Say you want the same thing too

'pi gu' in the house yo!

 

looking for its owner. dad said she followed him home last night.. sounds a lot like the Hachiko story doesnt it? 

I was happily looking through albums and photos and then i saw you...
I dont think i will be able to forget you.

Dreamt

You must have read the bbm i left for you yesterday morning that's why you finally entered my dream isn't it. It happened too quick, i didn't realized you were you until i woke up to reality. I knew you are healthy and you recovered but it did not occurred to me at the point of time i've lost you. I'm sorry, no wonder you weren't talking much to me at all. Please, please let me have you in my dream again tonight. Okay?

one day i'll find the right words, and they will be simple.

More than words

Every single day i've people checking if im fine. how im feeling and making sure i'm occupied.
I couldnt tell them i'm not. I didnt want them to worry, even if they do they wouldnt understand how it felt to lose a sibling.
It's not a friend, it's my brother.

I realize i tend to push people away whenever they're being too nice.
I just pushed my bff away for no reasonable reason and ive not been speaking to her since that day.
Guess i havent been taking my tolerance level in control lately.

& then im always feeling bad and i think back, have i been giving you what other sisters would shower their own brother?
I haven't. Havent been giving you the best.
Which sister doesnt give birthday gifts to her own brother
who doesnt give in yet expect you to accept my way
who doesnt respect you and then trusting you has also been an issue
who is selfish
who only know how to raise her voice at the slightest thing
who is lazy to reply you at times, the effort you made to speak to me yet i cant even be bothered to just talk.to.you..
not knowing it would kill me this much that i've completely lost you now.
It almost felt like i push you away myself.
I've been horrible isn't it ?

It was your 7th day yesterday, so I left you a note on my study table, did you see it?
It's just 3-word, but it carries thousands of words i didnt dare to speak to anyone.
Ive been mind-talking to you but i guess they aint loud enough to reach you huh.
If i cant have you here physically, could i at least earn our sister-brother telepathy?

I MISS YOU.

It's NOT SILLY wanting to speak to my brother again.
I haven't spoken nor seen him often before his accident. I have been home late and he's usually asleep by that time. He wakes up early for work so that leaves us no opportunity to chit-chat.

Which part of I MISS HIM do you guys not understand??

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I miss you.

Usually I've you in the living room watching tv. Even if we're not physically together but having you in the house made me feel less bored in fact happier because I'm not alone.
Usually I would see your tattooed-back whenever I pass by your room to the toilet. A relief knowing you're safe at home with me.
Usually I would be annoyed whenever you use my hair dryer and anything without my permission. I promise I wouldn't be argue with you if you're still here; I miss your nonsense.
Usually I've someone to talk to when I'm bored at home. Where are you then? Here I am at home, being the only child, facing the walls.

Believe me, I've tried to accept the fact you're gone.. But trying isn't helping and you know how much I can never deal with an unexpected death. :'(

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Forgetting isn't enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again, and again, and again. They circle you, like sharks. Until, unless, something, someone? Can do more than just cover the wound.

-Sara Zarr, Story of a Girl

Some things are hard to write about.  After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the small parts or ignore the important ones.  At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.


-Sylvia Plath

D5

I'm rushing down! I'm rushing down brother!!
Keep your temperature low please! :(
We'll be there with you shortly
We're in the cab already..

You must continue to fight YOU HEAR ME ?!!

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D4

I didn't visit you today but mommy just called and said you were not receiving enough oxygen? They're gna open a bigger hole for you so you can take in more oxygen. I supposed that's what the doctor meant? Tomorrow I'm probably gna go down to check with them. Are you still fighting brother? Remember you're my lil conqueror! :)

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I thought of you while on the way home 5mins ago... Past by the accident scene and immediately teared. Why. Why would something like this happened to you. Only a bus stop away from home, 10minutes away to coming home to mommy and me. :( we were bbming 40minutes ago, you were on phone with mommy before the accident too. :'(

Whenever I couldn't catch my breath or I felt a pain in my chest I thought you might be in danger. Please be safe.

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D3

Baby brother has a fever today again. His fingers are swelling. Doctor and nurses manage to bring the temperature down from 38.5°c to 37°c. You hear me bro? You can't take high fever because it will affect the pressure in your head :( don't let it swell further anymore. Please stay strong and stronger each time. Never give up and don't give us up. All of us miss you please let us talk to you again.

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D2 @ 455pm

Baby brother
Are you alone
We'll be back to hospital with you in the evening ok?
Mommy has to do some praying.
You'll be fine

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Hi brother
Have you sleep enough
I know you're going through pain,
It hurts a lot to see you like this.
Please wake up, jie will protect you.

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D1

How are you today
Will you be okay
I kept calling your name but where are you
Give us a signal that you're still fighting
Don't ever give up
Talk to me please

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I miss you already.. When will you talk to me again brother :'( I wna sleep in your room now but I'm afraid the smell of your perfume, your photos and belongings will bring me more heartache.

I wanna dream of you and you telling me you'll come round soon.
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To my only brother

I don't need branded bags, clothes, whatever. I only pray my family will be safe and healthy. So brother, please be strong. I wouldn't find you annoying anymore. I wouldn't scream at you. I will lend you my hair dryer willingly. I'll cook for you. I will accompany you to shop whenever you need me. I'll buy you a leather jacket as promised. I'll paint your room for youm Mommy and I will get you the Japanese Spitz. I wouldn't think mommy is bias against me because she loves/dotes on you more. I wouldn't mind her giving you all the attention so long you're safe. I love you brother. Please wake up..

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Daily Horo

Can't agree more..

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