i finally managed able to msg that someone. i'm actually happy i overcome the barrier. i think that person is happy too. i mean, i can tell that someone is trying hard to help me, how can i not help myself? furthermore, it's hard finding someone whom you can actually talk to without being afraid that the whole world knows about it and the answer i get always seems to let me understand the issue. and i think it's that person's busy schedule that's holding me back from chatting. oh well~ anyway, came across something from someone's blog "You lied to someone (that's the act of sinning). You got away with things. You go 'HAHA! Everything is fine! No one knows what's happening!'. (BUT GOD KNOWS) And you stick with this 'easy-way-out' behavior and eventually got used to it." im so so so guilty about this. i guess i really got used to it. and when something happen, i dont know what to do. maybe i should learn to say things out. i'l...
Posts
today job ended. worked ot till 2000 and went for dinner with workin fren, pan and js. i'll miss the supervisor and the people there. but i guess it's time for me to move on in life. i wonder what kind of impression of me i left them with. i dont know, but most of the times, when im with them, i just dont feel like my usual self. like im trying hard to be someone esle instead. ive no idea. maybe the impression i leave them with is not a pleasant one. oh well~ forget it bah. today chatted about 'O' level result, about our brothers and sisters result, they make phone calls to enquire about jobs. chatted about why some of us couldnt communicate with our younger siblings. oh well, through all these chatting, it suddenly make me wonder, where do my strength lies? what am i strong in? i dont know and to me, it seems like practically nothing. i cant say im good in studies cause i score 18 points for 'O' levels while my sis score 14 points. i cant say im good in sport b...
it's past midnight yet i cant fall asleep. tmr going back to informatics and work, supervisor said they needed people so since i have nothing to do, i'll be back to help. and that will probably be the end of my work @ informatics. i hope i can wakey on time tomorrow. =\ anyway, today is the release of 'O' level result, congratulations to my sister for getting L1R5 14 and L1R4 9. well, i guess this pose greater pressure on my 'A' level result. i HOPE it'll be after the CNY to prevent all the questioning of how's result, i hate my relative and my parents for always comparing all the kids together. and if we arent the top, that's when all the conflict starts. anyway, monday was maplestory guild outing. 16maplers out of 55 turn up. ate pizza hut @ jurong entertainment centre and hang around @ the arcade. i can only say probably because we are always chatting in maple, thus everyone seems friendly when they turn up for the outing. but some noisy fella in ...
i remembered someone offering me help if i have any question or problems. but sometimes, i stared at the nick in msn, put my mouse over the name, click it but i didnt type anything. not even a hi to start with. i dont know what im afraid of, i dont really know what's holding me back. and this has been happening for a few times.
tmr marks the end of my working contract it seems like yesterday i jus - started working - went to sign my contract on the 10th dec - started enjoying my holidays by going out everyday - finished my 'A' levels on the 22nd nov 2007 - camp @ Miss Sarah Ang's house for 12hours of intensive chemistry - joined ling and nard with quek in studying - stayed back almost everyday to study - took my mid course - entered JC - collect my 'O's levels result i dont know, maybe time is really passing by FAST, imagine if i was in J1 last year(2007) i would be heading back to school for a new term for like 3 weeks? i dont know, but it doesnt feels like holidays to me anymore. and i cant imagine i've actually finished my 6 weeks contract @ informatics. oh well, but working @ informatics is almost the same as studyin in school? jus that we practically slacked our days through, i had to wake up @ 0700 reach home by 1900 and comp and sleeep and the routine continues... probably becos...
"Everytime you try to block a thought out of your mind, you drive it deeper into your memory. By resisting it, you actually reinforce it." "The more you fight a feeling, the more it consumes and controls you. You strengthen it every time you think of it" No wonder my memory is always so full that i cant remember even a little thing. sometimes, i really dont know what i'm resisting. sometimes, i dont know what's troubling me either. aH ! sometimes i jus hate being myself.
ytd was GAME outing, went city hall meet up with geok and manda. shopped around suntec, marina square. then ard 6_ met up with tyco. dinner @ The Soup Spoon @ Raffles City. after that walk from Raffles city to bugis to take photos ~ LoL photos ! today someone ask me a question and let me ponder for the whole day. i still dont know the answer. oh, before i forget, ytd i came across this personality thingy which decribe the personality of those born on 16 May. it says "You're extremely shy, introverted and introspective. You literally live inside your head. You like spending a lot of time alone thinking. People see you as reserved or even rude, and at times they are right. You are probably caring and deep, but it is difficult for you to show this side of yourself." my first impression was, this cant be me! but someone actually say it's true, im like that. REALLY?
weeeee~ new layout again! im so much more satisfied with this one :D altho it doesnt have a picture of a star, i tried to put one in but it look better like this so.. let it be! i came across this "Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and vecome bigger and bigger, but when exposed to light of truth, they shrink" "Whatever you cant talk about is already out of control in your life. If you could handle it on your own, you would have already done so. But you cant. Willpower and personal resolutions arent enough" well, i guess this is so true. but since it already say is things you cant talk about. so if you dont talk about it. who's gonna help you? who's gonna know that there's something wrong with you. By observing you? most probably they wont notice either. furthermore looks can be deceiving. i may smile and look happy on the outside but feeling terrible inside. who knows? only myself. sometimes is not about not letting people h...
y0x people!i jus changed my template, altho it look super like the prev one just that the top pictures is stars this time ! becos i simply love the star ! but i spend like 2 hours on blogskins trying to find a template to my liking but this is the best i could get, i wonder if it's becos i got too high expectation. oh well, maybe one day ill try to create one myself. and i finally change the song too. altho i was lookin for some other songs, but i shall do with this song 1st 在东京铁塔第一次眺望 看灯火模仿坠落的星光 我终於到达但却更悲伤 一个人完成我们的梦想 你总说时间还很多 你可以等我 以前我不懂得 未必明天就有以后 想念是会呼吸的痛 它活在我身上所有角落 哼你爱的歌会痛 看你的信会痛连沉默也痛 遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液中来回滚动 后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛 没看你脸上张扬过哀伤 那是种多么寂寞的倔强 你拆了城墙让我去流浪 在原地等我把自己捆绑 你没说你也会软弱 需要依赖我 我就装不晓得 自由移动自我地过 想念是会呼吸的痛 它活在我身上所有角落 哼你爱的歌会痛 看你的信会痛连沉默也痛 遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液中来回滚动 后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛 我发誓不再说谎了 多爱你就会抱你多紧的 我的微笑都假了 灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了 我发誓不让你等候 陪你做想做的无论什么 我越来越像贝壳 怕心被人触碰 你回来那就好了 能重来那就好了 oh, and i came across this from my friend's blog "Am I using these faces to fake my way through life...
there is this poster @ causeway point, just in front of the escalator where you get down to the bus interchange. initially, i walked past this poster without paying much attention to it. but after someone told me about it, now i walk past the poster with a smile on my face. haha! and i'm walking past it everyday! i wonder if people might think im mad or what. lol