Trailers that give me (good) goosebumps.

Like this one.

Labels: what I live for

Good morning yesterday. I awake to the feeling that it's a day in the past, and I have just dined on a plateful of joy. My entire heart is aglow with it. All I feel like doing is watch my 真命天女 dvd. I lay in bed and let the euphoria radiate throughout my body. My mind really is convinced that it's a day in the past. In the theatre, the camera moves through my old, happy memories, searching them out and pressing Play.

It is a cloudy and windy day during the holidays before my first year in uni. I worked for a month and slacked for two. I watched Youtube all day, those became my favourite videos, I recall the wonder and happiness the first time I watched them. Days in Taiwan. The magical sensation I always get when I'm there. A secret recipe of anticipation, excitement, relaxation, happiness.

Days in Hong Kong. Our favourite happy breakfast. Reading emails from those who miss me. Cold but sunny winter days, when my white jacket was just enough and I walked the streets without a care in the world. KTV sessions when it was okay to be crazy. Singing loudly as we explored Hong Kong. Memories that I've locked up to stop myself from missing. Early mornings when I woke up because there was a pretty damn good reason to wake up.

Chinese New Year. This year's (missed and loved, that feeling of returning home after missing it, my first time winning at gambling), and all the other years' that were good.

I don't want to open my eyes, because I don't want this to stop.

And then. I realised that this euphoria is like when I wake up and my first thought is of him, and suddenly the day is full of possibility and anticipation. My love is always my idea of it, my idea of him, of what we would do. And then it was back to reality. It's not as cloudy outside as I thought, it's actually pretty sunny. There is no more possibility and anticipation, because there is no we, it will always be just me and him. It was just my idea. My ideal. My world as I saw it, or imagined it. Not reality. Because bland old reality is never enough for my perfectionist tastes, I must always add a dollop of imagination to stomach it.

I open my eyes. I'm ready to face the day now.