The Winds of Change

So the last 25 years my most important job has been being a mom to my four children. With three on their own and only one left at home life has really changed for me.

I’ve always taken my role as a mother very seriously. So seriously that I’m sure my children at times wished I would of have chosen another career.  For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a mother.  So when I started having babies, I knew one for sure. I would be the one raising them.

As things got financially challenging for us, I needed some way to earn some income but I knew I didn’t want to work outside of the home. So, the one thing I knew I was good at was taking care of children.  So, for the last 16 years I’ve been running a daycare. It allowed me to be home where I needed to be available to my kids and still earn an income. I had a great business and wonderful kids and families who I love dearly.

But as we all know all good things must come to an end. The last year was quite challenging and I started to feel drained and worn out. I knew it was time to call it quits. I had also been working an evening job cleaning offices for a friend’s company. I really liked getting out of the house and it was quiet.  At first it was hard leaving the house and even doubted my abilities to do a good job. But that doubt didn’t last very long and as it turns out, it was just what I needed.  

Once I made the decision to cut my daycare load everything just fell into place. I had one daycare girl leave me to go to kindergarten. One parent decided to quit her job and be a stay at home mom. One family decided to quit me and one family I decided to keep. They only came two days a week. I really prayed about my decision and had many concerns and how it was all going to work out. I was torn about giving one of my families. But as it turned out that was the mom that decided to quit her job. I felt so relieved!  I decided that one part time family and my evening job would have to be enough.

Alan and I now had a lot of time to ourselves and we were loving it. I was missing the money but enjoying the free time. Alan and I were going to the gym every week and enjoying our lunch dates. I’d forgotten what it was like to have free time. Daycare didn’t seem like such a burden but I realized that my heart really wasn’t in it anymore. Even though the load was lighter, even  I loved the kids and their parents.  I just couldn’t do it anymore at ALL!! But I felt committed and obligated.  Once I again I prayed and thanked God for all my blessings. I asked God to bless me to be able to endure my responsibilities. I also prayed that if there was anything else out there that he would let me know.

In October Alan went to get a haircut.  Our stylist ask him if he thought I would be interested in a part-time receptionist position at the solon. When he mentioned it to me, I didn’t hesitate to say YES! I was at the gym so I had to wait an hour to call her. If I had been at home it would have taken me a minute maybe less.

Needless to say, I quit daycare all together and have been working for these two beautiful women. Denice R. and Tina B. They are sisters and own the best salon in town. Tina has been our hair stylist for almost 11 years. I feel so blessed to have such an awesome job. I’m so grateful to them for giving me such a great opportunity.  I have great hours and life is a little crazy right now because I’m stilling doing the evening job but soon that will probably change.

I’m learning so much and it can be a little stressful at times but I love my job. The girls are awesome talented girls and I work hard to make their jobs a lot easier. I still doubt my abilities sometimes but everyday it’s getting easier and I’m gaining confidence. I get some very good discounts too. My haircuts for $10.00 and 40% off any products. Very cool!

I feel that Heavenly Father knows what’s best for me. I know  he blessed me with this opportunity to keep my mind off other things.  I also think we’re being blessed through Ammon’s missionary service. Thanks Ammon!

So this the awesome place where I work and if you happened to call there between 3 and 7:00 p.m. You’ll hear me  say “Thank you for choosing Identity  this is Ana, How may I help you?” If I put you on hold I might hang up on you so just call back.  If you’re calling to cancel an appointment good luck getting in these girls are very busy girls!

 

Me on my first day of work.

 

 

My Triumph!

I was so excited for my first race. Mostly I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to finish. I had a sore ankle that recently started hurting me. Race day I could really feel the pain just walking around the house. In addition to that my back started to bother me. No backing out now. I knew if I didn’t do this now  who knows when I would have another chance.

I was nervous about the weather. I was hoping it wouldn’t be freezing or raining. We’ve been spoiled lately with beautiful fall weather. I was hoping it would last just a little while longer.  I didn’t know if I should wear shorts or pants. I put on shorts and stood out on the deck to see if it would be too cold for shorts. Then I put on pants to see if I would be too hot.

Well, the weather wasn’t too bad. It was cool and breezy. I decided to wear shorts. Then I regretted that decision because when I took off my sweats I was freezing. But it was too late to go back home and change or grab pants.

As for my ankle, I got a wrap for it. I took some Aleve right before the race and hoped it would sustain me through the race.

The crowd and the excitement was beyond what I expected. I loved seeing all the pink.

This is me getting  my number. I was number 986. I couldn’t wait to put it on and get going but I had a long wait. They had different stations with breast cancer information. Lots of other fun stuff too.

Finally it was race time. I just wanted to get going.

Number 17 is one of Alan’s co-workers.

And they’re off!

Once I got going everyone started to pass me up. Not surprising I’m not a fast runner at all. By the time we got to the big hill a lot of people started to walk but I kept running. I wanted to run all the way up. I had to talk myself into not giving up. I knew if I made up the hill once I could it again the second time too.

This is me finishing up my first lap around the golf course. I passed up the two people behind me and never saw them again.  I was so proud of myself. Pretty soon I would be facing the hill again and I was determined to go all the way. I knew that once I got up the hill the rest was a piece of cake.

This is me coming to the finish line with my little cheerleaders beside me.

Yes, I did it! A new personal best. I finished in one hour and 12 seconds. All together I ran close to 5 miles. Not bad for an old lady like me. I can cross this off my bucket list.

This my cheering section. My two favorite ladies and their wonderful children. Their husbands were there two to cheer me on. Rebecca O. is the left and Tina C. on the right. They the two best friends a girl can have.

Finally, I have to say how grateful I am to my wonderful husband Alan D. Miller. He took the day off to be there for me. He was so proud and so excited for me. He took care of me all day. He rubbed my back, he got me an Ipod holder, he made me breakfast, he made me lunch, took pictures, timed me, practiced with me and bought me dinner at my favorite restaurant (Johnny Carinos). Boy was I hungry!

 

Couldn’t have done this without his love and support. It meant so much to me. Thank you also to my wonderful family far away who called and sent their good wishes. Love you all so much! One final note, the wrap and pain medicine did the job. I never felt any pain and I wasn’t all that sore.

Life is sweet! Enjoy every moment and live your best life!

Celebrating Life

I’ve wanted to run a 5K for a very long time. So, last year I decided I would start running again and train myself. My plan didn’t last very long because after my first day I was very sore. By the third day I could hardly walk. Every step I took hurt. Going up and down stairs was extremely painful!

My wonderful friend Rebecca O. is a marathon runner and she gave me a much better plan. It’s a nine week plan and at first I thought nine weeks is way too long. But my plan didn’t work well so, I really had nothing to lose. She was so encouraging and even suggested we could run the Turkey Trot together. The plan was awesome and very easy to follow. The best part was that I was never sore. By the end of the nine weeks I was ready for my run.

I never ran the Turkey Trot because this is North Dakota after all. I’m a hot blooded latin  girl and I just don’t do cold.  The day of the race it was 20 below and I just couldn’t do it.  I felt defeated before I began but I kept on running hoping for another chance.

Fast forward a year later….and I’m ready for my first race. I’ve moved beyond a 5K and running in a 8K instead. Rebecca convinced me I could do this and suggested I run in the breast cancer run. She makes me believe in myself more than anyone I know.  What I’ve wanted to do all along is to run a race for breast cancer. So I decided I would give it a try.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago. I was one of the lucky ones because my cancer was detected in the early stages. Though I don’t know what the future holds, right now I want to celebrate my life by doing something I’ve never done before. I also want to run in honor of those who have battled breast cancer with courage. The race is not (at least for me) easy by any means . I don’t know if I can run the whole way but I’m going to give it my best effort!

Last weekend Alan (who is more excited than I am) had to get pictures of me practicing my run. These are quite embarrassing but he was so proud of them, I have to post them. Don’t worry I will not post all 90+ pictures just a few.

Please excuse my pitted out self. I’m actually not a sweaty person. At least I have never been in the past but in my old age that has changed. I gross myself out and to be quite honest I hate it!

This is breast cancer awareness month so wear your pink! My race is this Friday October 14 at 7:00 p.m. Wish me luck!

A Mom Day

Today I feel emotionally drained. I’ve cried lots of tears after watching so many heartfelt programs and movies on BYU TV. I know that sounds kind of silly but it’s true. I found myself thinking about and missing my wonderful missionary son.

The day he left was a really hard day for me. I had so many emotions going through my mind. He was a bundle of excitement and eagerness and I was a huge mess! To be quite honest I’m hesitant to share any of this because when I posted my feelings on facebook (big mistake!) I got a lot of unsolicited advice and comments. I was told to be grateful, not to worry, I should know he’s in a good place and on and on.

Most of those people don’t read my blog so it really doesn’t matter anyway. My entry today isn’t for anyone but me. I have these feelings and rather then keeping them inside I decided to write them down. I don’t want advice or to be comforted I just want to let them out.

I don’t think that missing my son makes me a less than stellar mom it just makes me a mom who loves and misses her son. I have no doubt  that he is in a wonderful place. I have no doubt he’s where he’s suppose to be. There is no place else I would want him to be. I raised and did my best to prepare him for missionary service. It’s what I prayed for his whole life. I am so grateful Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I always knew he would be an exceptional missionary. 

Nevertheless, today I am missing him and having what I call “a mom day”. The day Ammon left my wonderful visiting teacher showed up out of the blue with a jar full of m&m’s for when I have one of those “mom days”. Unfortunately my jar is empty. I really haven’t had a lot of “mom days” I just ate them because I love m&m’s. I just couldn’t stop myself. I could have used a few today though.

Last week he had a really hard week and I wish I could have been there to give him a huge hug. I’m grateful that I can give him a hug through my prayers. I know that listening to conference will definitely give him encouragement and lift his spirits. I look forward to hearing from tomorrow. I know he will have a lot to say about conference.

I think conference is why I miss him so much. We have always loved conference weekend. We always have what we call conference trivia. We would all take notes and Alan would put together questions to ask everyone. We had prizes and it was a lot of fun. Last year we played via texting.

This year however, there was no conference trivia. Sam doesn’t take notes he just doodles, Monica didn’t really watch and we never heard any interest from Leah. Not it would have mattered because it’s not fun unless everyone participates. Oh well, I guess life goes on.

Well, I guess that’s pretty much it. I’m hopefully done with the weeping. I look forward to tomorrow and hearing from Ammon. It’s my favorite day of the week. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for his emails.

And may I say, that I know where to go when my emotions get the best of me. I get on my knees and pray to the father for comfort and peace. I know that his love and assurance is all I need. I know Heavenly Fathers listens with no judgment.   He knows my heart and doesn’t think less of me because I’m having a “mom day”.

 

Decisions, Decisions

So, for the last year and a half I’ve been so busy working, getting Ammon off to college, helping him get ready for his mission, and keeping up with Sam’s activities, that I haven’t even thought about the “C” word.  The last time I visited with my oncologist he overwhelmed so much that I think I totally blocked everything out and went on with my life.

He suffers from a severe case of adult ADD! He makes your head spin round and round. I never really understood anything he said. His office staff always seem angry and the surroundings were very depressing. Anyway, after two visits with him I decided I was done. He never really told me to do anything other than stop eating chocolate. That was like asking me to stop breathing!

I had my check up with my primary doctor and she wasn’t impressed  with his reports and as a result referred me to another oncologist.

So on Wednesday I went to see Dr. Addo and I love him! He’s the complete opposite. Very calm and quiet demeanor. Very smart and careful to explain everything I needed to know.  He’s such a very kind man. Love, love him!

I still feel somewhat overwhelmed but at least I understand what I’m overwhelmed about. He didn’t give me any recommendations because he’s consulting with three of his doctor friends as to what to do with my case.  I should hear back from in about a week. In the meantime I have some things to think about.  I now feel like I’m in good hands!

 

A Glorious Day!

We took Ammon to the Seattle Temple over Memorial Day weekend. It was a beautiful day! This was the view of the temple as we drove into Bellevue.

Ammon was anxious and so excited. We hoped it would a very spiritual experience for him but it was beyond our expectations.

It began with just watching father and son walking side by side to enter the house of the Lord.  It was a beautiful sight. We arrived at 6:30 am. I was invited to do some temple work while the guys went off to do theirs. The session began at 8:00 am. I would eventually meet up with them in the ordinance room. I would wait for the rest of the family and friends in the chapel.  There we hugged and greeted one another with great love.

It was such a perfect beautiful feeling. The spirit was so strong. It was the happiest day of our lives. Ammon’s love for the temple and his readiness shone brightly. The experience was beyond words.

But we got to share this beautiful day with all these beautiful people. Which made the day more perfect.

Bob and Marion Thornton came from Ocean Shores. Bob baptized me and my sister 35 years ago. It was so important to us that they be there so that they could see the fruits of their labors and share in this joyous occasion.  They planted the seed that has sprouted into three generations of latter-day saints. We are so grateful to them for sharing the gospel with our family.

Our wonderful Heidi Danielson came from Vancouver, Washington. She’s originally from ND. We were so excited that she could be there with us.

Ammon was greeted by all his cousins. Eric drove all the way from Portland that morning to be there for Ammon.  Manuel came with his mother from Hermiston, OR. His grandmother from Pendleton, OR and his Tio and Tia from Milton-Freewater.  His cousins Evelynne and Jessica from Spokane. His other Tia Elena from Pendleton. His sister Leah from Provo, Ut.

When I got married it was the happiest day in my life and I thought I could never recapture that feeling again but when you go with one of your own children the joy is tenfold.  I’m so grateful for that experience. I’m also so grateful to Ammon for giving us a reason to rejoice. It definitely brought us closer as a family.

Since receiving his endowments Ammon has been to the Columbia River Temple.

The Spokane Washington Temple.

The Bismarck Temple over a dozen times and before he entered the MTC he attended the Salt Lake temple with his roommate Nate.  I know it will serve him well as a missionary.