a sudden craving to eat at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao!!!! haha...i wan 2 go eat there!!!! *drool*

.: ru rambled on 1/15/2004 05:29:00 PM:.
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.::Wednesday, January 14, 2004::.

feeling pretty down...okay...one reason...i cant seem to get anyone 2 go out n study wif me today...sniff sniff...i cant concentrate on reading all e damn stuff i've got at hm la...too many distractions...but my cous tua me...said she tired...laoba dun wanna leave e west...nana got incompatible schedule...blah...boo hoo...im juz feel sorry for myself here...n now i'm hm wif a plate of spaghetti n blogging... =(

jo's bday tml...nobody said or planned anything for friday...sigh...i hate not having plans...feels like there's no GOAL...no programme...life in a mess...my jc gathering also...despite jiwei's promises 2 contact everyone n ask them abt e gathering...i'm quite sure he's not done it yet...grr...blood boil again...ok ok...i'm juz whining...

couldn walk down e stairs today...dammit...feel so super un-fit...one hr of aerobics/muscle toning exercise n i'm so screwed liao...bah...tt's damn sad lor...but somehow, looking forward 2 next wk's class...hehe...at least i know i'm WORKING out...beta than being a rotting potato at hm...

lots of case studies to read up on for bgs...damn damn...dun like e course...dun like e prof...well, my only consolation is in that my classmates r pretty nice pple...save for those one or 2 jokers tt like to argue wif e prof in class...GRRR...

hmm...i get e feeling tt nobody even comes n visits my blog anymore...tired of my whining probably...dis is sad...very sad...bah...mayb i shd juz keep a diary instead...

.: ru rambled on 1/14/2004 12:14:00 PM:.
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.::Monday, January 12, 2004::.

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him,
he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her to keep going
and take care of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up,
through sickness and fatigue
without complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children
under any and all circumstances.
Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better
and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband,
despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....

When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her,
and all she does for everyone,
and even though she may still cry,
you will have made her heart feel good.

.: ru rambled on 1/12/2004 10:54:00 AM:.
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.::Sunday, January 11, 2004::.

juz checked my sch email...realised i have a chance to go overseas for either a term(ie: on an exchange prog) or for summer(meaning for 1 mth...to take 2 courses only)....i am SO tempted...it's e closest i get to an overseas experience n w/o e commitment to see thru 4 yr abroad like those studying overseas...which means i wun miss hm so much...heh...

i'm more inclined towards e summer term one...it sounds so fun!!! plus, i can extend my stay(of cos hafta make my own arrg) at e end of my course n holiday ard e area... =) i wanna go...but there are only 3 unis choose fr...University of British Columbia(Canada), Arizona State University(USA) and University of St. Gallen (Switzerland), as much as i wud like to go to USA, e courses offered in Switzerland and Canada meet my course requirements beta...sigh sigh sigh...

cost is pretty high...prob ard 8k? ya.....but i think it's pretty worth it lor....HOW!?!?!?!? oh..another thing is i beta find pple 2 go wif me..den i wun feel so alone too...heh...me n my inability to try out new things alone....like go for lessons i wan company, sign up for ABT also wan company, eat lunch i wan company...

but i guess one of e most scary "alone" things i've done is to haf gone to RG...w/o my whole clique...n den to SMU....knowing ONLY nette....dun really regret e decision la..afterall, i seriously do think smu offers me an education tt's way diff fr NUS or NTU...it's really active learning i guess...n very realistic in a sense too...juz wish i cud find a footing...a sense of belonging wif a grp of frens i can call my own....

.: ru rambled on 1/11/2004 02:01:00 AM:.
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.::Friday, January 09, 2004::.

it's amazing how e little things someone does can make u really happy... =)

yesterday was a good day...long day in sch no doubt, but a good day nonetheless...settled all e project grp stuff...pretty satisfied wif who i'm to work wif for e next few projects...gao dim all my books for now...den had a really nice dinner wif sharm...

yep yep...thou it was only e 2 of us...it was a nice reunion...afterall, i didn get to send her off e last time so dis is a good chance to catch up i guess...talked abt sch, life, frens, family...yep...didn even feel distant thou we aint all tt close...yeah..tt's still sth i wish to achieve wif my uni frens...had dis wonderfully sinful "jedi mudster" for dessert n den went window shopping...pity we forgot to take photos!!!! juz a glitch...

hmm...took e long bus ride back alone...actually, it can b quite peaceful...haf not taken long bus rides for quite some time...heh..ok ok...i'm a pampered girl...i prefer 2 sit in a car...heh...yeah..e stars were so so pretty as i walked in...

.: ru rambled on 1/09/2004 01:01:00 PM:.
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.::Thursday, January 08, 2004::.

ok...pms setting in...was feeling damn blue juz now...but now feel slightly beta...maybe after talking 2 my cous abt his probs instead of thinking of mine...it was a gd diversion..and i also realised i'm not e only idiot who cant view my blog...haha...how NICE...

well, i wanted 2 go 2 vj today 4 e last day of orientation...wanted 2 immerse myself in some sch spirit n some "cheer"...join in e madness of mass dance n all e fun n laughter during e nite-o performances...but circumstances didn allow...e reality tt smses F*** up sets in...haiz...was wondering how come i kena tua..(n i hate gettin tua-ed) den it turns out tt smses tt were sent at 6pm somehow didnt manage 2 reach my phone till 10pm and e person who sent never wondered y there was no reply!!!! >_< ok ok...chill chill...at least i got 2 watch CSI miami on cable...i think tt's like e only show i'm followin (thou not religiously) ever since i decided i dun love tv anymore...haiz..so sad...i got no life...not even one in front of e goggle box...

another thing bothering me...proj grpings...man...i really miss chin....n to chin if u ever read dis...i miss u man!!! i think we work so damn well tghr n it makes me so sad juz 2 think tt we aint ever gonna see each other this term!!!! *sob* okay...i got dy wif me at least...but rite now wondering if i shd look 4 other pple 2 work wif for biz law proj...i scared tt working wif some1 too often may result in friction...which i cud do w/o....haiz...n rite now im building a friendship wif PL....i think we can clique...but we need time...

in dis tiny sch, i feel so alone...i dunno y i cant seem to find frens like e way shan can..u know..pple u hang out wif, go out tghr wif, share weal n woe wif...pple u know u can depend on every step of e way... n tt u can totally let down ur guard n b urself...pple u know who wun judge u for who u are...n can tolerate all e bad habits u might haf...somehow, in retrospect, i feel tt there r prob only a few pple who understand me in dis world...those 4-5 pple whom i let into tt inner circle...and a few others who juz go in n out of e circle....but they r pple whom i know will be there...whether it's juz hanging out at e beach, chillin' in a cafe or gg shopping, watching movies tghr...or some whom i dun even meet often, but still keep in touch wif via sms/phone calls blah blah...sigh...i feel so alone right now...so lost in dis world...w/o any purpose in my life...

haiz...enuff whining...it's freaking 1am liao...n i haf a long long day ahead...2 classes n a dinner appt...n i haf yet 2 read e case tt my biz law prof posted on e web...die...think i'll do it during lunch break...time 2 sleep...gd nite world...

.: ru rambled on 1/08/2004 12:35:00 AM:.
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.::Wednesday, January 07, 2004::.

screwed up blogspot!!! ugh!!! so frustrated...i cant view my blog nor anybody else's for tt matter AGAIN...damn pissifying! GRRR! anybody out there experiencing e same damn problem? or is there juz sth wrong wif all e computers and labtops in my home!?!?!?! crap man...i feel so BULLIED! contemplating juz changing e damn server who hosts my blog...ARRGGHH...so so so so ANGRY... >_<

.: ru rambled on 1/07/2004 08:38:00 PM:.
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.::Tuesday, January 06, 2004::.

yay! i've finally linked a "comment page" at e bottom of every blog...erm...fyi, it's e link titled "rEaDeR's CoMmEnTs" below... =) special thanks to PL for helping me man! haha...still trying to figure out how to change e look of the comments window..so bland...hmm...

well, today is official first day of sch for me...man...i'm quite numb actually...haha..not particularly upset or anything...juz liddat lor...was tryin my darnest to stay awake during FA class...piangz..my prof says e word "ok" at least 50 times during class...i told desmond to keep count next wk...heh..mean of me rite? but well, he's quite a gd prof i guess..very patient in explaning everything...n he's damn experienced too...(he was e acct dean's prof last time!!! gosh!!!) okay..after tt was a damn "stimulating" AS class...kaoz... questions we got for e class exercise really worked our already rusted brains...but honestly speaking, it's much more fun den boring class...

flu's gettin beta...no more runny nose...but now's e "nose-all-clogged-up" phase...having a hard time breathin...hope i dun suffocate in my sleep or anything..heh...

.: ru rambled on 1/06/2004 06:48:00 PM:.
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.::Monday, January 05, 2004::.

haiz...i'm down with a flu...*sniff sniff* feel terrible...plus it doesn help tt sch's started and i've gotta wake up early for lessons tml... =( have yet to buy all my books and there are like tons to do...like selling old books...preparing for classes...blah blah...

okay..i think stupid blogger is down...cant' seem 2 access my own blog..grr...

.: ru rambled on 1/05/2004 11:09:00 AM:.
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.::Sunday, January 04, 2004::.

i'm so bored!!!! dying of boredom...i dun wanna spend my last day of e holiday liddat!!!! =(

was waiting for a phone call juz now...it never came...haiz...e caller went 2 sleep...oh well, it's not e first time anyway...geez...i cant believe dis...m i not worth talking 2? *sniff sniff* okay okay...maybe i'm juz in a very grumpy mood...

juz yesterday (a few hrs ago), i was out having a nice chit chat session...n now i'm like dis...GRRR...dis is bad...

.: ru rambled on 1/04/2004 12:27:00 AM:.
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.::Saturday, January 03, 2004::.

okay...took another quiz...got e link fr fang's page...

You are EARTH
YOU ARE EARTH!


Your inner element is one of great dependability
and security. You like things the way you like
them, and you work hard to achieve what you
perceive as the perfect balance of things in
your life. Your drive to succeed is admirable
and second to none. You are the rock in the
storm that people need, the stability in life
that so many lack. Your drive to be the best
often leads to tremendous success in both life
and business - an idea line of work for you.
You
tend to be picky about friends and acquaintances,
as you have the same high standards for others
as you do yourself. But when you have a friend
you will stick by them no matter what - you are
a friend to the end. Love doesn't come easily
to you, and you may find yourself searching
through many to find the one you are looking
for. When you find that one you love you will
lavish all your love and affection on them, and
you tend to be very sensual, even decadent when
it comes to passion.

Your greatest strengths are your ability to make a
decision and stick to it and your ability to
remain strong no matter what happens. Your
weakness is your tendency to get too stubborn
and your refusal to give even an inch with even
those you care about. Balancing your strengths
and weaknesses is crucial for you to achieve
balance in your life.

Astrologically, Earth is associated with the signs
of Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn. You are most
compatible for either love or friendship with
another Earth Elemental or with an Water. You
are least compatible with an Air Elemental.



Which of the 5 Prime Elements are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

.: ru rambled on 1/03/2004 12:49:00 PM:.
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ARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 more days to go b4 dreaded sch starts!!! =( i am SOOOO not looking forward 2 it...man...i haf not even bought my books...prep for classes...damn damn damn... *sob sob* and all e NUS pple will b far beyond reach liao...even tt horrid lao ba will go to clementi 2 see em....i'm all ALONE in sickening SMU...

okay...my arms n butt aching now...cos of KAYAKING yest...yay! haha...weather was fine but unfortunately not sunny enuff for me 2 tan myself!!!! grrr....lao tian always dun give me chance 2 tan!!! anyway, i was treated 2 a beautiful sight during the "rest time"....juz lying out there in e open sea...no care in e world...allowing e waves to rock e kayak...den e clouds in e skies above shifted and e sun peaked out...wah...e light warm rays were so magnificent...it seemed like any moment there might b an angel appearing right in front of me...wah...wish i had a camera then...

well, after tt splendid moment was over, e wind n e currents suddenly got so strong...i realised i had drifted far fr where i started fr...so had 2 paddle against e elements 2 get back...caught up wif fang den for a moment i tot shan cannot come back liao...she was but a tiny speck along e horizon...rem fang n i were even contemplating paying e 50 bucks for e rescue boat...hehehehe...hey shan...u got us quite worried lor...anyway, tt girl somehow managed 2 paddle all e way n reach b4 us...kaoz...zao zhi dao, we dun wait 4 u liao...haha...

dinner was great...stingray, duck, kang kong, coconut...haha...e works man...wish i got my wish 2 eat crab thou...haiz...but wat 2 do...no $$$$ lor...plus we ordered so much food liao...okay..think i put on another few kilos!!!! =(

.: ru rambled on 1/03/2004 11:55:00 AM:.
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.::Friday, January 02, 2004::.

it's officially e 2nd of jan...a day after new yr....and a day most students detest...haha...1st day of sch...i know my dear sis was still tryin 2 complete her hw...tsk tsk....so last minute...oh well, i was like tt once... =P

well, i'm kinda glad tt i decided 2 go out today...it certainly brightened my mood and made me feel a whole lot better...not tt i was feeling low...i was juz feeling pretty melancholic...y? i dunno...well, mayb i do know...it's juz tt there are many confused emotions in me tt i find so hard 2 express...

hmm...like what pearle says...broken glass, when pieced tghr can never b whole again...actually cy aka andy also tt e same thing...but i cant juz throw away e broken glass after e effort made 2 put it back whole rite? thou u can still see e cracks...can see e lines...is it still worth keeping?

anyway, shdn think too much abt tt la...shall maintain e upbeat mood...oh yeah...e sky was so pretty juz now...looked up b4 i stepped into e hse and saw so many shining stars staring back at me... =) i think it's e most pretty nite sky in a long time...last time i saw it so beautiful was prob last yr...when i used 2 haf all those nite talks wif my dear on e swing... *smile at e fond memory* kinda felt tt 2 be one of e most romantic things i've ever done, thou at tt pt in time i never thought of developing a relationship wif him...sigh...

okay okay...snap outta it ru...grr....waiting 4 some form of response fr tt idiotic lao ba of mine...supposed 2 discuss abt out kayaking outing tml!!! yay...long time never go kayaking liao...aiyah...it had beta b worth rejecting e invite fr alvin 2 go sentosa!!!

.: ru rambled on 1/02/2004 01:32:00 AM:.
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.::Thursday, January 01, 2004::.

good nite world...damn exhausted and wasted...dunno y leh...didnt even dance n boogie much juz now during e countdown...anyway...Happy 2004!

.: ru rambled on 1/01/2004 03:55:00 AM:.
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