Dun I look swell?

Can I be the mascot for Meiji please please???



Parrots are oh-so-passe.



Percentage similarity: 0%

Have just finished writing totally lame script for test. There go my dreams of being a scriptwriter. Read it and cry for me.

SCENE 1: Witch�s Home

Witch Kamaroo is in her home, which is furnished like a science laboratory. She has just finished reading Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (picture book version). She shuts the book.

WITCH:

That was a nice fairytale! (Suddenly frowns, brows furrowed for a few moments, then leaps up excitedly) This book has given me a marvellous idea! (Rubs hands evilly)

She then goes around her laboratory, fiddling around with the test tubes and potions.

WITCH:

Aha! (holds a potion up triumphantly) I have successfully mixed the perfect poison! (shows audience the bottle, which is labelled Poison on one side, and Vanilla Essence on the other)

SCENE 2: The Royal Palace

Princess Rose is playing with her Barbie dolls, humming to herself cheerily.

Enter Prince Robin.

ROSE:

Hi Robin! Let�s play catch, it�s such a nice sunny day outside!

ROBIN:

No�it�s so hot and humid. And I�ll be so hungry and tired after that�

ROSE:

(persuasively) I�ll buy you your favourite Better Butter Cookies after the game! Please�it�s been so long since we last played. (attempts to look miserable)

ROBIN:

(hesitates for a while)Well�okay then. Promise?

ROSE:

(cheerfully)Promise!

SCENE 3: On the Streets

Rose and Robin have finished playing catch and are panting heavily, lifting their crowns and wiping their sweat with their handkerchiefs. They are walking on a street, towards a shop at the other end of the stage.

ROSE:

(grins) That was a nice game!

ROBIN:

(absently) Yes yes�(stares hopefully at Rose, licking his lips)
but what about the Better Butter Cookies you promised me?

ROSE:

(remembers) Oh yes. Let�s go and buy them now.

Rose and Robin enter the shop. Witch Kamaroo is inside the shop.

ROBIN:

Oh no! They�re out of Better Butter Cookies! (starts to sniffle)

ROSE:

Don�t cry, Robin�(puts arm around Robin�s shoulder)

WITCH:

(looks at Rose�s crown, giggles deviously and whispers to audience) Teeheehee! This is the moment I�ve been waiting for!

(to Rose) Hello Princess! Might you be looking for some Better Butter Cookies?

ROSE:

(surprised)Well, yes.

WITCH:

I happen to have some with me. Do you want them? Your poor brother looks so sad�

Rose looks suspicious, then glances at the sobbing Robin.

ROBIN:

(sniffs) I really want a Better Butter Cookie�

ROSE:

(to Witch) Well�okay.

Witch gives a cookie to Robin.

ROBIN:

(jumps for joy) Yay! Better Butter Cookies! My favourite!

Witch hands another cookie to Rose. The cookie is black (indicating that it has been poisoned).

WITCH:

(to Rose) You have one too.

ROSE:

(politely waves her hand no)Oh, no thanks. I dislike food. Especially cookies.

ROBIN:

Oh go on, Sis! Have one! They�re really nice. I�ll play catch with you again if you have one!

At this point, Witch pushes cookie into Rose�s hand.

ROSE:

(hesitantly) Well�if you insist.

Rose holds the cookie up to her lips (scary music starts playing) and takes a bite. She freezes, slowly shutting her eyes. Witch laughs maniacally.

WITCH:

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! She has been poisoned! Finally I have a Princess in my Collection! I shall buy 100 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs books to commemorate this joyous occasion! (cackles with glee)

ROBIN:

(fearfully) Oh no!

(scary music stops playing, is replaced by sad music) Princess remains frozen in position, eyes shut. Witch crosses over to Rose and gives her head a knock. She does not respond.

WITCH:

That�s funny�I didn�t know she was supposed to turn to stone.

Princess suddenly opens her eyes. (sad music ends)

ROSE:

(breathing heavily) That was�sensational! I�ve never tasted such good cookies!

WITCH:

(shocked) Since when could stones talk?! (excited) This could be a new breakthrough in witchcraft! I must try it myself�just think! I could be the very first Talking Stone Witch! Fairytales will be written about ME!

Witch hurriedly takes a bite of cookie. Her face lights up.

WITCH:

Dee-licious!

Better Butter Cookies jingle plays. Witch Kamaroo, Princess Rose and Prince Robin dance and sing to the music.

THE END

Wonderful Sonia (classmate) gave me a Brownie! Apparently she got an extra one so she gave it to meeee! Ahaha I feel so loved. It is so damn cute! I went mad and decided to name it Botox (click on link for definition) hahha. But later I decided that it's too darn cute to have such a traumatising name. And it is getting along very well with Flora's Kipling monkey.





Too well, apparently.
Let's wish them marital bliss forever and ever =) .

Projects suck. That's why I've not been posting. Doing the damn projects. Hang in there everyone! It'll all be over soon. Hahaha...

Went to OG Chinatown (I HATE Chinatown by the way) with my family on Sunday. I was dragged kicking and screaming there to buy thingys (Close friends can ask me WHAT thingys if they are really curious. But ONLY close friends wahaha). Anyway I was really bored after I'd bought my thingys and my parents were looking at miscellaneous uninteresting stuff. And I saw this! I was so traumatised...

POLYTECHNIC STUDENT MAKES STUNNING DISCOVERY-OG CHINATOWN ABUSES THEIR MANNEQUINS


Ouch.

In the library now, with time to kill until FIVE (skit rehearsal). How ridiculous, when you consider the fact that my class was dismissed at ten a.m.. Oh well. At least I had wonderful project discussions to fill up the time.

I think today's rehearsal will be a repetition of Tuesday's-

• Stand at one corner and try to look important and attentive and interested and shroom-like
• Look at Denise (stage manager) and her friend giggling about something or other
• Watch the 'actors'/'actresses' perform
• Try not to laugh
• Smile anyway and then
• Feel very self-conscious because I am just staring at them rehearsing and grinning away like a moron just because I am not used to seeing my two classmates act
• Stare at Robin (cutest guy there)
• Toy with the idea of sitting down (looks lazy?)

Dunno why Denise asked me to come for Tuesday's rehearsal 'cos there was NOTHING for me to do but watch them rehearse and she only said two lines to me about measuring them for costume fitting today. Oh well. I dun even know what a mushroom is supposed to do. Maybe I'm expected to take notes with Denise or something? Life as a shroom is sad.

Hi! I am Flora-er-her monkey actually. But we look the same, my owner and I! =D

My new water bottle. Ignore the irritatingly ugly pink bag at the background (Flora's). And the guy wearing the grey shirt who is Ryan. Haha.

Comments about my new water bottle:

Flora: nice.
Garfield: How much was it? ($12.90) It looks like it's worth $9.90.
Mandy: It looks like a bloody free gift.
Jawei: It looks like a horrible Adidas imitation. (glares) It's ok la actually. (It cost $12.90) You've been cheated.
Sarah: You know, if it had a white cap, it would look like a National Day free gift.

They are all just jealous.

The incredibly fake er...stuffed garfield on display at cinemas.

Scrumpee-0, Scrumpee-o. Wherefore art thou Scrumpee-o? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Chua.

Went for school skit meeting today after oh-so-interesting project discussion (which started at 10.30 and ended at 1.40). At first I just did the same stuff as the rest of the pple there (who were ALL gonna be acting in the skit. anyway all the major roles were taken by lecturers. oh what the hell.) like reading out the script, etc. until finally Selena remembered me (yay!) as the-one-who-was-supposed-to-do-backstage-stuff. So I just stood at one corner, leaning against the wall, trying to stand straight (backstage pple aka mushrooms MUST have poise and good image too) and not look bored while the students and lecturers formed groups in which they will rehearse. And then I got to feel like an important mushroom for about 20 minutes when it was time to measure the actors' shoulders (for guys), height, waist and pant legs. I helped record the measurements down on a piece of paper. The stage manager told me that I need only attend around 4 rehearsals. She said she'll e-mail me the schedule. Name's Denise. Seems rather nice...she smokes though. Saw her having a fag at the bus stop where she magically appeared (she left later than us and yet managed to get there earlier).

Sucky day. But oh well. Just another day in the life of a mushroom. Why does my life seem to be spent caring a lot for people who dun care as much/at all...

I have no self-discipline. After abstaining from talking to my crush on MSN whenever he comes online for so many months, yesterday I HAD to go and wish him a Happy Birthday. It was 11.53 pm when he came online, so I decided to wish him a Happy Birthday for the remaining seven minutes of his seventeenth. He sent me lotsa pictures of his birthday dinner!

As usual he was rather formal (kept saying thank you). But sigh, guys don't think about how their words may sound like before saying it, right?

Him: where are you now??

Me: at home, Singapore. where else could i be hahaha. i dun have an exciting life like urs. fly here fly there

Him: haha..

Him: sorry..

Him: next time i wil bring you together.

Him: try ..

Me: hehehe

Me: just dun suddenly leave without a word can liao lol

Him: haha...

Him:kk.

Sigh...how I wish he'd meant those words in the way that I wish they meant.

The psychotic pervert has sent me two more smses.

P: So how you want to staste with me or not (WHAT THE EFF IS THAT?!!)?

Me: No

p: Why not? I can be your girlfriend forever and fuck with you.

P: Dun bluff. I know you are a girl and you are a smoke. It says so on the document.

I didn't reply.

Oh. My. God. It scared the pee outta me. How can he be so sure that I am a girl? Ok, so maybe he could have deduced that from my messages. Goddamit i should never have replied. And what on earth is a smoke??? The new code word for whore? What if all along he had been using code words? What if "How do you use the blue flute" is actually a password question or something...or maybe blue flute is a dirty phrase. Next he will be threatening to kill my family or something. It is shocking how much he knows about me-My hp number, possibly my chinese name and my gender. What else does he know...

Ok. I shall not reply him no matter what from now on.

Wook! It is Jawei's ickle bunny wabbit! (1, 2, 3...all together now) Awwwwwwwwwww....

I am beginning to think that I attract perverts. A few days ago, someone with a number I do not recognise sent me a msg asking "How do you use the blue flute?" The only blue flute I know about is one that is used in a Playstation game called Digimon World. So i replied the person 2 days later, telling him/her/it how to use it. But today, the person messaged me again, asking the same thing.

Pervert (henceforth known as P): How do you use the blue flute?

Me: Go to the edge of the water and press x to use the blue flute.

P: Oh. Hi my name is sijia (how.can.it.be!) can be fren?

Me: How did you get my number?

P: I searched for it on the internet your number so nice.

Me: How did you know that I play Digimon World?

P: I found it on an internet document (WHAT internet document?) la. So can be fren? What's your name and age?

Me: I am seventeen and my name is also sijia.

P: Oh. I am a boy my mother searching for a boy name (Makes a whooooooole lot of sense, doesn't it.). Do you look for boys for sex?

At this point I give a knowing smile and my playful nature got the better of me. After considering the chances of this ending in my having to change my hp number, I decided that he/she/it can't really make me do anything thru messages and if it gets really bad I shall just ignore his/her/its messages. And anyway I just could not resist.

Me: I am a guy

P: You are a girl I am a boy (this person must be a unicellular organism. talks as much sense as a talking porcupine underwater). Do you have a girlfriend? Me so boring dun have boyfriend.

Me: I am gay and I have a boyfriend.

P: Dun love boys. Come statse (what the hell is this) with me and not boys.

As I do not know what 'statse' is, I do not reply. He/she/it has not sent any msg either. I wondered if it could be a prank, but who is so free and rich enough to go and get a new line and ka jiao me??!!!

Haiz...first it was the pervert gunbound can-i-be-ur-boyfriend-in-gunbound guy (who in the end asked if he could touch my privies while talking on msn) among many other online horny perverts I have met, and now it is this crazy person who talks no sense.

I am so so depressed. When will my knight in shining armour/prince charming on a white horse finally arrive?

I do NOT believe this. Today, as Flora and I were awaiting Sabby's arrival at Toa Payoh MRT station (grp project discussion yet AGAIN.) and then I got a call on my hp (RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING BANANAPHONEEEEEEE................). Guess what?

Someone: Hi, I am (can't rmb her name. and besides it was bloody noisy.). Remember the audition you went for a few days ago (Oh, how could I forget.)? Unfortunately, you were not chosen for the play but (*holds breath in anticipation* Yeah, right.) we would like you to help out backstage. Would you like to?

Me: Yes...(eyebrows shoot up, stares excitedly at Flora)

Someone: OK so can you come for a meeting on 7 September, from 2-3.30? Please bring along a handwritten or typed out piece of paper with your schedule on it (My SCHEDULE??? Wow. I felt so important.).

Me: Schedule??

Someone: Yes. You can write down when you are not available and from what time to what time from 8 September to 1 October. So we can plan the schedule for rehearsals so that everyone can turn up.

Me thinks: Wow. Cool.

Me says: Ok.

Someone: Bye.

Me: Bye.

I put down the phone, and announce the news to Flora.

Ha! See what happens when you sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? Anyway I am happy but disappointed at the same time. 'Cos it's only a backstage role. But the other half of my mind thinks at least I got a backstage role. Start small. Collect experience. It'll be good for ur resume.

And I feel a little fear and dread in me. What if I am so stupid at the set that they totally regret picking me? I dunno anything about theatre productions and it'd be the first time. Ah well. Courage, May. It'll be well worth it (I hope).

I am so glad they were not so freaked out by my rendition of Twinkle to decide not to pick me even for backstage production. But I stand a chance of henceforth being known as Miss Twinkle. *swallows hard*

Brownie, my classmate Sonia's stuffed toy! She says it is a bear. Looks like a dog to me. Anyhow it is v v cute.

Me if I were a guy.

Me.

This is Farney's friend. He is even cuter than Farney lor. Looks a bit dai1 (dumb) though. Hahahaha but I love dai1 looks.

Met Farney at BK yesterday. Was very tempted to buy him.

THANK YOU, Jawei and Isabel, for yet MORE TESTIMONIALS!!! I love you guys =).

http://64.4.43.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=395b4dd90c28a3f0d6be6a6841818b0b&lat=1094052868&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2efriendster%2ecom%2ftestimonials%2ephp

Ok I shall stop fretting over audition-that-went-oh-so-wrong.

Polytechnic Male Lecturers Found to have PMS

"I am so traumatised! First it was my darling William Tan the Great (IT lecturer)...he got pissed off when that stupid May turned Flora's computer screen to show Jawei her abomination of a Farney II. He said he was going to stop because we did not seem to be interested."Sharina, 17, exclaimed when interviewed by our reporter. Oops, she fainted after that.

"This male lecturer who was in charge of the auditions was so so crappy! He was so impatient with us and kept on scolding us! Dunno what is wrong with him lor." Sabarina, 17, fumed.

I am only seventeen and I have already:

1. Been sacked after 2 hrs of work. Apparently the 'speed at which i was pulling out staples was not fast enough'. Just effing SAY u did not want to employ me, assholes. Anyway do not want to talk about it.
2. Been rejected by two (2) guys I like enough to bother admitting my feelings (and thus my heart has been rolled up and tossed aside numerous times).
3. Made an ass out of myself in front of a celebrity and been (almost) told that I can ONLY do backstage stuff.

Ok. Will elaborate on point 3 now. One of our lecturers wanted us to go for an audition for a play/musical (i seriously do NOT know). I thought it was just some school play thingy and so half the class decided to go for the auditions (to 'give face' to our lecturer =D). And I found out erm....30 mins before the audition that Selena Tan, a tv actress, is gonna be the one auditioning us. I panicked MORE (I was alr chanting "what'll i do...what'll i do???!!!!") since I would be making an ass of myself in front of a CELEBRITY now instead of a...erm...SP staff/student. Ok, ok...so everyone's equal in this society. But u can't deny that celebrities ARE more respected. And you gotta show some respect by doing something more sensible right? And nobody knew what to DO for the audition lor. Except Sharina, who danced vigorously. So I was going into full panic drive mode.

Inside the audition room, which is huge and has mirrors EVERYWHERE (Ok it was only on the other side of the wall).

Selena: Hi (smiles)

Me: Hi, good afternoon...

Selena: I'm Selena, and this is (can't rmb her name. oh no i am SO sorry. Anyway it was another lady sitting beside her. According to Sabby she is her scriptwriter.)

Me: nods

Selena: Ok..can you sing us a song? Just sing us ur favourite song. Just four verses.

Me: (thinks but all lyrics have mysteriously spontaneously combusted in my brain) Can I just sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? (YES I ACTUALLY SAID THAT. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF)

Selena: (smiles) Ok..sure. Now I want you to sing it as if you are singing to a large audience. Loudly.

Me: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How I wonder what you are, (at this point my voice decides to break) Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, Twinkletwinklelittlestarhowiwonderwhatyouare. (was getting gun cheong and had a funny feeling that i sang it wrongly)

Selena: Ok I don't want you to rush through it. Open your mouth when you sing. And try not to move around so much.

Me: Ok.

Selena: Spread ur legs apart...and try to keep it that way. Don't move around.

Me: Ok.

Me: Twinkle (bloody) Twinkle (freaking) Little (Hell) Star (what am i doing???) (u know the rest of the song la so dun put me thru anymore torture).

Selena: Open ur mouth when u sing...(demonstrates, emphasising on the lyrics. however i still do not get it.)

Me: ( i do not KNOW what she means!) Nods and continues singing until bloody song ends.

Selena: Ok. Very good. Now I want you to pretend that you are in love (eyes light up at this juncture as I have EXPERIENCE!!!) with your lecturer (heart sinks down down down...), and you have prepared a present for him. You are a very vain girl who thinks that she is very pretty. How are you going to give it to him? Imagine that you are outside the classroom now, and we (points to herself and other lady) are your best friends.

Me: (die die die) How am I going to give it to him (stares at her. I REALLY look worried as I am so so nervous. Actually I was half-hoping she would answer this question.)? What if he doesn't like my present? I spent so much time searching for it! What if he just thinks I am a stupid girl?

Selena: (nods)Okay...are you interested in being a part of this production?

Me: Yes. (was going to ask what the production is ABOUT, but thankfully I decided that it would sound too insulting and I would be DROPPED RIGHT AWAY. luckily I had a faint idea of what the production is about.)

Selena: Do you mind doing backstage stuff like...sorting out clothes, taking notes during rehearsals?

Me: No. I'm willing to try it...Just for the experience.

Selena: Okay..good...so why did u come for this audition?

Me: Oh...just to...join my friends?

Selena: Okay...thank you.

Me: Thank you...
(rushes out door and announces "I'm going to be a prop!")

There were some pple from other classes there. Great. They'll think I REALLY get to be a prop. I dun even know why i said that. Doing backstage stuff and being a prop is rather different.

Me (to classmates): I am going to be a prop.

Classmates: Really???

Jawei: At least u got to be a prop lor...I can't even be a mushroom.

Me: No la..she just asked if I would be interested in doing backstage stuff.

Aizat: That's so insulting u know. She thinks you're only good enough for backstage stuff.

Gee thanks. I was feeling pretty okay until he said that. Thus begins 1 hr or so of being traumatised and sad for no apparent reason.

Twinkle twinkle little star...argh! What if I make it big on this production? Everyone will start calling me Miss Twinkle *shudders*. And what if I become a..er...respected figure in the media industry (just humour me okay?) and they manage to dig this little tidbit out from my history? Anyhow my future is ruined.