TIMARU!

so today was THE DAY! the day of finding out where ill be working next yr. for the 1st match ppl anyways..

i totally forgot abt it this morning. i was on my gen med ward round which only finished at 1pm. then i was too hungry so thot of having lunch before my 2pm teaching. and then i checked my phone which had like 3 missed calls and 4 msgs. crazy..i was like huh? who's calling me? then i got msg reminders to check my email. haha and then i got quite excited and rushed to the comp lab to check my email. and yay! email said i got timaru hosp.

omg, im gonna be working at timaru hosp next yr. OMG I AM GONNA BE A DOCTOR. how freaking scary is dat. now the panic is settling in. will i be a good doc? my main aim is not to kill anyone..

the good news is maiko is going to timaru too so at least i kno somebody there! now just awaiting to see who else is going to timaru.

congrats to those who got job placements! and for those in 2nd match, good luck and hope there are still lots of places in good hosps left! i'll be rooting for u guys!

sad chappy.

im bored. like really bored. technically im kinda stressed abt gen med. abt my complete lack of knowledge. abt my incompetencies in doing examinations. esp neuro. neuro exam is haunting me since im on stroke team. sigh.

anyways im on acutes tmr. it's week 2 of gen med. 6 weeks and 4 days of gen med left to go. 2 weeks and 4 days left till im on holiday. fast. 3 more days till i find out my short term future. scary stuff.

im getting moments of self doubt in this run. not good. not when im gonna be starting work in just a few months. shit. doubting myself whether im actually cut out to be a doc. when i was young, i thot i could handle it. thot i could handle the long hours. handle the workload. and now im in it, yea im handling. but by a thin thread. could i last till at least 50 years old? hmm..maybe not..dats y i think most docs end up being GPs. just cos of the better lifestyle. but then do i wanna settle to be a GP? i dunno.

anyways, grad in a couple of months time. pretty much all sorted. accommodation check. restaurant check. but didnt get my first choice and i just found out dat my first choice has closed down. sad. photos check. flowers? deal with it later. not my task to deal with anyways. dress check. shoes check. yea pretty much all sorted.

now just need to pass everything. sigh. easier said than done. life is so sad at the mo. all work and no play makes mooyin not a happy chappy.

snowboarding is not for me.

so i went on a ski trip with a couple of frens this wkend. ive been skiing before and got to become reasonable at it. but the last time i skiied was 3 yrs ago. so i thot since im only going for a day, i mite try snowboarding.

so off we went to mt hutt. and the last time i was at mt hutt was in high school and whoa has it changed. now they have a magic carpet and the place looks a lot better. so anyways off we went to our beginner lessons. and by the end of the 1st lesson, i knew then dat snowboarding was not for me. ive never done skateboarding or surfing so i guess i didnt really kno wat to expect..and trying to balance while going downhill on a snow slope is pretty tricky! and with snowboarding, u spend a lot of time falling. which i definitely did. i dont have a lot of fat on me either, and so my butt was pretty bruised by the end of the lesson. and im not the most daring person either, in fact i would prob lose in truth or dare. so after lunch, another snowboarding beginner fren decided to change to ski and so i followed her and changed to ski too. and then i felt so much better when i did ski. so whoever said dat snowboarding is easier is soo wrong!

but then i was thinking, im really not a daring person at all. i don't like trying new things esp when i kno there is some associated danger..haha..like the whole time i was snowboarding, i was so scared cos i kept falling on my hands. and i didnt wear wrist guards (i dunno why i didnt) and the whole time i was worried id get a colles fracture. haha. the overly worried me. and im not a speed freak either. even when i drive, i dont really speed. so going downhill on a slope doesnt really excite me. it actually freaks me out and gives me palpitations. even when i ski, i try to go really slow and to have control when i do my turns so im not just skiing straight down. and i guess when u're learning a new skill or sport, u kinda have to be a little daring cos u wont get it first time. maybe dats why i don't have many skills cos im not daring enuf. im kinda a scaredy cat in many ways. unwilling to try new things or experience different things. guess im scared dat i'll get hurt. so yea im not the most adventurous person. but at least with snowboarding, ive tried it once and now i kno it's not for me. so next time, i can just concentrate on improving my skiing.

gen med sucks as a TI

nothing much to report on. except im on gen med. i would say it's the busiest run as a TI and possibly will be the busiest run as a house surgeon next yr.

i used to love it. as a 4th yr, i learnt a lot, felt part of a team, and felt kinda useful, since i was admitting patients and doing lots of bloods. as a TI, i feel like im being used. used to do the paperwork such as discharges, referrals, bloody jobs. ward rounds take forever and i dont remember gen med ward rounds taking this long. minimal food intake. constantly dehydrated. feeling hypoglycaemic. and the worst part is i dont really feel like im learning much. except im learning how to fill in forms. not exactly very clinical. yea im seeing patients. but only on acute days.

i think part of the reason why i liked gen med as a 4th yr was my team. i had continuity. it was the same reg and i had 2 house surgeons during my 5 wks. in my 1st wk as a TI, ive had 4 diff regs, 3 diff house surgeons. and i think my consultant still doesnt kno my name. sigh. im not feeling the gen med love..sob..

oh well. at least now i haf a regular house surgeon. let's just hope i haf the same reg for the next 2 wks before the changeover. and hope i get a reg who will actually teach me. cos im seriously worried abt this run. it's notorious for failing ppl. and i really wanna graduate at the end of the yr. with everyone else. sigh.

but for now, it's the wkend. thankfully. and ski trip tmr. hopefully i dont injure myself while i attempt to snowboard. just gonna take it easy.

the power of flowers

im in the process of organising my graduation. sorted out the accommodation. kinda sorted out the restaurants. still trying to get hold of my no 1 choice. grr..and now trying to sort out photography. and then my mum tells me dat my sis told her in singapore to buy flowers on the day itself as well. so my mum asks me, wat's ur favourite flower? which got me thinking.

technically i dnt really have a favourite flower. diff flowers suit diff occasions. it also depends on my mood. like roses are for love. and sunflowers are for happy occasions. and white flowers tend to be for funerals. i do have flowers dat i like. i like roses, lillies, orchids, irises..and baby's breath goes with everything. but yea roses has a romantic meaning. the rose garden at mona vale is pretty cool tho. i esp like the one dat smells like bandung. i even managed to find a fragrance dat smells like dat. paul smith's rose summer edition. yum. my sister bought it already so i have dat to look forward to when i go to sg in 4 wks.

so since the colour theme for grad day is purple, i thot why not orchids? i like orchids and my mum said she doesnt want lillies cos she has hayfever. and yea lillies does have a lot of pollen. so it was set, orchids. then my mum tells me abt a week later, abt how she was ordering flowers for a fren's 50th bday. the budget was $100 and so the florist suggested one orchid surrounded by a bunch of other flowers. then my mum thot why just one orchid? probably better to have a couple. and then the florist said dat one orchid costs $35! which shocked my mum. so in the end, stuck with one orchid surrounded by other flowers as a bouquet. hahaha. which freaked me cos i want orchids! so hopefully orchids in dnd arent too expensive.

damn flowers are so expensive. i guess dats the price of beauty..hahaha. maybe i shuld open a flower shop when i retire from medicine. i never thot i would be the type of girl who likes to get flowers. before i received flowers from anybody, i thot flowers werent practical presents. they eventually die and never last. and then when i got my first bouquet at my 16th bday, i became a sucker. it was from a fren and it was a bouquet of sunflowers. very pretty.

and then as i got older, i got my first bunch of roses. but it was kinda funny cos i was still in high school and the guy prob got them from the supermarket. so it wasnt those prettily packaged roses. just roses wrapped in plastic. haha. not the prettiest but still roses nevertheless. when the roses wilted, i made them into potpourri. haha. luckily when i got into university, flowers got upgraded and they were beautiful. i reckon it's all abt the packaging. haha. and yea the flowers don't last but i cant describe the feeling of receiving flowers from a loved one. i always take photos of flowers i receive tho. to keep the memory. so never underestimate the power of flowers. i think sometimes flowers can sweep a girl off their feet. so can diamonds. HAHA!

so altho i dont think ill be getting roses anytime soon, at least ill be getting some form of flowers on grad, but i hope orchids arent too expensive then!

who reads this?

everytime i log on to my blog, i check the number of hits it gets. when i first set up this blog, i had the impression dat only a few ppl read it. then i got curious as to who reads this blog. then i set up the counter thing at the side. and now, i check the counter each time i log on and everyday, there r at least 10 new hits. yes it could be the same person refreshing..haha. or it could just be me, refreshing as well..haha.

and yea i kno some ppl who read the blog. some ppl have actually come up to me asking abt wat ive written. some ppl leave comments. thank u to those who leave comments! makes the blog more interesting. and then there are some totally random ppl who leave comments too. which makes it interesting for me as well. cos i wonder how the heck did they end up reading my blog? i wonder if it was thru a google search from something i wrote abt? anyways it's just me being curious..

i used to put my blog site on my msn. but ive stopped dat now. but i still leave the link on my facebook profile page. but then it shuld be only accessible for frens only. sometimes i get paranoid abt writing abt certain things cos it could come back to bite me in the ass. esp if im badmouthing someone. so i have to be careful with wat i write. esp since now i kno dat quite a lot of ppl read this..but i still wonder who u are anyways if u r reading this rite now. haha. dats just me.

anyways on another note, im currently having a discussion with someone abt where to find lengzais. haha. for those who dont kno, lengzai is cantonese for good looking guy. and a pretty girl is called lenglui. we were discussing where we can find these lengzais. apparently there r some in auck, but they r too young. and dat the more mature ones are either taken, engaged, or married! and i think there r some in wellington. but i think there r none in chch. hahaha. and we concluded there r none in singapore. haha. but she says there are more in malaysia. lol. so sad. and she says we r getting old. oh dear. im old at 23. this is bad. hahahaha. wat to do? oh well, if im destined to be a spinster then so be it. i blame my family curse. hahaha. my dad is the only one in his family who's married. i have 3 single aunties and 1 single uncle on his side. and my sister is single too. so we have concluded dat we have a family curse. lol. this fren of mine who i was talking to wants to get married btw 25-28. so she has another 2 to 5 yrs to go. when do i wanna get married? i dunno. nowadays it's hard to even see myself getting married since i dont really see myself with anyone at the mo. altho yea i do want the family life and i do want kids but maybe sometimes dat plan is not destined for me? i dunno. sigh.

midwives, o&g, labour & pain!

after my experience on obstetrics and gynaecology, i can say now dat i dont like midwives. yea i kno it's a generalisation but the reality is most of them arent very nice. and ive decided dat it is highly unlikely i will become an obstetrician and gynaecologist. and i blame midwives for dat. along with the boredom of anteverting uteri. i like assisting in caesareans but i hate assisting in gynae surgery cos all we do as students is anteverting uteri. which is sooo boring. so yea decided dat o&g has no future for me. altho if i do end up being a gp, i would consider doing a diploma in o&g just cos i think it would be helpful as a gp. but then dat would mean having to be a house surgeon on o&g which isnt very nice either cos midwives are only nice to registrars and above. somehow they dont realise dat it would help them in the long run if they kiss the asses of house surgeons and below. if on the off chance i ever become an o&g registrar, i will certainly remember who were the nice midwives and who were the evil ones. cos im the type who remembers grudges. yea not a very good trait.

and in the future, shuld i ever become pregnant, i shall def be fussy as to who is my midwife. i have a mental record already of who r the nice midwives in chch, so if i shuld ever fall preggers in chch and deliver here, i will kno who i want. hahahaha. and really, i dont want a caesarean. yes i want labour pains. but not too much pls. i think i will prob end up opting for an epidural just cos im quite pain intolerant. i already cant stand menstrual cramps, which prob means i wont be able to stand labour pains without significant drugs in me. but the other day, i witnessed a woman who went thru labour with only entonox. amazing. i wonder if i can put up with the pain. and apparently my own mother had no epidural and went thru labour with just entonox. so yea maybe ill go natural first and see wat it's like. but im keeping the option of epidural open. but yea def dont want a caesarean. altho im a lil scared, since im such a tiny person dat my pelvis is too small for a baby. hahahahaha. yea i think too much.

and my sis's fren has delivered her baby boy at 39 weeks! and yea she ended up getting an epidural cos the pain was apparently too much. yea i think im gonna end up like dat too. sigh. the pains of being a woman.

guys who cheat = jerks

recently ive heard stories abt horrible guys. to be more specific, guys who cheat. not on their exams, but on girls. altho the type dat cheats in exams are not cool either.

im not a big fan of guys who cheat. one story i heard was a guy who was on a break with his gf and then got close to one of her close frens, then the gf wanted him back, then he ended things off with the close fren, then the gf found out, then ended things again, then he ended up again with the close fren. complicated love triangle. sigh.

another story i heard was a guy who was with someone for ages, then he asked another girl out. luckily the girl was smart enuf to reject him. and he only broke up with his gf months later. the idiot wasted the girl's youth. sigh.

another story is this guy who was with someone for ages as well, then got close to one of her frens, then broke up with the gf cos he got too close to the fren. sigh.

a guy who cheats is not cool. wat's up with dat? why do they even cheat in the first place? obviously something in their current relationship is off. either dat or they have wandering eyes. or they r just jerks.

personally, i don't think ive ever been cheated on but then again, guess i wont kno for sure? would i rather kno if my bf is cheating? depends on the situation i spose. like if it was a one off mistake, then yea maybe id rather not kno. but then if he was in love with the 3rd party, then yea i would wanna kno so i can move on to someone better who actually deserves me. and also, i always think it's better to hear it from the guy themselves than to find out from another person. to find out from someone else and then having to confront the guy is definitely rough. sometimes honesty is really the best policy.

and would i forgive my bf? i really dunno. ive never been in dat situation to kno for sure. sometimes id like to think i can be the better person and forgive him, esp if he totally regrets it. but then im sure i would bring it up all the time in arguments, cos dats just my kind of character. but then wat if i was married to the guy? and had kids? would i be willing to go for a divorce? hmm pretty rough, i dont wanna put my kids thru the psychological aspects of a parental divorce. and being a female divorcee is still kinda stigmatised..esp in asian society.

i was talking abt this with my mum a while back as well, discussing wat would happen if i found out my husband cheated. think it came up from watching tv. and i said the first thing i would do is get checked out medically for fear of an STI. my mum laughed and said medical ppl think of different things. haha. guess dats my biggest fear, to catch HIV from my husband's mistake. dat would suck.

but then wat if u're the 3rd party? would it be any different? i guess it sucks to be the 3rd party as well cos technically, u're never quite no 1 but u're no 2. unless he breaks it off with his gf/wife to be with u. but then there will always be the fear dat he will leave u for no 3? a guy who cheats on someone to be with u may cheat on u in the future for someone else. dats my philosophy anyways.

thus guys who cheat are jerks. either way, they dont respect either women. they take their gf/wife for granted and disrespects her by lying to her. and they obviously dont respect the 3rd party either since they havent completely broken off their relationship with their gf/wife. so i always think dat in a cheating relationship, it's always the fault of the person who cheats. yea some ppl may accuse the 3rd party of "tempting" the cheater, but at the end of the day, it's the person's responsibility not to fall to "temptation", esp if they are committed in their relationship. if they are not committed enuf, then why r they in dat relationship in the first place???

i leave u with this blog entry i read from sam in the city.

Can couples overcome infidelity?

"Is it possible for a relationship to overcome infidelity? My boyfriend and I were together for four years, and he cheated on me once. We began dating when we were quite young and he said the reason he did it was that he felt that he missed out on dating and being young and single. So we broke up to date/sleep around. We both still love each other and want to get back together. Is it possible to overcome cheating? Is it needed to see whether the grass is greener on the other side while we are young before deciding if we are right for each other?" - Laney.

When I first released this topic into cyberspace, I initially thought that there'd be equal arguments on both sides of the fence. But it seems I was horribly mistaken. Most of the feedback I've received so far has been negative towards the cheater, while the cheaters themselves are usually the ones who beg for forgiveness and wholeheartedly believe the relationship can actually stand the test of the infidelity.

"No such luck," say the ones who've experienced the wrath of being cheated on. "No chance in hell"...

One woman, who recently discovered her boyfriend was doing the dirty behind her back, described the feeling to me like "being stabbed in the stomach". And to make matters worse, when she confronted the cheater, his reaction to the whole debacle was one of sheer nonchalance. No apology. No emotional response. Instead, a smirk and a goodbye was all he was man enough to offer up.

While I wondered how the heck he could have reacted in such a callous manner when they had such a history together, she explained it like this: "He didn't think he would get caught. So when he did, it was like he was sort of relieved he no longer had to commit." Ouch.

The unfortunate part of this story is that, in this case, she was actually prepared to forgive the cad and make a proper attempt to smooth things over. But the fact that he showed no remorse whatsoever forced her out of his life for good.

But, playing devil's advocate here for just a moment, if he was indeed apologetic and wanted to make amends, as Laney is attempting to do, can a couple really survive infidelity?

I profiled a bunch of people on both sides in attempt to garner some answers ...

The Cheated on
Dave, 28.
Answer: No.

"I was dating a girl for two years and we had constantly been fighting. I asked for a break and then, two days later, went back to her and said I was wrong and wanted to be together and she agreed.

The next weekend I was out of town and she cheated on me with a guy who was very similar looking. I didn't know about it. When I came back into town, she said she had re-thought things and we should break up.

Two months later she come back to me and told me she had slept with another guy that weekend and she had been seeing him for the past two months but that it was over because she loved me.

We tried to work it out over the next five years!! It was that on/off bullshit, but it was not the same. I would have married that girl, but I know myself and I know I could never live a life with someone who did that to me. It is the ultimate show of disrespect, a humiliation that you always remember.

We are friends now, but the love has faded. The cheating is what broke us. Had that not happened I truly think we would be together.

It's about choices. No one accidentally cheats. Every time you betray someone you make a CHOICE to do it. That is what hurts the most. It's a very conscious and purposeful thing to hurt someone. No excuse for that."

The Cheater
Jasmine, 30.
Answer: Yes.

"My relationship has survived infidelity (mine). I think there is a lot more to it than the normal debate about being 'dissatisfied' or seeking an 'out' from the relationship. Also infidelity can happen early in the piece when the relationship is not secure and there are more psychological issues at play.

I won't say it's easy but we've recovered and are nearing four years together since then. It can definitely work out if both people are willing to put in the work to make it right.

I was in a rut - around after 18 months of dating maybe - and we really should have broken up or at least spent time not living together.

I won't make excuses, but I did it because I was really unhappy - more with myself than with the relationship. I cheated instead of doing what I should have, which was to reclaim my independence (and his). Domestic living is very stifling. What happened was I ended up sleeping with an old friend from uni. Looking back, it wasn't him I wanted but the freedom I used to have from when I knew him.

I don't think he has ever completely forgiven me, but he doesn't use it against me as much any more. I still think we'll need some couples' counselling. I guess he has to decide to stop punishing me, or leave me, that's what it comes down to - if it's worth working on or not. And I know he thinks it is.

Moving apart was the best thing we ever did. He tried out other girls, we basically revived the excitement of proper dating and the honeymoon feeling of the first few months of our relationship. I won't say it cured the cheating thing but it was probably what we needed anyway.

Any relationship can survive it if the love is strong enough, I guess. Once we said to each other out loud that what we had was too good to give up on, well it made things easier somehow, more secure.

The Cheater
Janice, 29
Answer: Hopeful

"The affair started in January 2007 after suffering so long from no sexual contact with my husband.

Don't get me wrong. My husband is a loving man, he just works so much and I was missing that closeness in our marriage. Around the same time, a male friend of mine was going through something along the same lines as me. The only difference was his wife wasn't interested in sex at all.

So the affair began. We were giving each other the physical contact we weren't getting from our partners. We'd be friends for [a long time] so there was no shyness between us. While it wasn't happening every day, it was happening a few times a month and that was enough to have that contact I was missing out on.

It was two months ago that the whole thing came out in the open. His wife blamed me for everything and called me every name under the sun. I also had to battle the names my husband was hurling at me.

My marriage has been tough since all this came out in the open but now we are slowly rebuilding the strong marriage we once had. I know I'm at fault for my share in the infidelity and I've admitted that.

In time my husband and I will get back to where we once were but now I look back on it all I wish to God I never did it because the man I married eight years ago is different towards me. I just hope one day I will have that man back again and I know I have a lot to do to get him back!"

The Life Coach
Alina B, 27
Answer: Yes

"I definitely think couples can work through infidelity. I've seen it happen with many clients and friends. But it's the way that you go about it that will be paramount to the decision.

The key is to know that infidelity is a cause of something that is going on in the relationship. One person is obviously feeling trapped or that their needs aren't being met.

If you are the one who has been cheated on, and you are big enough to understand why they did it without taking it personally, then you can resolve the issue.

The mistake many people make when it comes to infidelity is that they take it personally. They wonder: 'How could this person have done it to me?' But it's not as black and white.

Alina's steps to overcoming infidelity:

* Do you love each other? Focus on that love and remain open even if you are hurting.
* Don't be the victim. Try to understand why they did it and take responsibility for the role you played in it.
* Talk it out - see if you can deal with the root of the problem. Maybe they were feeling neglected. Maybe they were feeling trapped. Know that people need to get their needs met and work on how you can start to meet these needs."

pretty vs. hot

ive been a little confused recently as to wat guys define as hot. when guys say a girl is hot, wat do they mean???

occasionally i do check out girls. haha. no im not lesbian. but i do appreciate beauty and yes im guilty of judging ppl by appearances. yes im a terrible person. but dats not the point today. ive seen pretty girls and ive seen hot girls. to me, a pretty girl is easy on the eyes, nice facial features, nice smile, etc etc. a hot girl is someone who is pretty but is not the girl next door type necessarily. it's difficult to describe but sometimes i think a really pretty girl is hot. haha. but does being pretty mean dat u're hot? and does being hot mean u're pretty? and then where does sexy come in??? and then girls and guys have different opinions on the pretty vs. hot matter.

today a guy fren and i were checking out this girl. yea we r weird. we were bored. but anyways, i thot the girl was pretty and quite hot. she's looks the sweet girl type but not completely innocent so i guess dats why i said quite hot? i dunno.. but he said she's pretty but not hot. hence this topic came up.

examples of girls who i think are hot:
megan fox, jessica alba, katherine heigl, maggie q., etc..

examples of girls who i think are pretty:
megan fox (when she's not wearing shorts and tank tops like in transformers), jessica alba, katherine heigl, maggie q., etc..

i guess maybe it's the perception dat a girl gives dat influences whether ppl think she's hot or pretty. a pretty girl usually has nice facial features and is well dressed but not overly sexy. a hot girl is usually someone with a good body and not necessarily with nice facial features but still pleasant on the eyes and is dressed quite sexily. is dat rite? hahaha. i have no idea. maybe i shuld ask more guys.

so as a girl, would i rather be called pretty or hot? on the rare occasions when ppl say im pretty, im like err, ok thanks? and on the rarer occasions when ppl say im hot (super rare), it's usually on occasions such as performances or clubbing. thus i conclude it's due to effects of makeup and beer goggles. hahaha. but im like me? hot? watever...i dunno which one is more of a compliment. i spose in the end it's better to be called pretty cos it means u have a nice face? whereas u can be called hot just for being flirty or dressing sexy but not necessarily pretty? hmm..a little confused here..

fcuk

i need to vent. badly. i wanna curse and swear. badly. i wanna scream. badly. i wanna burst into tears and have breakdown crisis. badly.

i hate labour ward. i hate being a medical student. i hate my life as it is rite now.

today i hardly ate. today i was busy running ard like a crazy chicken. today i did not get a normal birth. today midwives pissed me off. today i was stuck doing emergency caesars. today i was ordered to do odd and random jobs.

list of stresses:
bloody o&g logbook.
viva on friday.
topic presentation next friday.
graduation restaurants & ?professional photography.
my parents.
my ?weight loss (not sure if i really am losing weight but i prob will if i continue at the rate im going)
job situation

and my stress is not making my cough any better. i still have my coughing fits.

fcuk. i feel like my life is so shite at the mo.

restaurants & RC

i suddenly got stressed out today. by wat? no it wasnt abt my viva dats on friday. no it wasnt abt my topic presentation next wk. no it wasnt abt my clinical audit cases. no it wasnt even study related. no it wasnt abt the impending gen med run dat awaits me in 2 wks.

i got stressed abt restaurants for grad. yes grad. grad dat is in dec. like 5 mths away. i came home thinking crap i need to get myself sorted for restaurants! so now ive done my research and have a whole list of possible restaurants i could call in case restaurant choice no 1 is fully booked. let's hope it works out. fingers crossed! so mission tmr after labour ward is to call these restaurants and hope for the best. i just hope i finally get to see a normal birth tmr on my shift. bloody hell, i just need one more normal birth!

speaking of restaurants, im kinda addicted to RC at the mo. and no, im not addicted to someone with the initials of RC (altho i would like to kno who RC is)..so wat does RC stand for? restaurant city! the playfish game on facebook. it's kinda stupid cos it really is a stupid game. but somehow there's a certain satisfaction of building a restaurant and letting ur money or popularity grow. a certain satisfaction in building up ur dishes to level 10 and trying to surpass ur facebook frens in terms of levels. weird i kno. it's a total waste of time. but oh well, it seems dat im an expert in wasting time. seeing how i procrastinate very effectively. seeing how im a super last minute person. just like how im typing this up instead of studying for the viva on friday. shoot. now im stressed abt dat now. ok, gonna try and study now.

nice to look at only...

so recently ive come across a series of online videos by the funny ppl of clicknetwork..it's on youtube and ive seen some of their other shows such as chick vs dick with the lovely kaykay who won the seriously bimbotic "s factor" dat was on tv while i was in singapore..yes it was stupid reality tv entertainment but omg soo funny and it's definitely reassuring to find out i do have a brain..

anyways, the series of shows are called the shan and rozz shows..and they're very amusing actually and make me laugh and wow, they're actually djs..which makes me wanna listen to their radio show..which i mite do the next time i go back to singapore..which is pretty soon..

they've got abt 9 episodes out now but i shall post the first one since it definitely caught my eye..



it's the cleo 50 most eligible bachelors finals..and i posted abt the winner a while ago..so look out for him in the video and see if u can recognise him from dunedin days..haha..

wat struck me abt watching this particular episode is dat..wow they've got hot bodies..yes! and then they start talking and then their appeal plummets down pretty quick like the current stock market situation..not dat i really bother abt the stock exchange..but anyways..they're not witty at all..and omg even the 2 djs are funnier than them..even the one pack shan..but yea some of them are short too..how did they even make the list?!?! sigh..the singapore market is def bad..then rozz makes the comment at the very end saying dat yea they shuld just pose, strip and walk off..don't talk..cos really, the appeal is all in the body..just shut up and rub some oil on ur chest and look good..hahaha..

so the moral of this blog post is..wit and humour is sooo much more appealing than a hot body..esp if the hot body cant speak well..so if u happen to be a hot body, either look good and stay quiet or work on the speech skills and humour delivery..at the end of the day, girls want a guy who can keep them entertained cos a hot body sadly doesnt last forever..

have i changed in 3 years?

i find dat doing quizzes is kinda interesting..some of the results can be uber random..but some can hit hard to the truth..sometimes i find out more abt myself dat i never knew abt..or even how i am perceived by others..

then there's those random questions like the previous post..dat dont really make a lot of sense..but is interesting in knowing anyways like wat is my fav colour or my last drink. totally random. but it's a lot of reflection on my life..things dat ive done and how i felt abt those things. and then sometimes it's interesting to look back and see wat u answered in the past..ive managed to look up this survey dat i did 3 yrs ago..and it was exactly 3 yrs ago done on the 3rd july 2006. have i changed very much? im not sure. prob not. i was in a slightly diff situation then..the answers in black are from 2006, the answers in blue are from 2009. let's see if i have changed much.

Please do this and send it back. It isn't hard, and apparently it's great when you start to get people's answers back.

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do...and try not to spoil the fun.

Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you.?Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It is fun and easy.



1. Time of starting? 12.29 am NZ time

1.26am NZ time
2. Were you named after anyone? yes..after han suyin, the writer

has not changed!
3. Do you wish on stars? sometimes..when im feeling wishful and when there are heaps of stars in the sky

no longer unless i see a shooting star and how rare is dat?!?!

4. When did you last cry? haha..abt 30 mins ago..

from my current coughing fits.
5. Do you like your hand writing? i like it..but it can get messy when im in a rush..

still the same.
6. What is your favourite meat? all kinds of meat! except liver from any animal..

i like pork! and chicken and beef and lamb..so yea still all kinds of meat.
7. What is the most embarrassing CD on your shelf? westlife..f4..boybands from the past..
still the same.
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? i would hope so..

yes.
9. Are you a daredevil? only when im in the rite kind of mood..

depends on wat the dare is.
10. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? im sure i have but i never mean to..

yea i still never mean to. ive been better at keeping secrets tho.
11. How do you release anger? vent it on other ppl or internalise my anger and pull a sulky face..

internalise it. write abt it.
12. Where is your second home? christchurch

now i dunno which is 1st or 2nd, singapore or christchurch?
13. Do you trust others easily? not really..cos it hurts when ppl break the trust

even less so now. im highly paranoid these days.
14. What was your favourite toy as a child? dont really remember much from childhood..not the toys anyway..

i think it was a white and pink rabbit with a ringing bell..
15. What class in school do you think is totally useless? every class is useful for something..
some are extremely painful but yea im sure they are not completely useLESS.
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? umm..sometimes when im in the sarcastic mood?

yea still depends on my mood.
18. What do you look for in a girl? that she's straight..haha..
still the fact dat she's either straight or not going after me. haha. wat do i look for in a guy? many things.
19. Would you do a bungee jump? yes! im hoping to do it this yr if i get the chance to..
yes ive conquered this! been there, done that!
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope..laces are such a hassle..
usually no.
21. What's your favourite ice cream flavour? cookies and cream, french vanilla, anything by movenpick
hahaha..yea french vanilla is still good. like cookies and cream too.
22. What are your favourite colours? white and pink
same.
23. What is your least favourite thing? being all alone!!!

being socially isolated.
24. How many people do you have a crush on right now? hmm..dats a hard one..
zero.
25. What do you miss most right now? hugs from ppl i love..
sigh..sometimes missing doesn't help cos i kno i will never get it anyways..
26. What colour underwear are you wearing? pink!
brown.

27. What are you listening to right now? the radio..hazard to myself by pink (pink again!)
silence.
28. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? haha..not pink..prob black..wouldnt get dirty..
grey.
29. What is the weather like right now? cold probably..it's dunedin..

definitely cold.
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? evelyn! abt me doing yoga..

my mum.
31. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? that they are the opposite sex..

yup still the same.
32. Do you like the person who sent you this? cant remember who sent me this..

copied and pasted from my email.
(not sure wat happened to 33.)

34. Favourite drink? water
water.
35. Favourite alcoholic drink? baileys on ice..

still the same.
36. Natural hair colour? black but i think it's turning brownish naturally..or maybe ive dyed it too much..
black.
37. Eye colour? brown..
this hasnt changed.
38. Wear contacts? yes! one of the great things tht happened to me..wearing contacts..
still do..but im starting to wear glasses more nowadays.
39. Siblings? older sister..
no new siblings here.
40. Favourite month? december..season of holidays and celebrations..
no favourite months now. the year just goes by so quickly..
41. Favourite food? LOTS! where should i even begin?

yea i still love my food!
42. Last movie you watched? boogeyman..the dumbest horror movie ever..rented by my flatmates..
the proposal.
43. Favourite day of the year? the day after the last day of exams..haha..
any day where i get to sleep in for as long as i want and not have to do any work or have any assignments or assessments to study for.
44. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? yea..dats why i never ask guys out..scared of rejection..
yea still too shy.

45. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings for sure!
still a sucker for the happy endings.

46. Summer or winter? summer..
summer.

47. Hugs or kisses? i love both..

still both..
48. Who is most likely to respond? i hope you do!
nobody.

59. Who is least likely to respond? no one cos im only sending this to u..

everybody.

60. What book/magazine are you reading? cosmopolitan - march edition

textbook. just finished the twilight series.
61. What's on your mouse mat? forever friends bear holding a bunch of roses..
using touchscreen on my laptop.

62. What did you watch on TV last night? i watched grey's anatomy!
survivor tocantins.
63. Favourite Smell? the smell of a man..hahah..
the smell of clean bedsheets. and men's cologne. the smell of roses, the bandung smell..
64. Favourite actor/actress? kwon sang woo - korean actor..
actors: keanu reeves and daniel henney. actress: none really.
65. Finish time? 1.05am NZ time
1.54am NZ time.

100 truths.

out of utter boredom...

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: water to try and clear my throat..
2. Last phone call: isabela who paged me for no reason...grrr...
3. Last text message: sook who thot i wasn't ok on msn but i was..random..
4. Last song you listened to: nobody by the wondergirls..too much kpop.
5. Last time you cried: today from coughing too hard...i hate being sick.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: huh? if it was a bf, then yea def dated more than twice..
7. Been cheated on: not to my knowledge.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yea tell me abt it.
9. Lost someone special: yes.
10. Been depressed: i think so. but never seeked medical attention for it.
11. Been drunk and threw up: hahaha yes. but less than 5 times.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. white
13. pink
14. baby blue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: yes, i think so!
16. Fallen out of love: fallen out of crush? yes. out of love? no. gotta be in love to fall out of love.
17. Laughed until you cried: this yr? oh yes.
18. Met someone who changed you: err i dont think so..
19. Found out who your true friends were: i have pretty good frens..whether or not they r true? hahaha..u shuld ask them.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: im sure it happens. dont need to find out.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: no kissing this yr. lol.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 99% on facebook anyways. on msn? err..prob a lower percentage.
23. How many kids do you want?: 2. one boy one girl.
24. Do you have any pets: gonna get a dog soon if plan B goes into action.
25. Do you want to change your name: yes but it's too late.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: dinner with frens and bday cupcakes.
27. What time did you wake up today: 7.30am, was totally running late.
28. What were you doing at midnight: on internet, playing on facebook.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: to have babies! lol. err..short term, GRADUATION!

30. Last time you saw your Mother: half an hr ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: too many.
32. What are you listening to right now : raindrops keep falling on my window.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: my bloody case presentation.
35. Most visited webpage: facebook!
36. Whats your real name: err...huh?
37. Nicknames: dnt wanna list them here.
38. Relationship Status: single. unfortunately. sigh.
39. Zodiac sign: capricorn. the goat.
40. Male or female?: im female. definitely.
41. Primary School?: MGS.
42. Secondary School? : same as high school? rangi.
43. High school/college/university?

: otago!
44. Hair colour: black but i think it's brown in the sunlight.
45. Long or short: long. in preparation for grad!
46. Height: yeayea im short.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: not at the mo. sad!
48: What do you like about yourself?: nothing.
49. Piercings: two on both ears.
51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: havent had any surgeries done on me. assisted in lots tho!
53. First piercing: ears?
54. First best friend: a girl called stephanie. i think? there mite have been one earlier in kindy.
55. First sport you played: sports...hmm...prob swimming? i think?
56. First vacation: omigosh too long ago.
58. First pair of trainers: whoa..prob bata shoes? hahaha..

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: nothing.
60. Drinking: water.
61. I'm about to: eat my antibiotics.
62. Listening to: rain and the sound of my fingers typing this nonsense.
63. Waiting on: ppl to reply me on msn.

YOUR FUTURE
64. What kids?: geez..repetitive!
65. Get Married?: yes pls!
66. Career?: doctor! dunno wat type tho so pls stop asking me.

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: no thank goodness.
77. Drank hard liquor: define hard liquor...
78. Lost glasses/contacts: omigosh. yes very recently. in the us of a.
79. Sex on first date: def no no.
80. Broken someone's heart: err...i wouldnt kno for sure but i think so?
82. Been arrested: nope.
83. Turned someone down: oh yes.
84. Cried when someone died: oh definitely yes.
85. Fallen for a friend?: yea i guess.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time : nope
95. Did you sing today?: cant sing with my current throat situation.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: nope.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: can i go back to being a baby and enjoy ignorance?
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: the days in the post exam gold coast trip minus the day when results came out.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: sometimes.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: look at the title.

random, sick, and hormonal.

omigosh i totally have no motivation to write so this will be the most randomest post ever..

im actually procrastinating from doing my case presentation..it's for this friday and i just started today..but i have nooo mood to do it at the moment..thus im blogging here..

im still quite sick..and surprisingly no one has kicked me out of hospital yet..i ended up going to see a gp thinking she will just tell me it's viral..and in the end, i got given not one but TWO antibiotics! whoa..i must be really unwell..even my ears were red apparently..and dunno wat she heard on my chest..cos she looked kinda worried..and then after she looked into my throat, i started coughing non stop! so embarrassing..but i think im feeling better after starting the antibiotics..altho having some tummy side effects..it's either im getting better or it's the placebo effect..hahaha..

and im on my obs and gobs run..and i think i always get "hormonal" on this run..hahaha..it always makes me feel my clock is ticking and i wanna have kids! sigh..i kno im still young but whenever i see pregnant ladies, i think wow..i wanna be pregnant. weird i kno. i cant even imagine myself being pregnant..haha..but wat's cool is my sis's fren is now 38 weeks pregnant! and it's kinda hard to believe dat ppl i kno who are still kinda young getting pregnant..haha..

wat else? hmm..let me think..erm nothing much really..life is pretty stagnant as usual..just the usual workaholic life..anyone else got anything exciting to tell???