I've always hated the economy of words. I never seem to be able to make myself clear enough, or express my feelings well enough with just a few words. But too many bore people, so I try to control myself. Please try not to look bored or seem disinterested in what I say. It hurts me a lot more than you would think. My job is good for me in this respect. It forces me to cut down and be more succinct. But I still hate the economy of words.

Lately, this has been happening with increased frequency - I'd suddenly remember one or two things I'd wanted to talk about the moment I hang up the phone. Or have a torrent of words rush into my mouth on the way home from a happy gathering, only to bounce around and then burst, like bubbles, never escaping before the next time we meet up. I'd also be hit by thoughts which rapidly evolve into perfectly formed prose that beg to flow from my fingers just before bedtime, when I'd already said good night to my computer. Then there they'd stay, scrolling on and on like credits in my head until i give in to temptation and wake my laptop up, or melt away with my dreams while I sleep.

It's a little frustrating.

I find myself greedily wishing for more time, so that bedtime wouldn't come so soon, so that we could have a whole day all to ourselves and I could say everything I wanted to say with no leftovers, so that we could capture all these lovely, fleeting feelings and lock them away safely for all eternity. I think I'll need a really good time management plan once I start working. I don't know how you people do it, man.

Sometimes, I manage to say what's on my mind, but halfway through my narration, I'd realise that it sounds like a lame and unimportant thing to say. So I stop short, or lose confidence in what I'm saying, which cues others to look politely interested or change the subject.

Sometimes, I get up and write, but the words just won't come after a while. Or they'd somehow undergo a weird transformation on the way from my brain to my fingers to my screen, and mean different. Or I'd forget what I

陈珊妮 - 情歌

我想你依然在我房间
再多疼我一遍就走
我想是情歌唱得太慎重
害你舍不得我
没有缠绵悱恻的场面
没有对白的你爱我
如果灯光再昏暗都无用
你眼泪为谁流
黑夜说思念让人简单
星星说月亮最寂寞
你是我一场好梦 明天一切好说
我想你依然在我房间
赖着我一直不肯走
我想是缘份哪里出差错
情歌才唱着不松口
我想是天份不够难掌握
唱不好的你爱我

Decided to listen to one of Sandee Chan's other albums today, and discovered this song.

I was enchanted by its melody. 真的让我有恋爱的感觉.

But on closer inspection of the lyrics, I realised that it's not a happy song about the drunk, heady feeling of being in love. Instead, they seem to hint at some sort of delusion (throughout the song, it is 你爱我 instead of both ways) and disappointment (我想是缘份哪里出差错 情歌才唱着不松口).

Damn. I should totally take that Directed Reading in Modern Chinese Lyrics module.

I still want to believe that it's a happy song, though. Perhaps I'm just as stubborn as the narrator in the lyrics.

You know how there are some moments in life which you want to hold on to forever?

I never know what I'm feeling until I write.

Labels: egomaniac

2. 下着细雨的美感.

[I only saw the "kindly do not take photos" sign after I took the photos. ;p]