Let Love Fly: 2011

22.6.11

fucking miss my brother

28.5.11

22.5.11

I don't like to miss someone so much it's tearing me inside yet i can't let this side of me to surface.

I thought i've been obvious with my actions and you should have gotten the hints by now.

Ignore every opposing remarks about you i still choose to give you the benefit of doubt but this is pretty disappointing.

20.5.11

Love you, Mom!

19th May: Thank you! <3

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Club SOUL tonight

Time : 2130 – 0400

Age : 18 & Above

Entry: 25 SGD ( Male ) 20 SGD ( Female ) : Inclusive of 2 Drinks

Sounds : DJ K , DJ OHAN

Drinks : Carlsberg at $5
1-for-1 Housepour Jugs ( 11pm – 1am )

x2 Jagerbomb at 18
x2 Martell Vsop at 418
x1 Belvedere Vodka 1.5L at 388
x1 Moet at 168

FOR FEMALE GUEST LIST, PLEASE CONTACT ME @ 8161-2802 ! <3

It's like rain falling down
Drops of pain hit the ground
I can't speak
There's no sound when you're gone

You closed the door and you kept on walking
Left me behind and there's no more talking

19.5.11

18th

Hi baby brother.
Are you coping well up there? It's been a month not seeing you. For all I know at least when you were hospitalized I could touch and talk to you.. Seeing you makes me feel safer because you're physically with me and I wouldn't face with such a harsh goodbye (you left without a word).. I still remember the last time you reacted to our words was probably the day you were admitted into A&E, you jolted, you raised up your hand. Were you reaching for me? Come to think of it, I regretted not saying how much I love you, how much you meant to me although we always argue. My heart sank, indescribable to put into words the amount of pain every time I've flashbacks of what you told SJ. I miss you I think of you every day. Whenever I see Pris & Damien I wish I'd you with me too....
For now I can only talk to myself to my heart hoping you'd hear my words.

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18.5.11

Vintage

bought this few months back only to wear it today cos i've spent 20 minutes flipping every corner of my wardrobe for something 'new' and this is the ONLY piece left. wonder if it's because ive slimmed down i remember the armholes being slightly tighter the first time i tried it on hahaha

oh yeah it's my last day of work @ beach centre! im going back to help JJ @ Soul :)

come down for the event on friday guys!

15Qs

1 - A quality I would want in a future girlfriend/boyfriend ⇒ Sociable, able to mingle.

2 - Story behind my last kiss ⇒ It didn't mean anything. Alcohol was the one behind it.

3 - Something I am proud of ⇒ My brother.

4 - One of my insecurities ⇒ Body.

5 - A secret ⇒ Eye-candy someone impossible.

6 - An ideal date ⇒ Surprises!

7 - A turn on ⇒ Able to cook and bake.

8 - A turn off ⇒ Greasy face.

9 - Something that makes me happy ⇒ If possible that'll be having my brother back. Else i just need all the time in the world with my friends.

10 - Something I regret ⇒ Not giving him the best.

11 - Something that’s on my mind ⇒ My future?

12 - A random fact about myself ⇒ I'm afraid of angry people.

13 - Where I would like to live ⇒ Singapore.

14 - One of my bad habits ⇒ Pushing people away whenever they're too nice.

15 - Who I wish I could be ⇒ Someone who knows how to read a person's mind.

17.5.11

And I find peace when I'm confused. I find hope when I'm let down. Not in me, but in you.

16.5.11

Dear friends :)

14.5.11

13.5.11

Best part of our memories

I like it when I'm home alone, when dad and mom aint in. That's the only time I can cry as much and as long as I want. Browsing through photobooth folder, among the photos I spotted your face. The day we hang out in town together. I suppose I brought you out to do a lil shopping with Ayako. We had Swensens outside Cine, I can't remember if you gave me a treat or I did, but I think I did because I remember you devouring the ice-cream happily & also I never love ice cream as much as you did. I'd my laptop with me so we photobooth-ed in the public, the 3 of us. Pictures after pictures, we even made a video. Although the sound of you in it is quite faint, at least I can hear you brother. I hear you laughing, see you smiling, still breathing, still eating... It hurts. Because these are only part of the best memories we share. Idk how I'm going cope in 5 years, or even 10 years down the road without you but I'd tell my kids they've an awesome uncle. :)

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12.5.11

12th

The day you got into accident,
The day we last spoke,
The day I realize I love you too much.
The day I learn regrets.

Been exactly a month already baby brother and I still miss you, not any lesser :( I just want to scream just wanna cry wanna wake up to find all of this a dream.

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10.5.11

Ill

I miss my brother who has been like an elder brother to me taking care of me whenever I'm sick.
I miss you even more knowing I've to be independent from now.

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I hate this feeling in me.
I was happy for a few hours on few days back & now everything is just different.
Don't play kite with me please...

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9.5.11

We can’t fast-forward time to know if it’s worth it. 

So we trust our hearts and hope it turns out right.

It's okay to fall in love, but where do i go from here knowing it's a wrong move by the heart.

But you won't let me make it right.

This ain't the Heartbreak Hotel,
Even though I know it well.
Those no shows, they sure tell,
In the way you hold yourself.
Don't you fret, should you get,
Another cancellation.
Give me a chance I'd make a,
Permanent reservation.

4.5.11

29.4.11

Say you want the same thing too

'pi gu' in the house yo!

looking for its owner. dad said she followed him home last night.. sounds a lot like the Hachiko story doesnt it?

27.4.11

I was happily looking through albums and photos and then i saw you...
I dont think i will be able to forget you.

Dreamt

You must have read the bbm i left for you yesterday morning that's why you finally entered my dream isn't it. It happened too quick, i didn't realized you were you until i woke up to reality. I knew you are healthy and you recovered but it did not occurred to me at the point of time i've lost you. I'm sorry, no wonder you weren't talking much to me at all. Please, please let me have you in my dream again tonight. Okay?

26.4.11

one day i'll find the right words, and they will be simple.

25.4.11

More than words

Every single day i've people checking if im fine. how im feeling and making sure i'm occupied.
I couldnt tell them i'm not. I didnt want them to worry, even if they do they wouldnt understand how it felt to lose a sibling.
It's not a friend, it's my brother.

I realize i tend to push people away whenever they're being too nice.
I just pushed my bff away for no reasonable reason and ive not been speaking to her since that day.
Guess i havent been taking my tolerance level in control lately.

& then im always feeling bad and i think back, have i been giving you what other sisters would shower their own brother?
I haven't. Havent been giving you the best.
Which sister doesnt give birthday gifts to her own brother
who doesnt give in yet expect you to accept my way
who doesnt respect you and then trusting you has also been an issue
who is selfish
who only know how to raise her voice at the slightest thing
who is lazy to reply you at times, the effort you made to speak to me yet i cant even be bothered to just talk.to.you..
not knowing it would kill me this much that i've completely lost you now.
It almost felt like i push you away myself.
I've been horrible isn't it ?

It was your 7th day yesterday, so I left you a note on my study table, did you see it?
It's just 3-word, but it carries thousands of words i didnt dare to speak to anyone.
Ive been mind-talking to you but i guess they aint loud enough to reach you huh.
If i cant have you here physically, could i at least earn our sister-brother telepathy?

I MISS YOU.

24.4.11

It's NOT SILLY wanting to speak to my brother again.
I haven't spoken nor seen him often before his accident. I have been home late and he's usually asleep by that time. He wakes up early for work so that leaves us no opportunity to chit-chat.

Which part of I MISS HIM do you guys not understand??

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23.4.11

I miss you.

Usually I've you in the living room watching tv. Even if we're not physically together but having you in the house made me feel less bored in fact happier because I'm not alone.
Usually I would see your tattooed-back whenever I pass by your room to the toilet. A relief knowing you're safe at home with me.
Usually I would be annoyed whenever you use my hair dryer and anything without my permission. I promise I wouldn't be argue with you if you're still here; I miss your nonsense.
Usually I've someone to talk to when I'm bored at home. Where are you then? Here I am at home, being the only child, facing the walls.

Believe me, I've tried to accept the fact you're gone.. But trying isn't helping and you know how much I can never deal with an unexpected death. :'(

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22.4.11

Forgetting isn't enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again, and again, and again. They circle you, like sharks. Until, unless, something, someone? Can do more than just cover the wound.

-Sara Zarr, Story of a Girl

Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the small parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to. 

-Sylvia Plath

17.4.11

D5

I'm rushing down! I'm rushing down brother!!
Keep your temperature low please! :(
We'll be there with you shortly
We're in the cab already..

You must continue to fight YOU HEAR ME ?!!

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16.4.11

D4

I didn't visit you today but mommy just called and said you were not receiving enough oxygen? They're gna open a bigger hole for you so you can take in more oxygen. I supposed that's what the doctor meant? Tomorrow I'm probably gna go down to check with them. Are you still fighting brother? Remember you're my lil conqueror! :)

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I thought of you while on the way home 5mins ago... Past by the accident scene and immediately teared. Why. Why would something like this happened to you. Only a bus stop away from home, 10minutes away to coming home to mommy and me. :( we were bbming 40minutes ago, you were on phone with mommy before the accident too. :'(

Whenever I couldn't catch my breath or I felt a pain in my chest I thought you might be in danger. Please be safe.

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15.4.11

D3

Baby brother has a fever today again. His fingers are swelling. Doctor and nurses manage to bring the temperature down from 38.5°c to 37°c. You hear me bro? You can't take high fever because it will affect the pressure in your head :( don't let it swell further anymore. Please stay strong and stronger each time. Never give up and don't give us up. All of us miss you please let us talk to you again.

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14.4.11

D2 @ 455pm

Baby brother
Are you alone
We'll be back to hospital with you in the evening ok?
Mommy has to do some praying.
You'll be fine

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13.4.11

Hi brother
Have you sleep enough
I know you're going through pain,
It hurts a lot to see you like this.
Please wake up, jie will protect you.

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D1

How are you today
Will you be okay
I kept calling your name but where are you
Give us a signal that you're still fighting
Don't ever give up
Talk to me please

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I miss you already.. When will you talk to me again brother :'( I wna sleep in your room now but I'm afraid the smell of your perfume, your photos and belongings will bring me more heartache.

I wanna dream of you and you telling me you'll come round soon.
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To my only brother

I don't need branded bags, clothes, whatever. I only pray my family will be safe and healthy. So brother, please be strong. I wouldn't find you annoying anymore. I wouldn't scream at you. I will lend you my hair dryer willingly. I'll cook for you. I will accompany you to shop whenever you need me. I'll buy you a leather jacket as promised. I'll paint your room for youm Mommy and I will get you the Japanese Spitz. I wouldn't think mommy is bias against me because she loves/dotes on you more. I wouldn't mind her giving you all the attention so long you're safe. I love you brother. Please wake up..

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9.4.11

7.4.11

Daily Horo

Can't agree more..

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31.3.11

Will be, will be

Because my phone hasn't been with me for as long as 2 hours it kept me thinking of the things i've done versus the things i'd really love do yet can never find the courage. I was more afraid of doing it, what if i fail, what if no matter how much i learn how much time and effort i put in i may never be that successful, what if what i want to do isn't for me? I'm never confident in myself.

& today, i'm making it a rule to stop whining on social networks about my work, my friends, my heavy assignments or even anything. I figured it's just part of learning and that's life. How is whining in a corner going to help anyways.. Of cos i would if i'd to, if necessary - that's probably when i'm on the verge of breaking down.

29.3.11

I've taken it wrongly all these while...

17.3.11

Mad pissed with my mom. Tonight i'm gonna cry to sleep. RAHHHHHH!!!

14.3.11

1-week resolution

Okay i've decided to REALLLLLY lose weight this time round. To drop 2kgs by 19th which is Fiona's birthday celebration. Not for her big day of cos but for myself. Giving me a week to lose weight and if i can do it.... i shall reward myself with a new wallet! /beams

11.3.11

3.3.11

Ranting!

Group A means A. You guys don't act like you belong to Group B too ok? Everything must plan together, go together. Hello? Bestie after 1 time meh? Bestie after 1-2 connections only? And then don't come and ask me if I'm referring to you. You ever seen thieves calling themselves thief?! -_-

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