I watched "Perhaps Love" today. I didn't get the ending, but it was okay, I suppose, if you like musicals and artistic films. Haha. I've decided to just stick to 'no-brainers' (all films are a work of genius to someone. and all films take some level of ingenuity to make. by saying 'no brainers', i'm referring to films whose goings-on don't need to be pondered over, even after the ending) and feel-good flicks in future. Unless, of course, there are the likes of Takeshi Kaneshiro in the cast (shallow me.).

However, I really liked the essence of the storyline of "Perhaps Love" . It was about how all lives are like movies. And how sometimes scenes of one's life are 'edited out' by one and how, sometimes, we need someone to 'deliver' the footage back to us.

Allow me to provide an example to illustrate my interpretation of this 'concept'. During the 6 hours I spent spring-cleaning just my tiny room yesterday, I came across 2 birthday cards from my brothers, both written not so long ago. Both were extremely sweet and contained something along the lines of 'you are a great sister to me' and other very very touching things that I shall not publicise on this blog.

I am ashamed to say that I had forgotten the existence of these 2 cards. In fact, when I read the one that Kenneth wrote to me, it was like seeing it for the first time. I teared. I had truly forgotten exactly how sweet he could be. And I found myself questioning if that sweetness still lives in him. I think it does. Because once in a while, he would do something small but sweet to show that maybe he still loves me and doesn't think I am a crap sister. To show that maybe he still means what he said on that card, that I really am a great sister and, like he once said, a great example to him. I am an insecure person who needs lots of constant encouragement about a lot of things (writing, being a sister, etc.).

The card also made me realise that Everett does have some of Kenneth's traits. I always thought he takes after me and only me. Both cards had a similar...'feel' to it. And the same 'style' of sweet-ness (if there's such a thing).

Just to digress a little...I watched a DVD of a movie called "The Final Cut" when I got home today. I marvelled at how Fate (or whoever else it is that you believe in) had arranged it such that I would watch "Perhaps Love" and "The Final Cut", two movies that had such similar themes-that life (or rather, memory) is a movie and the footage can be edited to suit one's needs-on the same day.

"The Final Cut" reminded me that memory can sometimes be 'manipulated', altered or erased according to what we want to remember or simply because of age. The birthday cards is an example of how memories can be 'erased', or rather, shoved right to the back of our minds without seeing the light until something/someone triggers it.

The cards also reminded me of how people can be so fixated with the present that they forget about the past, just as easily as they can live in the past. Though we must not live in the past, we must also not forget the memories (preferably the good ones. bad ones that do no good can just be erased) that made us who we are today.

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On another note, this year's spring cleaning really taught me a few things, and set me thinking about how much more painful spring-cleaning must be for people who have lost someone. Someone whose memories still live in the things around the house. I finally started to realise the true meaning of that last line (roughly translated from Chinese) "Are you waiting for me? I've always been here." from the MV of Ye Zi by A Sang.

I feel truly fortunate to have been reminded of Kenneth's good points. I wouldn't have liked going through the rest of my life, forgetting the pure goodness that still lies somewhere in his heart. It's not that I think he's evil, or that I've totally forgotten that he's good-natured. It's just that sometimes we need reminders...to remind us that things weren't always like that. That there's always hope. Kenneth is a wonderful person. It's just that there have been times when I found it harder to love him and it was so much easier just to be fixated with his flaws.

In "Perhaps Love", the edited footage was delivered by an angel. Yesterday, in the theatre of my life, the edited footage was delivered on the wings of two birthday cards written by two brothers who will always be angels in my heart. I have given these two cards a deserving place in my box of memories, to serve as a constant reminder and ensure that this footage is not cut out ever again.

Now I have "All I Want for Christmas is You" stuck in my head. Thanks for sending it to me, Chezza! =)

I'm high with Christmas spirit now! Absolutely full to the brim and BURSTING with it! =D Let's hope it'll last all through tomorrow and for as loooooooooooong as possible!

Nothing like friends and family to get you into the xmas spirit, really. Everett got me a gift-Clorets Ocean Mint. Now I feel guilty for not getting him one. And all the others who gave me gifts/are going to give me. Sorry people, I will make a better effort next year!

All I Want for Christmas is everyone I love to be happy, healthy and live to ripe old ages. And to love themselves (but not as much as they love me! =p ).

Right, good night everyone! A big hug and kiss to everyone out there whom I love! =) =) =)

And suddenly, we find ourselves at the advent of Christmas. Have been so busy lately that I didn't realise how near it was. And now, I feel grossly unprepared for it, be it spiritually (haven't got into the mood) or financially (would like to buy presents for my loved ones, but can't scrape together the cash to.).

But I have a funny feeling that come Sunday, the Christmas mood will already be residing comfortably in my mind, body and soul. I hope. I do not wish for this Christmas to be another one in which I stay at home, bored and lonely in a house full of people, watching vcds which I've watched many many times and will be watching again come 14 Feb. I know I should be more 'proactive' about it if I do not want to end up watching movies at home, but sometimes circumstances disallow me anyway, so why try.

Anyway. Before I move into the dangerous self-pitying mode, I shall talk about other, more inspiring things.

I was listening to this blogger-turned-novelist, Breakupbabe, on this radio interview that she did, and felt quite inspired and motivated by some of her words.

Here's a rough transcript:

"The insecurity that every writer has that in the past, in the pre-NaNoWriMo days, I would sit down to write something and hate it, and think I was a horrible writer and then give up. And I've learnt that a lot of times when I sit down to write, I still have that feeling. 'Oh, I'm a horrible writer. Why am I even trying' but then I learnt to push past that. And I think that NaNoWriMo experience, when I was sitting down everyday and feeling that feeling everyday, taught me that I could get over it and that it's not true, and that maybe I feel like a horrible writer at the moment but I'm not. So I think a big lesson that I learnt is that every writer struggles with that feeling. You know, even if you're a published writer or you're not. And it's very important to just fight those feelings and not let them overwhelm you."

It was quite inspiring because I am feeling quite...insecure at the moment. Because I really am starting to think that I'm not a storyteller, just a writer. And all I would be able to produce would be shallow pieces that do not...come alive and tell the story. They just...tell the story. Flatly. And dully. Sigh. I'll work on it.

Funny, isn't it? How dreams empower you one moment and make you feel demoralised the next? Sometimes I feel so much closer to my dreams, but other times I just wanna give up and go with whatever I can achieve with what I have. Or what I will have. And just stop there.

Oh dear. I SHOULD stop writing this very negative post. Ok. I shall end it here. And hopefully this will be the last negative post for a long time! =D

The Blackboard (a website from which we get our e-learning homework) is lagging like crazy at the moment. It is like when we choose our GEMs. Brings back horrendous memories.

Thus, I decided to make use of this time to blog! Don't you see the stunning improvement in my time management skills?

Ok. Most recent things first. (Read: I have loads to blog about, so prepare for a long post. However, it might also mean that I might forget what I want to say halfway and give up.)

Sarah's Church Musical 18/12/05

Sarah was great. The rest of the cast was great. Their talents are almost tangible. (That means they are all very, very talented.)

The musical cheered me up and filled me with hope, just like what (I imagine) a Christmas play should do. This is my first time watching one, and it definitely won't be my last (if it's people from the same cast.)

Thanks Sarah, for inviting me and letting me be part of the audience for such a fantastic production. =)

Family Chalet 15/12/05

For the first 1/2 an hour or so that I was there, I was just sitting around, helping myself to the food, watching some tv, and entertaining thoughts of having an internal PR system in our family. You know, a newsletter or something so that we can all be updated on the lives of everyone in our extended family. And maybe tips on how to dance around family politics and so on.

Hahahaha. Not that there is really a need for it. It would be nice if we did, though. I thought of it because of how some of us only see each other once a year. And surely the short period of time we linger at my grandmother's place is not enough for us to get to know each other better AND catch up on what's happening in each others' lives?

Anyway. Huiqi, Max and Rong Chun decided to host some games after that. Everyone seemed relieved to have a break from the monotony. I must say that the three of them did a great job hosting the games, even though there were trying moments. They even managed to get the adults to participate! And guess whose mum was the most excited and enthusiastic adult player? =p

It was a great way for us to bond and a really novel way to spend time at a chalet. At the end of it, our grandmother was asked to be the "guest of honour" and give out the prizes to the winning groups. (Prizes were proudly sponsored by Huiqi's mum, a.k.a my third aunt. THANKS!) She shyly refused at first, but was seen later giving out tidbits to everyone (she gave in at Rong Chun's persuasion).

I hope our grandmother was happy that night, seeing all the generations interacting with each other and having so much fun. It was our birthday present to her. Here's wishing her longetivity, health, and happiness. =D

Kudos again to Huiqi, Max and Rong Chun for shouting themselves hoarse and cracking their heads over how to keep such a diverse bunch of people that is our extended family entertained for almost 1 1/2 hours. And doing such a marvellous job of it. =)

New Handphone and Plan 17/12/05

Ok this was after the family chalet, so technically it should be above it, but I thought that a handphone shouldn't take precedence over the family chalet.

So anyway. I got a new phone! Panasonic VS-2. Black. It's cool! =) 1.3 megapixel camera. Video function. MP3 playback function. Auto-flip function (just press a button at the side of the phone and up comes the cover! It's a flip phone.) Preinstalled Sonic the Hedgehog Java game.

And all for the grand price of $0. It was $98 with 21-month upgrade, but I traded in my old phone (Nokia 3200), which fetched an amazing price of $100 despite the fact that I keep dropping it and even got it wet once. Nokia phones are amazingly durable. I hope Panasonic is comparable.

I also upgraded my plan to Student i-One Plus. That means free incoming and 1000 free smses (tho the last 500 are only free if sent to Singtel users). So you guys can call me and talk for as long as you like! =D

In other news, I dropped my ez-link card into the hole under the escalator handrail at Bishan MRT today. Don't ask me how I did it. One minute I was holding it in my hand, being sleepy and the next, I somehow let go of the card and dropped it into the hole. The Transitlink staff called me just now and said that they opened up the escalator and couldn't find it. Oh well. What luck, eh? First I keep banging into things (and collecting bruises), and now I lose my ez-link card. It could be worse, though. At least my bus concession expires in 5 days. Better than if I just bought it. And I can always use a normal adult ez-link card until I get it replaced. But still, I think a heavy sigh is in order. Please feel sad for unlucky ol' me.

Ok...that's about all I think. Oh, and don't eat ice everyone, cos Sharina almost choked to death while chewing on one at Burger King the other day. You have been warned!

Ok...till next time, then! Adios!

Thanks to the combined effects of Sarah's church's fantastic musical, a nice christmas dinner and a certain something, I feel christmassy! =) Filled with hope and joy and christmas fun. Yay!

Shall blog about past events soon. Maybe tomorrow, after I tackle some of my e-learning homework. So stay tuned! =D

Tuesday

Chicken Little was a horrendous spoof of everything. Our seats (first row) were crap. But despite that, it was nice to know that some things (and people) never change.

It's amazing how things and people can change so much, yet remain the same. Of course, the world is changing everyday, and people change, but I find that in the end, there always are some evergreen things that remain the same. That trait that still persists despite all the others that have been modified. That place that looks different, yet still gives you that same feeling of familiarity.

It was nice to see you guys again. =)

Yesterday (Thursday)

The PRMP (Public Relations Management Practices) test wasn't so bad after all. It's one of those tests that people who memorised all the notes would find disgustingly easy. I was not one of those people. Haha. ConB alert!

Talentime. Sharina and James, I ask you not to be disappointed. Because there is nothing to regret. You guys gave stellar performances, and rocked the stage. In the world of DMC 2B/02, all of you (Sharina, James, Sabby) were

1st.

Our screams, shouts, and cheering are testimony to that. When the curtains fall, it no longer matters who was perceived by 3 people (the judges) to be the best. What matters is that all of you had the courage and gift to go up there, give a rip-roaring performance that captivated the audience, and exit the stage to deafening applause and a standing ovation. Even from the lecturers.

Here's to your courage and talent.

Today

The photoshoot was...perplexing. Decided that I don't like to be involved in photoshoots. But Becky and Howie were the absolute best! I am ever so grateful to the both of them for helping me out at such a short notice =).

A big thank-you too, to those who agreed to be extras, patiently waiting around and [for some] skipping GEMs: Jia Ying, Sarah, Jia Hui, Sonia, Sharina, Flora, Grace.

Also to Jonathan, Christina, and the other students from the other courses whose names I didn't get, who walked past the DMS at the right time and agreed to help us.

Several things clicked. I'm filled with hope once again. So much so that I could be hopeful_gal@hotmail.com. =D

Thought of the day: Be not just a writer, but a storyteller.

With opportunities come dollops of stress. But sometimes, a wild, ecstatic, unexplainable sense of delirious joy coupled with excitement is also felt at the [good] implications of the opportunities. Though the joy might come a bit later, it will still come.

And thus we must believe. Await.

*Please don't let this fall through. Please let it be published.*