On this day, 19 years ago, I used my handkerchief to wipe off the white foam coming out from my Mother's mouth. She laid lifeless on the hospital bed. The same bed she had spent months lying on, repeating tests after tests. The room had four beds, but it was quiet that evening, leaving only my Mother in the room, as if it was preparing for her exit from this world. I remember grief, sadness, anger and confusion. What happened after was a blur. I didn't have tears during the funeral. It was at the cremation that my pain became pronounced. I cried so much I don't think I heard a word of what anyone said.
Each time I recall the events of that fateful evening, the same grief and pain returns to me. The tears flow and my heart aches because I miss her so much.
My Mother was a beautiful woman. She was a fashionable lady and a fantastic cook. Despite spending half of her life battling Lupus, stricken to machines and heavy dosages of medication, she kept a smiling face as much as she could. There were days of distress when she could not tolerate her loss of bowel control, days of anguish when she felt incapacitated. But I still do remember her smile, even as she walked around the house, hooked up to a dialysis bag.
At the end of her battle with the disease, she had lost almost all her hair, and lost so much weight that her bones were protruding. The pain of seeing her in this state is too much to bear. I choose to remember her when she had a head full of beautiful hair, smiling at us as she stands in the kitchen, stirring up a wok of food. I choose to remember the days we spent helping her make pineapple tarts and watching her sew our New Year dresses.
It's hard to believe it has been 19 years. I often think about how my life would have been different if my parents did not leave us so early in our lives. Now that I am a Mother, my heart aches for my two sons who will never get a chance to know their maternal Grandparents and to find out what wonderful people they are.
Each time I recall the events of that fateful evening, the same grief and pain returns to me. The tears flow and my heart aches because I miss her so much.
My Mother was a beautiful woman. She was a fashionable lady and a fantastic cook. Despite spending half of her life battling Lupus, stricken to machines and heavy dosages of medication, she kept a smiling face as much as she could. There were days of distress when she could not tolerate her loss of bowel control, days of anguish when she felt incapacitated. But I still do remember her smile, even as she walked around the house, hooked up to a dialysis bag.
At the end of her battle with the disease, she had lost almost all her hair, and lost so much weight that her bones were protruding. The pain of seeing her in this state is too much to bear. I choose to remember her when she had a head full of beautiful hair, smiling at us as she stands in the kitchen, stirring up a wok of food. I choose to remember the days we spent helping her make pineapple tarts and watching her sew our New Year dresses.
It's hard to believe it has been 19 years. I often think about how my life would have been different if my parents did not leave us so early in our lives. Now that I am a Mother, my heart aches for my two sons who will never get a chance to know their maternal Grandparents and to find out what wonderful people they are.
On my Mom's 30th Birthday
My sister & I were wearing dresses sewn by my Mom.
Wife and new love - a complex love triangle
Lucas loves to swim
When it was so hot in the house, the boys were happy to prance around in nothing but their underwear/diaper.
